


What Are The Odds

by Lexiepexie08



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Asshole parents, Denial of Feelings, Eating Disorders, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Growing Old Together, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, parental neglect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:36:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 141,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26462038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexiepexie08/pseuds/Lexiepexie08
Summary: In a parallel universe where everything is pretty much the same with the Small/ Major difference that everyone is born with the name of their soulmate on their body. An unlikely match between up and coming actor Chris Evans and a young college student Jamie Becker. Watch then deal with the ups and downs that come with adulthood and careers and everything in between.
Relationships: Chris Evans (Actor)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 73
Kudos: 132





	1. Chapter 1

For the record this wasn’t how I expected things to turn out… Not that anything ever really turned out the way I expected but this was on a whole new level. I guess I should start at the beginning. Way…way in the beginning.

Since the beginning of time everyone is born with the name of their other half, their perfect match, the person that the universe for some unknown reason decided was meant for you, or as many scientists believed; the person who’s genes gave you the highest chance of procreating more successfully and gave your offspring a higher chance to survive in the harsh environment of our ancestors. In other words your soulmate.

Their name was marked on your skin in their handwriting somewhere on your body.

I knew people that had it on just the right spot so it looked like a tramp stamp… guess I was lucky I had mine on my wrist.

It used to be that you would have to wait for you to meet your soulmate, for the magical moment when your eyes met and pulled you in like magnets or when your touched at the shake of a hand or when you bumped into each other and your mark heated up but in the digital age people created online databases where you could register yourself and your mark, or you could just google your soulmate’s name and browse through the thousands of matches to see all the possibilities.

Though when the name on your wrist is something as generic as Christopher Robert Evans and all you get are pictures of a movie star which there’s no way could be your soulmate you tend to give up on that option. I mean what were the odds? One in 7.5 billion? Then again those were the odds everyone had of finding their soulmate.

But again there was no way that would happen… Until it did.


	2. Chapter 2

**2009-**

I grew up in LA… well grew up is a bit of a stretch. I was a child of divorce. I was a child of divorce eleven years before my parents actually got divorced. I never really understood how they even stayed together for so long or how they got together to begin with but they did.

And thanks to that on November 8th 1991 at 9:16 pm I was born. Back then ultrasounds weren’t that great (Not that it would have mattered) but both my mom and dad were adamant that I was going to be a boy. They were so sure of it they decided on a name and refused to even consider a back up in case I did end up being a girl (Which did happen).

So that’s why when the doctor lifted me up and announced I was a beautiful baby girl both of my parents started arguing in the delivery room, my dad refused to cut the cord and told the doctor to check again and my mom just cursed complaining about having to redo the nursery and return all the clothes they had bought/ designed.

They also refused to change my name which is why my name is James Alexandra Becker. The only reason my middle name is Alexandra was that a nice nurse took pity on me and made a ‘typo’ when filling out my birth certificate.

Of course that led to me being the butt of a lot of jokes from other kids not knowing if I was a boy or a girl. Seriously at the beginning of every school year. We did not start having the gender is a social construct conversation until really late in the game. Could have saved me from years of torment… And as I would later find out save Chris from a lot of confusion over what I was going to be like.

But anyway it’s because of that constant arguing and being ignored because my parents preferred their careers to their job… and to be honest I don’t think they like me very much for some reason that when they split up they didn’t fight for custody or child support. In fact they actually agreed on something for the first time ever. They agreed to send me to boarding school indefinitely so neither of them would have to deal with me so when it came time for me to go to college it wasn’t that hard a decision to pick a place neither of them would ever go visit.

Boston.

They paid for the best schools which prepared me for an ivy league education at Harvard. It was dad’s alma mater and he was adamant I follow in his footsteps and go to business school. I wasn’t going to do that but wouldn’t notice. They also each sent me a monthly allowance and continued to ignore me which was nice.

So at seventeen I moved to Boston. I got my own apartment off campus mostly because my dad bought an apartment building for tax purposes and forgot about it until he sent my first tuition check. Guess he wanted to save himself some money… Honestly it was too considerate for it to be any other reason but that.

**November 2009-**

The weekend of my eighteenth birthday some friends of mine from boarding school that went to school in the area insisted we go out to celebrate. We were going to party the entire weekend. We were talking clubbing… bars… a pub crawl… drinking all weekend long until midnight on my birthday or until one of us ended up in the ER getting our stomach pumped.

We were eighteen or almost eighteen. No way under normal circumstances we would have been able to do that but money, fake id’s, and the right outfit with the right amount of eyeliner could make anyone look 21 or older.

“Jamie hurry up!!!” Lexie whined as I got dressed in my room. “Just zip it up and go.”

“There’s not a lot of this to zip up, seriously. Have you been shopping in the kids section again?” I said struggling with the zipper. It was a short body con black dress that barely made it to mid thigh with over the knee heeled black suede boots. With the bra I was wearing I felt like I was going to spill out at any minute. My long brown hair was ironed straight so it went down to mid back. 

“I’m going to need a jacket.” I said coming out.

“Damn girl you look hot… you need to let the girls out more.” Lexie said tossing me an over sized blazer and a statement necklace. “Your mom has great taste as always. Where can I get that blazer?”

“It’s yours after we get back.” I said. “Don’t need to give her an opening to criticize me.”

“Let her criticize if you get a new wardrobe every time she does she does it’s totally worth it. Plus it’s not like you’re going to keep it on for long.” Lexie said as her phone buzzed “Cabs here. Let’s Go!!!”

And they did. They headed down to Royale. The first stop in what was promised to be the beginning of an epic weekend. They were let right in after the bouncer gave their ID’s a skeptical look and they met up with the rest of their group who had bribed their way in.

“Jamie!!!” The crowd cheered. All of them were friends or party acquaintances from boarding school with their significant others.

“There’s the birthday girl!!!” Blair said slipping on a tiara with the words Birthday Bitch on it to my head.

“Shot shot shot shot!!!!” They all started chanting.

“Let me sit down first.” I said.

“What’s the point you’re not going to be sitting down for long.” Lexie said as we downed our shots.

“Can’t we catch up how’s school?” I started.

“No!!!” Blair and Lexie said.

“Every time you say school or anything school related you’re taking a shot.” Charles said handing me another shot.

“Fine no school talk.” I said.

“Shot.” Everyone said.

“Fuck, you’re all going to have to carry me home.” I said taking the two shots just as Just Dance started playing.

“AHHH!! That’s my jam!” Blair said pulling Lexie and I with her to the dance floor. We danced to a few songs then went to go get a round of drinks which got comped because it was my birthday or more like because I was practically in my birthday suit. He kept staring at my boobs. Though once the shots started kicking in I stopped noticing.

“Ah I fucking love you guys!!!!” I shouted. “I needed this so bad. School…”

“Shot!” They all said giving me another one. At some point someone had ordered bottle service just to keep the game going. I took the shot before continuing.

“Is kicking my ass.” I said. “But not tonight!”

“And the night’s not over because the party bus is here!!!” Blair said.

“AHHH!!!” We all screamed before we got out stuff and started walking out.

“Where are we going?!” I shouted as we stepped out of the club my ears still ringing not noticing how loud I was being.

“Wow must be getting good in there.” One of two guys that was smoking said.

“I’ll have whatever she’s having.” The other said.

“Bus is over here!” Charles said walking past them.

“Where are we going?” I asked again.

“We’re getting you a lap dance.” Lexie said.

“Dude no.” I said as the guys started moving.

“Dude yes…” Lexie said just as I stepped in a crack on the sidewalk and my heel got stuck.

“Oh shit.” I said stopping and losing Lexie. I struggled for a bit just as a tall handsome bearded man that was smoking with his brother started walking towards the entrance. Just as he passed by me I got free and stumbled into him almost falling.

“Wow!” He said holding my arms and steadying me.

“Oops oh!” I said smiling in embarrassment as I grabbed onto him and my mark started heating up. I looked up at him and I could tell he was feeling the same thing. Then his blue eyes met my green eyes and that was it. “Y-you’re…”

“Chris.” He said. “And you’re… James?”

“Jamie hurry the fuck up the strippers are waiting!” Lexie yelled out.

“Give me a fucking minute!” I said looking back and gesturing back at Chris.

“Oh shit.” Blair said.

“Oh that sounds like a good idea.” Scott said before noticing how we were.

“Scott this is… James…” he said before I gave him a look before he corrected. “Jamie.”

“Oh shit! I knew you were a girl.” Scott said and I just arched an eyebrow.

“Dude.” Chris said signaling him.

“Jamie all the good strippers are going to be taken!” Lexie said. “Just bring him with us maybe he’ll give you one!”

“Oh my gosh yes!” Scott said. “You’re totally me new favorite in law.”

“Dude!” Chris said.

“I’ll just go wait over there.” Scott said before giving Chris a thumbs up and a huge smile.

“Uh this is…” he started.

“Yeah.” I said in agreement.

“We should talk…” Chris said.

“Probably.” I said trying not to laugh because for some reason I felt like laughing. “But I’m kind of in the middle of…”

“Strippers! Strippers! Strippers!” My group chanted.

“That.” I finished.

“Yeah…” Chris said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Maybe we could get coffee tomorrow?”

“Coffee sounds great.” I said. “Should we… phone?”

“Oh yeah.” He said taking his out at the same time and we quickly exchanged numbers. “I’ll call you… for the coffee.”

“Uhuh.” I said. “I should go… but uh…”

I wasn’t sure what you do in this situation. I was going to go for a hand shake then decided that this wasn’t a business transaction but I wasn’t going to hug him maybe a fist bump? That’s something guys did but Chris looked at me confused so I changed my mind at the last minute and gently patted his arm for some reason.

Uh what is wrong with me?

I quickly turned around and went to join the others on the bus.

“Hey so are we going to see the strippers or not?” I heard Scott asked him.

“Scott!” Chris said to get his brother to cut him off.

“Stripper!!!” My group greeted me.

“I still got the bottle!” Charles cheered and we all seconded.

“School me!” I called out.

“Oh! Party Jamie’s out!” Blair called out as I took a shot.

“To the strippers!” Lexie said.

“Yes!!!” Everyone cheered.

**The Following Morning- Third Person’s POV**

It was Saturday Morning, and as it was customary for the Evan’s family to do on the rare Saturdays when everyone was in town they got together at Mama Evan’s house for brunch.

It was always lively with East running around under the table trying to see if anyone would drop a piece of bacon for him and everyone chatting away but this morning Chris was oddly withdrawn. He had a lot on his mind and everyone noticed.

“Honey are you alright?” Lisa asked her son.

“Yeah ma, just have a lot on my mind.” Chris said.

“I’ll say.” Scott said.

“What does that mean?” Carly asked.

“Did something happen last night?” Shanna asked.

“I uh… I met James.” Chris said.

“What?!” They all said.

“More like she fell onto him.” Scott said.

“James is a she?” Carly asked.

“Yeah so pay up suckers.” Scott said.

“Scott.” Lisa said. “Chris are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m just… I didn’t think I’d meet her. Especially right now that I’m with Minka..” He started.

“I thought you guys broke up?” Shanna said.

“Dude you’re not back together it was a one night stand.” Scott said before Chris gave him a look telling him to shut it. “I mean one date at night.”

“You just met her that doesn’t mean anything… unless something happened?” Lisa asked.

“No we just bumped into each other. She was with her friends and they were leaving the club…” Chris said.

“Going to a strip club…” Scott added.

“Whoa… she’s sounds wild.” Carly said.

“It was her birthday.” Chris said. “I uh… I said I’d call her so we can meet up for coffee and talk. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say.”

“Maybe happy birthday could be a good start.” Shanna said.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything just get to know her first. Maybe she’s also seeing someone.” Carly said.

“She’s right Honey. You don’t have to jump into anything.” Lisa said. “Though James, never thought I’d meet a girl names James.”

“She goes by Jamie.” Chris said.

“You guys want to see pictures?” Scott said.

“You took pictures of her?” Chris said.

“What? You two were really busy staring into each other’s eyes. Besides you’ll thank me for this one day.” Scott said showing his sisters and mom the picture he took of Jamie.

“She’s gorgeous.” Lisa said.

“She is.” Carly said.

“Definitely your type.” Shanna said.

“I don’t have a type.” Chris said.

“Oh you do.” Scott said. “Have you called her yet?”

“Not yet. It’s still early and she was probably out late.” Chris said.

“Yeah she was.” Scott said smirk. “You should take East with you. Girls love dogs.”

“I just met her.” Chris said.

“Dude I saw you two. You’re totally going to end up with her.” Scott said.

“You should call her.” Shanna said.

“Or better yet text.” Carly said. “More casual.”

“She probably wants to sleep in.” Chris said. “I’ll call her after bunch.”

“You better not chicken out.” Scott said.

“I’m not.” Chris said.

**Jamie’s POV-**

I woke up in bed. Still wearing last night’s clothes. Lexie was hugging my arm and Blair was half lying on top of me and half on the bed spread out like a starfish.

“Uh… fuck.” I groaned standing up feeling sore from the shoes I wore and my stomach churning. I slipped out of bed and went to clean myself up in the bathroom. I felt a bit more human after the shower and changing into some leggings and my red Harvard hoodie. I made myself some coffee and for some reason that made me have this nagging feeling that I was supposed to do something.

The whole night was a bit of a blur to be honest. There was a lot of drinks involved. Fucking tequila and then she mixed. Fucking Charles and his bottle service.

I quickly pulled some eggs out of the fridge and made the usual hang over breakfast. Toast, scrambled eggs and bacon accompanied by tons and tons of coffee.

As the smell wafted through the apartment Lexie and Blair woke up and stumbled into the kitchen going straight for the coffee pot.

“How the fuck are you so alive right now?” Lexie said.

“The shower helped.” I said. “You know I have this annoying feeling I forgot to do something or that I needed to do something?”

At that moment my phone started ringing.

“Uh turn it off…” Blair said.

“Hold on.” I said picking up my phone to see Chris as the contact ID. “Who’s Chris?”

“You sure it isn’t Charles?” Lexie asked.

“Says Chris.” I said before answering. “Hello?”

“Hey Jamie it’s Chris.” Chris said.

“Chris?” I said still drawing a blank.

“From last night?” He said and then it hit me. Chris, tall bearded handsome blue eyed soulmate Chris.

“Right, that happened last night.” I said thinking out loud.

“It did.” Chris said.

“Sorry just having a bit of a rough morning.” I admitted.

“I know the feeling.” He said. “I was just wondering if you were free for that coffee?”

“Sure just uh…” I said looking at Lexie and Blair who were already getting up to take their breakfast to go. “Where do we meet?”

“I like this place, Gracenote on Mass Ave.” He suggested.

“Sounds great. Want to meet there in an hour?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’ll see you then.” Chris said.

“Okay bye.” I said hanging up.

“Who’s Chris?” Lexie said.

“He’s… This guy.” I said lifting up my wrist.

“No fucking way!” Blair said.

“No really.” I said. “We’re meeting for coffee to talk.”

“Guess that’s our cue to leave.” Lexie said.

“No I kind of need help. What do I wear?” I said.

“It’s coffee. Go casual.” She said. Fuck I forgot hungover Lexie was dead to the world.

“Blair?” I asked.

“V-neck jacket jeans and boots.” She said “He knows you’re hungover. He doesn’t expect a lot.”

“There’s your ice breaker.” Lexie said. “Maybe take a shot before so you’re not awkward.”

“I’m driving.” I reminded her.

“Nevermind.” She said. “It’s going to be fine. Just wear a push up bra that’ll help.”

“Not helping.” I said.

“I’m hungover you’re expecting too much.” Lexie said.

“Just go talk, and text us if you need an out. Call you later for round 2.” Blair said

“Uh no…” I groaned and she laughed as she and Lexie left.


	3. Chapter 3

The coffee shop Chris had picked was about twenty minutes away so I only had forty minutes to pick out an outfit and get ready. Should be easy but it wasn’t.

He’s seen me tipsy but I was very dressed up last night and as Lexie and Blair liked to remind me drunk Jamie is a lot more social and less awkward than sober Jamie. Being hung over didn’t help things.

So after thirty minutes of taking everything out of my closet and trying things on I finally settles on my comfiest pair of light blue skinny jeans, a long sleeved white and black striped mock neck turtle neck, black suede heels, and a wool blazer.

I was running out of time so I had to opt for going without makeup. Maybe if I found parking early I could put on a bit of mascara or something…

It was starting to get chilly outside but it was still sunny and I could not deal with that right now so I slipped on a pair of shades and headed out.

My heart was racing and my stomach was churning, not just because of all the tequila I drank last night. I mean what was I supposed to say to him?

‘Hi I’m your soulmate sorry I’m not a movie star or super model?’

‘Sorry I ditched you last night to go take body shots off a stripper?’

‘Sorry I’m not ready for anything serious, that I don’t really buy into the whole soulmate thing, that I’m probably not what you were expecting’

“Uh” I groaned. “Why me?”

This isn’t the type of potentially life changing conversation you should have when you’re hungover.

I parked in front of the coffee shop and sat there for a minute. I could leave, go back homes, lose his number and that would be the end of it. Chris would be okay. He was hot and seemed nice enough.

But could I really do that to him. As much of a surprise running into him was and as nervous I was for whatever came after he probably wanted to figure this out… whatever this was.

I couldn’t ghost him. He didn’t deserve that. I’m a grown ass woman, well I will be starting tomorrow. May as well get a head start on adulthood. I looked in the mirror and decided not to put any make up on. He should know what he’s getting into, plus he already knew I was hungover no point in trying to hide that. So I got out of the car and walked towards the shop.

“Jamie.” Chris called out as he arrived and he was not alone. He was holding a leash that was connected to the vest of a very adorable bulldog.

“Hey. Oh he’s so cute.” I said before kneeling down to let the dog sniff me. “Who is this adorable guy?”

“This is East.” Chris said being thankful that he had taken Scott’s advice and brought East with him. Not only would he help Chris with any anxiety he may feel but he was a good ice breaker. “Hope you don’t mind I brought him with me.”

“Not at all.” I said petting East who happily took all the attention that was given to him. I then remembered I was there to talk to the dog’s owner not shower that adorable puppy with all the attention and I got up. “So Hi again.”

“Hey.” Chris said before looking at the door. “You want to…”

“Yeah.” I said following him inside.

“You don’t mind if we sit in the patio do you?” Chris said.

“Patios good.” I said before we went to order. He got an Americano and I got my usual macchiato with an extra shot of espresso. We grabbed a table in the patio and took out seats.

One of the things that sold me on Boston was how amazing the city looked in the fall when the leaves changed colors. All the yellow, orange and red. Made everything seem warmer.

“So uh guess I should start by saying happy late birthday.” Chris said.

“Well early birthday. It’s not until tomorrow.” I said. “My friends just wanted to get a head start.”

“That explains the bus and everything.” Chris said. “21 is a big one.”

“18 actually.” I said and Chris choked on his coffee.

“What?” He said.

“I’m turning eighteen tomorrow.” I said.

“18? So you’re 17.” Chris said.

“Last day of 17.” I said.

“Wow.” Chris said awkwardly taking a closer look at me and starting to see I was clearly not as old as I claimed. “Then how did you get into the club and get drinks last night?”

“A short dress, heels, push up bra, and the right amount of makeup.” I said. “Works every time.”

“Huh...” Chris said deep in thought as he thought back to some of his encounters in clubs and wondering if he ever fell for that.

“What about you? Are from Boston?” I asked.

“Yeah, I grew up in Sudbury.” He said. “My ma and sisters still live there. I split my time between here and LA.”

“Oh I’m actually from LA.” I said. “Well sort of from LA. I spent the first ten or so years of my life there before I left for school.”

“You said you were eighteen.” Chris said starting to freak out.

“Boarding school.” I elaborated.

“Oh.” He said. “So where do you go now?”

“Harvard.” I said.

“You go to Harvard?” Chris said surprised.

“Yeah, it’s my first year.” I said.

“That’s amazing.” Chris said truly impressed.

“It’s just school.” I said.

“Yeah but it’s Harvard that’s huge.” Chris said. “I never really expected you…”

“I probably didn’t give off the best impression last night.” I said.

“No it’s not that. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” Chris said.

“I bumped into you and left you to go take body shots off a stripper’s abs.” I said.

“That’s probably something I would’ve done at your age and you were out with your friends. It’s fine really.” Chris said. “Besides I have done some pretty embarrassing jobs… which you’ve probably seen.”

“Are you talking about the whipped cream bikini or the blue unitard?” I said. “Because I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Right.” Chris said blushing slightly. “So uh I’m just gonna be honest with you, I have no idea how this is supposed go.”

And that put me at ease.

“I’m so glad you said that.” I said. “I mean you’re great… well you seem great. I just literally bumped into you last night so I don’t have a lot to go on. I’m just a bit iffy on the whole soulmate thing. Like one true match? Sounds like the slogan for a dating website.”

“So you don’t believe in soulmates?” Chris said.

“I do I just don’t think it’s the all or nothing everyone makes it out to be. I mean what were you expecting from this?” I asked.

“I wasn’t expecting it.” Chris said. “I mean I do believe in soulmates and I do think there is someone out there for everyone romantically speaking. I just don’t think we’re… that.”

“I’m with you there. I’m not looking for anything romantically speaking. I’m just focusing on school right now.” I said.

“And that’s great. I’m focusing on my career and I’m kind of seeing someone… well trying to figure out if I’m seeing someone…” Chris said.

“What do you mean figure out?” I asked.

“It’s complicated. We’ve been on and off for a while. And it’s been a few months since we broke up and we got together for a night and now she won’t talk to me…” Chris said.

“That sounds like a one night stand.” I said.

“I mean she’s probably busy with work or…” Chris started.

“Who initiated it?” I asked.

“What?” Chris asked.

“Who initiated it? Who asked to meet up first?” I asked.

“Well we saw each other at a party we were at.” Chris said. “And then she called me later after I had left for this other thing.”

“So a booty call?” I suggested.

“No she wanted to talk.” Chris said.

“Did you actually talk though?” I asked.

“Well not much…” He said.

“Okay Chris now pretend you did everything she did.” I said. He froze for a second and then frowned. “There’s your answer.”

“Oh…” Chris said.

“Yeah.” I said. “Sorry.”

“No it’s fine.” Chris said. “Good to clear that up. But with us… we’re not…”

“Not that.” I seconded. “For obvious reasons.”

“Exactly. But we could be friends. That’s a thing people do, right?” Chris asked.

“Yeah friends would be great. I mean I’m new to the area and I don’t really know anyone. My friends are all…” I started not knowing how to fully explain it.

“Always up for a party but not really dependable?” Chris said.

“Pretty much.” I said. “or just not in town.”

“Well you have my number. And Scott definitely wants to meet you again.” Chris said.

“Scott? My brother? He was with me last night” Chris said.

“Oh right! He called me his new favorite in law.” I said.

“That’s him. He was kind of disappointed he didn’t get to see any strippers.” Chris said.

“Well tell him that next time he’s more than welcome. Maybe he’ll stop me from taking body shots.” I said.

“Knowing Scott, he’ll probably take a shot with you.” Chris said.

“That works too.” I said just as my phone buzzed. I picked it up to see it was a message from Lexie telling me at what time they were picking me up tonight and I groaned.

“Do you have to go?” Chris said.

“No, It’s my friend Lexie.” I said.

“The blonde from last night?” he asked.

“Yeah she’s just letting me know at what time part two starts.” I said. “I’m almost afraid to ask what we’re doing tonight.”

“Not feeling up for another night of clubbing and strippers?” Chris teased.

“No I just don’t want to start my eighteenth birthday in the ER getting my stomach pumped.” I said.

“You guys were hitting it pretty hard last night.” He said.

“It was actually a pretty tame night.” I said. “All things considered.”

“So you normally go see strippers, sneak into clubs in party buses?” He asked.

“Yeah though I’m normally not the one getting lap dances or taking the body shots.” I said. “That’s a birthday thing.”

“Normally I just get a cake and my family sings me happy birthday but that’s one way to celebrate.” Chris said as his phone started buzzing. “Ah shit… I’m sorry I kind of forgot I was supposed to call my agent so we could go over some things.”  
  


“Oh that’s okay. I should actually get going too. Squeeze in a nap before round two.” I said.

“That’s probably a good idea.” Chris said as we got up. “Make sure to drink lots of water.”

“I know the drill.” I said as we walked out of the patio area. East padded alongside of us happily when we got to my car we stopped. “This is me.”

“That’s a nice car.” Chris said looking at my Audi.

“It handles great.” I said. “I guess I’ll uh see you around?”

“Yeah. You’ve got my number. Maybe we could hang out sometime. I could show you the sights.” He said.

“Sounds fun.” I said smiling.

“Have fun.” He said going for a hug.

“Oh you’re a hugger.” I said chuckling as I returned the hug.

“Yeah sorry I should have asked.” He said letting go.

“No it’s fine. Just wasn’t expecting it.” I said before kneeling down to pet East one last time. “Bye buddy.”

With that I got into my car and drove home. I felt better after my talk with Chris. He was a good guy and he really put me at ease. I got up to my apartment and set an alarm so I could wake up in time to get ready for yet another night out.

**Third Person’s POV-**

Chris was feeling a lot better after his talk with Jamie. She was completely different than he expected her to be. Then again a lot of people said the same thing about him. She also helped him clear some things up about his encounter with Minka. He never thought that would happen.

“Hey.” Scott greeted him when he got home. “How’d it go?”

“It went good.” Chris said. “Really good actually.”

“Oh?” Scott asked.

“Turns out we’re on the same page about not wanting anything romantically speaking. She’s got school to worry about I’ve got my career. Did help clear up the Minka thing though.” Chris said.

“You told her about that?” Scott said surprised.

“Yeah, it came up. It was a one night stand.” Chris said as he drank his beer. “Oh and she’s seventeen.”

Scott spat out his beer. “What?!”

“Yeah.” Chris said. “She turns eighteen tomorrow.”

“She did not look eighteen last night.” Scott said.

“Definitely doesn’t act eighteen.” Chris said.

“So she’s in college?” Scott asked.

“Harvard.” Chris said.

“No fucking way.” Scott said.

“Yeah.” Chris said with a smile. “She’s smart. Down to earth. She’s good.”

“So what are you going to do now?” Scott said.

“Nothing.” Chris said. “We agreed to be friends. Maybe hang out at some point.”

“So we’ll get to meet her at some point?” Scott asked.

“Maybe.” Chris said. “I just met her.”

“So were you relieved when you realized James is a girl?” He asked.

“Scott.” Chris said with a look. “I always knew James was a girl.”

“You thought she was a girl.” Scott said.

“Her middle name is Alexandra. It was kind of obvious.” Chris said.

“Was it though?” Scott asked.

“Oh she did mention you.” Chris said. “Said you’re more than welcome to come next time there are strippers involved.”

“Awesome.” Scott said. “You know what though I should probably hold up on that for a few years. I think I’m too old to be hanging out with teenagers.”

“Might be a good idea.” Chris said. “Maybe wait until she doesn’t need a fake ID.”

“Well she fooled you.” Scott said.

“Fooled everyone.” He said before his phone started ringing.


	4. Chapter 4

**A Few Weeks Later…**

After the craziness that came with my birthday, Blair, Lexie and everyone else went back to New York or wherever they were before. As for Chris well it had been weeks and I hadn’t heard back from him. I didn’t expect much, the whole we could be friends and maybe hang out sometime was just something people said. It didn’t really mean anything.

I had been busy with school and volunteering and I hadn’t reached out either. Plus Thanksgiving was right around the corner, I’m sure he was busy making plans with his family or his not-girlfriend.

I was planning on staying in Boston for Thanksgiving seeing as I didn’t have anywhere else to go. The retirement home I volunteered at was hosting a thanksgiving for the residents and I signed up to help. It meant I didn’t have to cook and I wouldn’t be alone which was something.

I had the entire week of Thanksgiving off so when I wasn’t studying for finals, I was out going to farmer’s markets, checking out some popular sites or just enjoying having time to go out for a run.

It was in one of those runs that I ran into the last person I thought I’d see, well more like his dog.

It was early in the morning, I was listening to music on my ipod as I ran through the park a few blocked from mine. I was out of shape and I could feel it. My leg and knee started to ache, either from the exercise or from how cold it was starting to get so I sat down for a bit on a bench.

I popped out my earbud and just enjoyed the quiet for a minute then I heard barking and shouting.

“East!” I heard someone call out before a ball of fur barked and ran towards me.

“Woof!” He barked.

“Whoa!” I said as he leaned against my knee jumping for attention. “Hey boy. What are you doing here all alone?”

“East!” I heard Chris call out as he ran over. “Jamie! Hey.”

“Hey. I think someone got away from you.” I said as I kept petting East.

“Yeah, brought him out for his walk and just started barking and pulling like crazy.” He said picking up the leash. “Pretty sure he was trying to tell me something.”

“Dogs are pretty perceptive.” I said.

“Are you waiting for someone?” Chris asked.

“No I was running, just stopped to catch my breath.” I said.

“Chris did you find him?” Someone called out.

“Yeah.” Chris said as his brother came over. “He just wanted to say Hi to Jamie.”

“Jamie? Oh Jamie! Hi.” Scott said chuckling. “Sorry we didn’t really meet last time.”

“It’s okay I was kind of distracted at the time.” I said.

“With strippers I heard.” Scott said and Chris elbowed his brother.

“And with other things.” I said chuckling.

“Are you staying in town for Thanksgiving?” Chris asked.

“Yeah, I need to start cramming for finals early.” I said. “And I have a ten page philosophy paper on Aristotle’s influence on modern politics due on Monday.”

“Ouch.” Chris said. “That’s a lot.”

“Which is why I’m getting a head start on it.” I said. “Just took a break to get some exercise in. The freshman fifteen are not a myth.”

“Do you have plans for thanksgiving?” Scott said. “Because you could totally come over. Mom always makes a ton of food and everyone would love to meet you.”

Chris Just gave his brother a look to get him to calm down. He didn’t want to overwhelm

“We would love to have you over. If you want? No pressure.” Chris said.

“Thank you but I sort of already have plans.” I said. “The retirement home I volunteer at is throwing a dinner for the residents whose families can’t visit them. I think there’s even going to be a choir or play I think...”

“That’s sounds nice.” Scott said.

“Plus as a volunteer I get an extra pudding cup.” I said.

“Pudding’s always good.” Chris said as his phone buzzed. “That’s probably Ma.”  
  


“Yeah we’re supposed to help get the kids ready at their dress rehearsal.” Scott said.

“Ma runs the local community theater.” Chris said. “They’re doing the first Thanksgiving.”

“Not the real one I hope.” I said.

“No they’re keeping it PG.” Scott said. “Still cute though.”

“I can imagine.” I said before standing up. “I should actually get going. I have a few errands to run. Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Happy Thanksgiving.” Scott and Chris said.

“Bye buddy.” I said giving East one last scratch behind his ears before popping in my earbuds and continuing my run.

**Third Person’s POV-**

Scott and Chris watched her run off.

“Dude your soulmate’s practically Mother Teresa. You know if Mother Teresa had snuck into clubs as a minor and liked strippers.” Scott said. “What eighteen year old volunteers on their week off?”

“Jamie apparently.” Chris said as his phone rang again. “We should really go. If Ma calls a third time we’re never gonna hear the end of it.”

“I kinda wish she had said yes.” Scott said.

“Dude you need to ease up.” Chris said.

“You guys agreed to be friends.” Scott said.

“Yeah but I don’t want to overwhelm her and we can be a lot to handle.” He said.

“I was just being nice.” Scott said. “Besides you’re not always going to be in town, she could probably use a few more friends. You know… in case she ever gets arrested.”

“She’s not going to get arrested.” Chris said. “I’m sure she can handle herself.”

“If you say so…” Scott said. “Hey where did mom say the kids were performing this year?”

“I’m not sure. Probably another hospital or retirement home.” Chris said.

“Imagine we end up at the same retirement home as Jamie?” Scott said.

“I doubt that will happen.” He said as they walked back to his car.

**Jamie’s POV-**

Once I got home I showered and dressed in a pair of sweats. No point in getting all dressed up if I was going to get dirty again. Baking could be messy. The nursing home asked if anyone could bring in some cupcakes or goodies to thank the kids that were going to be singing for the residents. I volunteered after everyone came up with some excuse of having to drive to visit family or something along those lines.

I didn’t mind. It had been a while since I had gotten a chance to bake. And I found this great frosting tutorial so I could make each cupcake look like a turkey.

It took a few hours but once I was done I got ready. It wasn’t going to be a big affair so I opted to dress down today. I put on a pair of blue skinny jeans that were slightly distressed a white cami with lace trim and a multicolored striped cardigan on top. I paired it with a pair of tan suede heeled booties. I opted to leave my hair down and gave it a light blow out giving it some natural waves.

Once the cupcakes were packed up in their carrier I was ready to head out. Just as I picked up my phone screamed. The very specific ringtone I have picked out for the Banshee. I took a breath mentally preparing myself for what I was about to read.

‘Just a reminding you not to eat too much, there’s only so many calories you can puke out. Happy Thanksgiving.’

Overall not the worst text I had gotten from her. Her assistant must’ve been the one typing it out, probably cut it down a bit. I stuffed my phone in my bad and headed out.

Traffic was worse than usual, probably all those people going to camp out for Black Friday. Though once I got out of the downtown area the roads cleared up and I was free to go.

The retirement was closer to the suburbs than downtown which was nice. It was quieter which I guess was the appeal of the place to begin with.

“Jamie, thank god you’re here.” Nancy one of the nurses greeted me. “The kids are five minutes out, the caterers are late and I have five residents currently yelling about how they’re going to disinherit their good for nothing kids.”

“So busy day?” I said.

“Starting to wonder if I should have just spent the day with my parents.” She said.

“Where do you need me?” I asked.

“Sal won’t come out of his room.” Nancy said.

“I’ll go talk to him.” I said knowing the way there already. I greeted a few of the residents as I passed by them with their families. Everyone was very cheerful today. Seeing family had that effect on people. Let’s see if I could help some of that cheerfulness rub off on our resident grump.

I stopped at his door and knocked.

“I already said I’m not coming out!” He yelled out.

“It’s me.” I said.

“Are you alone?” Sal said.

“Always am.” I answered.

“You can come in.” he said. I opened the door and quietly walked in. Sal was an elderly man in his late seventies. He was a widower, his wife had died over twenty years ago and his kids lived in New York and Chicago with their spouses and kids. They didn’t really visit. Though apparently, they had tried to get him to move closer but he refused. He was born and raised in Boston and insisted that was where he wanted to die.

“Hey Sal.” I greeted.

“Mh.” He said staring at the TV where the game was on.

“It’s getting rowdy out there.” I said.

“I’m not going.” He said.

“I know I was just looking for a place to hide out. I’m not a kid person.” I said.

“What are you even doing here kid? Shouldn’t you be with your family?” Sal asked.

“They were busy.” I said. With their other families. “What’s the score?”

“Packers are in the lead. Big shocker.” He said sarcastically.

“Don’t the lions lose every year?” I asked.

“I don’t think their heart’s really in it.” He said. “Who wants to work on Thanksgiving right?”

“This isn’t work. I wanted to be here.” I said.

“Don’t you have friends or something?” Sal asked.

“I do but they all had to put in some facetime with their parents and grandparents so they don’t get disinherited.” I said. “What’s going on with you? I never took you for a big football fan.”

“The commercials are good.” He said.

“That’s only during the Superbowl.” I reminded him.

“Not in a mood to hear Charlie brag about his grandkid finally being toilet trained.” He said. “Or Danny bragging about his dumb grandkid getting into Penn State for the hundredth time.”

“So don’t talk to Charlie or Danny.” I said. “Come on the best part of holidays isn’t the people it’s the food, and if that isn’t enough to get you to come out, I heard May’s also here all alone. And Bill is out with his family until Sunday.”

“I’m sure Charlie and Danny are yapping her ear off.” Sal said.

“Well they have their hands full with all those grandkids and kids they always yap about.” I said. “She’s all alone.”

“You sure?” He asked.

“Well when I came in she was with her knitting circle but they’re going to get tired soon. Maybe after a few rounds of chess she’ll probably be free. Probably want an escort to the show.” I said.

“I know what you’re doing.” He said.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I said.

“Sure ya don’t.” Sal said. “Fine, let’s see if you get lucky today and finally beat me.”

“Fingers crossed.” I said as I stood up and pushed Sal out to the common room. Nancy shot me a thankful look as we walked into the common room. We sat at out usual table and started playing Chess. Like always Sal had me beat in five to ten moves every time.

We were on our third round when a big group of kids came in.

“Looks like it’s almost show time.” I said.

“The first thanksgiving again?” He said annoyed.

“Yeah, but at least the kids are cute.” I said. “And even better, we’re not the ones that have to watch them.”

“Oh hold on buddy you dropped you hat.” I heard a familiar voice say.

‘No, it can’t be…’ I thought.

“Scott help your brother.” Someone else said.

“Oh shit.” I said.

“Language.” Sal said.

“I’ve heard you say worse.” I said.

“Yes but I’m a senile old man I can get away with it.” He said.

“You’re as senile as I am blonde.” I retorted just as May started moving when the knitting group decided to stop for the day. “Okay there’s your opening.”

“Residents if you’ll please make your way over to the other room our show is about to start.” Nancy announced.

“You’re killing me Nancy.” Sal said.

“I’ve got you covered.” I said quickly wheeling him into the next room. “We got to wait a sec. May always gets an aisle seat.”

And sure enough right at the front seat next to the left aisle.

“There.” He said and I quickly pushed his chair over.

“Happy Thanksgiving Miss May.” I greeted.

“Thank you dear. Good to see you could join us Sal.” She said.

“And miss the show? wouldn’t dream of it.” He said smiling at her.

“I’m going to go see if Nancy needs help with anything. Enjoy the show.” I said giving him a thumbs up.

I walked to the back to see a frazzled Nancy moving from side to side.

“Okay, Where do you need me?” I asked.

“Uh can you put the cupcakes out for the kids?” She asked.

“Got it.” I said putting the cupcakes on a platter and separating the Chocolate and Vanilla.

“Oh please tell me those are not for the kids.” A familiar voice said.

“Who else would they be for?” I retorted looking up to see Scott.

“You’re not the one that has to ride on the bus back with them.” He said.

“That’s going to be to be rough.” I said.

“Small world.” He said.

“Yeah guess Boston isn’t as big as I thought it was.” I said.

“Those are so cute.” An older woman said gushing at the turkey decorated cupcakes. “I wonder how they made those feathers?”

“Oh it’s actually just white chocolate with a bit of food coloring.” I said.

“Did you make these?” She asked.

“Yeah, found a baking tutorial on Youtube and decided to give it a shot.” I said.

“Well if Harvard doesn’t work out you could totally open up a bakery.” Scott said.

“You really can.” She said. “Do you two know each other?”

“Yeah. Ma this is Jamie.” Scott said giving his mom a look.

“Ma I think Pocahontas needs help with the headdress.” Chris said. “Jamie.”

“Hey.” I said.

“Oh you’re Jamie!” Chris’ mom said putting it together. “Hi I’m Lisa. Chris and Scott’s mom.”

“Nice to meet you.” I said shaking her hand. “I should go deal with that.”

“Alright.” I said.

“Small world.” Chris said.

“Yeah.” I said. “Cupcake?”

“Those look great.” Chris said.

“Youtube.” Scott and I said at the same time.

“Jamie!” Nancy called out.

“I gotta go. And you were right the kids are cute. Nice job guys.” I said before running off.

**Third Person’s POV-**

Scott just looked at his brother with a smirk.

“I should have put money on this.” He said.

“It was a coincidence.” Chris said.

“Twice in one day.” Scott said. “Just saying dude. This might be a sign.”

“Sign for what? We agreed we’re not like that.” Chris said.

“Well no duh she’s eighteen. But it might be time to step up and actually try to be friends instead of just say you’re going to be friends.” Scott said picking up a cupcake. “She’s seems really nice and she bakes. I mean look at this. Decorated by hand. Seriously dude you’re dragging your feet.”

“I’m not dragging my feet. I don’t want to put any pressure on her.” Chris said.

“She’s a big girl I think she can handle it.” Scott said. “Besides Ma just met her, you really think she’s not going to bring it up?”

“Uh, I don’t know how this is supposed to work? It’s not like there’s an instruction manual.” Chris said. “How to not date but not ignore your soulmate?”

“How about you act like she’s not your soulmate. Just any other person you met who you could see yourself getting along with.” Scott said. “You’re an actor you can do this.”

“I don’t want to fake it. She doesn’t deserve all the baggage that comes with me.” Chris said.

“Shouldn’t she get a say?” Scott said. “Besides I hate to tell you this bro but you’re famous but not Brad Pitt, Tom Hanks, Justin Timberlake famous.”

“You just had to bring up Justin Timberlake?” Chris said.

“Am I wrong?” Scott retorted.

“Chris! Scott!” Lisa called out.

“Coming Ma.” They said running off.

**Jamie’s POV-**

After dealing with the caterers and making sure they had the correct number of kosher meals and that everything was clearly labeled so no one ate anything they were allergic too. It was time for dinner… at three in the afternoon.

The play was over and all the residents were starting to come into the kitchen. At the same time.

“Excuse me?” someone said.

“Yes?” I said.

“I’m here to see my father, Salvatore…” he started.

“You must be Tony.” I said. “I’m Jamie. I volunteer here. Your dad talks about you and your kids all the time.”

He did when he wasn;t complaining about something.  
  


“Oh nice to meet you.” Tony said shaking my hand. “I went to his room but he wasn’t there.”

“The play just ended so he should be coming in, in a second.” I said and sure enough that’s when Sal came in.

“Dad.” Tony said.

“Tony.” Sal said with a smile.

“Grandpa!” Two kids said running over to him.

“Hey kiddos.” He said leaning down to pick them up and put them on his lap. “What are you doing here? I thought you were in Chicago?”

“We were but it’s Thanksgiving.” Tony said. “We couldn’t let you spend the day alone.”

Sal was so happy. He even spun around in his chair, giving his grandkids a ride.

“That was really nice of you.” Nancy said.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I said putting the placemats on all the table.

“Sure you don’t. So you didn’t ask for Sal’s son’s email and get him to come here?” Nancy said.

“I didn’t do anything.” I said. “He must’ve gotten the community newsletter.”

“Right.” Nancy said totally not believing me. “Well your shift is over. If you want to grab a plate.”

“Thanks but, I think I’m gonna head home. I have a date with Aristotle.” I said.

“You have all weekend.” Nancy said.

“Don’t leave for tomorrow what you can do today.” I said.

“You sure?” She said.

“Yeah. Happy thanksgiving Nancy.” I said.

“Aw Happy Thanksgiving sweetie.” She said hugging me. “And thanks for helping out.”

“There’s no where else I’d rather be.” I said before I started walking out. I waved bye to Sal as I made my way outside. I unlocked my car and started getting in.

“Hey.” Scott said.

“Hey.” I said.

“Leaving already?” Scott asked.

“Yeah, my shift’s over and I need to go home and do some work before it starts piling up.” I said.

“You’re not even going to eat?” Scott said.

“I have a turkey TV dinner waiting for me.” I said.

“Why don’t you come over? The invitation still stands…” Scott said.

“It’s okay really.” I said.

“What’s okay?” Lisa said. “Honey are you leaving already?”

“Yeah I have homework…” I said.

“You have all weekend for that.” Chris said. “And you said you were halfway done on your essay.”

“You’re coming over. I always make too much food anyway.” Lisa said.

“It’s really…” I started.

“I’m not taking no for an answer.” She said staring me down. I looked over to Chris and Scott to see if they would help but they just shrugged and held their hands out signaling I was on my own here.

“Need me to bring anything?” I asked.

“Just yourself.” She said. “We’re going to head straight over after we drop off the kids. Scott or Chris can give you directions to the house.”

“Actually mom, Carly called and she forgot to get a few things so maybe I should ride with Jamie and we can stop at a grocery store. If you don’t mind?” Scott said.

“Not at all.” I said.

“See you at the house.” Scott said walking to the passenger side of the car.

“I’ll guess I’ll see you in a bit.” I said getting in and driving off. “You totally did that to get out of riding in the bus with the kids didn’t you?”

“Oh yeah.” He said. “I love kids just…”

“In small doses and when you don’t have to take care of them during a sugar high?” I finished.

“Exactly. And Carly did forget a few things.” He said. “Love your car by the way.”

“Oh thanks. Actually do you mind if I pull over and you drive? I don’t really know the area.” I said.

“You’re okay with me driving your car?” Scott asked.

“Yeah why wouldn’t I be.” I said.

“What if I crash?” He said.

“That’s what insurance is for.” I said pulling over and switching sides before going off again.

“Sorry if mom forced you into coming. I know you and Chris are still figuring things out.” Scott said.

“It’s okay. That TV dinner didn’t look that great.” I said. “And there’s not really much to figure out with me and Chris. I mean we agreed to try and be friends. I’m just really awkward and I’m not really sure how to go about that. It’s not like there’s a book with instructions on how to go about this and man would that make things easier…”

“Wow, you two are…” He said almost saying made for each other but deciding not to. “He’s really easy to talk to but like you said there’s not really a right or wrong way to go about it. You just need to figure it out as you go.”

“You make it sound so easy.” I said.

“You’ll figure it out. But right now I should probably prep you for what you’re about to walk into.” Scott said.

“Why do you say it like that?” I asked and Scott just smirked. What the hell was I walking into.


	5. Chapter 5

“Okay what about this one?” I asked Scott holding up a bouquet with cala lilies and a purple iris. “Though the red is more in the theme?”

“Jamie it’s really okay. You don’t have to bring anything.” Scott said for what seemed like the hundredth time. “We should really get going.”

“You know what I’ll take one of each. One for your mom and one for your sister.” I said picking up one of each.

“Again, you don’t have to bring anything.” Scott said.

“Of course I do. Hostess gifts.” I said. “I was taught never to show up empty handed.”

“I can’t figure you out. One minute you’re the life of the party and the next you’re Martha Stuart.” Scott said.

“Martha Stuart went to jail.” I pointed out.

“Yeah and she took it like a champ.” Scott said.

“She really can do it all.” I said as we went to pay. I beat Scott and swiped my card before he took his out and he gave me a playful glare which I ignored. I got invited at the last minute the least I could was pay for a few ingredients.

We got back in the car and I started double checking I got all my facts straight.

“So it’s your mom, you and Chris. Your sisters are Carly and Shanna and Carly’s boyfriend is Brian.” I said.

“Yes but honestly we consider Brian family already. They’ve been together forever and we’re expecting a proposal any day now.” Scott said.

“Okay anything else I should know?” I asked.

“You need to relax. I don’t know why you’re freaking out.” Scott said.

“Because you’re giving me that look and saying things like ‘oh you’ll see’ and ‘You’re about to get it.’” I said.

“Jamie we don’t bite promise.” He said giving me a sneaky look.

“You’re giving me that look again.” I said.

“What look?” Scott said giving me a forced innocent look.

“Oh I see you.” I said making him laugh.

“Well we’re here.” He said as we pulled up to a two story colonial house. There was a big front yard with a brick footpath leading up to the door. “Home sweet home.”

“So you live in here too?” I asked.

“Oh no I split my time between here and LA. I have an apartment in the city but this is still home.” Scott said as we walked in. “Ma we’re here.”

“In the kitchen.” Someone answered.

I followed Scott through the house noticing all the pictures on the walls and in frames. It made the house seem less like a house and more like a home. Must be nice to have that.

“Got you whole gouda for the mac and cheese and canned cranberries for the sauce that no one is going to eat but we still have to have for some reason.” Scott started before someone smacked his shoulder. “What it’s true?”

“It goes really well with the stuffing and with leftovers.” His sister said. “Hi you must be Jamie. I’m Carly.”

“Nice to meet you.” I said offering my hand but apparently Chris came from a family of huggers because she hugged me.

“Sorry we’re huggers.” She said.

“I’ve noticed.” I said before handing her one of the bouquet of flowers. “I actually brought these for you as a thank you for cooking and having me over last minute.”

“Aw that’s so sweet.” She said.

“And one for you.” I said handing one to Lisa.

“You really didn’t have to Jamie. It’s our pleasure to have you.” Lisa said.

“Plus you’re helping us not have to eat Turkey until January.” Scott said.

“Is there anything I can help with?” I asked.

“No we’ve got it.” Carly said. “And you, stay away from my oven. I’m not eating raw turkey again.”

“It was one time and an accident.” Scott said.

“Listen to your sister.” Lisa said. “Why don’t you two go into the living room? I think your brother and sister are watching the game.”

“Don’t want to miss that.” He said and I followed after him. “What’s the score?”

“24 to 19.” Chris said. “Hey, can I get you anything? Water? Wine? Beer?”

“I’m okay, thanks.” I said.

“Ehem.” Someone cleared their throat loudly as she stood behind Chris.

“Oh Jamie this is my sister Shanna. Shanna this is Jamie.” Chris said.

“Hi nice to meet you.” I said already knowing a hug was coming this time.

“Nice to meet you too.” She said hugging me. “Chris go get her water.”

“I’m okay.” I said.

“You might get thirsty.” She said guiding me to sit down. “I’m dying to hear all about you.”

“There’s not really much to know.” I said.

“Really? I heard there were strippers involved when you met.” Shanna said.

“I said she was on her way to a strip club.” Scott said. “Big difference.”

“My friends tend to go all out for birthdays. Night two we started at a kegger then did a pub crawl and went skinny dipping. Now that I think about it that was probably a really bad idea.” I said.

“Hindsight is always 20/20.” Shanna said.

“If this is how you celebrated 18, Then 21 is going to be epic.” Scott said.

“One water.” Chris said.

“Thanks.” I said taking it. Just as one of the teams made a play and epically failed. “Ouch.”

“Are you a football fan?” Shanna asked.

“I don’t really follow sports. Though I do know how the game works.” I said.

“We’re all Pat’s fans.” Chris said.

“You and all of New England.” I said.

“We’ll make a Pat’s fan out of you.” Scott said just as my phone started playing The Imperial March from Star Wars.

“Oh that’s Satan.” I said picking up my phone.

“Satan?” Chris said.

“My dad.” I said opening up a text message responding to the Happy Thanksgiving text I sent everyone.

_I’m in London we don’t celebrate that shit here. Stop wasting my time._

Short and to the point.

“You call your dad Satan?” Scott asked.

“Yeah.” I said closing my phone and taking a sip of my water.

“Dinner’s ready.” Lisa called out.

With that we all moved to the dining room. Carly’s Boyfriend had shown up with dessert just as we all sat down and started eating.

“So we have this tradition we all go around the table and say what we’re all thankful for.” Lisa said. “And normally the youngest of us starts…”

“That’d be me then.” I said. “Uh well I have a lot to be thankful for but I’ll start by saying I’m thankful I got invited to spend dinner with you all because this all looks and smells way better than that turkey gravy TV dinner I was going to have.”

“And I practically had to drag her here.” Scott said.

“Yeah, though just a heads up next time make sure Scott isn’t the welcoming committee. I almost made a break for it.” I said.

“I didn’t do anything.” Scott said.

“Sure you didn’t. And second thing I’m grateful for is for having great friends both new and old.” I said finishing up.

“Uh I’m going to second the friends thing Jamie said and family. Love you guys.” Scott said.

“I grateful I’m finally done with school and got a job I love.” Shanna said.

“I’m grateful for everything. I mean it hasn’t always been easy but my career is taking off and I wouldn’t be where I am without you all supporting me and standing by me in the good and bad.” Chris said.

“I’m grateful for family, friends and love.” Carly said.

“I’m grateful for my family both blood related and adoptive. You’re all crazy and loud and I wouldn’t have you any other way.” Brian said. “Jamie the best advice I can give you is what Carly told me the first time she invited me over. If it sounds like they’re fighting, they’re not that’s just how they talk.”

“See that’s the type of supportive thing that would have been nice to hear on the car ride over not ‘I have to get you ready before I throw you to the wolves’” I said giving Scott a look.

“Dude.” Chris said.

“I was just teasing.” Scott said. “And I did tell you we don’t bite.”

“Don’t worry Jamie. I know where he sleeps.” Shanna said.

“You’re ganging up on me already? I’ve known you longer.” Scott said.

“Girl code.” I retorted.

“We’re keeping you.” Shanna said making me laugh.

“Well I’m going to say the same thing I say every year. I’m grateful for everyone at this table. My kids are my greatest love and I am unbelievably proud of the amazing people you all grew up to be.” Lisa said.

So this is what a caring mom is like. Satan and Banshee really were the worst.

“Well that’s enough of that, let’s eat.” Lisa said and we all started serving ourselves.

“So what do you do Jamie?” Carly asked.

“I’m in my first year of college.” I said.

“Oh cool where do you go?” Brian asked.

“Harvard.” I said and half the table stopped what they were doing.

“You go to Harvard?” Shanna asked.

“Yeah, it’s my first semester.” I said.

“That’s a wonderful school. Your parents must be very proud.” Lisa said.

“I’d like to think so.” I lied as convincingly as I possibly could.

“I forgot to ask what you were majoring in.” Chris said.

“Well right now I’m undeclared but I’m leaning towards biochem.” I said. “These potatoes are really good.”

“It’s the herb garlic butter.” Carly said. “It’s from my herb garden.”

Scott, Shanna and Chris snorted.

“And by herb garden she means a potted plant she bought yesterday and is going to be dead by Monday.” Shanna said.

“It can join the plant graveyard that used to be the garden.” Scott said.

“I’m keeping this one alive.” Carly said.

“Have you watered it?” Chris asked.

“It came watered.” Carly said.

“Dead by Monday.” Shanna said.

“Don’t listen to them babe. You’ve kept plenty of things alive. Like the beta fish I won you at the fair.” Brian said.

“You mean the one that was blue and magically turned black?” Chris said before we heard a thud under the table. She had kicked him.

“It was the light.” Carly said.

“It sure was.” Scott said before he turned to me. “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“Uh… yes and no.” I said. “I’m an only child from my parents marriage. They both remarried and had other kids. I’ve just never met them.”

“Seriously?” Chris said.

“Yeah. After they split up I got shipped off to boarding school.” I said.

“But you’ve never met your brothers or sisters?” Carly said. “Like not even at Christmas or summer?”

“No I normally stayed at school over break, went to summer school or would just stay over with a friend.” I said before noticing the sad looks everyone was giving me. “It was nice. Made some great friends, got to travel a lot and I had a ton of time to focus on studying which paid off.”

“It shows.” Lisa said smiling.

“So what’s boarding school like? Is it like you see in the movies?” Scott asked.

“It’s the same as any high school except you don’t go home at the end of the day and you live with your classmates.” I said. “That’s where I met Lexie and Blair.”

“Guessing you didn’t get to see your parents much.” Chris said.

“Yeah, it’s been a few years.” I said. “I get a phone call once or twice a year from them. They like texting more but that’s mostly for holidays and I am on their mailing list for their Christmas cards.”

“So what do you normally do for Christmas then?” Shanna said looking at her mom.

“It changes from year to year. Last year I was in New York with Blair this year depends on how Thanksgiving goes. If Lexie doesn’t get cut off for taking a gap year while making her parents think she was at Brown the past three months the three of us are going to St Barts. If she does get cut off which is probably going to happen we’re house sitting for Blair’s dad in Paris while he’s in Sydney with his boyfriend and teaching her how to live on a budget.”

“That sounds fun.” Scott said.

“It can be.” I said.

“Well you’re more than welcome to spend it with us.” Chris said. “You know if you don’t want to go to Paris or St Barts… which is where?”

“Somewhere in the Caribbean.” I said with a shrug. “I’ve never been and thanks for the invite but I don’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be intruding. We’d love to have you.” Lisa said.

“I’ll think about it.” I said before deflecting the conversation onto someone else. I decided Carly and Brian were a safe bet “What about you two? How long have you been together?”

“Feels like forever.” Carly said. “We met in college.”

“But we didn’t get together until three years ago.” Brian said. “I moved out of state for a bit but when I came back we started hanging out.”

“One thing led to another and three years later here we are.” Carly said.

“Best three years ever.” Brian said kissing Carly’s cheek making her smile.

“Barf.” Scott said.

“Get a room you two.” Chris said.

“When you’re with your soulmate… well there’s nothing like it.” Carly said. Chris cleared his throat giving her a look. “You know when the time’s right…”

“Hey Ma is there pie?” Scott interrupted before things got more awkward.

“Yes I’ll go bring that out.” Lisa said.

“I’ll help with the dishes.” Shanna said.

“I’ll go make coffee.” Scott said.

“We should clear the table.” Carly said.

“We should?” Brian said before Carly gave him a look. “Right!”

“Do you need any…” I started.

“No you’re our guest just sit down. Relax.” Carly said before they quickly grabbed a bunch of dishes and went to the kitchen with everyone else.

Chris and I were sitting across from each other in silence.

“That was subtle.” I said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry about them, they’re…” he started as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

“Don’t be. They’re your family and they’re great.” I said. Honestly this was the first time I had a normal thanksgiving in more than ten years. If you could even consider having dinner at an extremely long table with each parent at an end and me being in the center as they yelled at each other and occasionally threw dishes at each other in anger as the maids came in to clean up and serve each course while giving me pitying looks normal.

“You want to go outside for a bit. Get some air?” he asked. “It’s time for East’s walk.”

“Sure.” I said “Just need to go grab my coat from my car. Meet you outside?”

“Okay.” He said going through the kitchen.

I went outside and unlocked my car grabbing my coat and slipping it on. It was starting to get cold out.

“Woof!” I heard East bark.

“Hey buddy.” I said petting him as he sniffed and licked my hand.

“He really likes you.” Chris said.

“Cause he’s such a good boy.” I said scratching behind his ears before I let him go and stood up. “Which way are we going?”

“Just down the block.” Chris said before we started walking. “I just… I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for your family, They didn’t do anything wrong.” I said.

“Yeah but not just that. I know we agreed to be friends and I haven’t really been a friend.” He said.

“That’s not all on you. Our… situation is complicated and there’s not exactly a manual on how to do things.” I said.

“I should have reached out.” Chris said.

“I could have too.” I said.

“I didn’t want to pressure you into anything even though my family did.” Chris said.

“There wasn’t any pressure. It was just a very strong warm invitation.” I said.

“That’s one way to put it.” He said. “I’ve been dragging my feet and it’s not you, it’s me and I just realized how that sounds.”

“If we were dating I’d take that as me being dumped.” I said.

“Bad choice of words.” He said. “I come with a lot of baggage. Even if we’re not romantically involved if we’re friends it’s something that’s going to come up. It’s something even my ma and brother and sisters deal with. Reporters, crazy fans, people who try to get close to me just because they want a chance at their 15 seconds of fame. I love what I do but its one of the things I hate about it. I try to keep that stuff out of my personal life but it doesn’t always work out that way. If we’re going to be friends or anything I owe it to you to be honest and warn you about what you’re getting into. And if you want out, I completely understand.”

“Is that everything?” I asked.

“Pretty much.” Chris said.

“Chris we all have baggage. I’m sure you’ve noticed some of mine.” I said.

“A bit.” He said.

“I’m glad you were honest with me and I figured the downside of your job would come up at some point but I’m not going anywhere. If I was I’d probably be gone already. I’ve known you less than three weeks and I’ve already met you’re entire family and they’re great but if that didn’t scare me I doubt anything will.” I said. “For whatever reason the universe decided we’re supposed to be in each others lives and yeah we probably have a lot to figure out but we’ll work it out. And maybe we can start by not overthinking being friends.” I said.

“What do you mean?” Chris said.

“Well you were too stuck in your head thinking not putting any pressure on me that you were too afraid to even talk to me to begin with. I think I’ve talked more to Scott than you at this point. And I need to stop worrying I’m going to say or do the wrong thing every time we talk.” I said.

“Why would you worry about that?” He said.

“I’m blunt, I lack tact, I am super awkward. I’m better at keeping friends than I am at making them if that even makes sense. You have no idea how nerve wracking it is for me to socialize when I’m sober. I over think everything. And you’re you and I’m me.” I said. “Honestly I feel like you’d get along better with Lexie or Blair or pretty much anyone but me.”

“Are you kidding me?” Chris said. “Jamie you are way more than I ever expected you to be. You’re smart, funny, honest and you haven’t known me that long but you can read me just as well as my mom, sisters and brother. My Ma and everyone love you. That counts for more anything and you’re right, we’re making this way more complicated than it had to be. It’s not hard to talk to each other we’re just overthinking it.”

“So what do we do?” I asked.

“We make a plan. Hang out at least once a week?” Chris suggested.

“Aren’t you in LA or working most of the time?” I reminded him. “Plus I have school, homework, volunteer hours, finals… Uh I have finals.”

“Okay hang out when we can but when we can’t we text. Nothing big just an easy hi and if something comes after good and if it doesn’t well then we at least know we’re there.” Chris said.

“That sounds doable.” I said.

“We got this.” He said. “And I should probably warn you. Scott, Shanna, Carly and Mom are going to be around a lot. Consider yourself invited to every major holiday, birthday, barbeque or anything else that comes up.”

“Speaking of things that come up.” I said looking down at the present East had just dropped for him.

“Uh fucking Scott snuck him a turkey leg.” Chris groaned as he saw the mess. “You mind…”

“I got him.” I said taking the leash while he picked up the mess. “Someone had a good Thanksgiving didn’t he?”

East whined and nuzzled into my hand.

“Depends who you ask.” Chris said as his nose wrinkled. Man that smelled bad. We walked back to the house at just the right time. The pies were all warmed up and the coffee was at the perfect temperature. Just what I needed.

We all served ourselves a slice of and started sharing stories. I almost fell out of my chair when I heard the story of how Chris got Scott to pee his pants.

“Okay I want to ask you something but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to…” Shanna started.

“You want to know about my name.” I said already knowing where this was going.

“What about your name?” Brian asked confused.

“My full name is James Alexandra Becker.” I said.

“James?” he asked confused.

“I’ll admit I’ve always been a bit curious about it. Is it a family name?” Lisa asked.

“Sort of… Both of my parents really wanted a son, like they were a hundred percent sure I was going to be a boy even without an ultrasound so they only picked out one name, my dad’s. Anyway the day finally comes and I’m a girl obviously. They were both annoyed and they both refused to come up with a new name so they stuck with the name they picked out originally.” I said.

“Wasn’t expecting that.” Chris said.

“It could have been worse.” I said.

“What do you mean?” Chris asked.

“Well my name was supposed to be James Alexander Becker the fourth but there was a typo when they were filling out my birth certificate so my middle name ended up being Alexandra and they dropped the fourth part.” I said.

“So Chris’ mark could have been entirely a guys name?” Carly said.

“That really would’ve been worse.” Scott said.

“Scott!” Lisa said.

“Oh no that really would’ve been worse.” I said.

“For the record I always knew you were a girl.” Chris said.

“He really did.” Lisa said as we all started finishing up.

“Oh wow it’s late.” I said as I saw the time.

“Damn, I hadn’t even noticed.” Chris said.

“Who wants to go black Friday shopping?” Shanna said and we all groaned.

“I’ll help clean up.” I said starting to pick up the dishes.

“Oh no you don’t.” Chris said taking the dishes. “We’ve got it.”

“We cook, the guys clean up.” Carly said.

“Oh.” I said understanding. “I feel kind of bad you sure I can’t…”

“They got it.” Shanna said.

“Okay.” I said. “Then I should probably head out before it gets even later.”

“Just hold on a second.” Lisa said going to the kitchen and coming out a minute later with a bag full of packed leftovers. “I packed you a few things so you wouldn’t have to worry about cooking while you study. You can reheat the potatoes and Mac and cheese in the oven at 350 for ten minutes. If it looks too dry add a couple of drops of water before you cover it and pop it back in.”

“350 for ten minutes. Got it.” I said. “Well thank you so much for having me over.”

“No need to thank us, you’re always welcome here.” Lisa said hugging me. I even felt myself tear up a bit as she said that.

“No need to be a stranger.” Shanna said.

“We’re actually going Christmas shopping next week. We can make it a girls’ day.” Carly said.

“Sounds fun but I’m not sure I can do that. I’m pretty busy the next couple of weeks.” I admitted.

“Well if your schedule frees up let us know.” Carly said.

“Aw you’re leaving already?” Scott said coming over.

“It’s after midnight.” I told him.

“Oh that is late guess I should also get going…” Scott said.

“My stove needs scrubbing.” Carly said. “Or you’re cooking Christmas dinner.”

“Aww.” Scott whined. “I guess I’ll see ya.”

“Luck.” I said as he hugged me.

“Don’t go to any strip clubs without me.” He said making me laugh.

“I promise I’ll call if I plan on going to any strip clubs.” I said.

“I’ll walk you to your car.” Chris said taking the bag of leftovers which was a lot heavier than I expected.

“Bye.” I said.

“Bye.” They all called out.

As soon as we stepped outside I could feel my knee and leg start to twinge. That could only mean one thing.

“It’s going to rain.” I said.

“What?” Chris said.

“It’s going to rain.” I said.

“Sky’s not that cloudy.” He said.

“Trust me. It’s going to rain. I can feel it.” I said.

“Sure.” Chris said not believing me.

“Do you want to bet on it?” I asked.

“You want to bet on the weather?” Chris said.

“I’ll bet you whatever you want it’ll rain by tomorrow morning.” I said.

“Alright. How about a no questions asked favor?” Chris said.

“No questions asked? Like I can call you in the middle of the night and ask you to make a tampon/ Ben and Jerry’s run and you’ll do it?” I said just making sure I understood.

“Yeah or I can call you randomly and ask to borrow your car so I can go bury a body in the woods.” Chris said. “It won’t be that but that’s the idea.”

“You’re on.” I said shaking his hand before I went to unlock the car. “I’ll hear from you soon.”

“Yeah. Night” He said before hugging me.

“Night.” I said getting into my car and driving off.


	6. Chapter 6

**January 2010-**

It wasn’t hard to keep our agreement. I woke up the day after thanksgiving to a text from Chris is was a photo of a puddle with the caption.

_Looks like I owe you._

I responded with:

_I’m going to think long and hard about how I’m going to use this._

The weeks that followed were brutal. I practically lived in the library the week leading up to finals and once it was over I crashed hard.

I didn’t end up spending Christmas with Chris and his family. Though I did buy them all presents that I dropped off when I went to go return the dishes Lisa packed my leftovers in. First time in a long time I actually had a reason to go Christmas shopping. I got Lisa, Shanna, and Carly an all expense paid deluxe spa weekend. As for Chris and Scott since they were such big Patriots fans I got them both autographed Jerseys.

Lexie didn’t get disowned. Well she did for about three days before she went to visit her grandparents who after a nice long talk agreed to finance her year off on the condition she went back to school the following year and that she got a job.

“Grandparents are the best.” Lexie said as we laid back and enjoyed the sun on her family’s yacht.

“So have you found a job yet?” Blair asked.

“Not yet but as soon as I get back I’ll get right on it.” She said.

“I don’t think they’re going to let you get away with the ‘I need to find my passion’ excuse a second time.” I told her.

“It’s not an excuse I just need to figure out what I like.” Lexie said. “Kind of like those hot surfers over there.”

“Uh tone it down.” Blair said. “I’m on a cleanse. A guy cleanse.”

“Agreed.” I said.

“You two are prudes.” Lexie said saying the last word in an overly cute cooing voice. “And you’re not on a guy cleanse, you’re just in denial about having the hots for your soulmate.”

“Chris and I are not like that. Friends and nothing more.” I said.

“So you don’t think he’s hot?” Blair said.

“I never said that. I’m not blind but it’s not something I’d ever act on.” I said. “I’m good with where we’re at, just being friends and that’s exactly what I need right now. I have other things to focus on.”

“Uhuh.” Lexie said. “I’d totally do him.”

“For someone who had to spend the last two weeks with both of her parents you’re in a really good mood.” Blair said.

“Oh don’t get me wrong they both still fought like cats and dogs when they were in the same room and weren’t yelling at me but one on one it actually wasn’t so bad. I had dinner with my dad a few times. Had dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend who I have to say is actually really good for her. She’s really mellowed out.” Lexie said.

“Good for Lily.” I said. “What about you? I thought you were seeing that guy…”

“He’s a man whore.” Blair said.

“Double dipped huh?” Lexie said.

“With his stepmother. Men are the worst.” Blair said.

“You’re better off without him. He probably had mommy issues.” I said.

“That could have been fun in bed.” Lexie said.

“Ew!” I said.

“What is wrong with you?” Blair said.

“I’ve been having a bit of a dry spell okay.” Lexie said.

“It’s not that big of a deal.” I said.

“Says the virgin who doesn’t know what she’s missing.” Lexie said.

“Get your head out of the gutter.” Blair said. “We’re on vacation, which means no worries and nothing outside of this paradise matters.”

“That I can drink to.” I said lifting up my margarita.

“You know you still haven’t told us what you did for thanksgiving.” Lexie said.

“I volunteered for half the day, then had dinner with Chris and his family.” I said.

“Wow you already met his family?” Blair said.

“Yeah his mom runs the group that put on a show for the retirement home I volunteer at. One thing led to another and she invited me over and wouldn’t take no for an answer.” I said.

“How was it?” Lexie said.

“It was really nice actually. They were all really friendly, you could tell they really love and care about each other. Kind of like you know, how a family is supposed to be.” I said. “His mom even packed me food to go so I could focus on studying.”

“They sound nice.” Blair said exchanging looks with Lexie.

“Have you heard from Satan and Banshee?” Lexie said.

“I got Satan’s Christmas card. Number three got a boob job.” I said.

“Matching set with her butt implants.” Blair said.

“And Banshee, I got her yearly Christmas diet pills in the mail with a size zero dress for motivation.” I said.

“The woman never gives up does she?” Lexie said.

“She’s insane. You look great.” Blair said.

“You have curves in all the right places.” Lexie said.

“Thank you but you don’t have to worry. I flushed the pills. Banshee can fuck off.” I said.

“Cheers.” Lexie said.

Maybe it wasn’t a traditional Christmas, and we never exchanged gifts or did any of the other Christmas things most people did but we had a great time.

We didn’t stay in St Barts for New Years. We went to Paris and rang in the new decade with an amazing view of the Eiffel Tower. We stuck around for a few days to do some shopping and enjoy the city before we all headed back to Boston. Blair didn’t have anywhere to be for a few days and Lexie was happy with any excuse to not have to start job hunting.

I was still in vacation mode so we ended up eating out and as was our tradition, the first time we went out at the beginning of the year had to be some ridiculously expensive dinner and we all had to dress up.

I was really craving tacos. Like I had a huge hankering for tacos but for the sake of friendship I went through the hassle of doing my hair and makeup and having to try on every dress and change when Lexie made a face and then the same with heels. Eventually I settled on a long sleeved forest green body con midi dress that was backless, lace stockings and black Louboutin heels that were going to murder me later.

We were at the restaurant and enjoying dinner… Well Blair and Lexie were enjoying dinner. The tiny sliver of fish on my plate was taunting me. Then we started our usual game, ‘Guess what’s happening at that table.’

“Anniversary.” I said looking at an elderly couple.

“Man they are goals.” Blair said.

“That was obvious.” Lexie said. “Let’s see… girl with the red dress.”

“Date.” Blair said.

“No… that’s a proposal.” I said.

“You’re right.” Lexie said. “He keeps looking over at the waiter.”

“And she’s really dressed up so she’s expecting it.” I said.

“I like her shoes.” Blair said.

“I have an extra pair banshee sent me you can have.” I told her.

“I know I’m wearing them.” Blair said making me laugh.

“Alright, Mister broad shoulders over there.” Lexie said.

“It’s a date, blind date.” Blair said. “She’s trying too hard.”

“He doesn’t want to be there. He’s slouching and looks tense.” I said.

“Definitely not going well.” Lexie said just as said broad shouldered man got up and turned.

“Is that…” Blair said and I saw what she meant it was Chris.

“Yeah.” I said. Suddenly the tiny piece of fish didn’t seem too bad.

“Man he is everywhere.” Lexie said.

“This never happens in New York.” Blair said

“Aren’t you the one that always runs into her ex boyfriends?” I said.

“We run in the same circles.” She said.

“He looks good in a suit.” Lexie said just as her phone started ringing. “Oh my gosh you’re never going to believe who’s in Boston.”

“Oh no.” I said.

“Oh yeah.” Lexie said.

“Logun’s in town.” Blair said.

“And he brought William.” Lexie said.

“I’m in.” Blair said.

“And I’m out.” I said.

“Oh come on.” Lexie said.

“Lexie I am not up for that. Last time we all went out I blacked out for two days and woke up in a bathtub to a very sketchy nurse putting an IV in my arm.” I said.

“She was putting in a Saline drip so you wouldn’t get dehydrated.” Blair said.

“The guy always makes sure we’re okay the following morning.” Lexie said.

“A true gentlemen.” Blair said.

“You have really low standards.” I said.

“Jamieeee.” Lexie whined.

“I’m still out. We just got back from Paris and I’m totally jetlagged. Besides it’s better if one of us stays sober to go bail everyone out when you get arrested.” I said.

“That was one time.” Lexie said.

“So far.” I said as we finished dinner. Once dinner was paid for we went to call a cab.

“You sure you don’t want to come?” Blair said.

“Yeah Jamie it’ll be fun.” Lexie said.

“I’m good really.” I said. “Have fun, don’t overdo it.”

“No promises.” Lexie said as they got in the cab.

“Not going with them.” Chris said popping up behind me.

“Hey, Not this time.” I said. “They’re going to have a crazy night and I’m not really in the mood for that. You enjoy dinner?”

“Uh… portions were a bit smaller than I was expecting.” Chris said. “I didn’t pick the place… it was a… blind date.”

“Guessing it didn’t go great?” I said. “You know since you’re alone.”

“She was nice, just trying too hard and there was no spark.” He said.

“Happens to all of us.” I said. “And you’re right, those portions were really small. I feel like I didn’t eat anything.”

“I was actually going thinking of going to grab some tacos from this place I know, Do you want to…” Chris said.

“Yes. I’ve been craving tacos all day.” I said.

“Come on.” He said. “They just brought up my car.”

We got in the car and Chris blasted the heater which I really appreciated. It had snowed a few days ago and I was sure it was going to start up again.

“So how was your vacation?” He asked.

“It was good. Spent Christmas in St Barts and then went to Paris for New Years.” I said. “Got back this morning.”

“You must be really jetlagged.” Chris said.

“A bit.” I said. “Looks like you guys had a white Christmas.”

“Yeah it really started coming down a few days ago.” He said. “And thank you so much for the presents. I loved my Jersey. I’m so going to wear it on game day.”

“Glad you liked it though I’m surprised you’re going to wear it. I thought I’d you’d hang it up or something.” I said.

“Why would I do that?” Chris said confused.

“Well all the guys I know hang up their autographed jerseys.” I said.

“My jersey’s autographed?” he said.

“Yeah, they both were. Tom Brady actually used them in a few of his games last season.” I said and Chris slammed the brakes.

“You gave me one of Tom Brady’s Jersey’s!” He exclaimed. “Like he actually wore it?”

“I’m sure he washed it first but yeah.” I said.

“Th-That’s… I can’t even…” Chris said before his face paled. “Oh shit.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I need to call Scott real quick. He said he was doing laundry.” He said.

“You don’t think he’d…” I started.

“I convinced him to pee his pants.” Chris said.

“That story’s never going to get old.” I said as he pulled over and sent Scott a quick text before he started driving again. The restaurant we went to was small. It was one of those spot you probably wouldn’t have given a second look if you passed by it.

We walked in and went to order before taking a seat in the back.

“These are the best tacos in Boston. Plus they’re open late so it’s a good in between drinks snack.” He said.

“I’ll remember that next time.” I said shrugging off my coat. “So how’d you end up on a blind date. I thought you were sort of seeing someone?”

“It was a one night stand.” Chris said. “I got a call from my agent about this huge role he wanted me to take and I said no but he’s kind of insisting on it so Scott and a buddy of ours from high school suggested I go on a date to take my mind off of it.”

“What’s the role?” I asked.

“Comic book movie.” He said understanding that the short clipped answer which I took to mean he didn’t really want to talk about it.

“Ah.” I said. “You’re not the only one that’s getting pushed to start dating. Blair and Lexie have been on my case about it.”

“Why don’t you date?” Chris asked.

“I don’t really have time.” I said. “I’m taking sixteen units a semester, plus two labs, add research to that plus volunteering…”

“You really don’t have time.” He said. “I thought I was busy.”

“It’s a lot.” I said.

“It is.” He said. “Kind of explains why you crashed so hard after finals.”

“Three all nighters in a row will do that to you.” I said as they called up our number and we grabbed our food. “Mhmm this is so good.”

“Way better than that other place.” Chris said.

“I’m never letting Blair pick where we go to dinner again.” I said. “Just because it’s gourmet doesn’t mean it has to be tiny.”

“I felt slightly ripped off.” Chris said.

“Tell me about it. The least they could do is offer some breadsticks to scoop up some of the sauce they put on the plate.” I said.

“That would have been great.” He said. “Do you start school on Monday?”

“No, not for another two weeks.” I said. “What about you?”

“I don’t have anything at the moment. Just a few appearances in New York next month.” He said taking a bite of his taco just as my phone dinged.

“It’s too early for it to be Lexie needing to be bailed out…” I said looking at my phone to see a notification from my back. “And Alimony just came in.”

“Alimony?” Chris asked. “Didn’t know you were married?”

“It’s an inside joke.” I said. “Back in boarding school Me, Lexie and the other kids that had to stay over during break because our parents were split up, the children of divorce, anyway we used to say that our parents didn’t just divorce each other they divorced us. So the allowance we would get at the beginning of the month was...”

“Alimony.” He said. “Divorce is tough. I mean my parents split up when we were a bit older but still…”

“It’s an adjustment.” I said. “For me they just threw me overboard. I woke up one morning for breakfast and I didn’t hear yelling which scared me more than the yelling. I got downstairs and my dad says ‘James I have a meeting so I’ll make this fast I’m divorcing your mother, the maid’s packing your bags and you’re going to boarding school in Switzerland. Plane leaves in an hour.’ Then he walked out.”

“Just like that?” Chris asked.

“Just like that.” I said.

“Did your mom say anything?” Chris said.

“She yelled that she was the one divorcing him not the other way around.” I said.

“That must’ve been hard.” Chris said. “How old were you?”

“I was ten almost eleven. It was a long time coming. I don’t remember a time they didn’t hate each other.” I said.

“Switzerland though, you lived there for a long time.” Chris said.

“Three years then transferred to Exeter in Connecticut.” I said. “That’s a whole other story.”

“You didn’t get expelled did you?” Chris asked.

“Oh no, short of blowing up the school it’s almost impossible to get kicked out of boarding school. Trust me I tried.” I said.

“I feel like there’s a story there.” Chris said.

“Oh yeah. It was my first birthday at school and no one called to say happy birthday. Anyway I decided I was going to run away. I had it all worked out. I knew at what time the headmaster went home for the night, I knew at what time the gatekeeper made his rounds. Lexie for some reason had a copy of the groundskeeper’s keys so we could open the gate to the grounds without setting off the alarm. This is when we first met and weren’t super close so I was going to steal the key from her. Except when I tried she caught me. She ended up blackmailing me, told me I either took her with me or she was going to tell our headmaster so I said fine.” I said.

“Lexie, the blonde that took you to a strip club on your birthday?” Chris asked.

“Yeah for some reason we’re still friends.” I said. “We were good to go. The only problem was that the school was a few miles outside of Geneva and it was November. So we couldn’t walk it. Lexie get’s the genius idea to steal one of the golf carts the groundskeeper used to move around the grounds that the engineering club was working on to try and make it faster. It was in a shed next to the outdoor pool. So it wasn’t that hard to get to. When Lexie’s about to start the car and I ask her if she knew what she was doing? And she’s like of course I know I used to drive golf carts all the time at the club with my dad. I should have my license by now. She switched it on and floors it not realizing it was in reverse and it just zooms out of the shed and right into the pool.”

“Oh no…” Chris said.

“Yeah.” I said. “The cart sunk and with it our getaway plan. Security fished us out and first thing in the morning our governess dragged us to the headmaster’s office. He was extremely disappointed by our behavior and expected more from us. He said the same thing every time.”

“I don’t think I ever got sent to the principal’s office.” He said. “My mom would have killed us if she got a call from the school cause we were in trouble.”

“I seriously doubt your mom would. She is so nice.” I said.

“Maybe but she’d give the look. You know the one when your mom and dad are disappointed in you but don’t say anything. The just cross their arms and stare at you while they shake their heads.” Chris said.

“I don’t think my parents got that memo.” I said.

“How often do you see them?” He asked.

“I haven’t seen my dad since I came back from Switzerland and my mom on the flight back... no wait, I ran into her at a party Blair’s mom was hosting a few years ago.” I said as I finished up. “They do call sometimes and text. Or their assistants do. They’re always busy.”

“I can see that.” He said. “You want to head out?”

“Sure.” I said walking out with him.

“Do you need to pick up your car?” Chris asked.

“Oh no I took a cab. We didn’t all fit.” I said.

“So where do I drop you off?” Chris asked.

“I can walk, it’s only a few blocks.” I said.

“No way am I going to make you walk. Come on.” He said opening the passenger door for me.

“You sure? I can really just walk.” I said.

“Jamie it’s late. You’re not walking home alone.” Chris said as I got in and he closed my door before he got in. “So where am I going?”

“The Tudor on Beacon Street.” I said and he was typing it into his phone and he looked at me and gave me a look that just said ‘really?’. “I told you I could walk.”

“Still not walking.” He said as he started the car. Not even five minutes and we were in front of my building.

“So this is where you live? Now I know where to look for you.”

“Top floor. In case it’s finals week and you want to make sure I’m still alive.” I said.

“I’ll remember that.” He said.

“Well thanks for dinner, it was way better than that tiny piece of fish.” I said.

“Anytime.” Chris said hugging me.

“Night.” I said.

“Night.” Chris said. He waited until I was inside before he drove off.


	7. Chapter 7

**Beginning of February 2010-**

School was back in full swing and with it all the work that came with it. Lexie and Blair left, probably not to be heard from until spring break.

It was nice, you know when I wasn’t freaking out over a deadline or running on little to no sleep.

It was Friday night and I was finishing up an essay that was due at midnight when I got a text from Chris. We hadn’t seen each other since we went out for tacos a few weeks ago but we had been texting. It wasn’t a constant back and forth. We’d answer each other a few minutes later or even hours depending on how busy we were.

_Hey are you busy?- Chris_

He had great timing.

_Just finished up my essay- Jamie_

Not even a second later my phone started ringing.

“Hey.” I said.

“Hey are you by chance home?” Chris asked.

“I am.” I said.

“Mind if I come over? I’ll bring dinner?” He offered.

“Sure. You remember where I live?” I asked.

“I do.” Chris said. “Building’s hard to miss.”

“Nineth floor apartment 9A. I’ll tell the doorman you’re coming.” I said.

“What do you normally get on your pizza?” he asked.

“Bacon mushroom or ham and pineapple.” I said.

“Pineapple?” Chris said. “You put fruit on pizza?”

“Oh you’re one of those.” I said.

“Yes I’m one of those normal people that knows fruit doesn’t go on pizza.” Chris said. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Okay.” I said hanging up. I looked around. I had all of my papers and books spread out all over the living room. Dishes were piling up in the sink because I hadn’t rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher. Then there was me. I was in grey short shorts a white cami and my red Harvard hoodie. I had no bra on under and my hair was starting to fall out of the messy buns .

We were friends but we weren’t at the point he could see me in my pjs. So I quickly ran to my room slipped on the first pair of dark faded skinny jeans. I slipped on a black lace bra not on purpose but because it was the only clean bra I had. I really needed to do a few loads of laundry. Then I grabbed a charcoal Henley to top everything.

I fixed my hair so my messy bun looked more like an actual bun. Next I quickly grabbed all of my school things put them in my backpack and then threw my backpack and laptop onto my bed. Lastly I started putting all the dishes in the dishwasher giving them a brief splash before throwing them in. Just when I slammed the washer shut there was a knock at my door.

I looked around quickly making sure everything looked okay before I opened the door.

“Hey.” He said holding a pizza in one hand and a six pack of beer in the other. He lifted one arm and gave me a side hug.

“Hey, come on in.” I said. 

“Sorry about dropping in on you, just needed to get out of the house for a while.” Chris said.

“It’s no problem. You saved me from double checking my essay for the tenth time.” I said. “I swear I rewrote the same conclusion three times.”

“Big essay?” He asked.

“Seven pages. I finished it days ago just touching it up a bit.” I said as I got us some dishes.

“I like your apartment. It’s a lot better than my first place. Cleaner too.” Chris said.

“Do you want the grand tour?” I asked.

“After we eat.” He said.

“Want to eat in the living room?” I said.

“Sure.” He said following behind me. “I got bacon mushroom because fruit doesn’t go on a pizza.”

“It tastes good. Especially when the ham is really salty.” I said handing him a plate before I turned on the TV just to have some background noise.

“So how’ve you been?” Chris asked.

“Good just busy. I got promoted in the lab. I don’t wash the glassware anymore, I prepare the solutions now.” I said.

“That’s a step up.” He said as he popped open two beers and handed me one. I wasn’t driving so I didn’t have any problems with having a beer.

“For a first year it is.” I said. “Other than that everything is still the same. What about you? Been staying busy?”

“A bit. I had a few supporting roles in some movies coming out this year so I was in New York last week for suit fittings and to film some press junkets. Pretty boring stuff.” Chris said. “I think I saw your friend… Lexie?”

“Oh… yeah. She got fired.” I said. “She got a job so she wouldn’t get cut off.”

“Why’d she get fired?” Chris asked.

“Hooked up with the talent and accidentally leaked the wrong thing to the wrong reporter.” I said. “Not sure what exactly it was but it was enough to get fired but now she has job experience so the next job should go better. Or at least last longer than a week.”

“No one ever stays at their first job.” He said. “Ma’s been asking about you.”

“Oh how is she?” I asked.

“She’s good. Said to invite you to dinner on Sunday. You’re not doing anything right?” Chris asked.

“Other than laundry? No.” I said. “What time?”

“Six thirty-ish.” Chris said.

“I’ll be there.” I said as Chris’ phone started buzzing. He didn’t even look at who it was before he rejected the call.

“Oh guess who’s finally proposing?” Chris said.

“Brian’s finally going to do it?” I asked.

“Yeah she asked for all of our blessings. He wants to do it on Valentine’s day.” He said.

“I’m sure Carly will love that.” I said.

“It’s about time.” Chris said as his phone buzzed again. “Shanna’s already started planning the wedding. She’s already looking at bridesmaids dresses.”

“It’s always good to get a head start. It took Lexie a year to plan her mom’s last two weddings.” I said.

“I never understood why though. It’s just invitations, picking out the outfits, showing up and saying I do.” Chris said.

“You’re such a guy. It’s so much more than that. First off the bride has to find the right dress and it’s not something you can get off the rack you have to shop around then you have to order it and it takes about six months for it to arrive, then there’s two or three months to get it perfectly altered. And if you gain weight or lose it that’s another alteration which takes even longer. Add to that picking out the dresses and getting all the bridesmaids fitted. You have to find a photographer, caterer and florist that can do it on the day you decide. Finding a place for the reception that you have to book a year in advance. Decide who you’re going to invite and get the RSVPs because you have limited space at the reception place and finding how you’re going to seat everyone which is even harder if your relatives don’t get along and then starting all over when something falls apart.” I said.

“So not that easy.” Chris said.

“Personally I don’t see the point of spending so much money on a party. Like yeah you should celebrate it but be practical.” I said.

“You don’t want to get married in big castle and leave in a horse drawn carriage?” He asked teasing me.

“If it’s with the right person I don’t think the place matters. And at the end of the day a piece of paper doesn’t mean anything. If someone truly loves you and wants to be with you they’ll stick around.” I said.

“That’s a good way of looking it.” Chris said deep in thought before his phone started buzzing. “Fuck.” He quickly rejected the call and shut it off.

“Everything okay?” I asked him.

“Yeah…” Chris said before he sighed. “You remember how I told you about that role I turned down?”

“The one based on a comic?” I asked and he nodded.

“They called again offered more money. Started sending gifts and I said no again. Told me to think about it and they’re still sending gifts. Everyone thinks I should say yes and I just…” he said wiping his face. Obviously frustrated.

“I’m guessing it’s a pretty big opportunity?” I asked cautiously.

“Jobs come and go.” Chris said. “But yeah, it’s probably the biggest one I’ve ever been offered.”

“Must’ve been a really good audition.” I said.

“I didn’t audition. Didn’t even read for it. They think I’d be really great for the role.” He said. Most people would be happy about that but not Chris. His knuckles were white from how hard he was gripping the beer bottle and his other hand was shaking slightly.

“They must really like your work and believe in you.” I said watching him carefully. I thought I knew what was happening but wasn’t sure.

“Yeah but I-I can’t do it. I-it’s too much.” Chris said. His hands were shaking more.

Crap.

I slowly moved my hands to put my bottle down.

“Hey.” I said gently putting my hands on his. “It’s okay.”

I carefully eased his fingers from the death grip he had on his beer bottle and put it on the table.

“I… I just….” He started.

“Sh. It’s okay.” I said giving him a small smile. “Just close your eyes for a minute.”

Chris took a shaky breath but nodded and did as I said. “Slowly breath in through your nose.”

He grabbed onto my hand. I could feel him shaking. “Hold it… and breath out. And in…and out.”

I kept guiding him through his breathing until I could feel his hand stopped shaking. Chris opened his eyes.

“Better?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He said still a bit shaky but let go of my hand. “Thanks.”

“Does that happen a lot?” I asked.

“Lately.” He said. “I uh… I have some anxiety issues. Normally it’s not too bad but with everything going on with Marvel.”

“Marvel?” I asked.

“They’re the ones that want me to do the movies.” Chris said cautiously.

“And what’s stopping you?” I asked.

“I did the whole superhero movie thing already and it didn’t work out so great.” He said.

“Well there were a lot of issues last time.” I said remembering the movie.

“And even more offscreen. I started getting more attention. Was constantly getting followed around by the press. Every girl I even talked to, I was supposedly dating. They started bothering my Ma and everyone around me and Anxiety got worse. And I wasn’t my best. I mean…” He said.

“Chris.” I said putting a hand on his shoulder. “Breathe. It was the biggest role you had gotten to date. You were young and didn’t have the experience you have now and honestly I don’t think anyone was at their best in that movie. Things are different now.”

“I don’t care about the money.” He said.

“That’s not what I meant.” I said kind of wanting to smile at that comment. He was probably the only friend I had that thought that. “Hindsight is 20/20. You’ve been through this before you know what went wrong the last time.”

“Everything.” He said.

“So you know what to look out for.” I said.

“There’s the press…” Chris said.

“I don’t think that’s going away anytime soon.” I answered.

“And me. I’m a mess.” Chris said. “Just saying no has me like this.”

“Anxiety’s tough and it never really goes away.” I said and he just give me a look.

“You too?” He asked cautiously.

“Anxiety and other things.” I said. “Years of therapy to deal with it and I still have my bad days.”

“So you get why I can’t do this?” Chris said.

“I get why you’re afraid of wanting to say yes.” I said and he just looked at me confused. “You’re an actor and a pretty damn good one. I’m not just saying that because we’re friends. A studio is working really hard to get you because they want you. They won’t even consider anyone else. Isn’t that what 18 year old you would dream about when they were spraying you with whipped cream?”

“Yeah.” He said laughing.

“If your mind was really made up about not taking the role you wouldn’t be having such a hard time with this. That’s how I know you want to say yes.” I said.

“So you think I should do it?” Chris said.

“That’s not my decision.” I said. “You’re the one that’s going to be in front of the camera. It has to be your choice.”

“You know being around me means you’d eventually end up in front of them too?” Chris said.

“I knew that from the beginning. Still not going anywhere and still up to you” I said. “I support you no matter what you decide and you know your family will too.”

“I still don’t know….” He said frustrated.

“Okay. Then let’s break this down.” I said getting up and going to get a notepad from my backpack. “I do this with every major decision. Pro and Con list.”

“We’re really doing this?” Chris asked.

“Do you have to go?” I asked.

“No.” he said. “Alright con, more media attention.”

“Pro, I’m guessing it’s a big pay day.” I said.

“I don’t care about the money.” Chris said.

“I get that but more money now means you have a pretty nice nest egg in the future if you manage your money right and you can be pickier with the jobs you do take. You can take longer breaks if you want or maybe even make your own movies...” I said. “And I don’t mean porn.”

“Porn?” He said smiling as he chuckled.

“Just throwing that out there and I got you to smile.” I said.

“Con, it’s a ten year contract.” Chris said.

“Ten years?” I said. “Damn.”

“Uh, Pro more recognition, you get offered more roles.” I said.

“Con I’ll have to wear a costume.” He said.

“Maybe you can work in a clause in your contract where you don’t wear another unitard.” I suggested.

“Doesn’t really work that way.” Chris said. “It’s probably going to be really bad with all those stars and stripes.”

“Stars and stripes? What’s the role exactly?” I said confused.

“It’s a Marvel Movie. It’s supposed to tie in with the iron man movies. They offered me Captain America.” Chris said.

“Captain America?!” I said in disbelief. “Like Steve Rogers, Captain America?”

“Yeah, you know it?” He asked.

“Uh Yeah. Out of all of Marvel’s characters, he has arguably the best character development and storylines. I mean Civil War was a game changer.” I said.

“You read comics?” Chris asked surprised.

“Had a lot of free time in boarding school in between studying and getting drunk.” I said getting up and going to the hallway closet and pulling out a box with my comics before I brought them over. “We used to play poker with these.”

“Guessing you’re good at Poker?” Chris said looking at the box filled with Batman, Justice league, Avengers… basically all the major superheroes.”

“I’m okay, I let a first edition Spiderman get away.” I said as we looked through the box. “Here we are… Civil War. Six parts. Pretty sure it’s an allegory for the two party system. Wrote a whole essay on it. Though what I really liked about Captain America is the historical context of his origin story.”

“Which is?” Chris asked.

“World War II.” I said. “Skinny kid volunteered for an experiment to make him a super soldier. Some things happen he ends up getting frozen and waking up in the future to be a part of the Avengers, which is basically Marvel’s version of the Justice League.”

“He goes through a lot then.” He said.

“I don’t think there’d be much of a story if he didn’t.” I said.

“Guessing that’s why it’s a ten year contract.” Chris said sighing.

“Guaranteed work for ten years.” I said.

“Including press tours and being away for most of the year.” He said.

“Seems like the press is the main thing that’s bothering you.” I said.

“It’s the worst part of the job.” He said. “And then if the movie flops…”

“That’s a risk for every movie.” I said. “You can’t control what people think and you can’t let that control your life. What should really matter is if you’re happy with the job you’ve done. Maybe you should talk directly to the people in charge, get a better idea of what exactly you’d be getting into if you said yes.”

“Matt did offer to set up a meeting…” he said.

“You don’t lose anything by hearing them out.” I said putting the notepad down.

“Yeah… and I guess I should thank them for the Superbowl tickets.” He said.

“Haven’t those been sold out for months?” I asked.

“Yeah… they have a box.” He said.

“They want you bad.” I said.

“Looks that way.” Chris said. “Sorry, I unloaded on you.”

“Hey that’s what friends are for.” I said.

“You know I’m here if you want to talk too right?” Chris said.

“I know.” I said. “But for now… are you up for some Mariokart?”

“I knew I saw a Wii.” Chris said.

“I have the steering wheel controls.” I said.

“Awesome.” He said.

We spent the rest of the night just talking every possible random things and playing video games. We didn’t even realize we had stayed up all night until the sun started coming out.

“Is it just me or did it suddenly get really bright in here?” Chris asked.

“Uh… that’s probably because the suns out.” I said looking out the window.

“What?” Chris said looking at the window before checking his phone. “We stayed up all night.”

“Whoa…” I said.

“Don’t remember the last time I pulled an all nightery.” Chris said.

“First time I pull an all nightery that didn’t end with me getting drunk or an exam.” I said.

Chris let out a loud yawn.

“I should probably head out. Have to let East out and call Matt to set up a meeting.” He said.

“And I’m probably just going to crash.” I said.

“You should. You’ve been working way too hard. Taking a break is important too.” Chris said as we got up and walked to the door.

“And you stop overthinking it. Do what feels right.” I said.

“See you… tomorrow?” Chris said.

“Yeah and this time I’m helping with the clean up.” I said.

“We’ll see.” He said hugging me before he was off. I closed the door and suddenly started feeling tired to I went to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record: you'll all notice I always use the names of characters from TV shows, this isn't meant to be a cross over or anything I'm just really bad at coming up with names for characters and imagining character's likeness so I just used names for TV shows I watch. 
> 
> Anyway enjoy the chapter.

Sunday Dinner was nice. It was kind of like Thanksgiving except a lot more casual. By the time it was over, after I insisted on helping clean up by not taking no for an answer, I was kind of unofficially adopted by everyone.

It took some getting used to. Having more than just Lexie and Blair checking in on me. Having Scott come over randomly just to check I’m still alive when I was cramming for an exam. Having Shanna and Carly include me in their plans. Having Lisa constantly be a loving and supportive mother figure.

That last one took some getting used to. It was a time of change and not just for me.

About a week after our all night talk and video game marathon Chris flew out to LA and had a meeting with some executives from Marvel. That and a phone call from Iron Man himself finally got him to say yes. He was back to working full time flying all over the place or working out to get in shape before filming started so I didn’t see much of him.

We did text constantly so when Carter happened Chris was the first person I told. Well more like complained to.

Carter ran in the same circles as Blair did. He was from New York, born and raised there and he came from old money. He had taken a gap year or two in an act of rebellion before he caved to his parents’ wishes to keep his trust fund.

Hence how he ended up in a Freshman Political Science class even though he was two years older than me.

It all started one morning. After a really busy week and running on tons of coffee and almost no sleep I finally crashed. I crashed so hard I slept through my alarm and was running late for class the following morning.

I rushed to get ready and ran out the door running a red light on my way to campus. The worst part of being late is that finding parking a lot harder. I drove around the parking lot for almost twenty minutes before I found a spot and just as I was about to move into the spot some asshole in a motorcycle speeds in and takes my spot.

“What the fuck?!” I shouted and I honked my horn.

“Too slow.” He said sliding up the visor of his helmet just enough to see his smug smirk.

“Asshole.” I said before he started laughing just loud enough for me to hear as I drove off. In hindsight that should have been a red flag.

Lucky for me someone was pulling out of a spot down the line from what should have been my spot. I quickly ran into the building bumping into another guy making him drop his things.

“Hey!” He shouted as I ran past him.

“Sorry… super late!” I said as I kept running not noticing he was also running in the same direction I was. I walked into the classroom making a lot more noise than I should have. That door was really squeaky. Then all the aisle seats were taken so I had to walk all the way to the front to take one of the only two open seats just as Professor Johnson was in the middle of his lecture.

“Good of you to join us Miss Becker and Mister Baizen I presume? Good of you to finally find your way to our classroom for the first time this semester.” He said calling us both out in front of the class.

“Sorry Professor, couldn’t find parking.” I said.

“Traffic.” Carter said.

“Well seeing as you’re both late and missed the part of class where everyone picked their debate partners for the rest of the semester you’ll be working together. Take your seats.” Professor Johnson said before he continued his lecture on debate protocol and decorum.

Once class was over…

“So partner…” he started. “You have time to talk about healthcare?”

“I actually have a meeting across campus and I need to move my car.” I said getting up but he followed after me.

“Having a rough morning?” Carter said.

“That’s one word for it.” I said. “Some asshole in a motorcycle took my spot making me extra late for class.”

“Well maybe if you weren’t so busy doing the walk of shame you would have seen him coming.” Carter said.

“Excuse me?” I said.

“What? You think no one noticed. The wrinkled tee, the sex hair…” he started.

“This isn’t a walk of shame, this is what only sleeping three hours in the last four days because you’ve been spending every waking moment in the library cramming for a chemistry midterm and finally crashing looks like but I doubt you know what that’s like. Actually I doubt you even know what the inside of the library looks like.” I said.

“I’m guessing it’s a building with a bunch of books in it like every other library in the world.” He said with a smirk and I just glared at him. “Okay I’m sorry. I was an asshole let’s start over. I’m Carter.”

“And I’m leaving.” I said as I kept walking.

“Oh come on. Look we’re stuck together and the debates count for half of our grade.” He said and that made me stop. He was an asshole but I currently had a 4.0 GPA and didn’t want to ruin it because of him.

“We’ll email our arguments to each other and meet up once a week to practice, time and day I’ll get back to you on. Just do your part and we won’t have any problems. Okay? Great.” I said.

“I don’t have your email? Or phone.” He said.

“Look it up on the class directory.” I said.

“Sorry about the parking.” He called out.

“Sorry I bumped into you.” I said without turning around.

I went through the rest of my day and when I got home after taking a short break I checked my email to see an email from Carter waiting for me.

_Hey just finished reading our assignment wanted to know if you were going to be doing pro or con and also think we might need to work on this more than once a week. Johnson uploaded a video on what he was expecting and one day isn’t going to be enough._

I looked through our class website and saw what he was talking about. Johnson wanted a full on political debate on the level of a presidential election.

I looked at my schedule. Goodbye powernaps and lunchbreaks. Maybe even weekends.

_Yeah it’s a lot more than I was expecting. I can move some stuff around free up an hour if we work through lunch on Wednesday and Friday and I can do weekends._

He quickly agreed and offered to meet me at the coffee shop on campus. The library would have been better. It’s easier to stay focused on your work when there aren’t people around all the time or when your partner keeps going off topic.

“Let’s talk government spending…” I started.

“Let’s take a break.” Carter said.

“We don’t have time.” I said.

“Sure we do. We’re already ahead of most of the class.” He said.

“You might have time but I don’t.” I said.

“We’re first years. All we have is class and I know you don’t have work study so you don’t have work.” Carter said.

“But I have other things.” I said.

“Like?” he asked. I considered telling him to mind his own business but seeing is believing so I opened up the calendar on my Mac book and showed him my schedule. “These are all my classes, these are volunteer hours. The red squares are the hours I put aside to work on our debate arguments, purple are my volunteer hours. Grey is the time I get to run errands, do laundry, cook etc, my lab hours, lab meetings.”

“You even schedule your bathroom breaks?” He said. “That’s insane.”

“I have a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it.” I said.

“No it’s insane that you even try to do all of that.” Carter said. “When was the last time you had any fun?”

“Last Sunday, played call of duty for half an hour online. Good stress relief too.” I said.

“Yeah I don’t think half an hour is enough for all of that.” Carter said. “You need to have fun. These are supposed to be the best years of your life.”

“I have enough fun.” I said.

“I’m serious.” Carter said closing his laptop. “Come on.”

“Come on where?” I said. “We have work to do.”

“It can wait.” He said.

“It can’t. I have things to do. I have class in half an hour.” I said.

“Skip it.” He said.

“I’m not skipping class.” I said.

“Jamie… you have to work with me here.” Carter said. “Live a little. You won’t regret it.”

“I’m working.” I said.

“Fine then go out with me on Friday.” He said.

“What?” I said.

“Go out with me. On a date. Friday.” He said.

“No.” I said.

“Why not?” Carter said.

“Because I’m busy.” I said pointing to my schedule.

“I’m sure you can take a day off from the retirement home. I seriously doubt they’re going anywhere.” He said.

“Still no.” I said.

“Okay how about this. Go out with me on Friday and I’ll pay for all of your espresso shots for the rest of the semester.” Carter said.

“I can pay for my own coffee.” I said.

“I’ll stop goofing off and work the entire time you schedule for us.” He said.

“No tangents, no going off topics, only work.” I said. “Until the end of the semester.”

“Deal.” He said shaking my hand.

“Starting now.” I said.

“Actually I have to go plan our date.” He said.

“No you don’t.” I said. “Budget. That’s going to be your strong point in the con.”

“I’m going to rebut using how lack of healthcare actually reduces out workforce and inadvertently lowers our annual GDP and increases national debt in a negative feedback loop.” I said.

“You’re really hot when you make strong arguments.” Carter said.

“I already said I’d go out with you. Less flirting more working.” I said.

**Hours later…**

It was Thursday night and with Chris and now Scott away it had sort of become our unofficial skype night while we played call of duty.

It also happened that Carter was trying to be cute by taunting me on things he was planning for our date. Things like a horse drawn carriage. Picnic under the stars. Very over the top things.

My phone kept dinging making it very hard to focus.

“Can one of you throw a grenade?” Chris said. “I’m surrounded.”  
  


“Give me a sec.” I said sending an annoyed emoji.

“What’s up with your phone?” Scott said.

“Nothing this guy keeps texting me.” I said as I started firing at those annoying 8 year old’s who’s parents didn’t really pay attention to ratings and were cursing up a storm in my Bluetooth earpiece.

“Carter again?” Scott said.

“Who’s Carter?” Chris said.

“Jamie’s crush.” Scott said.

“I don’t have a crush on him!” I said.

“You so do.” Scott said. “She can’t shut up about him.”

“Because he’s fucking annoying.” I said. “This is why I’m never late for class.”

“What’s so bad about this guy?” Chris asked.

“He’s my debate partner for my poli sci class. So I crashed after my midterm and over slept and this asshole cuts me off and takes my parking spot.” I said.

“What an asshole.” Chris said.

“We walk into class and we get assigned so I have a tight schedule and I have to make time to meet with him not only on during my lunch but on Saturday mornings when I like to sleep in and instead of focusing on work he keeps going off on tangents. Or calling breaks and we hardly get anything done which annoys the shit out of me.” I ranted pressing buttons on my control extra hard.

“Uh Jamie…” Scott said.

“So a few days ago were trying to work and he calls a break and I’m like no bro I’ve got shit to do. And he’s all you need to have fun half an hour of call of duty a week isn’t enough fun.” I continued.

“Jamie…” Chris said.

“I still say no so he asks me out and I said yes to get him to shut up and do his work and now he’s taunting me with over the top plans for our date just to mess with me.” I said.

“You have a date?” Scott said.

“Yeah.” I said. “Tomorrow night.”

“With a guy that drives a motorcycle?” Chris said.

“He better not pick me up in that death trap.” I said. “I have way too much to live for, or at least I will once I figure out what I’m doing with my life.”

“He might be onto something when he says you need more than half an hour of fun a week.” Scott said. “Is he at least hot?”

“He’s not bad but that’s not the point.” I said.

“He’s totally hot.” Scott said.

“Maybe it is time you get out there.” Chris said. “You know unwind a bit.”

“And you like him.” Scott teased.

“Do not.” I said.

“Then why’d you say yes?” Chris said.

“To get him to do his work.” I said.

“Yeah you’re totally into him.” Chris said.

“Guys. I am not into him. I’m just humoring the guy, saving my GPA and getting a free dinner out of it.” I said. “Boys come and go, GPA is forever.”

“Well not after you graduate.” Scott said. “So he’s hot?”

“Did you say he drives a motorcycle?” Chris asked.

“Yeah.” I said.

“Can I see pictures?” Scott said.

“Hold on I have him on Facebook.” I said going through my phone.

“So motorcycle. Jamie guys at your age aren’t always nice…” Chris said.

“Dude are you trying to pull a Dad?” Scott said.

“No I’m just saying. Guys at that age don’t always understand that no is no and…” Chris said.

“Is he really…” I asked Scott as his phone dinged.

“Oh fuck he’s hot. You could cut diamonds with that jawline. Way to go Jamie.” Scott said and Chris leaned over to get a look.

“He’s 20?!” Chris said. “Jamie you shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything. No means no. If he oversteps…”

“It’s the first and only date we’re not going to do anything.” I said. “My virginity will stay intact.”

That made Scott and Chris spit out their beers.

“You’re a virgin?” Scott said.

“Virginity is a social construct.” I said.

“You’ve never had sex?” Chris said.

“I’ve been busy.” I said. “And it’s really not that big a deal.”

“Not that big a deal, you’re about to go on a date with a guy that wore you down into saying yes to a date and drives a motorcycle.” Chris said.

“Your Boston is starting to come out.” I said noticing his accent getting stronger.

“Don’t listen to him Jamie. When Chris lost his virginity he ran home to tell mom.” Scott said.

“You didn’t…” I said trying not to laugh.

“It was a big moment.” He said.

“Literally blurted it out in the middle of dinner.” Scott said. “It was hilarious.”

“Dude. There are some things you shouldn’t tell your mom.” I said.

“Maybe but... just be careful I don’t want you to get hurt.” Chris said.

“I’ll be fine.” I said. “It’ll probably just be dinner and a movie.”

“Well let me tell you about movie theaters… my first time...” Scott said.

“No.” Chris said.

“Please don’t.” I said.

“What’s a virginity?” one of the kids on the opposing team said reminding us we were playing online with eight year olds.

“It’s when you… get stung by a bee?” I said and Scott snorted.

“Oh I lost my virginity.” One kid said

“I told my mommy too.” Another added.

“That’s great kids… uh shouldn’t you be going to bed? You probably have school tomorrow.” Chris said.

“Yes Captain America.” They said before logging out.

“You really need a new screen name.” Scott said as we started laughing, Chris did his signature belly laugh while clutching his chest. When he finally calmed down…

“Jamie…” Chris started.

“Nothing is going to happen and If I need an out I’ll shoot Lexie a text so she can fake an emergency and get me out of it.” I said. “We’ve done it before.”

“Okay.” He said. “I’m just looking out for you.”

“I know and thank you but I got this. It’s just one date and that’ll be it.” I said.

It wasn’t, I ended up dating that idiot for six months.

**May 2010-**

Carter was my complete opposite. He was very relaxed. He didn’t really take anything seriously and lived in the moment and was stupidly reckless. He challenged me to take things slower. Though he did keep his end of the deal and actually did his work. He was smart and hot.

He looked amazing in a leather jacket and skinny jeans. Fuck he was really hot.

“And… done.” I said finishing up the last part of our writing assignment for review.

“Good.” He said. “Let’s go grab dinner.”

“We should just order pizza, we still have an exam to study for.” I said.

“And you need to eat and a nap for at least a few hours.” Carter said just as my phone started ringing. “Is that the national anthem?”

“That’d be Chris.” I said answering my phone. “Hey you.”

“Hey, you’re still home right?” Chris said.

“I am.” I said as there was a knock at the door. “Hold on a sec…”

I walked over and opened the door.

“Hi I have one deep dish Hawaiian pizza heavy on the pineapple for a Jamie Becker?” The delivery guy said.

“Uh I didn’t order…” I said.

“I did.” Chris said on the phone.

“What?” I asked.

“Ma mentioned how stressed you were about finals so I ordered you food because I’m sure you haven’t eaten.” He said.

“Aw you shouldn’t have.” I said.

“Well I’ll let you get to it. I’ll check in on you tomorrow.” Chris said.

“Thanks.” I said before hanging up and taking the pizza.

“Chris ordered you pizza?” Carter asked.

“Yeah.” I said.

“When am I going to meet him?” He said. “I feel like I know him with how much you talk about him.”

“Whenever he’s in town, which might be a while.” I said. “He just got a big job and he’s leaving to London for a few months.”

“You actually put pineapple on your pizza? I thought you were kidding.” He said.

“Don’t knock it until you try it.” I said taking a bite of my slice.

They never got a chance to meet.

Finals came and went and I still had a 4.0. I survived my first year and I had a boyfriend I really liked maybe even loved. Of course with the start of summer my schedule freed up. Lexie had gotten a job working for a fashion magazine in London and Blair had made it her life’s purpose to take over the New York social scene by joining a charity organization and setting up events.

That left me free to volunteer at the retirement home and even at the local hospital. Carter on the other hand had to go back to New York. His Dad had gotten him an internship at his office, something about wanting him to start learning the ropes. So we only saw each other on weekends.

Sunday dinners had become an every week thing since I had gotten ‘adopted’. I hadn’t missed a single one.

It was during one of these weeks that my wisdom teeth started bugging me bad.

“Mhm.” I groaned as I bit into a piece of chicken.

“Your wisdom tooth again?” Carly asked.

“Yeah.” I said.

“I thought you were going to go see your dentist.” Scott asked.

“I did. But he didn’t have an opening until next week. My bottom right one has a cavity and my upper left one is impacted so I’m just going to get all four done in one go. But he’s booked.” I said groaning.

“Yeah I don’t think that’s getting any better.” Shanna said.

“Maybe you should try another dentist sweetie.” Lisa said.

“Do you guys know a good one that can squeeze me in ASAP?” I asked.

“We might know one.” Carly said with a smile as Shanna snorted.

“I’ll take you tomorrow.” Scott said.

The pain did get worse. Good thing dentists tended to be really loose with pain killers. I was going to need a lot of them.

We walked into the office and I guess Scott and everyone had been coming here for a while because Scott seemed to really know the receptionist. I quickly filled out all the necessary forms and waited to be called up.

“James Becker?” The dental assistant called out.

“See you on the other side.” I told Scott.

“I’ll be here.” Scott said.

The took me in and took me to get some x-rays before going to the procedure room. I was in the chair was a bib on waiting for the doctor.

“Miss Becker?” The doctor said.

“Hi.” I said.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Evans. It’s good to finally meet you.” Doctor Evans said shaking my hand.

“Evans… oh that explains a lot.” I said before I groaned.

  
“Wisdom teeth are bothering you. I’ve looked at your x-rays and it seems that you have not one but two impacted wisdom teeth. One on your bottom right and the other on the top left. Normally I’d recommend taking two out at a time so you can sleep comfortably on your side but since they’re on opposite sides, I’m going to leave it up to you. Do you want all four out in one go or just the ones that are bothering you?” he said.

“I think I’ll just save myself a trip and get them all done at once. If you have time.” I said.

“Of course I do. I’m assuming Scott’s going to be driving you home?” Doctor Evans asked.

“Yeah, I already gave him my keys.” I said.

“Alrighty then. Let’s get you numbed up and get those suckers out.” He said putting the gas mask on me. I took a few deep breaths and it didn’t knock me out more like loopy. It didn’t really take long to get them all out. Or at least it didn’t feel like it took long.

I felt like I closed my eyes for a blink and when I opened them Scott was helping me up and guiding me out of the office and into the car.

“Feeling better?” He asked.

“Whee…” I said as he made a turn a little sharper than expected. “Your dad’s nice.”

“He gave you the good stuff.” Scott said smiling. “We’re going to make a quick stop. At the pharmacy to get you some ice cream and your pain meds then we’ll go home.”

“Okie dokie… I feel like I’m floating.” I said smiling.

“Man can’t believe Chris is missing this.” Scott said.

Everything was a blur after that. We stopped for a bit or I fell asleep before waking up again.

“That’s not my building?” I said as we parked in front of The Evans’ house.

“Yeah, no way I’m leaving you alone like this.” He said opening my door and guiding me inside. “We’re having a sleepover.”

“We’re home.” Scott called out.

“In the kitchen.” Lisa said.

“Okay, Jamie. One foot in front of the other.” Scott said keeping an arm around me to keep me steady.

“How’d it go?” Carly asked.

“You guys sure took a while.” Shanna said.

“Jamie opted to get all four out.” Scott said sitting me down.

“Feeling okay sweetie?” Lisa asked.

“Yeah.” I said with a smile.

“Guessing Dad gave her the good stuff?” A familiar voice said. I turned and saw a fuzzy reddish triangle standing by the doorway.

“Scotty why does that talking Dorito sound like Chris?” I said.

Everyone started laughing really hard.

“That is never going away. My brother the Dorito.” Scott said.

“We’re keeping her.” Shanna said.

“So glad I’m recording this.” Carly said.

“That’s what you reminded me of.” Lisa said.

“Epic burn.” Scott said.

“Yeah laugh it up.” Chris said coming closer. “Jamie you okay? You want to eat something while you’re still numb?”

“I made Spaghetti?” Lisa offered.

“Pascetti?” I said.

“It might help you feel less drowsy, then you can take a nap?” Lisa said.

“Okie Dokie. You’re like the best mom ever.” I said.

“Aww. Thank you sweetie.” She said. “Your dad gave her the really good stuff.”

I ate what tasted like the best Spaghetti ever. I didn’t even know spaghetti could taste that good before I kind of when into a drug/food induced coma.

I don’t really know how I went from the kitchen to a bed but I did. I woke up later in the day, the sun was starting to go down. The walls were painted blue and the bed covers had a blue and green tartan flannel print. The floors were hard wood and the dresser and bed frame were a dark wood that matched. On the walls were posters of cars, video games and girls in bikinis. This was Chris’ room and he had a type.

I sat up and groaned feeling a dull throbbing pain. Yeah painkillers had definitely worn off. Slowly I slipped on my shoes and made my way downstairs.

“Hey look who’s finally up.” Shanna said.

“How long was I out?” I asked.

“Most of the day. Those painkillers hit you really hard.” Chris said.

“Chris when did you get here? I thought you were in LA.” I said.

“Oh you don’t remember?” Scott said. “Dorito was here when we got back.”

“Dorito?” I said before I remembered. “Oh Dorito. Looking good buddy.”

“Thanks.” Chris said with a chuckle.

“Sit down sweetie. I made some you some chicken noodle soup.” Lisa said.

“You didn’t have to do that.” I said.

“It’s no trouble. I have to take care of my kids.” She said. I smiled and sat down.

“So how’s Carter?” Chris asked.

“He’s good. In New York interning at his Dad’s office.” I said.

“Guess I’m not going to get to meet him before I head to London.” Chris said.

“Scott met him.” I said.

“He’s hotter in person.” Scott said.

“I haven’t even seen a photo.” Shanna said and Scott quickly found him on Facebook. “Wow he is hot. Does he have an older brother that looks just like him?”

“Only older sisters.” I said.

“Aww.” Shanna answered.

“Not really important but okay.” Chris said.

“What were you going to give him the shovel talk?” I said teasing him.

“Maybe.” Chris muttered.

“Seriously?” I said.

“What I just want to make sure he’s not bad news.” Chris said.

“He’s a good guy once you get to know him.” I said.

“And he’s crazy about Jamie.” Scott added. “He even gets her to take breaks.”

“Wow like real breaks. With no books?” Chris said.

“Yeah.” I said. “I have to take things slow and enjoy the little things every once in a while.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Jamie?” Chris said.

“You always tell me I need to relax and I finally am. I even sleep eight hours a night now.” I said feeling a twinge of pain as I took my first sip of soup.

“Do you need a pain pill?” Lisa asked.

“I’m okay. It’s not too bad, I might just wait until I get home and knock out.” I said.

“Oh nonsense, you can stay here until the worst of it passes.” Lisa said.

“It’s really not that bad and I don’t want to put you out.” I said.

“She’s not taking no for an answer.” Shanna said. “You can borrow some of my clothes or I can go grab some for you if you want.”

“I’ll sleep on the couch.” Chris said.

“I can take the couch.” I said.

“Jamie, you had all four of your wisdom teeth taken out. You’re going to want to be comfortable once the pain really starts hitting you.” He said.

“It doesn’t feel too bad right now.” I said.

“But it will.” Scott said.

After dinner the pain still hadn’t really hit me and I needed to stretch my legs so I went with Chris to walk East.

“So I get the feeling you wanted to say something back there… or maybe I’m still a bit out of it.” I said.

“I don’t think any amount of pain killers can change how easy it is for you to read me.” Chris said.

“And you’re stalling.” I said.

“I’m seeing Minka again or we’re spending time together again.” He said. “Scott knows. Haven’t told my mom yet.”

“Okay. I feel a but coming…” I said.

“Have you… How did you tell Carter about us?” Chris said.

“Uh… I haven’t.” I said and Chris’ face fell. “I’ve told him about you and that you’re one of my best friends. I mean I talk to you more than I talk to Lexie and Blair most of the time but the soulmate thing just never really came up. And with how busy I was with school I just kind of forgot. He’s seen my mark but I don’t think he’s really put two and two together.”

“Is that really why you haven’t told him?” Chris asked.

“I don’t have a reason not to tell him. We’re not romantically involved but what we have I wouldn’t trade for the world.” I said. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked really deep in thought.

“I asked Minka what would happen if one of us met our soulmate and she said that things would be over because there wouldn’t be a point to even try dating anymore.” He said. “And it just threw me.”

“Because you’re afraid of losing her?” I asked.

“No just what it would mean in the future.” He said. “We’ve been on and off and as much as I want to think it’ll be different this time I know it won’t. Our schedules have always been an issue and it’s going to be even worse now.”

“Then why do you keep trying?” I asked. “It’s something I’ve never really understood. What’s the point of an on again off again relationship? There’s a reason it didn’t work out the first time and if that doesn’t change sooner or later no matter how many time you try it still won’t work out.”

“Can’t speak for everyone but for me… I get lonely.” Chris said. “Which is kind of ironic considering I’m almost never alone.”

“You can be surrounded constantly and still feel alone.” I told him. “The right person won’t care if their name is on you or not. They’ll care about you. If they can’t see that then they’re not worth your time. At least that’s how I see it.”

“You think Carter’s that guy for you?” Chris asked.  
  


“Maybe. I like him a lot. It’s been a while since I’ve had feelings for anyone. And honestly I’m really horny.” I said and Chris started laughing hard.

“I didn’t think you’d say that.” He said.

“I know what you’re going to say… guys at that age are…” I started.

“They are but you’re a lot smarter than I was at your age and if you feel ready to take that step with him. It’s your choice.” Chris said. “Though if he’s a douche to you I will fly back and punch him.”

“I can punch him myself, but the thought is appreciated.” I said.

I didn’t end up punching him but boy did I wish I had.

**August-September 2010-**

So after an entire summer of feeling ready to do the deed but not being able to actually go through with it because we weren’t in the same city or kept getting interrupted by work or something else I practically jumped my boyfriend.

He said hi and I climbed him like a spider monkey.

We had messed around and done other things. The lead up and the anticipation was great.

He was so hot and attentive and sweet. He made sure I was okay the entire time.

“You ready?” he said.

“Yeah.” I said as we laid in bed. He laid in between my legs and kissed me as he slowly eased in. “Ah…”

“Breathe.” He said. “It’s okay.”

“I’m okay.” I said.

“Just gonna...” Carter said taking a carful thrust and one more before… “Ah!”

“Carter?” I asked confused as he panted a bit before pulling out and rolling over.

“That was amazing.” he said.

‘That’s it?’ I thought to myself. Well I thought I had thought that to myself.

He was a great guy up to that point but he was a guy and he had pride. So what was supposed to be a huge relationship and personal milestone ended in a fight.

“What did you say?” carter said.

“Uh… nothing?” I said.

“No you said that’s it.” He said.

“Yeah babe I was expecting… more.” I said.

“That was amazing.” he said.

“Depends on your definition of amazing.” I said.

And then things escalated. There was yelling and I kicked him out after he said I was the problem because he never had any problems with anyone else he had slept with.

Not how I saw things going.

I didn’t tell anyone. I guess I was still processing. I decided to go see Carter in New York a few days later to try and work things out. I hate New York with a passion. It was far too close to Banshee for me to be comfortable. Felt like she was going to pop up behind me at any second. That would have been better.

I knocked at Carter’s door and he opened the door with nothing but a towel around him.

“Jamie!” he said looking like a deer in the headlights.

“Surprise!” I said going to hug him. “I’m sorry I know I tend to open my mouth without thinking and I should have handled things differently and…  
  


“Carter is that our food…” A girl wearing nothing but his shirt said. “Oh.”

“You fucking asshole.” I said storming out.

“Jamie wait!” Carter said coming after me.

“Fuck you!” I said

“Wait!” Carter said running and grabbing my arm. That is the stupidest thing a guy can ever do to a girl. Especially when they’re pissed off. “I did it for us.”

“You fucked another girl for us?!” I said. “You’re an idiot.”

“I wanted to make sure I wasn’t the problem.” He said and I snapped. I kneed him in the groin hard and he collapsed. It probably didn’t help that he only had a towel on.

“Ah!!!” He cried out as he collapsed.

I did say I didn’t punch him and it wasn’t like he knew how to use it anyway.

“I’m throwing your shit in the garbage so don’t bother coming back for it.” I said leaving him on the floor as I walked away.

I never saw Carter after that. I later found out that he had flunked out of Harvard after his first year. Even the A we got on our project wasn’t enough to save him.

**One Week Later…**

Chris’ filming schedule had made it really hard to talk. We’d text all the time but nothing matched a face to face talk over Skype.

“Jamie!” Chris cheered. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever. Did you get a haircut?”

“I had sex last week!” I blurted out. Yeah, not really what I thought the first thing I’d say to Chris when I finally got to talk to him again.

“What?!” Chris said.

“I had sex. For the first time. Last week.” I said. “Sorry. It just came out.”

“Yeah.” He said laughing finally realizing that was probably what he looked and sounded like when he told his mom. “uh… How was it? I mean can I ask that?”

“It sucked.” I said.

“Well the first time…” Chris started.

“No I mean it was like in, one, two, done.” I said. “And I said that’s it?”

“You told Carter that?” he said. “Like you actually said that?”

“It kind of slipped out.” I said. “I thought I thought it but I said it out loud and it turned into a whole thing. Then he was like I’m not the problem every other girl I slept with said I was great…”  
  


“Oh…” Chris said.

“I kicked his ass out.” I said. “Then a few days later I went to see him in New York to apologize and maybe try again. Found him with another girl and the asshole has the nerve to say he did it for us because he wanted to make sure he wasn’t the problem.”

“Fucking douche.” Chris said.

“Yeah. So I kneed him in balls, left him on the ground and went home.” I said. “And here we are.”

“I’m sorry. I know you really liked him.” He said.

“There’s no point crying over split milk.” I said. “But that’s enough about me. How’s everything with you?”

“Well…” Chris started as he told me stories from the set. Mostly a few wardrobe malfunctions and accidents during stunt training.

After a breakup like that most people would be devastated. Hell, Lexie and I had to pick Blair back up after more than one of these but not me. I moved on. I worked, I helped Carly and Shanna plan the wedding. I focused on school and on me.

Before I knew it, It was November again.


	9. Chapter 9

**November 2010-**

If one year ago you would have told me that I’d go from partying every damn weekend away with my two best friends and studying and going to class in the middle of the week to meeting my soulmate a pretty famous actor, a superhero on screen and honesty off screen too and now one of my best friends, getting ‘adopted’ by his family which in a way replaced my best friends and parents (though they were never really there in the first place), and dating, losing my virginity and then breaking up with a guy I had some pretty deep feelings for I would have said you were insane.

Yet somehow all of that actually happened in one year.

Lexie had gone back to Brown as promised. She still had no idea what she was going to do but she realized that as bad as school was… the real world was worse, and she wanted to put that off for as long as possible.

Blair was still scheming to take over the world one social event and student body election at a time.

And I had apparently inherited my parents’ workaholic tendencies. So when my Birthday came around I almost forgot it was my birthday.

On November 6th, a Saturday I woke up to someone knocking on my door. It was my first day off in weeks. I kept it free so I could sleep in so I was totally planning on murdering whoever was knocking on my door.

I walked over and opened the door.

“Morning Miss Becker, these arrived for you.” Arthur, the building manager and doorman said before handing me a huge flower arrangement with orange roses, yellow lilies, a sunflower and small red-orange daisies.

“Oh, thanks Arthur.” I said before closing the door and walking back inside. Who could have sent me flowers? I mean I loved them and they were gorgeous but I had never gotten any.

Blair and Lexie sent gifts but they’re were mostly expensive handbags, banshee sent me clothes as well as scathing compliments via text, Satan if he remembered I existed didn’t celebrate holidays or me, in his eyes he paid me enough each month, he gave me a black card with no limit he paid for. The rare times he did call would be to trade in my car for a new one because he needed a tax break. No one I knew saw the point of flowers considering they didn’t last long and would ruin the aesthetic of any contemporary chic décor.

I looked through the bouquet and saw a card.

_Happy Friendiversary Jamie, sorry I couldn’t be there in person. You’re an amazing friend and am so happy you’re in my life._

_Your favorite Dorito,_

_Chris_

Aww it was a handwritten not and I could tell he wrote it because I recognized his handwriting and he called himself a Dorito. I reached for my phone and took a photo of the flowers to send to Chris.

_Just got the flowers, Best way to wake up. Happy Friendiversary and I’m glad you’re in my life too Dorito._

Once the message was sent I went back to bed for a little while. Only to be woken up by someone knocking on my door again.

“Why?" I said. I sat up and went to see who was at the door.

“Did you just wake up?” Scott said.

“Uh yeah it’s Saturday.” I said.

“It’s also the day we’re going wedding dress shopping.” Shanna said.

“Wedding dress shopping?” I asked confused.

“You forgot?” Shanna said.

“Forgot?” I said.

“She forgot.” Scott said.

“Carly got an appointment at that bridal place, the one that supposedly has the best dresses in Boston, told you about it last week?” Shanna said. “Also going to look for Bridesmaid dresses?”

“Shit. I totally forgot. Come on in.” I said letting them in. “Just give me a minute to get dressed.”

“This is where you live?” Shanna said.

Scott and Chris had come over but for one reason or another Everyone else hadn’t come over.

“Yeah. Mi casa es su casa. Make yourselves at home.” I said running to my room

“Are those flowers? Someone’s got an admirer…” Scott said in a sing song voice.

“No I don’t those are from your brother.” I called out as I quickly picked out one of banshee’s preselected outfits ignoring the post it on the tag that said not to wear it if I was having a fat day.

She was the worst but she had great taste. The outfit was a wool cream and tan square printed button skirt with dark brown lace printed tights, a tan long sleeved cashmere sweater, and dark brown heeled lace up ankle boots. It looked a bit windy outside so I grabbed the light brown herringbone buttoned coat. I brushed my hair deciding it didn’t look so bad today. 

[ ](https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/hOiDqGK_uVGr_EeQZ6Kg11w5b4M/fit-in/728xorig/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2010/11/45/4/166/1668379/eb737590c76fc208_Picture_19/i/Photos-from-Zara-November-2010-Fall-Lookbook.png)

“This place is huge.” Shanna said. “And close to everything.”

“You should see the rooms.” Scott said.

“And the closets.” I said coming out.

“How did it only take you five minutes to go from half asleep to full on glam?” Shanna said. “Love those shoes.”

“When you grow up having to share a bathroom with fifty other girls you learn to work fast.” I said grabbing my keys and phone. “Should I drive or…”

“Brought my car, no way we can all fit in yours.” Scott said as we walked out.

We weren’t that far from the bridal boutique.

“All I’m saying is pink is not my color.” Scott said.

“You can always take off the vest and tie Scott but we can’t do that with dresses.” I said.

“Meaning your opinion doesn’t count.” Shanna said.

“I wouldn’t say that… more like stop whining.” I said. “Besides at the end of the day Carly is the one that decides. But yeah I really hope she doesn’t go with pink. It’s not my color.”

While Carly, Lisa, her in laws and Scott had their version of say yes to the dress while Scott texted Chris everything that was going on because he was planning on surprising Carly by buying her dream dress no matter what the cost.

Meanwhile Shanna and I went to look at our options for bridesmaids dresses.

“Jeez, that’s a lot for a dress we’re only going to wear once.” Shanna said.

“It’s a lot of dress.” I said looking at the huge poofy skirt.

“It looks like a cupcake.” She said making me laugh.

“Maybe strapless?” I suggested. “The corset back kind of adds to your figure.”

“That is cute.” Shanna said before another dress caught her eye. It was a cute lilac one strapped wrap dress. “Oh but this one…”

“That is a cute style, maybe in a lighter color.” I said.

“Something like this would look cute on you.” She said showing me a dark beige with a slight gold tint color and a slit that came up to my thigh.

“I think that’s too much boob for a bridesmaid dress.” I said eying the plunging neckline.

“If you’re got it flaunt it.” Shanna said making me laugh. “Have you seen those dresses, the ones that are just long fabric but they twist and knot them to make like ten different styles?”

“You can never go wrong with a wrap dress.” I said.

“There you are.” Lisa said. “Your sister wants you to see the dress she tried on.”

“Going.” Shanna said.

“I brought a box of tissues if you need it.” I said.

“I’m not going to cry.” Shanna said.

“Uhuh.” I said knowing what was coming.

Sure enough we saw Carly come out in a dress and everyone started bawling. I passed the tissues around.

“Babies.” Scott said, his eyes looking very watery.

“Yeah.” I said offering him a tissue which he took.

After trying on ten dresses, finding the right dress, and going through the motions of getting her measurements, Carly’s in-laws decided to call it a day while the rest of us went to look at bridesmaids dresses.

“I don’t know about the color yet. It’s a spring wedding so maybe light colors?” Carly said.

“Do you want us to wear long or short dresses?” Shanna asked.

“Long.” Carly said. “Definitely long.”

“I saw this dress and I feel like it matched your dress…” Shanna said going to a rack and pulling out a dark beige dress we had seen earlier. The one is said was too much boob. “I know you don’t like bright colors so…” 

“That could be nice. With the cala lilies in the bouquet.” Lisa said.

“Let’s see it on.” Scott said. So after Shanna and I got into satin beige wrap dresses that were tied low on our waists. Mine fit me a bit loose in the chest area and the bodice was a bit baggy.

“Wow.” Carly said. “That’s a really good color.”

“That style definitely suits you.” Lisa said. “Your waist looks tiny.”

“Maybe not that material though, the draping effect just looks off.” Scott said.

“Fits off too.” I added trying to keep my boobs covered.

“Yeah this is really tight.” Shanna said having the opposite problem.

“That’s the color I want though. The earth tones just fit more with the theme.” Carly said.

“I think the other would fit us better.” Shanna said.

“The one with the…” I said

“Try it on.” Lisa said.

So we went back to the dressing room. The next dress wasn’t satin thankfully but it was in a drapped style with a thigh high slit. It fit a lot looser all around than the other. Probably needed to have it taken in a bit.

“Wow.” Scott said taking a photo with his phone.

“Very drapey.” Shanna said struggling with how long it is. “How do you look so good in everything we try on? I though bridesmaid dresses were meant to look bad on you.”

“I don’t know is this supposed to be so puffy?” I said about the draping on my bust.

“The skirt’s a bit sheer.” Carly said. “I do like the draping effect. And that material.”

“You know this would look great with the shoes you bought last time. With the crisscross straps.” Shanna told me.

“Oh and your nude pumps.” I said.

“Yes.” She said.

“Let’s try on a few more dresses.” Lisa said.

The last dress was a one shoulder strap with a flower applique on the shoulder, a belted sash below the bust and a thigh high slit on the flowy straight skirt that didn’t really give us any shape. 

“That looks like a paper bag.” Scott said.

“You don’t really have a figure.” Lisa said.

“A one shoulder dress is an option but not that one.” Carly said. “I do like the sweetheart neckline.”

“Okay seriously you look good in everything.” Shanna told me.

“I don’t, I feel like this is too much dress.” I said.

“It is.” She seconded.

“The second one was the best one.” Carly said. “I liked it.”

“I could totally go with that one.” Shanna said.

“It was the best of all of them.” I said. “Good for the reception too.”

“If you both like it, then that’s the one.” Carly said.

“Two things off the list in one day.” Lisa said.

“Yeah I’m tired though. Go change so we can go eat.” Carly said.

“You heard the lady.” I said ushering Shanna back to the changing room.

**Thanksgiving Week-**

The lead up to Thanksgiving had been great. I was right on time with all of my assignments and lab reports so I didn’t have to much cramming to do during the week.

My favorite senior citizen had finally caved and decided to spend the holiday in Chicago with his kids. Last year had been a turning point and they had started visiting more and when that couldn’t happen they would skype.

His moral had improved his health to the point he was now walking with a cane. I had volunteered to drive him to the airport. There was no way I was letting him take a bus or cab. It wasn’t any trouble and it helped to make sure he didn’t change his mind at the last minute.

“Okay Sal, you got everything?” I asked.

“Presents for the kiddos, coat and my hat.” He said.

“Got your ticket here.” I said handing it to him.

“I got it from here kid.” He said. “Why don’t you get out of here? Go have some fun for once.”

“I have fun.” I said.

“Real fun. With people your own age.” Sal said.

“I’ll try.” I said. “I’ll see you when you get back. Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Happy Thanksgiving.” He said before they took him to his gate.

I walked back down to the lower level where baggage claim was so I could get to the parking lot when something or more like a Dorito shape someone caught my eye.

He was wearing a blue jacket and a Pats cap with aviator glasses. For a second I thought it wasn’t him but then he helped a lady with a bunch of kids get her luggage from the carousel and I thought to myself.

‘That is such a Chris thing to do’

So I took my phone out just to test out my hunch.

“Hello?” He answered at the same time the guy in front of me did.

“Hey you. Just wanted to check in.” I said.

“Good to know you’re back in the world of the living. Did you fall out of bed?” Chris asked.

“Oh no, had to run an errand, drop my friend off at Logan.” I said.

“R-really?” Chris said.

“Yeah.” I said quietly walking closer to him. “You know there’s this really hot blonde by the baggage carrousel. Blue jacket and jeans. Pats hat and aviator glasses. I’m normally not into blondes but I don’t know this guy’s really doing it for me.”

“Well uh… if he’s wearing a Pat’s cap he must be a great guy. Already better than the asshole that stole your parking spot.” Chris said as his shoulder shook from how he was chuckling.

“I’ll say. He also has some very broad shoulders. Almost Dorito shaped.” I said.

“You don’t say.” Chris said. ”His personal trainer must really be putting him through the ringer. Well uh I got to go…”

“Sure just one thing.” I said. “Turn around.”

“Wha…” Chris said before he did and saw me.

“Busted.” I said hanging up.

“Jamie!” He said hugging me tight. I didn’t used to be a hugger But the Evans’ just gave these really warm loving hugs… they must’ve rubbed off on me.

“Hey you, thought you weren’t getting in until Wednesday?” I asked.

“I was but my schedule freed up and I wanted to surprise everyone.” He said. “I was just about to go grab a cab.

“I’m sure they’re going to love that.” I said. “Come on I’ll drive you.”

“So you’re into blondes now…” Chris said.

“I don’t have a type.” I said as I led him to the car. Chris kept walking before he noticed my alarm unlocked a new car.

“New car?” Chris asked checking out the exterior. It was a dark grey 2011 Audi R8.

“New car. Satan needed another tax break.” I said. “Want to drive?”

“Maybe later, still a bit groggy from the flight.” He said as we got in. “You know you’ve never said what exactly your dad does…”

“He does a lot of things.” I said pulling out of the spot and speeding off.

“A whole new world…” Chris started singing as we got onto the highway.

“Disney? Really?” I said.

“Yes Disney.” He said. “Oh come on you know you want to sing.”

“I’m good.” I said.

“Then how about…” Chris said before switching to Under the sea. He sang along even including his best imitation of Sebastian’s accent.

Still I wouldn’t budge though I was smiling. It was hilarious. Chris didn’t give up. Until finally…

“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!” We sang.

“You know out of all the songs I didn’t think Mary Poppins would be the one to get you to break.” Chris said.

“Hakuna Matata would have done it too.” I said as we pulled up to the house.

“Ah it’s good to be home.” Chris said as we got out and I groaned as I felt my knee twinge a bit and leg ache.

“It’s going to rain.” I said.

“Okay how do you always know when it’s going to rain?” Chris asked.

“My knee.” I said as I took a step and felt my leg ache again. “And leg.”

Chris just looked at me concerned.

“It’s an old sports injury.” I said shrugging off his concern as I knocked on the door.

“Jamie you know you can just let yourself…” Shanna started. “Chris!”

“Look who I found at the airport.” I said as the siblings hugged.

We walked in and after all the greetings were out of the way we sat down for dinner.

“So your aunt’s coming into town.” Lisa said and all the siblings groaned. “And she’s bringing your cousins.”

There was another groan.

“They have other plans but I did say they could stay here.” Lisa said.

“So hotel?” Scott said.

“I’ll book us a suite.” Chris said grabbing his phone.

“Can I come?” Shanna said.

“Oh no you don’t you’re not leaving me alone.” Carly said and Lisa glared at her. “I mean us alone?”

“It’s going to be a tight squeeze but we can manage.” Lisa said.

“Why did I give up my apartment?” Scott grumbled.

“I have two guest rooms, if you guys want to crash at my place?” I offered. Everyone just turned to me. “You know if you want? They have their own bathrooms.”

“Are you serious?” Scott said.

“Yeah, It should free up some space here so everyone’s comfortable.” I said and I totally meant it that way. Plus I knew what it was like to want to spend as little time as possible with family.

“I’ll go!” All the siblings said.

“Drew would be more comfortable in my room.” Chris said.

“And mine.” Scott said. “My bed’s better for auntie’s back.”

“And I…” Shanna started.

“Are staying to help me and your sister cook thanksgiving dinner.” Lisa said. “I can finally teach you to cook something that's edible.”

“I can make spaghetti.” Shanna said.

“You boiled water and it spilled over.” Carly said.

“The meatballs were still frozen.” Scott said.

“I’ll make the pies.” I said.

“When you say make the pies do you mean make them or go to the store and buy them?” Chris asked.

“I can bake.” I said. “Pumpkin and Apple okay?”

“We get two pies?” Carly said with wide eyes.

“I’m sure they’ll be great sweetie.” Lisa said.

“So Ma, when’s Auntie getting here?” Chris said as the doorbell rang.

“Now.” Lisa said and everyone looked around.

“I need to walk East.” Chris said.

“I should go with you.” Scott said.

“Sit.” Lisa said sternly and they did as she went to answer the door.

“So uh… what’s so bad about your aunt?” I asked.

“She’s…” Carly started. “uh…”

“She’s hates everything.” Shanna said. “Everything bugs her.”

“Always asks if I’m still…” Scott said bending his hand in a gesture to signify if he was still gay.

“Always asks me if I got a real job yet.” Chris said.

“You’re a successful actor.” I said.

“Tell her that.” He said. “Think we can sneak out through the back?”

“You want to risk mom being angry?” Carly said.

“Yeah I’m not risking that.” I said. “Eat fast and smile.”

“hello hello!” A very loud and boisterous lady said.

“Auntie. It’s so nice to see you.” Carly said.

“There’s the blushing bride… I knew it’d happen for you eventually.” She said. “Though you’re probably not going to want to wait on trying for kids. Clocks ticking.”

“Oh I get it now.” I whispered to Chris.

“She’s just warming up.” Chris said.

“And Scotty! Bet the girls are falling all over you.” She said.

“Still gay auntie, still gay.” Scott said through a forced smile.

“If you say so.” She said.

“Would you like to sit down Auntie?” Shanna asked.

“Oh no dear, finish eating up it must take a lot to sustain your figure… or lack thereof.” She said making bite her lip to not say anything. “Chris, Your mother says you finally got your big break, hope you’re actually wearing clothes this time.”

“I am.” He said giving her a Hollywood smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“I don’t think we’ve met.” She said.

“I don’t think we have. I’m Jamie, a friend.” I said.

“Anne, nice to meet you. That’s an interesting shirt you’re wearing.” Anne said. “Doesn’t really leave a lot to the imagination. Just remember dear boys won’t buy the milk if they can get the cow for free.”

It was getting close to laundry day so I was wearing a cut up ACDC band tee with a plunging v-neck. It wasn’t even that low cut.

I don’t know what bothered me more, getting slut shamed or being called fat. Lucky for me years of back handed compliments and parties with petty socialites trained me pretty well for situations like this.

“True but you’ll also catch more flies with honey than with vinegar perfume.” I said with a smile as I addressed the pungent smell of her perfume. Chris and Scott coughed as they almost laughed while drinking their beers while Shanna snorted and Carly covered her mouth to stop herself from laughing.

“You must be tired.” Lisa said quickly cutting in. “Why don’t you go upstairs and relax? The boys put your things in Scott’s room.

“Of course.” Anne said running upstairs.

“I’m sorry sweetie. She’s just a bit cranky from her flight.” Lisa said.

“It’s no problem.” Lisa said before walking after her sister. But now I had to know.

“Is this shirt too low cut?” I asked.

“No it’s cute.” Shanna said.

“Fits you really well.” Carly said.

“Your boobs are huge.” Scott said.

“Dude.” Chris said.

“They’re not that…” I said. I mean I was only a B-cup, maybe a C when I put on some weight or certain bra styles ran small. Though with my frame… “Right?”

“Sweetie you’re really gifted in that area.” Carly said. “But that’s good.”

“I need to do laundry.” I said.

“We should really go before she comes back down.” Scott said.

“I’ll go grab my bags.” Chris said.

“Are you taking East?” Shanna asked.

“Uh…” Chris started before turning to me.

“I don’t mind.” I said. “Though it might be a tight squeeze in the car.”

“I’ll take him in my car.” Scott said getting up.

“I’ll pack his things.” Chris said.

“I’ll help with the clean up.” I said picking up dishes. In less than five minutes everyone was set to go.

“You sure you don’t mind doing this? I can get us a hotel.” Chris said.

“Chris, it’s Thanksgiving week. You’re not going to find a hotel last minute and I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it. Besides I have tons of space and I don’t think anyone’s ever used the spare rooms.” I said.

“Why do you live in a three bedroom apartment if it’s just you?” Chris asked.

“Satan wanted the biggest apartment in the building.” I said as we pulled into the garage. Scott pulled into the spot next to us. We quickly unloaded everything and headed upstairs. “So just a heads up, there’s an onsite gym and spa on the first floor and a rooftop patio with a doggy area in case you don’t want to go all the way out for East to do his business.”

“That’s good to know.” Chris said.

“There are clean towels in each of the bathrooms but if you need more or want another blanket there’s extra in the hall closet.” I said opening up the closet so they could see. “Other than that I’m at the end of the hall, those are the two rooms. Make yourselves at home.”

“When you say spa…” Scott asked.

“Hot tub.” I said.

“Your rent must be insane.” He said.

“No clue.” I said. “I don’t pay rent.”

“What does your dad do again?” Scott asked.

“A lot of things.” I said as I bent down to let East out of his crate.

“He can stay in there.” Chris said.

“No, he needs to stretch out. He’s probably freaking out because he doesn’t recognize where he is.” I said scratching behind his ears. “Right buddy? Let’s get you some water.”

I went to the kitchen with East trailing behind me.

“Safe to say he likes it here.” Scott said.

“Yeah.” Chris said taking his bags and walking into the guest room.

I went to my room and changed into my Pjs. A set of grey and white striped shorts and a white raglan top with grey sleeves.

I put my hair up in a ponytail before grabbing my laptop and going to the living room.

“Hey, mind if I watch a movie?” Scott asked.

“No go ahead.” I said passing him the remote.

“Are you doing homework right now?” He asked.

“No just checking my email.” I said. “I’m ahead on all of my assignments and lab reports so I just have to study and show up for my exams.”

I heard whining and saw East on the floor next to me looking up at me.

“Oh come here you.” I said picking him up so he could cuddle on my lap. He rested his head on my arm while I pet him with my other arm.

“You’re going to spoil him.” Chris said coming over.

“That’s why I’m the fun aunt.” I said as he rolled over for a tummy rub. I was focused on the TV and paying attention to the fur child asleep on my lap. When he had his fill he padded over to his crate and called it a night. Halfway through the movie we heard thunder outside and Chris stared down at my legs. Probably noticing the scars from my knee and leg surgery. “I think I’m going to follow East’s lead and go to bed. Night guys.”

“Night.” They said.


	10. Chapter 10

I woke up the following morning early and with tons of energy. I got out of bed and decided I was going to go out for a run or a walk… depending on the weather.

I walked outside and started the coffee maker. East was at my door when I walked out of my room and followed me.

“Morning buddy.” I said bending down to pet him. I walked down to the kitchen and started the coffee maker.

East started whining looking at the door.

“Okay.” I said going to grab his leash and vest. I sent Chris a quick text, knowing he was probably jet lagged and should sleep in but in case he woke up. East quickly did his business and happily followed me on my walk. He was a very happy dog, though he was out of breath he didn’t stop once. He also growled if any guy got to close to me which was weird.

I was surprised to see Scott and Chris awake when I got back.

“Morning.” I said. “Hope you don’t mind I took East with me on my walk.”

“Are you kidding, I should be thanking you.” Chris said. “That is the best mattress I’ve ever slept on.”

“Dude, you need to try the steam shower.” Scott said as I poured myself some coffee.

“What do you guys want for breakfast?” I asked.

“Oh no.” Chris said getting up. “You’re sitting down. I’ll make breakfast.”

“I can…” I started.

“You’ve done enough.” He said pulling out a chair for me.

“Do you know how to cook?” I asked. “I’m just saying because I don’t want you to burn down the apartment. I hate moving.”

“I know how to make breakfast.” He said. “Just tell me where everything is.”

“Pans are in the bottom shelf in the corner, oil is in the pantry over there and you know where the fridge is.” I said.

“Got it.” He said as he started moving around.

“Any plans for today?” Scott asked.

“Just need to go do groceries. Grab some last minute things for the pie. I’m thinking apples from the farmer’s market.” I said.

“Oh is that where you got the pressed juice last time?” Scott said. “I could totally go for some.”

“It is.” I said.

“I’m in too. I could use a walk, enjoy the fresh air.” Chris said.

“It is a nice day out.” I said.

And it really was. We went through the market picked out a few things I would need for the pies like fresh apples and pumpkins. From there we went to a grocery store and picked up the last few things we needed from the grocery store. Apparently the guys were expecting me to use canned pie filling for some reason. As if I would ever do that.

“I’ll say it again, you’re like a real life Martha Stuart.” Scott said as he and Chris watched me knead out the dough.

“I’m not.” I said.

“You made your own pie crust.” Chris said. “Mom normally just makes the frozen pre-made ones. Don’t tell her I told you that.”

“Well if Lisa and Carly are going to make everything else from scratch I should too.” I said. wrapping it up and putting it back in the fridge so it would set. “Okay I’m done for the night. Beer me.”

“One beer milady.” Scott said.

“Thank you kind sir.” I said as my phone started screaming making the guys and East jump.

“What the hell?” Chris asked.

“That’s probably banshee.” I said opening up a text message.

“Banshee?” Scott asked.

“Her mom.” Chris asked as I opened the text.

“James…” I started as I quickly read through the message.

‘James saw the photo of you in my skirt, you’re too fat for square prints and look like a beached whale. If you’re going to wear it do us all a favor and don’t post any photos where everyone can see them. Also you’re starting to have a double chin might want to start double dosing on those pills.’

“Well she remembered it was Thanksgiving.” I said locking my phone and subconsciously feeling my chin. Maybe it was a bad camera angle?

“Yeah… where’s your mom?” Scott asked.

“No idea.” I said.

“And your Dad?” Chris asked.

“Probably working or on his way to a work thing.” I said.

“What exactly does your dad do?” Scott said.

“This and that.” I said with a shrug as I drank my beer.

“Right.” Scott said sarcastically. “That totally clears things up.”

“Who’s up for some call of duty?” I asked.

“I’m in.” Chris said catching that I was trying to change the subject.

“Alright…” I said going to set up the TV while Scott and Chris exchanged looks.

**The Following Morning…**

Sadly I didn’t really have time to take East out on his morning walk. I took my morning coffee and got straight to work.

I had apples to cut, peel spice and cook, dough to roll out, a pumpkin to cut, gut, and cook and then puree to use as filling and then bake the pies before getting ready and heading out.

“Something smells amazing.” Scott said as he walked out of his room.

“That is probably the pumpkin.” I said reducing the heat before I went back to cutting up the apples.

“Where did you learn to do all of this?” Scott asked taking a piece of apple.

“Cooking classes in high school, most of it though I learned from watching food network and a lot of trial and error.” I said. “Cafeteria food in boarding school is good but after a while you get tired of it and want something a bit homier.”

“You two are up early.” Chris said coming out of his room.

“Just getting started on the pies.” I said rolling out the dough.

“I have to take East out. I’m thinking breakfast sandwiches from that place down the block?” Chris said.

“Get me something with Bacon.” Scott said.

“The usual then. Jamie?” Chris asked.

“Everything bagel with cream cheese, smoked salmon and chives.” I said.

“Okay, I’ll be back.” Chris said as he headed out.

“I’m going to go down for a quick work out.” Scott said. “Steam shower will feel really great afterwards.”

“You should try the sauna feature. Really opens up your pores, good exfoliate your skin will glow.” I said.

“I’m so doing that later.” He said going to get changed.

I turned on the TV and kept working on making the filling for the apple pie. Just as I was about to add the apples Chris came back.

“Breakfast is here.” Chris said. “Mhmm apple pie.”

“Just working on the filling.” I said stirring the apples a bit.

“I got your everything bagel with cream cheese, salmon and chives.” He said putting my sandwich down.

“Thank you.” I said just as my phone started ringing, the imperial march sounding through the kitchen. “You mind getting that? It’s probably a text.”

“Sure.” Chris said as he grabbed my phone. The music stopped and I just saw Chris stand there. “Uh… it’s your dad…”

“Oh.” I said taking the phone from him. He just gave me this concerned look. I had sent Satan the usual happy Thanksgiving text. Normally it’d get ignored or he’d send something back. Guessing that’s why Chris had that weird look on his face.

‘James I know what day of the year it is, I own a calendar. I don’t need a fucking reminder. Stop wasting my time.’

“Hm. Guess he’s stateside this year.” I said with a small smile as I put the phone down and started eating breakfast.

“Does he normally… do that?” Chris asked.

“Text? Occasionally.” I said.

“I mean what he said.” he said. “Or the way he said it?”

“Yeah. Satan’s not really a warm person.” I said.

“That’s one word for it.” Chris said. “Has your mom called you?”

“Not today.” I said. Not a complete lie. He asked about a call. She texted. Gave me a nice tip about how you shouldn’t purge once during thanksgiving. It should be twice. Once before dessert and once after. The fact that some people actually looked up to that woman astounded me.

Chris got out of his seat and walked around the counter and pulled me into a hug.

“Uh. Okay.” I said hugging him back. “What was that for?”

“You looked like you needed one.” He said giving me a smile before letting go of me. “Is the pregame on?”

As much as Chris always said I read him better than anyone, he also did for me. He knew I wasn’t going to have a heart to heart with him about how I really felt. I wasn’t ready.

I kept working on the pies. Once they were in the oven, I cleaned up, loaded the dishwasher and went to shower. I decided to go with a brown and black plaid dress with ¾ balloon sleeves that came down o mid thigh with sheer black tights and black suede heeled ankle booties. I put my hair up in a pony tail after I had curled it leaving a few strands out to frame my face. When I was done I looked in the mirror and felt off.

I looked bigger and my face was rounder. I couldn’t leave my hair up. I quickly pulled it out of it’s pony tail and left it down. This dress wasn’t going to cut it either. I started going through my closet hoping to find something else to wear when the oven alarm started going off.

“Shoot.” I said running out of my room quickly grabbing the oven mitts and taking the pies out. “Perfect.”

“You look cute.” Scott said.

“Oh, I was just about to change.” I said.

“Seriously? Why?” Scott said.

“Not sure about this dress.” I said just as Chris came over.

“Oh Pie.” He said reaching to tear off a piece of the crust but I slapped his hand away. “Ow.”

“It’s still hot.” I said.

“Wow.” Chris said looking me up and down.

“Yeah I know, the dress has to go.” I said.

“No you look really good.” He said. “I think you’re the only girl I know that doesn’t take hours to get ready.”

“Thanks.” I said not one hundred percent sure if that second part was a compliment or not. Once the pies were sufficiently cooled down so we wouldn’t get burned we decided to head out except just as we did…

Scott and Chris’ phones buzzed.

“Shit.” They both cursed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Aunt Anne and Drew’s plans fell through so they’re having dinner with us. Carly and Shanna want us to get more booze to make it through the night.” Chris said.

I quickly put my finger on my nose, no way I was going to be the only one sober through this. Chris didn’t notice to busy typing out a response but Scott did and quickly did the same.

“Alright we can stop by the store on…” Chris said before noticing that we both had our fingers on our noses. “What are you two doing?”

“Nose goes.” I said.

“You’re designated driver tonight.” Scott said.

“Ah come on.” Chris said.

“Nose goes.” We said again.

“You’re not twenty one yet.” Chris said.

“I have an ID that says otherwise.” I said.

“Doesn’t count.” Chris said.

“Does too.” I said.

“You’re really going to get drunk in front of my mom?” Chris said.

“I’m not a sloppy drunk. I drink just enough to take the edge off. Keep things classy.” I said.

“Still not happening.” Chris said.

“Uhuh…” I said.

“I’ll sneak you a glass when we get in.” Scott whispered.

“Scott!” Chris shouted.

Sure enough after a quick stop at the grocery store, when we got to the house we dropped off the pies on the counter and each quickly downed a glass of wine.

Chris just stood in the doorway with his hands on his hips while frowning at us.

“Looks like you’re DD.” Scott said.

“Sowy…” I said in a sing song voice following Scott to the living room where Shanna and Carly were hiding out.

“You’re here!” Shanna greeted us with a hug, happy to see us. “Wine!”

Well happy to see the wine we brought. We topped up our glasses and started celebrating.

“So have these two made you want to kick them out yet? Because I can take their spot.” Shanna said.

“Get your own hiding spot.” Scott said.

“Yeah, I met her first so technically she’s mine.” Chris said.

“Not like you wrote your name… oh wait.” Carly said. Apparently she was the reason they needed more wine.

We all started laughing.

“For the record I own myself.” I said finishing my glass of wine. “And this glass because I’m not driving.”

“How’d you get stuck being DD?” Shanna asked Chris who was drinking water.

“They beat me to it.” Chris said still slightly annoyed.

“Nose Goes.” Scott said raising a glass.

“You’ve always been really bad at that.” Carly said.

Dinner continued with a ton of back handed compliments and cousin Drew staring at my boobs and ass or trying to brag about something. I wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying. We had come up with a drinking game that every time Aunt Anne gave a back handed compliment we’d drink and man was she on a roll.

“Lisa, you’re so lucky you got to keep the house and the kids.” Anne said.

“We worked hard and they’re still my kids.” Lisa said choosing to ignore the condescension.

“And that’s such a simple ring Brian gave you Carly. The stone looks so small compared to your finger.” Anna said.

“Well that’s how you know it’s real.” Carly said taking a big gulp of wine.

“That’s a good way of looking at it dear.” Anne said. “What about you Scott? Your mom told me you were taking classes?”

“I took a few writing and acting courses.” Scott said.

“Oh finally getting a degree? Job market is very competitive right now.” She said.

“No I just took the classes for fun, something to kill time.” He said.

“Not too much time I hope. You’re not getting any younger.” Anne said. “All the good girls will be taken.”

“I think I’ll manage.” Scott said as we all drank. Man, she was making it really hard to pace myself. We were going to be out of wine before dessert at this point.

“That’s a lovely dress Jamie.” Anne said.

“Thank you.” I said.

“Shame there’s not a lot of it. It’s rather short, doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination.” Anne said. “You must get cold.”

“That’s what coats are for.” I said taking a drink.

“Does your mother think that’s an appropriate dress for a young lady?” Anne said and I almost snorted.

“Her opinion doesn’t really matter. As long as I feel comfortable and like it then it’s perfect.” I said.

“Hmm, it’s good you think that way dear. Let’s hope your future husband thinks the same way.” She said.

“I don’t think he’d mind.” Drew said with a flirty smile. So glad I was sitting between Scott and Chris. Cousin Drew didn’t understand the difference between flirting and trying too hard, coming off as desperate.

“Chris how is your love life? Have you dated anyone since that Jessica girl?” Anne said. “Or have you had any luck finding your one true match?”

“Uh I’m just focusing on work right now.” Chris said.

“Oh such a shame. I wonder what she must think of your… work.” She said.

“I think she’s probably really supportive. Probably teases me about some of it but not in a bad way.” Chris said.

“Well here’s hoping, I don’t think anyone could handle the instability. Of moving around constantly. Girls throwing themselves at you. Or sitting at home for months waiting for you to get home.” Anne said. “not knowing if you’re going to have enough money for a mortgage or to put food on the table.”

“I’m sure she can handle herself.” I said everyone struggling to not to laugh. “She probably has her own money and doesn’t need to depend on anyone to take care of her. And she wouldn’t be sitting at home waiting, she’d be doing her own thing.”

“She’d be great at it too.” Chris said. “Total catch. Anyone would be lucky to have her.”

“Oh definitely.” I said smiling and Shanna started coughing as she struggled to contain her laughter.

“Went down the wrong pipe.” Shanna said as Carly patted her back.

“What was it you do again Jamie?” Drew asked.

“She goes to Harvard.” Scott blurted out.

“Oh! That’s… that’s a great school.” Anne said shocked. That effectively shut her up. It’s kind of hard to belittle that. It’s harder trying to downplay it.

“I think now’s a good time for pie.” Lisa said.

“I’ll help.” Shanna said but the wine had started hitting her.

“I will, you guys just stay here.” Chris said getting up to help his mom.

“So Jamie are you seeing anyone?” Drew asked.

“The last guy I dated I kneed in the balls and left him crying on the floor.” I said with a smile and I finished my wine glass and offered it to Scott so he could top me up.

“Nevermind.” Drew said.

“We got the pie.” Chris said as he placed the pie on the table.

Drew and Anne excused themselves and we got to enjoy the end of the night. We could not stop laughing. The wine starting to really hit us.

“I can’t believe you four.” Lisa said. “Almost an entire case of wine between the four of you.”

“Almost? That’s unacceptable mom.” Scott said.

“He’s right.” Shanna said.

“All or nothing.” Carly said.

“Yes!” I said as Carly grabbed the last bottle and opened it.

By the time we finished bottle number six…

“You know what we should do?” Shanna asked.

“Strippers!” I said.

“Yes!” Scott said.

“No.” Chris and Lisa said.

“Bachelorette party.” Carly said. “I want a stripper. I want a lot of strippers. A cop, a fireman… I want them all. Maid of honor do it.”

“Fuck yeah!” Shanna said.

“Okay, time to go home.” Chris said.

“Nooooo.” Scott and I whined.

“Yeah come on.” Chris said helping us up

“Mommy…” Scott started before he hugged his mom.

“Your mom is like the best mom ever. Like in the world.” I said.

“Still think you’re not drunk?” Chris asked me.

“Only…” I said looking at my fingers and squeezing them together. “Dat much.”

“Put on your coat.” Chris said holding it open. “Don’t want you to catch a cold.”

“Jimmy jammy!” Scott said.

“Scotty!” I said as we linked arms and started swaying side to side as we walked to the door. “Shot Gun!!!”

“Hold on.” Chris said coming behind us.

“Open open open…” Scott said pulling the handle before Chris finally unlocked the car and we got in.

“We need music.” I said messing with the radio.

“karaoke!” Scott said.

“Not until you buckle up.” Chris said.

“Yes Dad.” We answered before turning to each other with huge smiles. I messed with the radio until I let it play the CD that was in it.

Which let to us singing very badly and off key…

_“It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight  
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival  
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night  
And he's watchin' us all with the eye of the tiger…”_

And…

_“We are the champions, my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end  
We are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions  
Of the world”_

Followed by…

_“It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you  
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do  
I bless the rains down in Africa  
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had (ooh, ooh)”_

Then it got really deep for some reason…

_“If you're lost you can look and you will find me  
Time after time  
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting  
Time after time  
If you're lost, you can look and you will find me  
Time after time  
If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting  
Time after time…”_

“Not going to lie, I was kinda mad at you guys for making me stay sober through dinner but this… this made up for it.” Chris said saving a recording of our car ride home on his phone. “I’m keeping this forever.

“Dude you know what we should do right now?” Scott said.

“Weed?” I offered.

“Yes!” Scott said.

“No!” Chris said.

“Yes.” I said.

“Where would you even get weed right now?” Chris said.

“Shit, I left mine in my room with Auntie.” Scott whined.

“I have some.” I said.

“Ah!” Scott said before we joined hands and ran into the building.

“Scott!!! Jamie!!!” Chris said quickly locking the car before running after us. The elevator doors closed before Chris could get in.

“He’s gonna be so mad.” Scott said.

“He’s gonna tell your mom.” I said as the door opened and we got into the apartment. I walked over to the bookshelf by the TV. “It’s around here somewhere…”

“I didn’t know you smoked?” Scott said.

“Sometimes, parties, people come over and give me stuff…” I said.

“Scott! Jamie!” Chris said as he walked in.

“Found it!” I said holding up a baggie with two joints already rolled up.

“Where the hell did you get weed?” Chris said.

“Carter.” I said. “He’s a drop out… and his dick didn’t work… but he knew a guy.”

“Okay that’s enough.” Chris said taking the baggie.

“No…” I whined.

“Come on Dorito.” Scott said. “You know you wanna.”

“It’s Christmas.” I said.

“It’s Thanksgiving.” Chris said.

“Even better reason.” I said.

“No.” Chris said.

“Chris.” I said taking his hand and pulling him to sit on the couch. “Just… just listen okay? Today is Thanksgiving. Like… a hundred something… plus years ago the pilgrims came to merica okay. And you know what they did? They killed those nice friendly na-ive mericans who only wanted to eat turkey and smoke their peace pipe with them. And now every year we celebrate the douchy pilgrims and the nice mericans don’t get anything. That’s not fair. So I say let’s not be the douchy pilgrim be the good pilgrim and celebrate Christmas the way it’s supposed to be celebrate and lite that pipe bro.”

“We need to smoke that peace pipe bro.” Scott said. “It’s the right thing to do. It’s what Cap would do.”

“You know you wanna.” I said.

“I regret introducing you two.” Chris said. “You two are trouble.”

“Dorito…” We said.

Chris sighed but opened the baggie and took out a lighter from his pocket. “We’re only doing one.”

“Yay!” We said as Chris lit the first one and took the first puff. He passed it to me next and I inhaled a bit, struggling not to cough and feeling my eyes water a bit. Shit this was strong.

“Wow that’s strong.” Chris said.

“Yeah.” I said slowly exhaling as I passed the joint to Scott.

“Oh shit…” Scott said coughing a bit.

A while later we thought the first joint felt strong but we hadn’t felt it so we decided to try the second joint. That was our mistake. Because it snuck up on us and by the time we realized what was going on we were on the ground laughing uncontrollably.

“And you actually peed your pants…” Chris said.

“You were going to too.” Scott said.

“Man Pee would have been better than poop.” I said. “Actually they both suck.”

“Your knee has a smiley face.” Scott said.

“It’s a magic knee.” Chris said.

“It can tell the future.” I said.

“Haha, what’s my future then?” Scott said.

“You have to pee.” I said.

“No I don’t.” he said before he thought about it. “Oh wait I do.”

“Magic.” I said putting my hands up in jazz hand before Scott ran off to the bathroom. I moved around on the floor until I ended up using Chris’ stomach as a pillow.

“Huh your knee does have a smiley face.” He said.

“It’s a surgery scar.” I said.

“You had surgery?” he asked.

“Yeah, torn ACL and meniscus.” I said.

“Sports injury?” Chris asked.

“Yeah.” I said reaching up and touching his chin. “I kind of miss the beard. I mean the blonde looks good… I just got used to Boston Chris.”

“I miss it too. Mornings were easier when I could just roll out of bed and not have to worry about having to shave and don’t even get me started on the waxing.” He said. “That shit hurt.”

“Be grateful when your next girlfriend gets a bikini wax for you. That’s real pain.” I said. “You know what song is stuck in my head _? Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go down…_ It’s on a loop.”

“I didn’t think you’d be a Mary Poppins fan.” Chris said.

“Those songs are so fucking catchy.” I said.

“Are we singing again? I heard singing.” Scott said. “Oh human pillow.” Scott said resting his head on my lap. “We should play truth or dare.”

“Seriously dude?” Chris said.

“What? It could be fun. Jamie go first.” Scott said. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” I said.

“Are you over Carter?” Scott asked.

“Yeah. There’s nothing like walking in on a guy cheating on you, then kneeing him in the balls and leaving him on the ground crying in pain while you walk away to help you get over someone.” I said.

“Remind me to never get you mad.” Chris said

“You Go Dorito.” I said. “Truth or dare?”

“Uh Truth?” he said.

“Uh… biggest fear?” I asked.

“Spiders.” He said.

“Seriously?” I said.

“Yeah. He once asked me to come over to kill a spider that had ended up in his shower.” Scott said.

“Truth or Dare?” Chris asked Scott.

“Dare.” Scott said.

“Mhmm… we got to make this good.” Chris said. “Any ideas?”

“Uh… Actually we both have to wax. I think it’s only fair Scott get’s to feel what it’s like.” I said.

“Yes.” Chris said laughing.

“Guys I don’t know. Shouldn’t a professional do that?” he said.

“Oh please, Anyone can do it.” I said. “I have some microwavable wax and strips.”

“Fine but nowhere near my face.” Scott said.

“Yay.” I said running to the bathroom to grab everything. I heated up the wax in the microwave and got the strips ready.

“So what are we doing?” I asked.

“Uh what hurts less?” Scott asked and I exchanged smirks with Chris.

“Well I’m not giving you a bikini wax so not there.” I said.

“That’s not going anywhere near there.” Scott said.

“The chest hurts at first. More than a tattoo.” Chris said.

“Oh your pits. It’s a small area but hurts so much.” I said.

“You wax your pits?” Chris said.

“Again men have no idea the hell we go through to look good.” I said. “You could do your legs. But you’d have to do all of them or it would look weird.”  
  


“Same with your chest.” Chris said.

“So I’m screwed either way?” Scott said. “Fine uh do my chest.”

So we got started spreading the wax. Scott lying flat on the floor flinching every time we touched him.

“Okay. We’re going to count to three before we pull.” Chris said.

“On three or is it one two three go?” Scott said.

“It’s the same thing.” I said putting a hand on his shoulder. “Ready. One two…”

And we pulled.

“Ah!!!“ Scott screamed. “What the fuck happened to three?!”

“It’s better if you don’t see it coming.” Chris said yanking another one and I got the last one.

“Done.” I said. “See not so bad.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Scott said.

“Welcome to the next ten years of my life.” Chris said.

“Oh suck it up, that’s me my entire life.” I said handing Scott some moisturizing lotion before I cleaned up.

“How the hell do you do that to yourself down there?” Scott asked.

“I don’t, that I pay for. Learned my lesson during DIY spa time in school.” I said.

“I’m afraid to ask.” Scott said.

“You should be.” I said.

“Alright, Jamie, truth or dare.” Chris asked.

“I’m boring I’ll go with Truth?” I asked.

“How rich are you?” Scott said.

“Dude.” Chris said.

“What? I’m curious.” Scott said.

“I’m not rich. My parents are rich.” I said.

“That’s what every rich kid says.” Scott says.

“Because it’s true.” I said.

“Okay how about telling us what your dad does for a living?” Chris asked.

“He does things.” I said.

“Jamie!” Chris whined.

“Well it’s true.” I said.

“We’ve known you almost a year and I feel like we barely know anything about you.” Scott said.

“You know me. Everything else is just that tiny writing at the bottom of a contract no one reads, or the terms and agreement everyone clicks that they’ve read but never have.” I said. “Satan and Banshee can’t fill out any of those blanks. The only people that probably can are Blair and Lexie and they will never talk. Not sober anyway.”


	11. Chapter 11

**December 2010-**

The week after thanksgiving was known around campus as dead week. The actual academic term for it was reading week but considering everyone looked dead from constant all night cram sessions while they tried to do all the studying the didn’t do during the semester in one week, it was a better name.

I had stayed on top of things this semester. So while I did cram, it wasn’t because I was behind, more like I wanted to review.

Of course that didn’t stop me from panicking. And when I got stressed and panicked well…

“Buah!” I said I said hurling into the toilet bowl. “Mhmm.”

Then my phone started ringing. I took a few breaths making sure nothing else was coming back up before I answered.

“Hello?” I said.

“Hey.” Chris said. “You okay.”

“Uh yeah.” I said doing a really bad job of convincing him. “Just finals… Buah!!!”

“Jamie?” Chris said. “Are you sick?”

“Not sick. Just a bit stressed.” I said spitting into the bowl. “Anxiety thing.”

“I was gonna ask if you had any plans for Christmas yet?” He said.

“Not at the moment. Blair’s parents decided to be friends and Lexie’s grandparents threatened to disinherit her if she missed Christmas again.” I said lowering the toilet bowl seat lid before flushing.

“That’s great, you’re spending it with us.” Chris said. “We’re going shopping later. Maybe a break might be good for you?”

“That would be great but I have like fifty synthesis reactions to memorize.” I said feeling my stomach churn.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chris said.

“It’ll pass.” I said feeling it started to come up again. “I’ll call you later. I’m gonna need gift ideas.”  
  


“Alright. Take it easy.” He said.

“Uhuh.” I said starting to gag before I quickly hung up and puked into the toilet again. How the hell did I still have anything left?

Finally I was able to compose myself. I made myself some tea and sat back down in my spot in the living room to study. All of my books open as well as all of my notebooks scattered around me. My laptop in front of me with some of the slides from lecture on it.

And I was probably looked like a wreck. I was in black leggings, a Pat’s hoodie Scott had gotten me as a gag gift for my birthday and fuzzy polka dot socks. My hair was sticking out of odd places. I was pretty sure I was breaking out.

Finals were the worst.

I don’t really know how long I studying for but I only stopped when someone knocked at my door. Arthur must’ve come to bring me my mail and any packages I had gotten. It had been a few days since I had been out.

I got up and went to open the door only to Find Chris holding a bags of food and East’s leash while said dog was jumping and whining for attention.

“Hey.” I said.

“Hey.” Chris said. “You look like hell.”

“Good to see you too buddy.” I said letting them in before kneeling down and hugging East. “And you, how’s my favorite puppy?”

“Brought you dinner.” Chris said. “It’s just soup in case our stomach was upset and chowder if you were feeling up for it.”

I smiled as the way he said chowder. I really did love the Boston accent.

“Are you laughing at chowder again?” Chris said.

“What? Your accent’s cute.” I said before petting east again. “But not as cute as this guy.”

“Ma also packed you food to last you through finals. Said you probably needed more than takeout, especially if your stomach was upset.” Chris said putting everything away in the fridge before smiling when he saw my hoodie. “I knew we’d turn you eventually.”

“It was warm and comfy.” I said. “And Tom Brady’s hot.”

“Chicken noodle or clam chowder?” Chris asked.

“Chicken.” I said. “You know you didn’t have to do this.”

“I know. I wanted to.” Chris said taking out a pan and warming up the soup. “I also needed to get out of the house. Christmas I can handle. Christmas, wedding planning, and a Christmas show is too much.”

“Do they have you making costumes again?” I asked.

“Stapling antlers to paper headbands.” Chris said.

“Rudolph again?” I asked.

“It’s Rudolph every year.” He said stirring the soup. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah, just a lot. More than one final on the same day, deadlines for article submissions… “ I said feeling my stomach get upset again.

“Okay, you’re taking a break for the rest of the day.” Chris said.

“I can’t I have…” I started.

“You’ve been working non-stop for days. Your exams don’t start until Monday.” Chris said as there was a knock on the door. “Did you order lunch?”

“No.” I said before Chris went to get the door.

“Hey.” Scott said coming in.

“Hey you.” I said.

“Wow you look rough.” Shanna said coming behind him. “This is where you’ve been hiding.”

“I’m not hiding.” Chris said. “I’m checking up on a friend.”

“Which is exactly what we’re doing.” Scott said.

“I’m gonna put my books and stuff away.” I said getting out of my chair. I quickly closed up all of my books.

“Wow, is that English or math?” Shanna said looking at my calculus notes.

“Calculus.” I said picking it all up. “Though it’s hard to tell the difference sometimes.”

“Math was never my thing.” Shanna said.

“Proofs are just the worst.” I said carrying everything back to my room. “You guys eat already?”

“Jamie just relax.” Scott said. “We know where everything is.”

“And eat.” Chris said putting a bowl of soup in front of me.

“Okay.” I said taking a few spoonful’s of soup. It was good and my stomach felt better than it had felt all day.

And then it didn’t.

My phone started ringing and it was the imperial march.

“Want me to get that?” Scott asked.

“It’s probably just a text. It’ll end… now.” I said but it didn’t, instead it started over again. “Oh shit. Satan’s calling. That’s never good.”

I got up and grabbed my phone.

“Hell…” I started.

“About time you answered.” He said.

“Good evening sir.” I said. “How are…”

“Stop talking.” He said. “I don’t have a lot of time. I have this stupid charity auction for losers without health insurance Pam is dragging me to..”

“Who’s Pa…” I started.

“I’m expecting you for Christmas.” He said and I felt my stomach drop and then start to churn. “For some reason Pam wants to meet you. I don’t really care but she’s been on my ass and I have better things to do than…”

“I have plans! Can’t make it. Merry Christmas!” I shouted before running to the bathroom and puking into the toilet again.

“Jamie?” Chris called out.

“I got her.” Shanna said walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. She gently held my hair back and rubbed my back. “Let it out.”

“Buah!” I hurled again before coughing. I could still hear the imperial march ringing in my ear. “That feels gross.”

“Yeah.” Shanna said rubbing my back. I heard the faucet running before she came back with a cup of water. “Rinse your mouth.”  
  


I did as she said and spat out into the bowl.

“Better?” She asked.

“A bit.” I said as the song started over again. “Just going to brush my teeth. I swear I can still hear that ringtone.”

“I can too.” Shanna said getting up and going outside. I brushed my teeth and after splashing some water on my face went to see if I could finish what was left of my soup.

“Hey uh… Turned off the ringer on your phone but it’s still buzzing.” Scott said.

“Is it Satan again?” I said.

“Yeah but he’s texting.” Scott said.

I groaned, suddenly losing my appetite.

“What did he want?” Chris asked.

“Wants me to come over for Christmas.” I said. “That’s not happening. I don’t want to look. Can one of you just tell me what it says?”

“Sure…” Scott said not sure if that was a good idea. “Uh… it doesn’t say anything. It’s just numbers. More Numbers. Numbers with a dollar sign. Wow that’s a lot of zeros.”

“Just send a no.” I said.

“Maybe this is his way to reach out?” Chris offered.

“No his wife is nagging him, she’s probably a new wife that still hasn’t realized he doesn’t care.” I said. “That or number three needs an extra person for a Christmas card theme.”

“Uh… yeah he’s still going at it… and there’s yelling now. All caps. Wow that’s a lot of fucks. Says to forget about your raise… say goodbye to your allowance…Your car…the apartment…Harvard.” Scott said adding each one after every buzz.

“That doesn’t sound good.” Shanna said.

“Fucking asshole.” I said putting my hand out for the phone.

_In the middle of finals, already have plans. Sorry I can’t make it._

He quickly answered:

_I pay you to not cause me problems and right now you’re giving me a fucking big one. Show up or I’ll drop a pile of shit on you._

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“Already did.” I muttered feeling bile come up my throat.

_I have things to take care of, I’ll get there when I can…_

“Satan just ruined Christmas.” I said as my phone buzzed. “I have to spend it with him or bye bye Harvard.”

_My assistant will send you the details. Make sure you look presentable. I pay you enough to know you can afford to._

“I had a good run.” I said. “I made it almost six years without seeing him in person. Six amazing years.”

“Jamie it can’t be that bad.” Shanna said.

“Oh it is.” I said feeling nauseous. “One year he gave me a lump of coal for Christmas and when I started crying he told me to suck it up. In a million years it might be a diamond. I mean he wasn’t totally wrong but not really something a five year old can understand.”

“That sounds rough. Maybe you can talk to your mom?” Scott said.

“Banshee? She’ll probably get back to me around April.” I said. “I can take a red eye out to LA and get there Christmas eve morning, make small talk have dinner and be back in time for Christmas morning.”

“You sure you want to do that? You can call him back and explain to him what’s going on.” He said.

“He doesn’t really listen. And by the messages he’s sent it’s clear he’s not taking no for an answer.” I said. “It’ll be okay. We should watch a movie or something.”

“Yeah.” Shanna said before we went to the living room. I curled up on one end of the couch, I think we were watching some action comedy.

East ended up on the couch asleep in my arms. Was curled up with my head on the arm rest, on my back. East’s head was pillowed by my chest while I had my arms around him.

Eventually I drifted off to sleep.

**Third Person’s POV-**

Chris was focused on the movie. It was actually pretty good and had made him laugh a few times. He was so into what he was watching he jumped a bit when Shanna patted his shoulder.

“Hm?” He said.

“Sh.” Shanna said pointing over to Jamie and East.

For some reason East adored Jamie. Ever since he had met her for the first time he had just taken to her immediately. It normally took some time for him to get used to new people but Jamie seemed to be the exception.

There were days he thought East actually preferred her to him because he did things like he was seeing now. Jamie was lying on her end of the couch sound asleep with east lying on her chest. His head tucked under her chin as she held him with her arms around her. His dog was snoring peacefully asleep while Jamie quietly breathed.

Chris smiled at the sight.

“I’m so sending a picture of this to mom.” Scott said snapping a quick photo of them.

“I think that’s exactly what she needed.” Shanna said grabbing a fleece throw off the back of the couch and gently draping it over them. “She’s really stressed.”

“School… Satan.” Chris said. “It’s a lot.”

“We should probably head out.” Scott said.

“I think I’m going to stick around. Make sure she actually gets some rest. And I’m pretty sure East’s not moving anytime.” Chris said as the dog started snoring again.

“Oh he’s not going anywhere.” Shanna said. “We’ll tell mom where you are.”

“Thanks.” Chris said before his siblings left. Chris looked around He shut off the TV and turned off the lights in the living room so Jamie could sleep better. The kitchen wasn’t too dirty. There were only a few dishes that needed to be put into the dishwasher.

Once that was done Chris went to the hallway closet and grabbed a blanket for himself before going back to the couch and finishing the movie. 

Every once in a while he would turn when East let out a loud snore, in case it was him waking up but no he was happy cuddling with Jamie.

He ended up falling asleep after the movie ended.

**Jamie’s POV-**

I was having a pretty nice dream. Maybe a little too nice. There was this really hot guy that worked in my lab. His name was Connor. He was a senior and was on the rowing team. Light brown wavy hair, tan, muscular arms. Really blue eyes.

Anyway in this dream we were in the lab making out. And it felt really real.

Then I opened my eyes and East was licking my face in a slobbery good morning kiss. I fell asleep cuddling him and my guess was I hadn’t move.

“Uh East.” I grumbled. “Too much love buddy.”

I let go of him and gently put him on the ground. I looked over and saw Chris snoring softly on the other couch.

East started whining, probably because he needed to go out. I started the coffee maker and slipped on some shoes and East’s leash before we went out. I always found it amazing how he would only do his business at the same specific spots. Once he was done and a bit tired out we headed back to the apartment.

Chris was already up sitting in the kitchen enjoying a cup of coffee.

“Morning.” I said.

“Morning.” Chris said. “You didn’t have to take him out, I could have done it.”

“You were asleep and my cuddle buddy really had to go.” I said putting out a water dish for him. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good, your couch is really comfortable.” Chris said.

“Liar.” I said. He had fallen asleep on the smaller couch and had to curl in on himself. “You know you could have slept in one of the rooms. I don’t mind.”

“Yeah just felt weird with you being on the couch to just leave you there.” He said.

“Well future reference, just sleep in the room. I’m sure your back and neck are going to be bothering you later.” I said as I poured myself some coffee.

“I’ll remember that. Are you feeling better?” Chris asked.

“Uh yeah. Don’t feel nauseous so that’s a good start.” I said.

“I was going to ask does that happen a lot?” He asked cautiously.

“Since I was a kid. Stress is a part of life I’ve gotten better at dealing with it but when it gets too much like having two finals a day for three days in a row and add to that impending doom of seeing Satan in person again for the first time in six years on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of the year, it’s a lot.” I said.

“If he upsets you that much you shouldn’t go.” Chris said.

“I don’t really have a choice.” I said. “I’ve worked way too hard the past two years to have to drop out because Satan’s throwing a tantrum.”

“How are you going to make it through dinner if you can’t even talk to him on the phone without throwing up?” Chris asked.

“Shouldn’t be too hard, there’s normally an open bar at these things.” I said.

“You’re going to drink your way through dinner?” Chris asked.

“Yup.” I said.

Of course things didn’t work out the way I thought they would.

**December 23, 2010**

To counteract the torture and just plain evil I was about to endure the following day I decided to spend the day at the Evans’. I dropped off my presents and helped finish up the last couple of touches to the kids costumes for the Christmas show.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay dear?” Lisa said. “You know we’d love to have you here.”

“And I’d love to be here but I don’t really have a choice.” I said. “It’s only a day and one dinner. One soul crushing dinner but afterwards maybe ten years until I have to see him again.”

“Well we’re going to miss you.” Carly said. “And we got your presents…”

“Oh no. I’m not opening those until I’m back on the twenty fifth. I’ll be here bright and early Christmas morning.”

“Hungover beyond belief.” Scott said.

“I don’t get hungover.” I said. “Drunk Jamie knows how to take care of sober Jamie. Lots of water and Gatorade to stay hydrated and loads of carbs in small does throughout the night.”

“Drunk Jamie knows what she’s doing.” Shanna said. “Though I still can’t figure out how you never get carded.”

“I have my ways.” I said. “And I should probably get going. I still need to figure out what I’m wearing and pack.”

“You’re only there for a day what are you going to pack?” Chris said.

“Well I need to have a cute but comfortable outfit for the plane. Then once I get to the house I’m going to need to change into something business casual for small talk, probably a lecture about what I need to start doing to prepare for business school…” I said.

“I thought you were a biochem double major?” Carly said.

“I am but he doesn’t need to know that.” I said. “Then I’m going to need a dress for dinner, another airplane outfit and Christmas morning outfit.”

“You mean Pjs right? Because that’s what we’re all going to be wearing.” Scott said.

“That narrows it down.” I said.

“I’ll walked you to your car.” Chris said.

Once we were outside.

“You sure about this?” Chris said.

“As I’ll ever be.” I said.

“Call me if anything happens or you need to hear a friendly voice.” Chris said. “I’ll have my phone on me the entire time.”

“Not the entire time I hope. You need to enjoy your Christmas be with the people that love you.” I said.

“You know they love you too right?” Chris said.

“I know. I’m adorable. I’ll see you Christmas morning.” I said.

“Want me to drive you to the airport?” He said.

“Chris, stop worrying.” I said putting a hand gently on his shoulder. “I’ve got this.”

“I know you do.” He said hugging me. “I’ll see you Christmas morning.”

“Merry Christmas.” I said getting in the car before driving off. Packing was surprisingly easy. I seriously doubted Satan would care what I was wearing, he’d find something to pick at.

For the flight I settled on black fitted slacks, a black long sleeved cashmere sweater and a grey wool duster coat. For shoes I opted for black suede pointed toe heels.

(Outfit on the right)

The heels were going to kill me on that six hour flight, maybe this time I would use the complimentary slippers they offered in first class. The cab ride to the airport was uneventful. I took a few melatonin pills to help me sleep on the flight.

Check in was a hassle but since I didn’t have any luggage it was fast. The plane ride was bumpy, someone said something about a snowstorm moving in from the Atlantic. Once I arrived I headed to the Arrivals floor to wait for the car the invitation said would be waiting for me.

Except no car was there. For someone that was very insistent I show up for dinner and wouldn’t take no for an answer it really didn’t seem like it. So I hailed a cab and went to the address on the invitation.

I showed up and was greeted by a huge For sale sign with a sold sticker being placed over it.

“Uh… I’m sorry I might have the wrong address.” I told the realtor.

“Must be, the owner hasn’t lived here in years.” The realtor said ignoring me. Then the imperial march started.

“James where the fuck are you? The driver I sent to pick you up from the airport said you never showed up.” Satan said.

“I don’t know what he’s talking about he never showed up so I took a cab to the address and turns out the house was sold?” I said.

“Idiot you probably didn’t read it right. I haven’t sold my house.” Satan said.

“I’m standing right in front of it.” I said.

“I’m looking outside and you’re not here.” He said.

“What?” I said.

“What airport did you fly into La Guardia or JFK? I know you didn’t go to Newark.” He said.

“JFK? I’m in LA.” I said.

“What the fuck are you doing in LA?!” He shouted.

“Well I thought you lived here and the address on the invitation was in LA.” I said.

“No dumbass, don’t you ever read the news? I moved out of that shithole five years ago.” He said. “You can seriously never do anything right. Lucky for you I knew you’d screw up again and Pam changed her mind. She doesn’t want a family dinner anymore we’re going skiing in the Alps instead. Don’t bother coming you wouldn’t make it in time for Christmas dinner anyway.”

With that he hung up.

“Fucking asshole.” I said looking at my old childhood home. Good riddance nothing good ever happened in there. I called a cab and went back to the airport. If I was lucky I might be able to make it in time for Christmas eve dinner and the kids show.

Of course Satan had to ruin Christmas. He had to choose the Christmas a freak snow storm hit the north eastern united states and grounded all flights to send me the wrong invitation. The flight I managed to get on was stranded.

“Fucking hell.” I cursed as I saw the departures board changed to Delayed or Cancelled.

So I did the only think I could. I went to the airport pub and ordered a beer. Halfway through my first pint my phone started playing the national anthem.

“Good morning.” Chris said.

“Morning.” I said taking a sip of my beer.

“So how’s it going?” Chris asked.

“It’s not.” I said. “Turns out Satan moved to New York five years ago and never said anything. I didn’t know until I showed up and saw the for sale sign posted on the yard.”

“Shit. Did you call your dad?” Chris asked.

“I did. Turns out Stepmom number four changed her mind and doesn’t want to have a family dinner anymore… well not with me anyway. They’re going skiing in Switzerland. Told me not to bother trying to meet them there because I wouldn’t make it in time for dinner anyway so I’m currently at the airport waiting for the next flight to Boston but they’re all grounded. Looks like I’m spending Christmas with my friends Jose, Jack, and Jameson.” I said.

“It’s still early.” He said.

“They’re calling it the snowstorm of the century.” I said. “It’s not looking good. How’s it going with you?”

“Well I have twenty Rudolphs who want me to say Flame On.” Chris said and I started laughing.

“I never even thought of that.” I said imagining that and then realizing for the first time in my life I was genuinely alone on Christmas. No friends to get drunk with or play board game with. No one who even knew me. And that… that really hurt.

“You still there?” Chris asked.

“Yeah.” I said feeling my eyes with unshed tears. “Just gas bubble went up my nose. Kind of burned a bit. Ah…”

“Might want to slow down. It’s early.” He said.

“It’s just one beer and not like I’m going anywhere.” I said before I heard someone on the background of his line. “You should probably go, tell the kids to break a leg for me. And explain to them what that means, they might take it literally.”

“I will. I’ll check in on you later.” Chris said. “And call me if anything changes.”

“I already sent you my flight info. Stay warm in the snow.” I said before I hung up. I leaned against my hands. My elbows were on the bar and I squeezed my eyes shut tight trying to compose myself. Taking a deep breath I wiped my face.

“Can I get you anything else hun?” The bartender asked.

“Yeah, a glass of Jameson and an order of Fish n chips. And keep the Jameson coming.” I said.

I’d always heard that Bartenders were the poor man’s therapist. I was poor, maybe not in the way most people describe being poor but I was. Years of being in denial wasn’t going to change that.

I sat in that airport bar looking at pictures my friends posted on Facebook of how they were spending their holidays surrounded by their families. Divorced parents that after years of hating each other realized that even if they didn’t love each other anymore they were still each other’s best friends. Parents that while they didn’t always go about showing it the right way truly did love their kid.

And then there was me, a depressing plate of half eaten fish and chips, a glass of whiskey, and two parents that would rather pay to make sure I stayed away with other kids they were proud to call their own.

Jameson wasn’t going to cut it.

**One Hour Later…**

“Harvard you totally can’t do it.” Liam, one of a group of soldiers that were also stranded due to the snowstorm said.

A father and his son didn’t have anywhere to sit so I gave up my seat at the bar. Sure it probably wasn’t the best parenting to take your kid to a bar on Christmas eve, but they were spending it together and I was emotional. Whiskey did that to me.

When the guys saw what I did they offered me a spot at their table which led to us drinking together and playing games like two truths and a lie or daring each other to try drinks.

“Half a pint of Guinness, with a mixed shot of Baileys and Jameson dunked in it? Easy.” I said as the waitress placed the shot and beer glass in front of me. “If I do this, you all do Yaeger bombs.”

“Oh come on.” One of the guys said. “Yaeger is gross.”

“This Bailey’s is starting to curd. Suck it up Marine.” I said.

It was one in the morning and I was pretty messed up. I probably wasn’t making sense, but I had a black card with no limit, I was lonely, and there was no way I was going to make it in time for Christmas morning. I could cry about it or I could commiserate and drink our country’s troops. I chose the latter.

I picked up the shot dunked it and chugged before slamming the glass on the table.

“Drink up boys.” I said feeling slightly grossed out.

“Okay I’ve got to ask. Harvard, you’re funny, you’re smart, I’m drunk but one of the three of you that’s flying around in front of me is hot… what the fuck are you doing here?” John the drunkest of the three said.

“My dad… is a dick.” I said putting up a finger. “Don’t be a dick to your daughters because then they’re going to end up alone in an airport on Christmas eve getting drunk with a bunch of strangers and they might not be as nice as you guys.”

“I really hope it’s not a girl.” Liam said talking about the baby his girlfriend back home was expecting. “I’m a dick.”

“But you know you are and that makes all the difference.” I said.

“Attention travelers, Flight 2402 LA to Boston will start boarding momentarily. Please make your way to the gate.” The speaker lady said.

“Oh shit that’s mine!” I said. “Fuck you dad!”

“I really hope it’s not a girl.” Liam said.

“Guys it’s been real you’re… fuck I’m gonna cry.” I said. “Okay one more round of shots. To the best fucking marines you can meet at an airport bar. You guys.. really are the best of the best.”

“You know I thought you were going to be a stuck up cunt but you’re not.” John said. “You’re just as fucked up as the rest of us and you know it.”

“I’m probably more fucked up.” I said laughing. “Stay toasty.”  
  


“Frosty.” They said.

“You’re right it’s Christmas.” I said downing my shot before picking up my things and stumbling to my gate. Don’t know how I got on the right plane but I did.

I was proud of myself. I drank through Christmas eve and made it through an almost six hour flight without throwing up. No way I was showing my face at Lisa’s house the way I was right now but it was good to be back.

I walked out of the terminal to the arrivals gate when I saw the last person I thought I’d see at an airport at five something in the morning on Christmas day.

Chris was wearing a dark navy coat, blue Pats scarf, dark jeans and Timberlake boots, a Pats cap and aviators. He was holding up a paper with J. Becker on it.

I snorted as I walked toward him.

“You should be asleep.” I said.

“Nah, it’s Christmas. I’m trying to see if I can catch Santa.” Chris said.

“You’re such a dork.” I said.

“I know.” He said hugging me. I smiled and put my arms around him. I didn’t know how much I needed this.

“You give the best hugs.” I said burying my face in Chris’ chest. “You’re like a human teddy bear.”

Chris chuckled. “Are you drunk?” he asked.

“Probably I drank a lot of whiskey. I feel pretty gross actually.” I answered as he pulled away and I whined.

“Come on, Let’s get you some coffee and a lot of greasy salty bacon. There’s nothing better for a hangover.” He said taking my bag and carrying it for me while I leaned against him as we walked to his car.

We drove for a bit before we got to a diner.

“Oh…” I groaned as the smell of bacon hit me.

“Just take a few bites. It’ll make you feel better.” Chris said sipping his coffee while giving me a concerned look.

“Just need a minute.” I said taking a sip of my coffee. “Need to wake up.”

“How are you feeling?” Chris said.

“Jetlagged and hungover. Not a great combo.” I said finally reaching for the bacon.

“I meant more feeling… emotionally about your dad?” He said.

“I’m fine.” I said. “He’s a dick. Nothing new.”

“Yeah.” Chris said.

“How was the show?” I asked hoping he’d get the hint to drop the subject.

“It was… just like any other Christmas show.” Chris said. “The kids were great. I think their Rudolph is getting better.”

“That’s good.” I said.

“I think we’ve got time to stop by your place and make it in time for presents.” He said.

“I should probably sit this one out.” I said. “I’m a mess.”

“Which is why we’re stopping at your place.” He said.

“Chris I’m drunk.” I said.

“You’re the most sober drunk person I’ve ever met. You’ll feel better once you eat.” Chris said but I wasn’t convinced this was the best idea. “I’m not leaving you alone, especially not today. Christmas is for family, and you’re family. So eat.”

Chris moved the plate of bacon closer to me.

If he noticed me start to tear up after that he didn’t say anything. I ate my bacon and finished sobering up. We stopped by my apartment and I showered. Two plane trips, an all night drinking marathon and being stuck in LA traffic for hours made anyone stink.

I got dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater but…

“You’re going to have to change.” Chris said when he saw me.

“What’s wrong with this?” I asked.

“Nothing but uh… we wear matching pjs for Christmas.” Chris said handing me a wrapped gift. I looked at him confused but took the gift and saw red flannel bottoms with a black long sleeved top. “It was my year to pick.”

“I can tell.” I said. “Should I take clothes for later?”

“No we spend all day in pajamas.” Chris said.

“Just give me a sec.” I said before going to change. Once that was done we quickly drove to the house hoping to get there before everyone woke up. We quietly walked into the house. Everyone was still asleep.

“I’m gonna go change, make yourself at home.” Chris said just as East started whining.

“Want me to let him out?” I asked.

“Yeah, If you can.” He said running upstairs. I walked to the laundry room where East was kicking up a storm. I had to laugh when I say him dressed in a flannel vest.

“Oh who’s a handsome boy.” I said petting him. “Let’s go wizz before your dad gets back.”

I let him out into the back year which was covered in snow. It was a truly white Christmas, the way it was meant to be celebrated. It also meant it was cold as hell so East quickly did his business before running back inside.

I cleaned up East’s water bowl and placed it back down just as Chris came down.

“Did he actually go out in this? He’s normally a big baby when it comes to snow.” Chris said.

“You would be too if you had to go out barefoot.” I said as he started the coffeemaker.

“Chris, what are you doing up so early?” Lisa said walking in still half asleep.

“Oh nothing just picking up one Christmas surprise from the airport.” Chris said.

“Merry Christmas.” I said popping up from the laundry room.

“Jamie!” Lisa said rushing to hug me. “Oh I’m so glad you’re here sweetheart and you’re in your pjs.”

“Can’t break tradition.” I said.

“You must be hungry. I’m going to start making breakfast.” Lisa said. “I’m thinking pancakes eggs and bacon.”

“Yum.” I said. “What can I help with?”

“You can sit down and relax.” She said.

“I want to help.” I insisted. “And I’m not taking no for an answer. So put me to work.”

“Alright then, can you make the scrambled eggs while I make the pancakes?” Lisa suggested.

“How about waffles?” Chris said lifting up a waffle iron.

“I’ll make the waffles then.” Lisa said.

“And I’ll make the bacon.” Chris said.

So we got to it… we were almost done making everything when Scott and Shanna walked in.

“Jamie!” Scott said picking me up and spinning me.

“Wah!” I cried out in surprise.

“You made it!” Shanna said hugging me from behind sandwiching me in a hug with her brother.

“I did say I’d be here.” I said. “Even if I cut it close.”

“Everyone sit down, we’re going to open presents after breakfast.” Lisa said.

“Yes Ma.” They all said.

“I see you got your matching pjs.” Scott said.

“Chris always picks flannel.” Shanna said.

“I like flannel, it’s warm and cozy.” I said.

“Not another one.” Scott said. “This is almost as bad as the way you eat cereal.”

“It’s not weird.” I said.

“It’s weird.” Chris and Scott said.

“What’s weird about eating cereal?” Shanna said.

“Jamie pours the milk before the cereal.” Chris said.

“Seriously?” Shanna said. “But how do… Won’t it overflow?”

“That’s why you add the cereal little by little. It also helps to make sure it won’t get too soggy.” I said. Banshee was the one that taught me to do that before the incident. Milk had less calories than most cereals and less carbs so I wouldn’t be bloated.

“That’s weird.” Shanna said.

“Like putting pineapple on pizza.” Chris said.

“I do that.” Shanna said.

“Fruit doesn’t belong on pizza.” Chris said.

“Tomato is a fruit.” Lisa said.

“That’s not the same.” Chris said.

“It is a fruit though.” I said.

When we finished eating and Carly got there with Brian both of whom greeted me with huge hugs we started opening presents.

“Alright everyone you know the drill. We go clockwise taking turns passing out presents, we open and then continue.” Lisa said. “I’ll go first.”

Everyone got a present and then we opened it.

Mine had a red knit scarf and matching beanie. The scarf had my initials stitched on it.

“It’s soft. Thank you.” I said.

“I thought of you when I saw it, red really brings out your eyes and I used blue to stitch your name because it’s your favorite color.” Lisa said. I smiled at the sweet gesture. I doubt either of my parents even knew what my favorite color was or what color my eyes were.

I got a makeup palate from Shanna, a huge set of pastry decorating frosting tips with a cookbook from Carly and Brian, a new leather laptop/bookbag from Scott and from Chris a Pat’s Jersey with Tom Brady’s number.

“Okay my turn.” I said grabbing everything. “Lisa, Shanna, Carly, and guys I’m sorry but you’re gonna have to share… and wait thirteen months to use it.”

“Seriously?” Scott said.

“Not much of a present.” Brian said.

“Small too.” Chris said as they took the envelopes.

“Oh Jamie this is beautiful.” Lisa said opening up the locket I had gotten her. It was gold and engraved with vines and her first initial and inside were pictures of her kids from thanksgiving.

“Ah!!” Shanna screamed when she opened hers. “Oh my gosh it’s next season’s bag! This isn’t even out in stores yet! How did you get this?”

“I have connections.” I said.

“This is… This is the perfect shoe.” Carly said. “This is exactly what I wanted. How did you find these?”

Carly had been having some trouble finding the right shoes to wear with her wedding dress. Nothing seemed right. She wanted a style similar to her favorite comfortable heels that matched the dress perfectly. So during one of the fittings I snapped a few close ups at the details of the dress sent them to a friend from boarding school that was in design school in Paris and asked her if she could make me something.

“Connections.” I said.

“AHHHHHH!” the guys screamed.

“You got us a box for the 2012 Superbowl!!!!” The screamed.

“Jamie this is too much!” Brian said.

“This is insane!” Scott said.

“How did you even get this? I’m still on the waiting list for a seat in a shared one.” Chris said.

“I know a guy who’s really bad at poker.” I said just as East waddled over. “And last but not least…”

I pulled out a big bone with a bow on it.

“All yours buddy.” I said petting his head before he ran off with the bone.

“We’re not going to see him for the rest of the day.” Chris said.

“All right then. Everyone get together for a picture.” Lisa said.

We all squeezed in together and smiled.

Carly and Shanna had to leave shortly after and visit Brian’s family. The rest of us crowded in for a day of TV and video games.

“We’re watching it.” Scott said.

“No it’s Christmas.” Chris said.

“That’s why we’re watching it.” Scott said.

“You guys have this fight every year.” Shanna said.

“What are they fighting about?” I asked her.

“We’re watching the nightmare before Christmas.” Scott said.

“It’s Christmas, that’s not a Christmas movie we should watch Elf or something.” Chris argued.

“The Nightmare before Christmas is a Christmas movie.” I said. “It has Christmas in the name. Plus the songs are catchy.”

“Two votes for Jack Skellington. We’re watching it.” Scott said setting up the movie.

“It’s still not a Christmas movie.” Chris said.

“Santa comes out.” I said.

“They kidnap Santa.” He said.

“And rescue him.” I said just as East sat between us on the couch. “Oh cheer up. We can sing along. You know you want to”

That made him smile. He could never say no to a sing along. We were so distracted by our talk we didn’t notice Lisa snapping a photo of the two of us smiling while we looked at each other while East wagged his tail.

Of course as always ended up happening when we watched a movie, I fell asleep with my favorite cuddle buddy. Overall what started as one of the worst Christmas’ I’ve ever had ended up being the best Christmas I ever had. Not because I got some extremely outrageously expensive gift or because I went to an epic party but because I was surrounded by people that actually cared about me.

Man I really sound like a Hallmark movie. Fucking Whiskey…


	12. Chapter 12

2011 came with some new challenges.

Communication with Satan had gone back to being nonexistant aside from my alimony payments. Banshee was in the middle of another divorce and using me as a punching bag. Mostly texting me about photos of me she saw on Facebook or just sending me extra small clothing, diet pills and other things to motivate me to lose weight.

**March 2011-**

I woke up in a great mood. The sun was shining even if it was still a bit breezy. I felt confident in my fitted black slacks, my white button down shirt under a black cashmere knit sweater and black heels. My hair was down but looked great despite the weather. It was going to be a great day.

I was nearing the end of my second year of college and I had to declare a major which was completely normal and I had no problem with. I had decided to double major in biology and chemistry. I had taken the courses required and my GPA was perfect so I had nothing to worry about.

Wrong.

I showed up to my appointment with the academic counselor feeling on top of the world.

“Jamie I have to say I’m impressed, you’ve been taking some of the hardest classes we offer for freshman and sophmores, for two majors, double a full load and your GPA is perfect.” She said.

“I put in a lot of hours in the library and at home.” I said.

“I can see that. I see you are right on track for both majors and I’m going to approve your change in major right now.” She said. “Now let’s talk about your plans.”

“Plans?” I asked. “I know what classes I want to take next semester.”

“That’s good but I meant for after graduation.” She said.

“Uh I hadn’t really thought that far ahead.” I said. “I mean that’s still two years away.”

“Yes but you do need to start making plans now. The job market is really competitive right now and if you’re considering grad school or health professional school you really need to start networking for those letters of recommendation.” She said. “Plus there’s the MCAT and the GRE you need to prepare for… requirements are always changing…”

All I heard was wah wah wah… grad school, test. Letters of recommendation, buckle down, time is running out, clock is ticking, think about your future, you’re falling behind… I don’t want you to fail…

Any confidence I had going in was gone.

I went from having time to having no time at all.

Suffice to say she threw me off. She threw me off a lot. I thought counselors were there to help you not crush your soul.

I had a fitting right after for my bridesmaid dress. One look at me and Shanna, Carly and Lisa knew something was wrong.

“Sweetie are you okay?” Lisa said.

“Uh yeah just had a meeting with my school counselor.” I said.

“Ooooh did she send you to the principal’s office?” Shanna said.

“No she told me if I didn’t decide what I was ruining my life by no knowing what I want to do.” I said.

“Jamie you’re 19.” Carly said. “No one has their life figured out at 19. You think you do but you don’t.”

“Tell that to any college counselor, I’m supposed to know what I want to do after I graduate when I just figured out what I want to study and I don’t have as much time as I thought I did because there are things I need to start doing, networking for people to get me job interviews, tests and pretest I need to take for grad school, and then there’s applying and you know each grad school app can cost up to 200 dollars plus the three hundred for the test to even be able to apply and the cost of traveling for the interviews. And a perfect GPA isn’t enough to even get in so what the fuck have I been doing the past two years…” I said until Lisa put a hand on my shoulder.

“Jamie… sweetie I need you to…” Lisa started before my phone started ringing and it was the Imperial March.

“Oh no.” Shanna said.

“Is that…” Carly started.

“Satan.” I said closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. “It’s probably just a text.”

“Uh It’s not.” Shanna said lifting up my phone so I could see.

“Okay, It’s the end of the first quarter. He’s probably in a rush so this’ll be quick. Excuse me.” I said walking a bit away so I could take the call. “Good afternoon sir.”

_“James,” he said sounding completely disinterested. “Good of you to answer… one on the right…”_

“Uh…” I said. Was he talking to someone else?

_“Right what was I saying… “ he said._

_“Your meeting with the Dean and president sir?” His assistant said in the background._

_“Yes, James I’m going to be in town next week,” he said._

“You are?” I said feeling the chills run up my spine.

_“It’s alumni weekend as you’re aware…” he said_.

“It is?” I said to myself.

_“I’m meeting with the Dean and President of the university. We’re having dinner after. It’s time we started discussing your future.” Satan said._

Why was everyone suddenly obsessed with my future?

“It is?” I said again.

_“Did I fucking stutter? Honestly how the hell did you even get into Harvard?” He said. “Just like your mother. Thinks she’s smarter than she really is. At least Vivienne was nice to look at and had a good ass.”_

“I’m still on the line.” I reminded him cringing.

_“Who the fuck did you think I was talking to?!” He said. “We’re having dinner, Look presentable, I know your mother sends you some of her overpriced rags.”_

“Sir I do have exams next week…” I started saying.

_“And you have to eat at some point even if you are going to puke it up later.” He said. “My assistant will send you the details.”_

With that he hung up.

“Shit.” I groaned before I walked back to the main area.

“Everything okay?” Carly asked.

“Yeah that was just Satan calling to let me know he’s going to be in town next week and we’re having dinner.” I said.

“That’s nice.” Lisa said.

“He wants to talk about my future.” I said.

“Oh…Well at least you didn’t throw up this time.” Shanna said.

“I haven’t eaten all day.” I said. “So that probably helped.”

“Jamie, it’s almost four.” Lisa said. “We’re going to go eat something as soon as we’re out.”

We did. Well I tried to. I ate a few bites of salad and a bit of a sandwich but my appetite was gone.

I was at home just getting ahead on some studying but I couldn’t focus. So I went up to the roof to smoke a cigarette. It was a bad habit of mine. Banshee sent me one as an April fools joke because she read somewhere that smoking helped people lose weight. It also gave people cancer. I had quit but every once in a while I slipped up. Mostly when one of the two showed up or threatened to show up.

It was a bit of a miracle I didn’t slip up during Christmas. Probably because I Chris, Scott and everyone distracting me.

The week that followed wasn’t great. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t eat. I was smoking which to anyone who knew me, namely Lexie and Blair was a red flag.

“Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.” Blair said during one of our group video calls. I was up on the rooftop patio while we were talking so I could smoke.

“If you think it’s a cigarette then you’d be right.” I said taking a puff.

“James fucking Becker.” Lexie said before sighing. “Which one is it this time?”

“Satan.” I said.

“Ooh…” They both said.

“He’s going to be in town next week, wants to have dinner, to talk about my future.” I said taking another very long drag.

“Have you figured out what you’re doing?” Blair asked.

“Yeah Blair, I’m just slowly killing myself by inhaling poison because I have everything figured out.” I said.

“And I’m guessing banshee’s still texting.” Lexie said.

“You’d be right.” I said.

“Well your dad may have a point.” Blair said.

“Blair!” Lexie said sternly.

“I’m sorry but it’s true. This isn’t high school anymore. College sets the path for our future. You need to have a plan for where you’re going so you don’t get lost the way you two have been.” She said.

“Excusez Moi?” Lexie and I said.

“You wasted an entire year wandering around trying to find yourself only to end up right back where you started. And you’ve been so distracted with your new adopted family they’ve basically taken over your life.” Blair said.

“I didn’t waste a year, I realized school was where I was going to find my real self and I’m working on it.” Lexie said.

“And I’m not wasting time. Yeah I spend a lot of time with Chris’ family but I haven’t dropped the ball on anything. I have a perfect GPA, higher than yours I might add, working on two science majors, I do research and I volunteer.” I said.

“Yes two majors that won’t get you anywhere with just a bachelors, you wash glasses by hand and you help the poor and old for free, like that’s going to get you anywhere. How is that a career?” She said.

“And that’s the elitist snob in you talking.” I said. 

“No that’s the realist.” Blair said. “Wake up Jamie you have no real employable life skills.”

“And you do?” Lexie said. “All you do is pick outfits to go to parties and talks about place settings and parties to help out people that aren’t even invited to those parties hanging off the arm of whatever guy gives you the time of day. Face it B you’re one payday away from being an escort. So get off your high horse.”

“I’ll have you know I’m running for class president.” Blair said.

“And? That’s a popularity contest. You’re basically trying to relive high school.” I said putting out my cigarette.

“I want to be a powerful woman and the first step is…” She started.

“There are different types of power Blair and you don’t have to be a bitch to get any of them.” Lexie said before logging out.

“College is hard and we all deal with stress differently so I get why you’re lashing out. If you feel like talking when you calm down you know how to reach us.” I said before hanging up.

Well I’m screwed. The clock was ticking.

The week that followed wasn’t great.

Lexie and Blair weren’t talking to each other, Lisa, Shanna and Carly texted me every day to check in on me. Chris had sent me a few texts but he was too busy filming press junkets and getting ready to film Avengers which he was under death threat if he ever tried to slip the smallest possible spoiler.

Scott had called a few times and we still played Call of Duty online. It was a good distraction if only for a little while.

And the day of the dinner, I was smoking like a chimney. I went through almost an entire pack just that day.

I went through my closet before I finally settled on a gold stoned embellished body con mini dress with silver metallic pointed toe pumps. I straightened my hair leaving it down but parted to the side.

“You can do this.” I said looking at myself In the car mirror as I sat in the car parked outside the restaurant. “It’s just one dinner. There’s not going to be a lot to eat but there will be booze which we can’t have because we’re driving but it’ll keep him distracted. Just smile and nod. If he asks you a question you know it’s a trick. As long as you don’t mention the fact that you’re not majoring in business, you don’t talk about politics, your mother or just about yourself in general you might make it out of here in less than an hour. And all will be right with the world.”

I took a deep breath before getting out of the car and walking in.

“Can I help you miss?” The hostess said.

“I’m here to meet someone, Reservation under Becker?” I said.

“Ah Miss Becker, we’ve been expecting you. Please follow me, your father is waiting.” She said.

Oh fuck, that’s never good. We were already off to a bad start. I was led through the restaurant towards the back where there were partitions between the tables and plenty of space between them.

“Your table ma’am.” The hostess said.

“Thank you.” I said. “Good to see you sir…”

“You’re late.” He said looking at his blackberry and not even looking up at me. “Don’t know why I bought you a car if you’re going to be late.”

“I miscalculated the time it’d take to get here, won’t happen again.” I said.

“Hm.” He said putting the phone down and looking at his menu.

I put my clutch to the side and picked up the menu. I probably wasn’t going to eat but I had to order something so I went with the most expensive thing on the menu so he’d have to leave a bigger tip.

“How are you liking Harvard?” he said.

“It’s…” I started.

“The best school there is and by some miracle you were accepted and have made it almost two years.” Satan said. “The next two years are critical. I’m going to be frank with you. I’ve never had any expectations you’d make it this far. You’ve been a constant disappointment since the day you were born.”

“That’s very nice of you to say.” I said sarcastically.

“Oh shut up.” He said. “Your grandfather used to say that sarcasm was a metric for potential, if you were a man I’d say you’d do amazing things one day but you’re not.”

“I’ve heard great things about the lobster.” I said turning my attention to the menu. Why didn’t I take a taxi? I could be drinking right now.

“He’d be better off without you.” Satan said looking at my wrist where my soul mark was. “He’d never have to know the disappointment I do every time I remember you exist.”

“Yet you’re here right now.” I said.

“Well I’m stuck with you and the rest of the brats. Four wives and not one of them could give me a son to pass on the family name so I’m making do with what I’ve got.” He said. “You’re staying in Boston for another four years. You’ll finish your bachelor’s degree before getting your MBA at Harvard. I’ve already secured you a spot in the Class of 2015. You’ll be working at the company offices here in Boston, learning the ropes and during summers you’ll be in London, or Dallas, Dubai or wherever I’m not.”

“Do I get a say?” I asked.

“Your job is to sit there and look pretty. You’re already doing one of those.” Satan said.

He continued berating me for the next hour. Alternating between telling me where I was going to be in ten years and how much I’ve screwed up and disappointed him.

Finally he stood up.

“I have a flight to catch. I’m sure you can figure out a way home.” He said.

“And if I decide to do something else?” I finally said.

“James what else would you do? It’s not like you’re good at anything.” He said.

“Maybe that’s something I should figure out.” I said.

“Sure and while you’re doing that you can figure out how you’re going to pay for a roof over your head, a car and everything else I pay for. I doubt you’d get very far.” He said before walking away.

I sat there for a while staring at the lobster I didn’t even touch.

“Would you like that packed to go Miss?” The waiter asked. I was pretty sure they didn’t normally allow that. I must really look pathetic right now.

“Uh no that’s okay. Is the bill settled?” I asked.

“Yes ma’am.” He said.

“Whatever you put on the tip, double it. Some good should come out of this.” I said.

“Of course.” He said as I got up and walked out of the restaurant.

As confused as I felt before about my future dinner with Satan only made it worse. I got home but instead of going into my apartment I went up to the roof to smoke some more. I was smoking again staring up at the sky totally lost when my phone started ringing. This time it was the national anthem and a skype call making me laugh.

I put the cigarette out and answered.

“Hey you.” I said.

“Jamie. Fuck it’s so good to see you.” Chris said.

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” I said.

“I’ve heard you say worse.” He said making me laugh.

“Yeah you have.” I said smiling.

“You okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine. Just tired.” I said. “It’s been one hell of a week.”

“What happened?” Chris asked.

“Nothing important. Just overthinking again.” I said. “How was your week?”

“It was the worst part of the job played on a loop.” He said. “All week long. What were you overthinking? Come on. I miss being home and not having to deal with all of this. Tell me something. It’ll keep me sane.”

“Uh I had my fitting for my bridesmaid’s dress.” I said. “Had to ask them to redo the skirt because it was too sheer. Only noticed because it’s almost laundry day and your mom noticed my underwear said juicy on the back of them. In bright red letters.”

“No.” Chris said.

“Yeah…” I said before he started laughing bending over and grabbing his left pec.

“There’s nothing wrong with a juicy butt.” Chris said.

“Yeah but I shouldn’t broadcast it to all the moms in the world.” I said. “How’s my cuddle buddy doing?”

“He’s good. Just got back from a walk and he’s knocked out. Think his age is starting to catch up with him.” Chris said.

“He’s still a puppy at heart.” I said.

“You look tired.” He said. “Been overdoing it again.”

“No just the usual.” I said. “Looked up the reviews for Cap, they’re looking good. Feeling less anxious now?”

“Not really.” Chris said. “But it’s one less thing to worry about.”

“Did you always know what you wanted to do?” I asked him.

“You mean Act? Uh no.” He said. “Ma’s always been involved in the theater so I was a part of it growing up. One way or another. But it wasn’t until New York, I got into this summer program that it really clicked for me. Like I just knew that’s what I was supposed to be doing.”

“Like a gut feeling?” I asked.

“In a way.” Chris said. “My dad wanted me to go to school and I wasn’t the worst student but I wanted actual experience. Ma encouraged me to go. I guess she always knew that’s the direction I was heading in.”

“Lisa is amazing at reading people.” I said.

“It’s a mom thing.” Chris said.

‘Not every mom.’ I thought.

“You ever get that feeling for anything?” he asked.

“Not really.” I said. “I don’t know… everyone has that thing they’re really good at but for me I was good at everything or I worked and worked at it until I was. I’ve never had that gut feeling telling me that, where you just know that’s what I’m supposed to be doing.”

“Well not everyone gets that early on and you’re still young.” Chris said. “You’re only 19, you have time.”

“Yeah.” I said.

But time had a tendency to fly. And then the worst thing ever happened. Well at the time it felt like the worst thing ever. After hardly sleeping for a week I finished my midterms I was a bit sensitive and was ready to coma out but I didn’t.

Lisa had sent me a text that she was expecting at the house for dinner or she was going to come to me and take me there herself.

Chris and his siblings had no idea how lucky they were.

So After a shower and many, many cups of coffee I made my way to the Evans house for dinner. I had taken a nap but still felt pretty crappy.

I knocked on the door and Shanna answered.

“Wow you look like crap.” Shanna said.

“Feel like it too.” I said walking in. “I didn’t have time to bake anything do I just stopped by that bakery you all mentioned you like and brought treats.”

“Oh sweet.” She said.

“You’re alive!” Carly said.

“Haha.” I said hugging her.

“Rough week?” Lisa asked.

“Midterms.” I said. “I can still see chemical structures when I close my eyes.”

“Well at least it’s spring break. A whole two weeks off from school.” Shanna said. “You have any plans?”

“I’m going to sleep… a lot.” I answered. “On my bed. With no books.”

“You’re really not going anywhere?” Carly asked.

“My friends are… kind of dealing with some stuff right now and aren’t talking to each other.” I said. “As for school friends they’re all going home to see their families.”

“Well since you’re not going anywhere I expect you here for dinner every night. We missed having you around.” Lisa said giving me a side hug before she paused and looked concerned. “Have you lost weight?”

“Don’t think so.” I said looking confused. I’m pretty sure I had actually gained weight.

Dinner was exactly what I needed and did help with accomplishing my goal of going into a food coma. We had moved into the living room to continue chatting when my phone dinged.

“Oh exam scores are in.” I said opening up the email and going to check.

“And? How’d it go?” Carly said.

“A in Chemistry, A in biochemistry, A , A , And… oh.” I said. “That’s not an A…”

“Jamie it’s okay.” Shanna said.

“That’s not an A.” I said again staring at the blemish on an otherwise perfect midterm scoresheet.

“Sweetie it’s okay. It’s just a midterm.” Carly said.

“It’s over… My 4.0 is gone.” I said still in shock

“Ma I’m home!!!” Scott called out as he walked into the living room. “Oh who died?”

“My future.” I said falling into a pillow.

“Huh?” Scott said.

“Jamie got her midterm scores and she didn’t do so great on one.” Lisa said.

“Jamie it’s okay.” Scott said.

“GPA is forever.” I groaned. I wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there until the end of time.

“It’s okay so… chemistry…” he said not sounding to sure.

“Calculus.” I said.

“Oh no wonder. Calculus is like the hardest subject there is. It’s like letters and numbers put together. It’s okay. It’s just one test…” Scott said picking up my phone. “That you got a B on. A B Jamie really?”

“I know I’m a failure.” I said.

“You got a B in Calculus?” Carly said.

“Dude I passed with a D in high school and did everything I could to never have to take it again in college.” Shanna said.

“But it’s not an A.” I said.

“It’s a midterm. You’ll be fine.” Lisa said.

“I mean you can bring your grade up. You still have a few months.” Carly said.

“How did this happen? I study, I don’t procrastinate, I thought hard work was supposed to pay off.” I said.

“Maybe you worked too hard.” Scott said. “I mean sis I love you like but you look like crap.”

“I feel like it too.” I said. “I think I’m just going to go home and sleep until breaks over. Think about where it all went wrong. Oh I really hope Satan doesn’t hear about this, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

After getting a bunch of packed leftovers to go I went home and maybe cried myself to sleep. I had never gotten anything lower than an A- and that was only because our running test in PE happened right before it was going to rain.

I woke up the next morning to Scott and Shanna knocking at my door.

“Oh look you’re up.” Shanna said.

“That’s kind of what people do when someone knocks on their door.” I said letting them in.

“Well seeing as you’re on break and really need a break. We’re kidnapping you.” Scott said.

“Well he’s kidnapping you. I’m just here to help get you out the door.” Shanna said.

“Huh?” I said confused as to what exactly they meant by kidnapping.

“It’s spring break. You’re 19 and you’ve been working way too hard. You need a break.” Scott said.

“But…” I started.

“No buts.” Shanna said. “Or I’m calling Ma and Carly.”

“Guess I should get dressed. Where exactly am I getting kidnapped to?” I asked.

“Somewhere warm and sunny.” Scott said. “Come on, don’t want to miss our flight.”

“I’ll pack for you.” Shanna said following me to my room.

“Is this an over night trip?” I asked.

“Two weeks, need to make sure you actually relax.” Scott said.

“I can relax here.” I said.

“Why is your math book open on the table.” Shanna said.

“Two weeks. Come on, it’ll be fun.” He said.

“If you say so.” I said pulling out the first thing I saw from my closet. It ended up being a pair of distressed black skinny jeans a white t shirt and a light blue denim jacket. I didn’t feel like wearing heels so I went with some black slip on shoes. If it was going to be sunny where we were going I grabbed a white cap and a pair of ray ban sunglasses.

“Wow your closet is so organized. You actually organize them by outfit?” Shanna said.

“They came that way.” I said. “Am I really going to need a bathing suit?”

“You never know, you might want to go to the beach.” She said holding up a red bikini. “Besides this is cute. Alright, shoes, socks, you should probably pick out your underwear but other than that and your toiletries you’re good to go.”

I looked at the bag. I added a few more things before closing up.

“Alright. We’re good to go.” I said.

Shanna dropped us off at the airport and we boarded our flight to LA. I got chills just thinking about the last time I was there.

“Didn’t know you were a nervous flier.” Scott said as I tapped my foot.

“It’s not that. It’s been a while since I’ve had nothing to do.” I said. “Makes it feel like time’s moving slower.”

“That’s probably an anxiety thing. Chris has the same problem. That’s why he normally sleeps on planes.” Scott said.

“I think that’s more of a work thing.” I said.

“True.” Scott said. “We probably should have packed a book or hit a magazine stand.”

“Or you know, brought one of our laptops that had a lot of movies downloaded onto it.” I said.

“You need a break, I should probably take your phone when we land.” He said.

“Don’t you think that’s going a bit too far?” I asked.

“Jamie you were practically crying because you got a B on a test and from what Shanna and Carly said you’ve turned into a hermit. You need to relax.” He said.

“And going to LA is the supposed to help?” I said.

“Well I wanted to go to Vegas but I didn’t think you were in the mood for that.” He said. “Plus two weeks there is too much.”

“I’m not much of a gambler.” I said.

“Didn’t you win our Christmas gifts in a poker game?” Scott said.

“That’s different.” I said leaning back. “I’m going to try to nap.”

“Well actually before you do. Uh I’ve been seeing this guy…” Scott said.

“Ooooh, there’s a guy.” I said feeling suddenly more awake. “What’s his name?”

“Mark. We’ve actually known each other for a while just never went out. We’ve hung out but he just asked me out. There’s just one small tiny thing…” he said.

“That’s never good.” I said. “What is the small tiny thing?”

“Chris hates him.” Scott said.

“Chris hates him? But Chris is like…the nicest person ever. I mean even when you disagree he’s polite. Is there a specific reason?

“He thinks he’s a douche.” Scott said.

“And you don’t?” I asked. Scott took out his phone and showed me a photo of him. “Oh wow those are washboard abs. No wonder you don’t think he’s a douche. You’re too distracted by that.”

“You too?” Scott said.

“Look your brother loves you and is just looking out for you but at the end of the day it’s your life and it’s your choice what you want to do.” I said. “If you do decide to go out with him just be careful.”

“But you think he’s hot?” Scott asked.

“Yes Scott he’s hot.” I said.

“I’m setting this as his contact pic.” He said and I chuckled.

I managed to take a short nap before we got to LA.

“Why is it always hot here?” I said with a groan.

“Because that’s what it’s like here.” He said as we got into the car. Then we got stuck in traffic. Though the carpool karaoke was great.

“Looks like we got here before him.” I said.

“Yeah, he’s been working a lot.” Scott said.

“You sure he doesn’t mind us crashing with him?” I asked.

“No he doesn’t. In fact it might actually help him. He’s just as bad as you are right now.” Scott said.

“I’m not that bad.” I said.

“You got a B and you called that a fail.” He said.

“It was a B+” I corrected as we got out of the car. We got our luggage and headed in.

“Woof.” East barked as we let ourselves in.

“Oh there’s my favorite cuddle buddy.” I said petting him and giving the dog a hug as he licked my cheek and whining in happiness.

“He’s never done that with me.” Scott said.

“I’m the fun Aunt.” I said standing up. “This is a great house. And that kitchen…”

“Just a reminder you’re on vacation, you don’t need to go Martha Stuart on us.” Scott said.

“I like cooking and baking. It’s a good coping mechanism.” I said and he looked at me confused for a second. “Distraction.”

“I’m getting hungry. You feeling anything?” He asked as we sat down on the couch. East immediately jumped onto my lap and got comfortable.

“I could eat. Any special spots we should check out?” I asked.

“I’ll text Chris to see if he’s going to be free for dinner and we’ll see.” Scott said just as Chris’ car pulled into the driveway.

“Or we could just ask him.” I said petting East.

“Scott, ya here?” Chris called out.

“We’re in the living room.” Scott called out.

“Hey… Hey stranger.” Chris said smiling when he saw me. In the midst of me being a hermit and Chris being busy with work we had lost touch a bit.

“Hey you.” I said getting up to hug him. “Hope you don’t mind me crashing here. Your brother kidnapped me.”

“You kidnapped her?” Chris asked giving his brother a confused look.

“It was for her own good.” Scott said just as Chris was going to let me go before he stopped and gently put his hands on my shoulders giving me a weird look.

“Did you lose weight?” he asked.

“Don’t think so.” I said.

“I don’t know about you guys but I’m in the mood for tacos.” Chris said.

“Fish tacos from that place by the beach.” Scott said.

“That does sound good.” I said.

“I’ll drive. My car’s blocking yours.” He said. “And we can take East just let me get his leash.”

It wasn’t that long of a drive, well not as bad as the way back from the airport. The restaurant was right on the beach so the patio had a great view of the beach.

“So two weeks off.” Chris said. “About time they gave you a break.”

“Yeah though I should probably start studying for…” I started.

“No.” Scott said. “Vacation is for fun and relaxing not work.”

“I feel like I’m missing something.” Chris said.

“It’s not a big deal.” I said.

“Really?” Scott said. “Bee.”

“B+!” I said dropping my tacos and Chris just stared at me before turning to his brother. “Okay I’ll admit the last couple of weeks I’ve been a bit off. You know with the deadline of trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life, having dinner with Satan and midterms and I… slipped up. I failed a midterm.”

“You got a B+. And it was calculus which is like an A in any other subject.” Scott said.

“I’ve never gotten anything less than an A-…” I said. “I’ve lost my 4.0.”

“You still have finals.” Scott said.

“I’d have to get a 100 on everything including Homework, quizzes and the final to nail that A, which never happens.” I said. “The only person that’s ever gotten a 100 technically cheated so… It’s not looking great.”

“You’re freaking out over a B?” Chris said. “You know a B is passing?”

“But I wouldn’t have a 4.0 and that’s just as bad as failing.” I said.

“Jamie you’re acting crazy.” Chris said.

“And she started smoking.” Scott said.

“You smoke?” Chris asked.

“Only when I’m stressed. I’m going to stop.” I said. “But like I said it’s been a rough couple of weeks.”

“You never said anything about your dad being in town.” Scott said.

“He kind of sprung it on me last minute. We had dinner.” I said. “It wasn’t nice.”

“Is that why you were dressed up when I called you last time?” Chris said.

“Yeah.” I said. “Which thanks for calling, helped me calm down.”

“Anytime.” Chris said.

**Hours Later…**

Scott went out on his date leaving me and Chris alone for the night. I was outside dipping my feet in the pool when Chris came out and handed me a beer.

“Thanks.” I said.

“I’ve kind of been having some trouble with some things.” Chris said.

“Work things or other things?” I asked.

“Bit of both.” He said. “I uh… I had another thing with Minka and I let it slip out that I met you.”

“How’d she take it?” I asked.

“Not great.” Chris said. “I think we’re done, for real this time. There isn’t really a right way to tell anyone is there?”

“Not anyone you’re romantically involved with anyway.” I said. “Please tell me you didn’t tell her during pillow talk.”

“It slipped out.” He said.

“Dude.” I said.

“I know.” He said.

“How about work?” I said.

“Well the final trailer’s out for Cap, I start filming for Avengers at the end of next month and then its con season and I have to do appearances…” He said. “It’s a lot. Probably a good thing we ended things. No way things would have worked out once everything really starts.”

“Yeah. You know what I miss about Carter?” I said.

“You miss him?” Chris said surprised.

“No, I miss the relationship. You know just small things like holding hands when we walked down the street, but mostly I miss cuddling. Just hugging when we were on the couch watching a movie or spooning. I know that’s really corny but…” I said.

“No I get it. It’s nice after a really long or just a bad day to have someone hug you or hold someone when you’re falling asleep.” He said.

“I got a body pillow and a weighed blanket. It’s supposed to help” I said. “Doesn’t do a thing for insomnia though.”

“That’s probably stress.” He said. “I didn’t know what was going on with you.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle. Just a rough patch.” I said.

“Still should have said something.” Chris said.

“You wanted me to tell you I was having a quarter life crisis?” I said.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t you?” He said. “I tell you everything.”

“Okay if you want to know. I’ll tell you everything. I declared my major and my counselor told me I needed to start making plans for my future now because no matter what I decide to do, med school, grad school, or just getting a job, I’m behind. Even with a perfect GPA, taking more than the required classes, volunteer hours and research it’s still not enough, Add to that Satan who apparently already has my entire future worked out, who thinks I’m majoring in business, am going to business school because he dropped a pretty big donation to get me a spot at Harvard for an MBA, am spending my entire summer and foreseeable future going against everything I believe in by working for him and despite that he still thinks I’m a disappointment because I wasn’t born with a dick, Then there’s Blair and Lexie, Who are fighting and Blair’s being a bitch who likes to point out that volunteering and helping the poor and elderly is a worthless cause unless you’re getting a tax break, that I have no employable life skills, my two majors are worthless with just a bachelor’s degree, all I do in my research group is wash glasses and I’m pretty much wasting my time.” I said pausing to catch my breath. “And with all of that I still have no idea what I’m going to do and now I don’t even have a 4.0 GPA anymore.”

“That’s… a lot.” Chris said. “I’m going to start by saying you still have a 4.0. It’s a B+ on a midterm. Just do your best and it’ll work out. As for everything else, you need to stop listening to everyone else. It’s impossible to make everyone happy and at the end of the day it’s your life. You have all the time in the world. You can work for a year or take a gap year and travel and if you decide to do something and change your mind later on that’s okay too. Screw your dad, he’s a dick and you’re amazing don’t ever let anyone ever tell you something else. And as for Lexie and Blair, friends fight and worst case scenario people grow apart sometimes. It’s a part of life and it sucks but that’s just the way it goes.”

“You make it sound so easy.” I said.

“It’s not but that’s what friends are for, to help deal with this sort of stuff.” Chris said putting an arm around me in a side hug. “Seriously you can’t keep this stuff bottled up Jamie. It’s just going to make you feel worst and hurt you in the long run.”

“I’ll try.” I said leaning against him. Chris hummed obviously not convinced but didn’t say anything.

“I have to go to work tomorrow.” Chris groaned. “And I have a 5am workout.”

“I’m just going to sleep in.” I said. “Well try to sleep in.”

“You could always join me in the gym?” he suggested and I laughed.

“Thanks but I haven’t done 5am workouts since I was a kid and I don’t plan on starting again.” I said.

“Is that a boarding school thing or…” Chris asked.

“Gymnastics.” I said finishing my beer.


	13. Chapter 13

My vacation in LA was kind of what the doctor ordered. I was sleeping better, I was eating again, I had stopped smoking. All around I was doing great. I still had no idea what I was doing with my life, or what I was going to do but Scott had made it his mission to keep me distracted.

We had gone to Farmer’s Markets, hiking, the beach, a lot of shopping…

“Okay, I know what we should do tonight.” Scott said walking down the Venice boardwalk.

“What are we doing?” I said as I ate my ice cream while we walked down the Venice Boardwalk.

“We’re going to a club.” He said.

“Really?” I said.

“Yes really. It’s spring break Isn’t there a rule somewhere that you’re supposed to go crazy and party hard during Spring break?” Scott said.

“No most students just take the two weeks to decompress and try to get over the stress and trauma of midterms and do laundry, apparently that’s a big thing for some people.” I said.

“What? Doing laundry?” Scott said.

“No putting off doing laundry until a break instead of doing it every week.” I said.

“Yikes… that’s like months.” He said.

“And it shows.” I said just as Scott’s phone started buzzing.

“Ah it’s Chris… Hey.” Scott said. “Took Jamie to Venice… No not for that, the strongest thing she’s had is an ice cream cone.”

“Is he being a dad again?” I said. Ever since our talk by the pool Chris had been keeping a closer eye on me. I was still waking up freakishly early so he made sure I ate a full breakfast because he was worried about how much weight I had lost even though I assured him I hadn’t. He also checked in more than once a day while he was at work.

“Yes.” Scott said before I heard some yelling on the other end of the phone. “Okay okay you’re not a dad. Uh let me ask Jamie…”

“Do you feel like volunteering?” Scott asked me.

“Doing what?” I asked.

“Passing out toys to kids at a hospital. Just an hour or two.” Scott said.

“Sure.” I said.

“We’re in just say when and where.” Scott said. “Oh wow you’re cutting it close. Okay we’ll head right over. Want us to pick you up?”

“Cool we’ll be right over.” Scott said before hanging up. “Apparently they were going to do an event at a children’s hospital and a bunch of their volunteers cancelled at the last minute.”

“Ah.” I said taking the last bite of my ice cream. “Guess we better go. Can’t keep those kids waiting.”

We picked up Chris at his agent’s office before we headed to the hospital.

“Haven’t been here in a while.” I said looking up at the entrance of Children’s Hospital LA.

“You’ve been here before?” Scott asked.

“I keep forgetting you’re from LA.” Chris said.

“Oh right.” Scott said.

“Pre-boarding school.” I said as we walked in and met up with everyone. Basically we were going to hand out toys and read comic books with some of the kids. Chris would be doing the same thing while a photographer followed around. We would just be in the background to make it seem more natural and make the kids more at ease with the whole thing.

It was pretty fun. Watching the kids who could be out of bed running around holding mini shields or seeing them play with the action figures and wind up motor cycles.

We were going from room to room when I stopped by one room with a little boy around eight or nine that was stuck in bed because he had surgery on one of his legs and was in a cast.

“Hi there.” I said.

“Hi.” He said a little shy.

“Stuck in bed?” I asked.

“Doctor said I can’t move my leg or it’ll get hurt again. I’m not going to get a toy.” He said sadly.

“Oh I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” I said putting out a Shield and an action figure.

“Is that for me?” He said.

“Yeah, unless you don’t want it…” I started.

“I want it! I want it!” He said and I handed it to him. “Thank you.”

“No problem kiddo. Are you here alone?” I asked.

“Yeah my mommy and daddy have to work and take of my sisters so they don’t come unless the doctors need them.” He said a bit sad.

“Uh I know what that’s like.” I said. “My mom and dad used to be really busy too. You’ve got a pretty good comic book collection going.”

“Daddy brings me a book when he visits.” He said.

“Who’s you’re favorite superhero?” I asked.

“Spiderman, and Batman.” He said. “I can’t decide.”

“I like Spiderman.” I said. “I always thought it was really cool how he could swing from building to building and climb on walls.”

“I have spider shooters at home but mommy doesn’t like when I use them inside.” He said. “And I can’t use them here.”

“You know what you can do though once your doctor lets you go home or if he lets you do it here? you can draw on your cast and you can have spider webs all over your leg.” I said.

“Ooooh or I can draw spiderman.” He said. “Make my own comics.”

“That would look so cool.” I said.

“Knock knock.” A nurse said walking in. “Sorry to interrupt but I’ve got to check your IV and bandages. Are you one of the volunteers?”

“Yeah, The little guy was just telling me why spiderman is his favorite superhero.” I said.

“I thought it was Batman?” She asked.

“I changed my mind.” He said. “I’m gonna draw spiders on my cast.”

“Oh that’ll be fun. I’m sure I saw some markers around here somewhere you can use.” She said.

“I’m gonna leave you to it.” I said. “I’ve got more toys to pass out.”

“Thank you toy lady.” He said.

“You can call me Jamie.” I said to him before walking to the next room.

“Hey.” I said seeing Scott there.

“Hey Jamie, this is my friend Kevin.” Scott said. “And this is Aly.”

“Hi guys.” I said. “Oh you got the motorcycle.”

“It’s the best one.” Kevin said.

“Nuh uh the Shield is better.” Aly said. “You can use it as a frisbee.”

“We should totally do that later.” I said to Scott reminding him of the Prop Shield Chris had in his house.

“Oh yeah.” He said.

“Hi kiddos just checking in. And I’m going to need a blood sample from you Aly.” She said. She was a petite Vietnamese-American nurse in her late thirties maybe early forties that was a few months pregnant wearing baby blue scrub pants and a star print top. Something about her looked

“Again? But my mom isn’t here.” Aly said.

“Sorry sweetie but Doctor’s orders.” The nurse said.

“Wah wah wah.” Kevin said teasing her.

“Don’t say anything mister I need one from you too.” She said. “Maybe this nice lady can help me.”

“Oh how about I tell you a story?” I said going to sit closer to her.

“What kind of story?” She asked. “Uh how about the little boy that peed his pants?”

“What?” Aly said.

“Seriously?” Scott said.

“It’s for the children Scott.” I said.

“Was he a baby?” Aly asked.

“No he was… a little older than you guys.” I said as the nurse started getting ready.

“There were two little boys. Brothers.” I said. “And one day their mom left them alone with a baby sitter. The two brothers loved to play pranks on each other so the big brother decided to trick his little brother. He told them they should pee their pants, that it was okay. That they would both do it. So they went ahead and did it. Except only the little brother did it because the big brother never planned on doing it.”

“What?” Aly said. “That’s not fair.”

“It really wasn’t.” Scott said.

“All done.” The nurse said smiling at the kids but giving me a weird look. “You know you look really familiar from somewhere.”

“I do?” I said looking at her and then I saw her name tag. “Angie.”

“That’s my name.” She said.

“You started working here about ten years ago.” I said.

“Yeah.” She said looking a bit confused as to how I would know that.

“I’m Jamie.” I said and she stared at me for a minute.

“Jamie… Jamie! Oh my gosh!” She said dropping everything to hug me. “Look at you! You got tall!”

That made me laugh.

“That’s kind of what happens when you don’t see a kid for ten years.” I said. “And you’re a mom now.”

“This is number three.” She said.

“Well congrats times three.” I said and Scott and the kids looked at us confused.

“This is my friend Scott. Scott this is Angie.” I said.

“Hi.” Scott said.

“Jamie was one of my first patients when I started working here about Nine…” Angie said.

“Almost ten years ago.” I said.

“Ten years… wow I’m old.” She said.

“Oh please you look almost exactly the same. You know except for the baby.” I said.

“And you got tall and you’re so pretty.” She said hugging me again.

“I’m guessing you were a frequent flier here?” Scott said.

“I basically lived here for a year.” I said. “I was in and out for surgery and PT. Angie was with me since the day I came into the ER until I was fully discharged, wheeling me around, helping me with my homework. She used to eat lunch with me every day when she was working and kept an eye on me when my parents weren’t here, which was all the time.”

“How are they?” She asked out of politeness.

“Still horrible and divorced.” I said and she laughed.

“I’m sorry.” Angie said.

“Oh don’t be. It was gonna happen eventually.” I said.

“You know we still have a picture of you up on our wall of graduates.” Angie said.

“You have a picture of tiny Jamie? This I have to see.” Scott said.

“I’ll show you just let me drop these off.” Angie said. “I’ll be back.”

“You lived in a hospital for a year?” Scott asked me.

“I was in and out for a year.” I said. “But mostly yeah.”

“What happened?” Kevin asked.

“I hurt my legs pretty badly but I got better.” I said. No way I was going to tell the kids all the gory details.

“Okay guys you ready?” Angie said coming back.

“We’ll be back in a bit.” Scott said.

“Okay.” The kids said. We walked down the hall into the break room to see a board labeled Peds graduates. It was kids of all ages and all sorts of health problems with their nurses and doctors.

“Here she is.” Angie said taking a picture of a ten year old me off the wall. It was from after my last PT session. I was out of a wheelchair.

“Oh you were so short and you had bangs.” Scott said. “I’m taking a picture of this. Is that one from before.”

“Yeah, I’m still in a cast in that one.” I said.

“Whoa.” Scott said.

“I fell.” I said.

“Must’ve been a big fall.” He said.

“You don’t have to but… would you want to take another picture for the wall?” Angie said holding up a camera.

“Sure.” I said just as someone walked in.

“Right on time.” Angie said with a smile.

“No, that can’t be her.” He said.

“Doctor K!” I said hugging the now elderly man.

“Jamie!” he said. “You got tall! How are the legs?”

“They’re good. They can even tell when it’s going to rain.” I said.

“Oh you.” Doctor K said. “Is this your boyfriend?”

“Oh no.” Scott and I said. “Just friends.”

“It is so good to see you sweetie.” He said. “What are you doing now?”

“I’m in college. I live in Boston now. Alone.” I said.

“Thank god.” Doctor K said. “I mean…”

“Satan and banshee are horrible people.” I said.

“Those names are actually really accurate.” Angie said. “But that’s not important, time for pictures.”

“Oh I got it.” Scott said. “Everyone get together and smile.”

Scott quickly snapped a few pictures.

“It was so good to see you sweetie.” Angie said.

“I wish I could stay longer but I have to go.” Doctor Kay said.

“And I have to go check in on some of my kids.” Angie said.

“No it’s okay we should actually get going too.” I said.

“We should probably go save Chris. He’s probably exhausted by now.” Scott said.

“Yeah. Take care.” I said before we headed out.

“Your parents really leave an impression.” Scott said.

“You have no idea.” I said as we walked into the main room where Chris was finishing up.

“Okay I need to eat something before my fitting.” Chris said.

“Shouldn’t you wait until after?” I suggested.

“It doesn’t make that big of a difference.” He said. “you know what I’m craving?”

“Bacon Cheeseburger.” I said.

“Yes.” He said.

“Is it a soulmate a thing that you’re both always craving the same things?” Scott asked.

“Don’t think so.” Chris said.

“He mentioned something about it this morning.” I said. “And that sounds really good right now.”

“Uhuh.” Scott said.

“You guys should actually stick around. Some of the cast is going to be there too.” Chris said.

“OH! We can do trivia night.” Scott said.

“I’m awesome at trivia. And I found my ID so you know what that means…” I said putting my finger on my nose and Chris quickly did the same.

“Aw come on.” Scott said.

“Nose goes.” Chris and I said as we walked back to the car. We drove back to the studio lot. There was a green room waiting area set up for Chris. He stood on a platform while they took measurements and stuck pins where they needed to make a few adjustments.

The costume designers had stepped out to help with someone else’s costume or some other fashion emergency.

“Oh I almost forgot, you want to see a picture of ten year old Jamie?” Scott said.

“What? You showed him but not me?” Chris said.

“I didn’t show you because I don’t have any on hand.” I said. “And technically I didn’t show him, Angie did.”

“Who’s Angie?” Chris asked.

“Nurse at the hospital where apparently Jamie was a patient for a year.” Scott said.

“You were in the hospital for a year?” Chris asked.

“In and out for a year.” I said and he just stared at me. “That probably didn’t sound better.”

“Okay Tonight were just going to sit you down and you’re going to tell me your life story because I apparently know nothing about you.” Chris asked.

“You know the important stuff.” I said.

“Being in the hospital for a year is kind of a big thing.” Scott said.

“Where the fuck is it!?” Someone shouted down the hall sending chills down my spine.

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Scott said.

“Uh.” I said with a groan. “For a second I could have sworn I heard…”

“Tell that ass he’s not getting a cent from me!” They continued and it was getting closer.

“That shriek is like dragging nails on a chalkboard.” I said just as an assistant ran past us in tears and I got chills running down my spine. “Did it suddenly get cold in here?”

“Wow they got a name brand designer doing the non superhero costumes?” Scott said at the binder with the designs and plans on the desk.

“Oh no.” I said moving to look over and I saw it. That name. “You know what guys I’m going to wait in the car.”

I started grabbing my bag.

“Jamie it’s pretty hot outside and this is going to be a while.” Chris said.

“I need Vitamin D.” I said quickly turning but it was too late.

“Ah here we are. Sorry for making you wait Chris.” She said but froze. He fake smile faltering for a second before she quickly composed herself. “James Alexandra Becker.”

“Oh motherfucking hell.” I cursed feeling my stomach drop. I forced a pleasant smile on my face before I turned around to face her. “Mother, what a surprise?”

_“What the fuck are you doing here?” She said in French._

_“I’m here with friends.” I said answering back also in French as she glanced at Chris and Scott before arching an eyebrow.._

_“You’re supposed to be in boarding school. I pay a lot of money for them to keep you out of my way.” She said._

_“I graduated from Boarding school almost two years ago.” I deadpanned. “I go to Harvard now.”_

_“Harvard? You’re joking right? You’re not that smart. Who did your father have to bribe to get you in?” She said with a scoff._

_“No bribes were needed.” I said before put her hand on my chin and forced my head up squeezing my head._

_“You’re fat. Can’t even tell you have cheekbones under this and a double chin. You’ve actually been eating and is that a zit? Chocolate uh, you’ve been eating like a pig.” She said._

_“Well at least my face is real.” I said before she pinched my side digging her nails into me making it seem like it was a hug._

_“You feel that? I shouldn’t be able to do that. And you’re wearing my clothes? With your fat ass?” She said. “Such a fucking embarrassment.”_

_I was wearing a half sleeved cream colored blouse with buttons and a black belted printed miniskirt and brown leather sandals. I actually thought I looked cute in this._

_“I’m sorry you feel that way.” I said._

_“You’ve been ruining figures since before you were born. I wish you’d get out so I can focus on my job but we have to keep up impressions don’t we? Follow my lead and smile, I paid a lot of money for it didn’t I?” She said putting her arm around me and tapped my arm. “Your arm jiggled. gross. Introduce me.”_

“Guys this is my mother. Vivienne… Not really sure what her last name is anymore.” I said as she pinched me hard.

“It’s so good to meet James’ friends.” Banshee said with a fake smile. “And what a small world.”

“It really is.” Scott said. “I bet you have some pretty great stories of Jamie when she was a kid.”

“Oh you have no idea.” She said. “But first how about we get you taken care of Chris?”

“That’d be great.” Chris said shooting me a weird look. Just them my phone started ringing.

“Oh that’s mine I’m gonna go take that outside.” I said. I’d never been so grateful that telemarketers existed as I was that moment.

I pulled out the cigarettes I hadn’t touched all week and lit one. I practically inhaled the first one in one go. The second one went a bit slower.

“Huh thought I was the only one that knew about this spot.” I turned and saw an older guy. Not too old maybe late thirties or early forties. He had dirty blonde hair and grey eyes. He was wearing jeans and an old band tee.

“Oh am I allowed to smoke here? Don’t want to bug anyone.” I said.

“You’re fine, it’s out of the way and far enough away from any doors for anyone to care.” He said taking out a cigarette and trying to light it but his lighter didn’t work.

“Here.” I said taking mine out.

“Thanks.” He said taking a long inhale of his cigarette. “Who are you hiding from?”

“Mom. She’s the costume designer.” I said.

“Ouch, she’s kind of a bitch. No offense.” He said.

“None taken.” I said. “What about you?”

“I’m sneaking one in before I go home.” He said. “Promised my girlfriend I’d quit.”

“Ah.” I said in understanding.

“Jeremy.” He said offering me his hand to shake.

“Jamie.” I said.

“Guessing you don’t get along with your mom?” He asked.

“Don’t see her often, or my dad and it’s better that way but I had to see them both within a week of each other and it’s throwing me off.” I said taking another puff.

“Hang in there kid. It gets better.” He said.

**Meanwhile…**

“Alright the pants seem to fit perfectly.” Vivienne said.

“Yeah they really don’t leave anything to the imagination.” Scott said. “Literally You have no ass.”

“I lose weight before I gain it back in muscle, happened last time.” Chris said.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Scott said.

“So I’m guessing it’s been a while since you’re seen Jamie?” Chris asked.

“I’ have more important things to worry about.” She said taking notes. “Have you known her long?”

“Over a year now.” Scott said. “She’s great.”

“You must be proud. I mean she’s the smartest person I know.” Chris said.

“I mean Harvard, she volunteers, has a perfect GPA and she’s double majoring in biochem…” Scott said and Vivienne stopped what she was doing.

“Excuse me?” Vivienne said. “James isn’t majoring in Biochemistry she’s studying Business. A useful degree.”

“Uh…” Scott said and Chris just stood there.

“Well I read somewhere that 80 percent of college graduates don’t end up working in the field they study so does it really matter what she majors in?” Chris said.

“It matters when she has a family name to uphold. The only reason her father and I put up with her is for that very reason.” Vivienne said. “I’m going to have to have a word with her father make sure she’s on track. I’m sure he can step away from whatever whore he’s screwing at the moment to take care of business.”

Chris and Scott exchanged looks that could only be read as, ‘Ah fuck.’

“She doesn’t have any talent, not anymore anyway, if she had half a brain she’d do as she was told.” Vivienne said. “Alright you’re done. Perfect fit. You can just leave everything on the chair one of my assistants will be in to pick everything up.”

“Thanks.” Chris said uncomfortably.

**Back with me…**

“I’m just saying…” Jeremy said. “Fruit doesn’t go on a pizza. Pepperoni”

“Uh you’re just like Chris.” I groaned. “If fruit doesn’t go on pizza, then what about tomatoes.”

“Uh… Okay you got me there. But sweet fruits don’t go.” He said.

“It helps accent other flavors.” I said.

“There you are.” Chris said before he saw what was in my hand. “Seriously Jamie?”

“What it was just one…” I said. Time, one time.

“Hey man.” Jeremy said.

“Hey, Jeremy.” Chris said.

“You two know each other?” He asked.

“Yeah, Friends from back home.” Chris said taking my cigarette or trying to.

“Mh…” I hummed taking one last inhale before I let him take it and put it out. “You done? Is she gone? Please tell me she’s gone?”

“She’s working on someone else.” Chris said.

“This is our opening then. Nice meeting you Jeremy.” I said.

“You too Jamie.” He said.

“Later man.” Chris said.

“Yeah.” Jeremy said before we walked away.

“So your mom seems nice.” Chris said.

“You don’t have to lie.” I said.

“Okay I get now she’s…” Chris said.

“Yeah.” I said knowing what he was getting at. “I think why you’ll get why I’m probably not going to be coming with you to any fittings ever again.”

“I get it.” He said as we got to the car.

“there you are. Where were you?” Scott asked.

“Smoking.” I said getting in.

“You’ve really got to stop.” He said.

“Don’t you two smoke?” I reminded them.

“Yeah but we’re older and it’s a bad habit.” Scott said. “You’re only 19, it’s easier for you to quit.”

“I’m going to quit, I just need to detox from any parent related issues and It’ll go away on it’s own.” I said.

“Right… about that.” Chris said. “Uh we kind of talked with Banshee. You know tried to get to know her and see if she’d spill any stories about you…”

“Obviously she didn’t say anything.” I said. “Well she could have told you about… actually she wouldn’t mention that.”

“She didn’t mention anything but we may have said something about you majoring in biochem…” Scott said.

“You did what?!” I said.

“We didn’t know they didn’t know,” Chris said. “She thought you were doing business because of your dad… Said he was going to call him…”

“Oh fuck.” I said checking my phone. No missed calls or texts. “Ahh… Hasn’t called yet. Okay. I’m not going to panic. Satan and Banshee don’t really get along. Chances are he’s still blocking her calls and when he does answer they argue so that buys me some time to come up with something. It’s going to be okay.”

Chris and Scott exchanged looks, both obviously not buying it. I was trying to be optimistic. In hindsight, I should have known that wasn’t the way it was going to go.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi just felt like I should put a warning here for readers who might be sensitive to certain issues. This chapter as you probably imagine contains instances of verbal abuse and a new issue of an eating disorder. If this is a trigger for you please read with caution. It wasn't my intention to offend anyone just the direction my character development kind of ended up going.
> 
> Hope you're all doing well and hope to hear from you  
> Lexie

I never really considered my life normal. I mean growing up most people have loving parents who support them no matter what they decide to do with their lives, who are actually proud when their kid gets straight A, wins a sports competition, gets into one of the best universities in the world on their own merit instead of bribing their way in like other people including their father did. They also don’t start getting 200K a month from each parent as a monthly allowance so that they won’t bother them. Then again normal is relative and that was my normal.

We came back to the house and I took another smoke break in the backyard.

“How have you not run out yet?” Scott said.

“I stole a pack from Chris.” I said.

“That’s where that went.” He said picking up the pack and lighting one for himself.

“Seriously guys. You’ve got to stop.” Scott said.

“It’s just one.” Chris said. “But you really should stop Jamie.”

“I will as soon as I’m back in Boston a couple thousand miles away from Banshee and both of my parents are back to pretending I don’t exist.” I said staring at my phone.

“I don’t really think that’s how it works.” Chris said.

“I’ll at least buy myself a few stress free years.” I said. “I think I’m overdue for at least one.”

“And let’s start now.” Scott said taking my phone and putting out my cigarette just as my phone started screaming. “Ah!” Scott jumped in surprise dropping my phone as it kept screaming.

“Don’t scream three times, don’t scream three times…” I said but it screamed a third time. “Ah fuck.”

I picked up the phone and answered.

“Yes?” I answered.

_“I believe there is something we need to discuss.” Banshee said in French. I never really understood why she insisted on speaking it when she didn’t have to._

_“And that would be?” I said playing dumb._

_“Stop wasting time. The agreement was we pay for everything and you stay out of our way and do as you were told. So now I’m going to miss the final fitting for the York Princess’ wedding outfits, postpone my bimonthly brunch with Donatella and Anna Wintour, And I’m going to miss your sister’s cello recital all in the middle of a divorce which you know that ass is going to use to get out of paying what I’m owed, just so I can have dinner and watch you gorge yourself on something that’s going to go straight to your fat ass in an attempt to set you straight because your good for nothing father obviously can’t do anything right.” She said._

_“We could always just postpone dinner… or just not have it at all…” I gently suggested._

_“And let you get away with this bullshit?! NO we’re doing this when I fucking say we are. Tonight Nobu, 7pm don’t be late and look presentable. I’m already embarrassed enough to be seen with you.” She said before hanging up._

I put the phone down.

“I’m going to have to miss trivia night.” I said. “I’m apparently having dinner, with Banshee. I should actually go get ready.”

“You okay?” Chris asked.

“Never better.” I said walking back inside.

I took a quick shower and dug through my bag to see if there was anything I could wear to dinner that could be deemed appropriate by Banshee’s standards. Lucky for me Shanna had packed one dress one that she probably thought I’d use to go clubbing or something. It was a short body con one sleeved dress with a beaded shoulder.

I had the perfect drop earrings that went with it. I put my hair up in a messy braided low bun updo.

I kept my makeup simple, just a bit of eyeliner and mascara, a bit of foundation to cover a small zit and light eyeshadow.

“Okay, I need you guys to be brutally honest. How bad?” I said.

“Wow.” Chris said.

“Dude you look hot.” Scott said.

“You’re not helping. Come on. Brutally honest. Banshee will nitpick everything and I need to be ready.” I said. “It’s too short, makes my ass look huge, my hair’s a mess… anything?”

“You’re hot.” Chris said. “There’s really nothing to pick on.”

“There’s always something.” I said looking through the kitchen opening and closing cabinets. “Ah here we go.”

I took out a bottle of tequila and three shot glasses.

“You’re drinking already?” Scott said.

“is that really a good idea?” Chris said. “You’re about to have dinner with your mom.”

“Exactly why it’s a good idea. Besides knowing her she’s probably going to have two or three martinis before she gets there.” I said taking a shot.

“Maybe we should go with you. We can get to know her better.” Chris said obviously lying.

“That’s not a good idea, besides you should save yourselves.” I said.

“Do you want us to drive you?” Scott asked just as my phone dinged.

“No I called a car.” I said. “This shouldn’t take too long. If it’s nine and you still haven’t heard from me assume she’s killed me and buried me somewhere. In which case it’s been nice knowing you guys. Later.”

“Bye….” The guys said not happy with what they were hearing.

If it wasn’t for the fact I was meeting Banshee I think I would have wanted to come to Nobu at some point. It was an LA hotspot for celebrities for a reason and there was a great view of Malibu’s beautiful beaches. I’m sure the food was just as great. Too bad I probably wasn’t going to get to try any.

I arrived at the same time Banshee did.

_“I thought I said make yourself look presentable, not like a whore.” She said still in French just so she could insult me without other people understanding. “Did you buy that thing at the clearance section of a department store?”_

_“You designed this.” I deadpanned and she glared at me, grabbing my arm and turning me around to check the tag of the dress._

_“Hm so I did.” She said. “It looked better on my models. You ruined that design for me. Disgusting scars.”_

_She scoffed before walking in and faking a polite smile as she told the hostess the name on the reservation. I looked down and while I could see the scars if I was looking for them no one else would._

_We were led right into our table. It had a great view of everything. Kind of wish I could have taken a photo._

“Here you are Mrs. Priestley.” The Hostess said. “Your waiter will be right with you.”

So that was her last name now… well for right now.

“Thank you.” I said as I sat down.

_“Where in the world did you meet Chris Evans?” She just went out and said. No small talk, she was just going to get right to it._

_“Boston. Bumped into him.” I said. I was really glad I had covered up my soulmark._

_“And he’s still talking to you? It’s probably a pity thing.” She said. Where the fuck was that waiter? I need a drink ASAP._

_“Everything looks good…” I said looking at the menu._

_“Of course that’s what you would focus on.” She said. “Food. Honestly it’s the last thing you need. Though you better get everything you can. You’ll probably starve once your Father decides to cut you off.”_

_There it was._

“Hello how are you ladies doing tonight?” The waiter said. “Can I get you started on some drinks?”

“I’ll have a martini, make it dirty, extra olives.” Banshee said.

“Of course and you miss?” the waiter asked.

“I’ll have the market margarita. Go heavy on the tequila please.” I said.

“Uh…” he said considering asking me for ID but deciding against it. “I’ll bring those right out.”

_“You sure about that? I’m not going to carry a sloppy drunk out of here.” She said._

_“How’s your daughter, was she disappointed you’re missing her piano recital or was she used to it?” I said quickly and she glared at me._

_“You and that fucking smart mouth of yours.” She said. “You’ve been nothing but a disappointment since the day I found out I was pregnant with you.”_

_“We’ve done this small talk before can we just get to the main event.” I said._

_“You’re throwing your life away.” Banshee said._

_“I think we both have different ideas of what throwing a life away really is.” I said._

_“You’re an idiot if you truly believe that if you do what you love then money will follow. Most people who say that actually have talent, you’re not one of those people and you haven’t been in a really long time. You’re just an entitled fat cow that should not be allowed to think for herself.” She said._

“Your drinks.” The waiter said putting the glasses down. “Are you ready to order?”

“We’ll wa…” She started.

“I’ll have the black miso cod to start and an order of Lobster and Salmon tacos.” I said.

“I’ll just have a miso soup.” Banshee said distastefully.

“I’ll take your menus, Your food will be out shortly.” He said running away.

_“Stuffing yourself like a pig.” She said._

_“Portions are small.” I said with a shrug._

_“I plan on calling your father.” She said. “I suggest you reconsider.”_

_“And if I don’t?” I said._

_“You live a very privileged life and that life comes at a cost, an expectation to live up to.” She said._

_“You mean an ultimatum.” I said._

_“Call it what you want.” She said. “Your life was decided for you the day you were born. Stop being an idiot and do what you’re told.”_

_She picked up her drink took a sip._

_“Honestly you should be grateful. Most people spend their entire life trying to figure out who or what they’re supposed to be and yours was served up on a silver platter. Billions of dollars, a life of luxury… only an idiot would turn that down.” She said._

_“And how’s that turned out for you? You have more money than you know what to do with and despite that fake botoxed smile you plaster on your face and all the success you’re probably the most miserable person I know.” I said._

_“I’d rather be miserable in a 35 million dollar penthouse than happy living under a bridge.” She said._

_“Guess it depends on the bridge.” I said._

_“James I’m going to do you a favor and tell you the truth. You’re not special. You lost the only special thing about you when you fell and broke your leg. You’re not particularly bright either, If it wasn’t for all the checks your father writes for Harvard you wouldn’t be there, you wouldn’t have the friends you have now because no one would want to spend time with a poor loser except other poor losers, I doubt Chris would have given you the time of day, it’s honestly a wonder he’s talked to you at all. Other than that well… you’re obviously not pretty…” She said just as they dropped off our food. “You look too much like your father sadly, you’re fat, seriously let yourself go. It’s an embarrassment to be seen with you and you’re just making it worse. You can put makeup on a pig but she’d still be a pig. So go ahead and eat sweetheart. Eat as much as you want but if you don’t want to end up alone I suggest you go into the bathroom after and get rid of it. Unless you don’t want your chin to be lonely.”_

I had to sit through another half hour of her just criticizing everything about me. I know I’m not perfect but damn…

We were just about to order dessert, well she was I just wanted to leave, when her phone rang.

“Hello?” She answered. “Ah did she use the… I specifically told her to use the silk. I special ordered it just for her. Uh… I swear they can never do anything right. Tell her to stop what she’s doing I’ll be there in the morning to clean up her mess. As much as I wish I could say I was sorry for doing this, I’m not. Don’t be an idiot, I’ll be speaking to your father soon I hope you reconsider before then. And do something about your face, your pores are huge.”

She signed off on the check before walking out.

“Oh…” the waiter said coming to drop off a bento box dessert with matcha and chocolate cakes. “This was ordered…”

“You can leave it.” I said and just before he took the check but I reached for it. “And hold on…”

I scribbled in an extra zero and handed it back to him.

“Uh thank you.” He said. “Can I get you anything else miss?”

“I’m okay thank you.” I said just staring at the dessert in front of me. I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said.

_Fat cow_

_Pig_

_Disgusting_

_Disappointment_

I grabbed a spoon and took the first bite. Then another and another. Before I knew it I was done and as full as I was I just felt so… empty. I was pretty sure I had a chocolate mustache, so I went to the restroom to make sure I was clean and it happened. Those words just kept going through my head and I did it.

I walked into that stall, closed the door behind me and kneeled in front of the bowl. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath before I purged. I got rid of it all.

One minute I was 19, maybe not happy with where I was but at least I was happy with who I am and then next I was a 14 year old again who just wanted her parents to love her and tell her everything was going to be okay.

Fuck I really am a loser.

It took a few minutes for me to finish and feel ready to get off that floor. I rinsed my mouth and made sure I looked okay before going to grab a cab back to Chris’ house.

The guys were home playing video games.

“You’re alive!” Scott said when I walked in.

“Yup.” I said.

“How’d it go?” Chris asked.

“Exactly the way I expected it to go.” I said. “Told me to get my shit together, except there were more words, a lot meaner and in French.”

“Yeah I didn’t know you spoke French.” Chris said.

“Swiss boarding school requirement, I also speak Spanish, German and learned to curse in Russian.” I said.

“That’s… four languages?” Scott said.

“Nanny taught me Spanish. Mom speaks French, One of the most spoken languages in Switzerland is German so I sort of just picked that one up.” I said with a shrug. “I’m gonna call it a night.”

“What? It’s barely nine.” Chris said. “I just brought out the game cube. We’re going to play a few rounds of Smash Brothers.”

“Maybe tomorrow.” I said. “Night.”

“Night.” They said.

**Third Person’s POV-**

“Does she seem off to you?” Chris asked as they kept playing Smash brothers. Both Evans brothers keeping their eyes on the screen just pressing buttons rapidly as their on screen characters bashes each other.

“Dude I honestly don’t know anymore.” Scott said as Donkey Kong grabbed a barrel. “I love Jamie like a sister but if there’s one thing I learned today it’s that we don’t really know her.”

“She really doesn’t talk about herself.” Chris said.

“She doesn’t.” Scott said. “So you thought she looked hot tonight?”

“Well duh.” Chris said. “I mean you saw her.”

“Yeah but that’s the first time you checked her out since you met her.” Scott said.

“I’m not blind man. I know she’s hot.” Chris said. “We’re just not like that. She’s important to me and I really care about her just not like that.”

“Okay I get taking it slow but she’s your one.” Scott said.

“It doesn’t work that way.” He said.

“Maybe it does but you won’t…” He said.

“Stop. We’re exactly the way we need to be and we’re okay with this. We don’t have to overthink it and we’re on the same page about it.” Chris said though he was still concerned.

“So you don’t want to go check on her right now?” Scott asked.

“Yeah because I’m her friend and I know you do too.” Chris said.

“Yeah but I’m not the one that just got a… KO!” He said standing up cheering.

“You did that on purpose.” Chris said.

“I didn’t… I just took an opening.” Scott said.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another trigger warning, more instances of eating disorders. Please read with caution if you are sensitive to those themes.

**The Following Morning…**

I felt like shit. Not physically just emotionally… mentally and then I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. Yikes. So I crawled back into bed and decided I wasn’t going to come out that day or maybe until it was time to go back to Boston.

Of course that didn’t happen.

I had been having breakfast with Chris really early every morning that week so when I didn’t show up he came to check up on me.

“Morning.” He said.

“Hey.” I said

“Did I wake you up?” he asked.

“No, been up for a while just not feeling too great.” I said.

“Are you okay? Hangover? Bad sushi?” He said attentively as East jumped onto the bed.

“Period.” I said. Nothing scared guys off faster than a girl on her period. And they say Men are the superior sex. Idiots.

But Chris wasn’t most guys. Might have to do with the fact that he grew up with two sisters.

“Cramp? I have a heating pad that might help out if you need it.” He said.

“No cramps just feeling crappy.” I said. “I’m just going to sleep it off.”

“I can make a pharmacy run if you need it?” He said.

“I’m good.” I said.

“Okay, well I’m working from home today so if you need anything give me a shout.” He said.

“Thanks.” I said.

“East, come on.” Chris said but East was already lying on his side next to me using my arm as a pillow and definitely not moving.

“He’s my cuddle buddy, I don’t think he’s going anywhere.” I said.

“Of course not.” Chris said walking out but leaving the door open a crack in case East wanted to get out.

I dozed off for a bit but couldn’t really sleep so I just laid there for a while gently petting East while he snored.

Eventually I got hungry. Uh I felt sick just thinking about it. Food, cooking, and baking was normally my happy place and now it just felt wrong or maybe it was always wrong.

I made myself some toast, no butter or jam. I took a few bites but could only eat half a slice.

“Hey finally made it out of bed.” Scott said.

“Yeah, you can only sleep so much.” I said. “I’m moving to the couch now.”

“Okay, well I thought you might be feeling a bit down after dinner with Banshee last night so I stopped by and got your favorite Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked.” He said.

“Aw you didn’t have to.” I said seeing the 1100 calories per pint on the label and cringing. “Thank you, this’ll be good for later.”

Watching what you eat when you’re on vacation is next to impossible. I was basically living off salad and rushing off the restroom right after which you know wasn’t suspicious since the guys still thought Aunt flow was in town.

“Still having a rough time?” Chris said as he came into my room putting a cup of coffee on my night stand.

“No I think I’m just feeling lazy. Not looking forward to school.” I said.

“It’s still early.” He said deep in thought. “Scoot over.”

“What?” I said.

“It’s still early, I have the day off and we’re both not sleeping so we’re trying something.” Chris said sitting down on the bed and slowly starting to curl up behind me and put an arm around my waist.

“You want to spoon?” I said.

“I miss cuddling too.” He said.

“Isn’t this kind of weird. I mean we’re just friends.” I said.

“You’ve never cuddled with a friend?” he asked.

“No cuddling is normally foreplay.” I said.

“Not foreplay promise.” Chris said sounding really tired.

“You’re really dreading the press tour aren’t you?” I said.

“So much.” He said

“There there.” I said patting his hand. I had to admit, this was nice and I could just feel my muscles start to relax. Slowly got sleep. Then the door opened and Scott walked in, East slipped in and jumped onto the bed.

“What are you guys doing?” Scott asked.

“Cuddling.” We said half asleep.

“Oh-kay… Why?” he said.

“It’s nice.” Chris answered nuzzling his face.

“That’s not weird…” Scott said obviously not believing that.

“Join us…” Chris and I said lifting up an arm in our best zombie alien impersonation.

“I’ll just be in the living room watching TV and stuff…” Scott said walking out.

We laughed before slowly drifting off to sleep.

I didn’t wake up until way later, Probably around noon. At some point while we were asleep I must’ve turned around and thrown a leg over Chris’ legs. He was still snoring a bit while hugging me close. I don’t remember the last time I slept that great. I should probably move but I was really comfy.

“Stop thinking.” Chris said.

“I thought you were asleep?” I asked.

“Just woke up. Need to get up?” he asked loosening up his arms.

“No I’m good.” I said. “You’re a good pillow.”

“Thanks.” Chris said laughing. “I’m getting kind of hungry. I could go for Italian. Some pasta. Have a cheat day. What do you think?”

I think that I totally don’t want to eat anything because I’m not a hundred percent sure I’ll be able to stop myself from not getting rid of it later but at the same time I know I have to eat something to not only keep up appearances but stay alive.

“I could go for a Caesar’s salad.” I said.

“Salad? Again?” he said with a frown. “Aren’t you tired of lettuce yet?”

“Croutons are yummy.” I said. And entirely carbs. Carbs that will make my stomach bloat and make me fat.

“You need more than lettuce and croutons.” He said getting up. “I’ll order in.”

_I have no idea why Chris even bothers with you…_

That’s probably the one thing I might actually agree with Banshee on. Literally no idea why he kept talking to me after we bumped into each other.

“You coming?” He asked.

“In a bit. I’m gonna shower.” I said.

“Okay. East, come on.” Chris said and the dog got up and padded after him.

I got up and walked to the bathroom. I stripped for my shower and saw my reflection in the mirror. I had gotten fat. My thighs were thick and not in a good was, my arms jiggled, I was starting to see a double chin form.

I had to bite my lip to keep myself from crying. I got in the shower and cleaned up opting for a pair of grey joggers, a white v-neck tee and a green, blue, beige and white loose draped cardigan

“Hey you, want a beer?” Scott asked.

“It’s a bit early for me, Think I’ll stick to coffee for now.” I said.

“I’ve got you.” Chris said pouring me a mug and passing it to me.

“So what are we doing today? We can do a late hike get back here dinner and then hit the club.” Scott said and Chris groaned.

“Dude I just want a lazy day.” Chris said.

“Agreed.” I said.

“Oh come on.” Scott said. “Jamie you’ve been down the past couple of days. Periods aren’t that bad.”

“No uterus no opinion.” I said.

“Okay fine but you’re leaving in two days, don’t you want to do something fun?” Scott said.

“Smash brothers call of duty marathon sounds fun.” I said.

“That does sound fun.” Chris said. “We can go out for dinner and a hike tomorrow, I’m free until next week. So I’m all yours the next two days.”

“Fine but expect a jam packed day of fun.” He said.

The food got there a few minutes later and since it was such a nice day outside we ate but the pool. And that’s when it happened. My phone started ringing and I started playing the imperial march and I instantly dropped my fork.

“Uh oh.” Scott said.

“Jamie, breathe.” Chris said.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“It’s okay. This was going to happen at some point.” I said picking up my phone.

_“James Alexander Becker, what the fuck did you do?!” Satan shouted._

“Sir I…” I started.

_“Do you know what it’s like being woken up at the crack of dawn to a phone call and hear the other person on the other side of the line shrieking at me?” He said._

“It’s not pleasant.” I said

_“No shit moron! And to top it all off it’s that cunt you call a mother telling me to get off my ass and get you in line because your stupid ass thought decided to study biochemistry instead of business like you told me you were.” He said. “Now why would she say something like that James?”_

What came next is by far not one of my proudest moments. Then again I haven’t had a lot of those lately so.

I opened my mouth and the words just came out of my like the sushi did after dinner with Banshee.

“I don’t know she was probably drunk you know how she gets when she’s in the middle of a divorce. Hits those martinis hard.” I said before I slapped a hand over my mouth to stop myself. Chris and Scott just stared at me like I had grown another head.

Satan was quiet on the other line for a minute.

“James I’m going to have to call you back.” Satan said before hanging up.

“Oh fuck.” I said.

“What was that?” Scott said.

“I think I just pulled a Lexie.” I said.

“You just called your mom a drunk…” Chris said.

“She threw her mom under the bus.” Scott said.

“It’s not totally wrong.” I said. “But I… the words just came out. And I think I bought myself some time. A few months at least. They’ll be too busy arguing with each other to care what I’m doing.”

“Jamie you’re going to have to deal with them at some point.” Chris said.

“I know but this just gives me time to figure out what I’m going to do.” I said.

“What’s there to figure out?” Scott said. “You’re just going to tell them you studying Biochemistry instead of business.”

“Well that’s the start.” I said. “Of course once they do that I have to figure out how I’m going to pay for another two years of college, plus grad school if I decide to do that. I’m going to have to find a new place to live.”

“Cause your dad will stop paying your rent.” Chris said.

“More like he’ll kick me out. He owns the building.” I said.

“Your dad owns the building?” Scott said, “What does he do again?”

“Crush hopes and dreams.” I said. “I’d lose the car which wouldn’t be that big a deal, I’ve taken the bus a few times, my allowance which would be a huge lifestyle change, I’d have to get a job to support myself. Basically my life as I know it would be over.”

“It wouldn’t be over.” Chris said. “Yeah it’d be a huge change but you’d live.”

“I know I just meant huge life change.” I said. “I have savings but not sure it’d be enough to sustain my current lifestyle. On the plus side I’d never have to speak to Satan or Banshee again. That’d be nice. Should probably call my accountant.”

“You have an accountant?” Scott asked.

“Well technically he’s my money manager.” I said. “We went to boarding school together. Does do a lot of blow but great guy though.”

“What type of Boarding school did you go to?” Chris asked.

“The one people send their kids to when it’s too late to put them up for adoption.” I said as I continued to pick at my food take a few small bites every once in a while mostly not to worry the guys.

The next couple of days went much the same. We’d go out and do stuff. I wouldn’t really snack on anything. I’d pick at my food and tried to avoid eating if I could. When I did eat I’d excuse myself to the restroom and purge right after.

I just felt disgusted when I ate and then I felt relief when I purged for like a minute before I felt ashamed and embarrassed. Then the cycle continued and I’d be right back to where I started.

It was like that for days, then days turned into weeks. I still hadn’t heard from Banshee or Satan though my anxiety was so high I couldn’t even watch Star Wars anymore.

**Late April 2011-**

It was the last fitting for my bridesmaid’s dress.

Carly was trying on her dress on one side of the dressing rooms while Shanna and I were on the opposite sides.

“Uh I think I need help. Jamie mind zipping me up?” Shanna asked.

“Only if you do the same for me. I can’t hold my dress up and zip.” I said as I walked out.

“Wow, you’ve lost a ton of weight. They’re gonna have to take it in again.” She said.

“I thought they gave me the wrong dress.” I said seeing that it did fit me a bit loose. “Maybe it’s the straps.”

“Uh don’t think so.” She said sounding a bit weird. “Have you been dieting or something?”

“No, I have been running more.” I said. It was true. I’ve been working out all the time. Well when I wasn’t studying. I woke up early to go running them when I got home and finished my scheduled studying I’d go down to the gym and use my one hour of free time to work out. I hadn’t noticed any changes yet, or I guess I wasn’t.

“Okay, how are my girls looking?” Lisa asked.

“Well…” Carly said coming out.

“Ah!” Lisa gasped and started tearing up. I think we all did.

“You look so pretty.” I said.

“Wow Brian is going to start bawling when he sees you.” Shanna said.

“And you guys… wow Jamie you’ve lost a ton of weight.” Carly said.

“Yeah definitely needs to be taken in a bit.” I said as the seamstress started pinning the dress to make the adjustments.

“You’ve definitely dropped a size, maybe even two.” The seamstress said. “What diet are you on?”

“No diet.” I said. “Just running, stress, the usual.”

“Right.” She said not entirely convinced.

“You have been really busy.” Carly said. “I feel like we hardly see you.”

“And Skyping you during Sunday dinners doesn’t count.” Lisa said. “Though the thought is appreciated sweetie.”

“I know and I’m sorry. My research team is getting ready to submit our research to the review board so we can maybe get published and I’ve been looking into what I want to do after graduation. Volunteering at a few places, just getting some opinions from some old contacts and people some of my professors referred me too… it’s been a lot.” I said. Add to that the fact that I feel exhausted constantly, my anxiety is through the roof, I second guess my self constantly and something as simple as deciding whether I should buy sugar free coffee creamer or fat free coffee creamer now feels like a life or death decision.

“I thinking of maybe going to med school. Apparently I’m people person not a lock yourself in a lab for days person.” I said.

“Med school? Wow.” Shanna said.

“I could see you as a doctor.” Carly said.

“Doctor Becker. Has a nice ring to it.” Lisa said.

“Yeah, down side though it’s four more years of school, six years of residency plus a year or two of fellowship to specialize in anything. It’s a lot.” I said.

“Well you can do anything you set your mind to. And you’re young you have time to do all of that.” Lisa said.

“Still have to see if I get in.” I said. And how I’m going to pay for it all if I get cut off.

“Oh you’ll get in.” Shanna said.

“Alright your dress is ready yours if going to need a bit longer.” The seamstress said.

“We should grab lunch.” Carly said and I cringed thinking I should try to find a way out of it but I couldn’t.

“We need to talk about your bachelorette party.” Shanna said. “I’m thinking strippers in Atlantic city.”

“Yes!” I said. “but I don’t think I can do lunch.”

“Jamie!” Carly said. “We also need to go over the plan for the rehearsal dinner.”

“No buts you’re going.” Shanna said. “You also need to eat. You’re way too skinny.”

“I’m really not.” I said. “But okay. I need a break from studying anyway.”

It was a fun day except for the fact that I felt everyone watch me. Constantly asking me how I liked my food. Asking me if I wanted to try their food. Suggesting we get dessert because they knew how much I liked the ice cream from that one place I mentioned that one time. Why did they have to be so awesome, loving and considerate? I really didn’t deserve them.

Then wasn’t able to purge because I couldn’t go the restroom by myself. So I sped home and ran straight to the bathroom to throw up and I did but I didn’t feel like I got rid of it all so I went to the gym to recompensate.

I was running on the elliptical set to the highest incline possible and some pretty high resistance while I had my notes on the settings stand so I could review them while I ran.

I was doing great, I was sweating out all the water weight. I was feeling the burn and my heart was working hard. I was reading my notes when suddenly they started to blur and it was hard to read them.

“What the hell?” I said rubbing my eyes and blinking to see if I could clear it up so I stopped and lost my balance as the room started spinning. “Shit.”

Then I fell on my ass and decided I should nap for a bit.

**Meanwhile- Third Person’s POV**

Chris was in the middle of a night shoot in full costume including a helmet that squeezed his head a lot. It had been giving him a migraine for hours.

“Mister Evans, The aspirin you asked for?” One of the set assistants said.

“Thank you.” He said taking them.

“Rough Day?” Scarlett asked.

“No just that helmet squeezes my brain.” Chris said as his vision started to blur. “Uh do me a favor, get the doctor.”

“Chris?” She asked concerned.

“I’m feeling a bit… dizzy.” He said grabbing onto the chair to hold himself up.

“We need a doctor over here!” She called out.

“Chris Sit down.” She said helping him stay standing until he sat down.

“Whoa… that’s never happened before.” He said.

“Mister Evans, please look up.” The doctor said as he took his pulse. “Do you know where you are?”

“On set, in Cleveland.” He said. “I think it’s starting to pass.”

“We should get you some fluids.” He said before looking at his hands. “Huh…”

“Is something wrong?” Chris asked the doctor.

“You’ve been drinking water right?” The doctor asked.

“All day,” He said.

“Thought so, you’re not dehydrated.” He said. “Pupillary responses are normal. Is your vision still fuzzy?”

“No I can see perfectly. Nothing’s spinning.” Chris said.

“It wasn’t you.” He said. “It’s a mirroring symptom. No one really knows why it happens but it’s kind of like your fight or flight response kicks in responding to anything your soulmate may be going through. You get lighter symptoms of whatever he or she may be going through. Happened to me when my wife got pregnant. Morning sickness is no joke.”

“My soulmate’s the one that’s sick?” Chris said feeling like someone dumped a bucket of ice water on him.

“Yeah, probably a bit dehydrated or pushed too hard during a workout.” The doctor said. “I’m sure they’re fine. Just sit down for a few minutes and if you start to feel something again I’ll look you over again.”

“Thanks doc.” Chris said quickly grabbing his phone.

**Back in Boston…**

I woke up to the sound of my phone buzzing.

“Mhm five more minutes.” I groaned when I realized my bed was a lot harder than it normally was. And it was cold like tile. I opened my eyes and realized I was in the gym and I had passed out. “Shit.”

I stood up and decided I should call it a night, but not before my phone buzzed.

_Hey are you alright?_

That was weird timing.

_Yeah just finished a workout, going to shower and KO_

I grabbed everything and went back up. Showered and faceplanted onto my bed. I’ve been crashing harder lately but it wasn’t restful sleep. It was kind of like a six to eight hour long black out.


	16. Chapter 16

**Early May 2011-**

They had been at this for hours and they were getting on my last nerve. I was weeks away from finals which they both knew and understood because they were in the same boat. Not to mention I could be disowned at any minute via text message or if he was feeling extra vindictive just have the eviction notice slipped under my door and these two were put me in the middle of something they were arguing about. I’m pretty sure they didn’t know what they were fighting about either.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Lexie said.

“You’re just wasting your time.” Blair said.

“Says the girl who threw a sushi mixer no one showed up to?” Lexie retorted.

“I’m sorry who’s the one who’s trying to hook up with their ethics professor?” Blair said.

“Guys.” I said.

“What?!” they shouted at me via skype.

“I have a deadline to meet and I don’t think you two even remember why we’re talking in the first place so I’m leave you to it.” I said.

“Shit sorry how are things with you?” Lexie said.

“Oh just the usual.” I said.

“Did you switch to business yet?” Blair said.

“Blair.” Lexie said.

“What? Just save yourself some trouble and do it already.” Blair said.

“And you wonder why no one at school likes you.” I said before ending the call. My head was pounding, I felt tired and weak constantly. I felt pressure from everywhere and everything was just a huge mess.

My phone started ringing again and I picked up without checking who it was.

“Blair I don’t know how many times I can say it just stop being a bitch and Lexie fuck whoever you want just remember that you have millions of dollar in a trust fund and all he has is a job he’s going to lose because of you, so keep it in your pants.” I said.

“Uh… that’s good advice but don’t think that’s really for me.” Chris said.

“Shit sorry… busy morning.” I said.

“I can tell, Lexie and Blair still fighting?” He asked.

“Yeah just got off a three hour call that turned into a three hour argument.” I said.

“Just wanted to check in, Feel like we haven’t gotten a chance to talk lately. You’re so busy.” Chris said.

“I’m not the only one. I saw the movie. You did great.” I said.

“Thanks it’s been a lot. Kids keep coming up to me to get my autograph and pictures. I miss being home.” He said. “And the new costume’s gives me a wedgie.”

That made me laugh.

“Well if it makes you feel better all the moms in the theater kept saying you had a great ass. Don’t think you’re going to be single for much longer.” I said.

“Are you objectifying me?” he said mock offended making me laugh. “Yeah don’t think I’m going to have time to date anytime soon. I’m just so tired lately. I get home and fall into bed then I’m up at 5am for workouts and training… man I’m tired.”

“You look tired.” I said.

“Are you okay though? I know finals are coming up.” Chris said.

“I’m good actually. Research is a bit slow right now since it’s the end of the year and were still waiting for a decision from the review board. Oh I do have news I think I found my calling.” I said.

“What? What is it?” He said.

“I’m going to be a doctor… specifically a surgeon.” I said.

“That’s awesome! You’re going to be an awesome doctor.” Chris said. “How’d you figure it out?”

“Well it wasn’t exactly a moment like you had. So the head of my research group apparently noticed I wasn’t washing glassware and diluting solutions as happily as I used to so we talked and he made me take an aptitude test which somehow said I would be good at everything but the personality suggested caretaker roles with technical skills and critical thinking. So I started volunteering at a community clinic and it was boring and the red tape of insurance and paperwork was super boring. Eventually I started shadowing a doctor working as his scribe and I just loved what he did and I started thinking back to the year I spent in the hospital emailed my favorite nurse and surgeon. There was a lot of back and forth and then I just knew. He also gave me a letter of rec.” I said.

“You did all of that in one month?” Chris asked.

“I work fast.” I said.

“Doctor Becker…. Guess playing doctor won’t be a thing for you.” Chris said.

“Oh I can still play doctor it’s just dirty talk might be a bit more anatomically correct.” I said. “So it might sound more like I want you to put your left and right brachium and brachials on my gluteus maximus and lets achieve coitus.”

Chris laughed so hard he almost fell out of his seat.

“That’s… If a girl ever told me that I think I’d need to google a few of those words.” He said.

“Yeah, I’ll just stick to saying fuck me.” I said.

“Have you heard from… he who must not be named?” Chris asked.

“No word. They’re either still too busy fighting with each other to even remember I exist, too annoyed with each other to even listen to what the other is saying or too busy with work.” I said.

“But you’re okay right?” He said concerned.

“Never better.” I said forcing a smile. Chris didn’t look entirely convinced but gave me a small smile.

“I’m going to be back in Boston. Scott and I are planning on booking a room at a hotel, the aunts are coming to town.

“You guys can always crash here you before I get evicted. Shanna is. And there’s an extra room. Might be more comfortable than a hotel.” I said.

“I’ll talk to Scott but I am all for that.” He said. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” I said.

**Weeks Later…**

I survived finals, on nothing but black coffee, a few scones that I continues to barf out after and the water I drank so I wouldn’t pass out again when I worked out. No one knew what was going on. People always said addicts were the best at covering up their problems, I’d have to disagree.

The bachelorette party was pretty tame, then again most of the parties I went to normally required and NDA at the entrance and ended with having to bribe witnesses. It was still a fun evening with some strippers from the phone book and some very raunchy sex stories. It’s always the quiet ones that are into the craziest and kinkiest things.

And despite all the odds my 4.0 survived.

Overlooking a few major details things were on the up and up and I still felt like shit. The cycles to disappointment and shame followed by the instant and short minute of relief after purging which ended in shame and continued the cycle that never stopped.

My two best friends, the only two people that knew to look out for the warning signs were still too busy fighting and too far away to do anything about it so I was on my own. I didn’t really see a problem with it. I wasn’t losing weight or at least I didn’t feel like I was and whatever I was doing wasn’t getting in the way of my day to day. In fact the routine kind of kept me focused. When I wasn’t thinking of food or how many calories there were in the food I was eating or how many calories I needed to burn.

“I’m feeling pizza.” Shanna said. “You want pizza?”

“I’m good. I meal prepped for the week so just ate that.” I said. a green smoothie I puked out before she got there too.

“Think the guys will want anything?” Shanna said.

“They’re always hungry.” I said as the doorbell rang. “And that’d be them.”

“Jamie!” Scott said hugging me and rocking me from side to side. I was about to let go when he pulled me back to put a hand on my back then up to feel my shoulder and stepped back. “Did you lose weight?”

“Don’t think so.” I said. I had opted for wearing looser clothing. It was comfortable and warmer. I was wearing a dark grey sweater with blue and white color block stripes across the shoulder to the other arm and sweats with the same color block on the sides. You couldn’t tell anything.

“She did.” Shanna said.

Or I thought you couldn’t.

“My turn.” Chris said hugging me tight. I felt him tense for a second but then he let me go.

“Come on in. Shanna was just about to order Pizza.” I said as they went in. “You guys can just pick which ever room you want. We’re bunking together.”

“Jamie’s bed is huge.” She said. “I might never leave.”

“Get me a pepperoni.” Scott said.

“I’m good with anything as long as it doesn’t have pineapple.” Chris said.

“Don’t worry Jamie already ate.” Shanna said.

“I’m actually going to head down for a workout.” I said. “I like getting in a good sweat and steam before bed. Make yourselves at home.”

“You’re going to work out right now?” Chris said.

“Yeah gym’s always empty at this hour.” I said.

“Jamie take a break. Skipping one work out won’t hurt you.” Shanna said.

“Besides I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. You never told me what happened with that hot guy from your research group.” Scott said.

“Oh nothing he has a girlfriend also he graduated a semester early so he’s not around anymore.” I said. “I’m not really dating right now. Too busy.”

“No…” Scott whined.

“I keep telling her these are the best years of your life, you’ve got to make the most of them.” Shanna said.

“Don’t listen to them. Do what feels right. You’re only 19.” Chris said.

“I know.” I said drinking some water. “What happened with that guy you were seeing? You know with the abs…”

“He was all abs and nothing else. Like seriously nothing else.” Scott said.

“I told you he was compensating for something else.” Shanna said.

“He was really compensating.” Scott said.

“I didn’t know you were seeing a guy.” Chris said.

“Uh yeah, it was a casual thing. Nothing worth mentioning. Plus you’ve been busy.” Scott deflected.

“You really have, you haven’t fainted again have you?” Shanna said.

“You fainted?” I asked him surprised to hear that.

“Almost fainted, I just got really dizzy for a sec. It was probably from the suit. It’s really hot.” Chris said.

“You did get checked out right?” I asked.

“Yeah, doctor said I was okay.” Chris said.

“So pepperoni, something with bacon and Hawaiian.” Shanna said.

“I already ate.” I reminded her.

“I meant for me.” Shanna said.

“No, you’ve turned her over to the dark side!” Scott said.

“I had a craving.” Shanna said.

“Pineapple is the best pizza topping.” I said.

“Fruit is not meant to be on pizza.” Scott said.

“Just be grateful I still pour the cereal before the milk.” Shanna said.

“It’s not weird.” I said.

“No that’s pretty weird.” Chris said. “Who likes milk more than cereal?”

“It’s not about what I like it’s about making sure you don’t end up with super soggy cereal. You eat it little by little.” I said.

“Still weird.” Chris said.

**Hours Later…**

We were all just enjoying a few rounds of Mariokart before there was a knock at the door.

“Were you expecting anyone?” Scott asked.

“No, And it’s too late for it to be Arthur bringing up a package.” I said walking to the door and opening it.

“Oh you’re still awake! We have an emergency!” Carly said walking in.

“Right now?” Shanna said.

“Did Brian back out?” Scott said jumping to the worst case scenario.”

“Dude.” Chris said.

“No I don’t have something borrowed.” Carly said.

“huh?” Scott said.

“My something borrowed!” Carly said. “My dress is new, my veil is old, my garter is blue but I don’t have something borrowed! I’m getting married tomorrow in two days and I don’t have something borrowed!!!”

“Carly it’s okay.” Shanna said. “Sit down.”

I walked to the kitchen and grabbed the chocolate covered pretzels and the bottle of wine I kept for extreme situations, well for when Blair got dumped again and ended up crying on my couch.

“It’s okay.” I said handing her a glass of wine and offering her the pretzels.

“I planned everything and I forgot this tiny little thing!” Carly said.

“Dude you can borrow my watched or five bucks?” Scott said.

“That doesn’t count!” Carly said.

“Carly it’s okay. Just your wine, eat a super chocolatey pretzel and take a breath.” I said.

“But I….” She started.

“Shhhh.” Shanna and I said rubbing her back.

“If I can write a ten page essay in one night I can find you something amazing to borrow in my closet in two days. So take a sip and then we can go through my closet.” I said.

“Okay.” Carly said sipping her wine.

“So you do realize you two aren’t really the same size…” Scott said before Chris elbowed his brother to shut it.

“We’re going to find something.” I reassured her. “Come on.”

We got up and walked to my room. All the rooms in the apartment were sort of the same. I always thought they looked like a hotel but according to the interior designer one of Satan’s wives hired this was supposed to be chic. Or that’s what they told her anyway.

The entire apartment had dark hardwood floors, there were cabinets and drawers alone tha walls that were also white, the walls were painted a soft grey blue that appeared almost white. There was a white rug on the floor with the bed frame in a dark wood and charcoal grey cushion headboard.

“Wow, this is your room?” Carly said. “It’s huge and so…”

“White? I know, it reminds me of a hotel.” I told her. “Okay, this way, might be kind of cramped.”

I opened the door and walked into my closet with was a hallway with white cabinets and racks of shoes and clothes Banshee had sent me or things Blair’s mom had given me too and whatever I bought on the occasional shopping trip. The cabinets and walls matched the décor of the room with the exception of the wall on the end being a dark grey and a full sized mirror with a darker wood frame.

“I think my entire room fits in your closet.” Carly said.

“So does mine.” Shanna said.

“Okay so you obviously already have your shoes and dress… “ I said. “How about accessories? Earrings? necklace?”

“Uh not really, besides my ring.” She said.

“Okay then, we’re bringing out the big guns.” I said walking to the mirror and swinging it to the side to reveal a safe.

“Whoa! You have a safe?” Shanna said.

“Satan had it put in when he bought the place. Not really sure why, probably to hide things from his wife.” I said opening it up. “I mostly just use to put in important papers, birth certificates, Passport. Also for my Birkin’s and more expensive stuff I don’t really use.”

“You keep your purses in there?” Carly asked.

“Yeah, they’re Banshee’s old ones. She sends them with some of the stuff she sends sometimes instead of giving me an allowance. She used to throw them out when she ran out of closet space or if she didn’t like a color she got. Turns out you can resell them for more than they were originally worth if you wait a few years.” I said looking through them to take out the jewelry. “Okay you’ve got a few options… Just take a look.”

Carly took a look and choked on her wine.

“A-are those real diamonds?” She said.

“Yeah.” I said.

“All of them are real?” Shanna said. “How rich are you?”

“Again I’m not rich Satan and Banshee are.” I said. “Some of these I bought using Satan’s black card when he pissed me off, which honestly didn’t hurt him at all. Like… This.”

I took out a small rectangular box with a diamond, emerald and gold bracelet.

“Bought that for homecoming freshman year of high school. Wanted it to match my dress.” I said before taking out a box with diamond and sapphire drop earrings.

“These were… Winter Formal Junior year. They’re really heavy. Hurt my ears” I said before I opened my least favorite necklace. It was a charm necklace with heart and flowers diamond charms. “This gaudy thing I won from Blair. Lexie and I bet her she couldn’t last a week being a nice. She made it three days.”

“This one, this one’s actually one of my favorites. It’s the one I use the most, my godfather gave it to me for my sixteenth birthday.” I said. It was a thin silver chain with diamonds linked in a V pattern.

“And these… These I got from one of Banshee’s ex boyfriends. Apparently he was big on family and banshee lied to him and said we were close so he wanted to get on my good side. He was a diamond distributer.” I said. “He sent me this to school before my cotillion… it was a school tradition/ requirement.”

It was a diamond tennis necklace. Very simple.

“I sent it back because I thought it was a mistake and three days later he sent it back with this one and the earrings.” I said. It was another tennis necklace with bigger diamonds and matching diamond drop earrings.

“He just gave them to you?” Shanna said.

“It’s an ego thing for some people to flash their money. Personally I consider it my rainy day fund and for special occasions like this they come in handy.” I said.

“I don’t think I can use any of these. Aren’t you afraid I’m going to lose it?” Carly asked.

“No they’re just things. They can always be replaced also they’re insured so no worries.” I said. “So what are you thinking? Earrings? Bracelet? Necklace?”

“Uh well everything’s really… really nice. This one’s a bit too much.” Carly said afraid to offend me.

“I know, really not my taste.” I said closing that box. “I might sell it back to Blair once she stops being bitchy… well back to her normal level of bitchiness.”

“Probably not a necklace.” Shanna said. “I think it would clash too much with the lace and the beading…”

“That’s true.” Carly said closing the necklaces.

“These earrings though… gorgeous.” Shanna said.

“But really heavy. I don’t think I could last all day in them.” Carly said.

“No to the sapphire earrings.” I said closing them up. “You’re not just saying no because you’re afraid of losing them right? Because really I don’t mind and I’m not worried in the slightest.”

“I know and thank you but really those are just… too much.” She said. “They also have to match.”

“Okay.” I said.

“You know I was just going to go with studs, Brian’s mom gave me some and I feel with mom’s veil I also want her to be a part of it.” Carly said.

“Not to mention since your dress is off white with the slightly beige material the gold in the bracelet really goes well with it.” Shanna said.

“Yeah I think this is the one.” Carly said.

“Then it’s the one.” I said closing the box and handing it to her. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, This is… this is the last thing. I’m officially ready to get married.” Carly said.

“Yay!” Shanna said.

“I don’t know about you two but I’m craving more of those chocolate covered pretzels.” Carly said and we headed back out where the guys had switched from Mario Kart to Wii Sports.

“Crisis averted.” I said.

“Awesome.” Chris said before Carly got the pretzels.

**The Following Morning…**

When I offered to have everyone stay with me for the weekend there was one thing I didn’t consider… The fact that everyone was always around. Don’t get me wrong I liked having people over. I love my friends they’re awesome but I didn’t love myself and that just made every little look or question or just a casual hug… because they were all huggers, it all made me doubt myself which added to the cycle of disgust, purge, relief, shame, worthlessness, repeat.

I woke up earlier than everyone else. Made myself a low calorie smoothie of half an apple spinach, kale, and unsweetened milk plus a few celery sticks to help fill me up and because I read somewhere that it count as negative calories. Logically I knew that made no sense but the weight obsessed fearmonger in me gave it the benefit of the doubt.

When I finished I went down to the gym and started working out. Sit ups, crunches and then cardio, lot and lots of cardio.

“Morning.” Chris said as he and Scott walked in.

“Hey.” I said as I kept running.

“Did you fall out of bed?” Scott said.

“No I just got into this routine and exercise is a good way to wake up.” I said kept running.

“I thought you weren’t a morning person?” Scott asked.

“The earlier you start the more time you have to do things.” I said as I kept running. “And I’ve been busy.”

“And you work out at night?” Chris said.

“It’s a lighter workout.” I said as the cool down started and I was walking on the treadmill for a minute before I stopped and got off before the world started spinning. “Whoa..”

“Jamie…” Chris said quickly putting an arm around me. “You okay?”

“Yeah must’ve stopped too fast. I’m good.” I said gently patting Chris’ hand signaling him he could let go. “I’m gonna head up,”

“You sure you’re okay?” Chris said.

“Yeah.” I said. “See up guys up there.”

I headed upstairs and for a second I totally forgot Shanna and I were bunking together. I walked into my room started taking my clothes off, throwing them on the bed…

“Morning.” Shanna said just as I was starting to peel off my sweater.

“Ah!” I shrieked as I jumped. “Shit… forgot you were here.”

“Damn I’m that easy to forget?” Shanna said kidding around.

“Sorry kind of half asleep.” I said.

“Did you just get back from the gym?” Shanna asked.

“Yeah, had breakfast, worked out, I’m about to jump in the shower.” I said.

“Kay. I’ll just be here. Enjoying having the bed all to myself. I love this mattress.” She said rolling over.

“Okay.” I said walking into the restroom. I quickly turned on the shower and purged trying to be as quiet as I possibly could before jumping in the shower. I took my time, enjoying the feeling of warm water relaxing my muscles.

Growing up I used to love taking really hot showers after a really long day. To walk out and see the steam clouding the room and the fogged up mirror. I would draw on the mirror, making a smiley face so no matter how bad my day was, who had yelled at me or what someone had said there would still be a smile on my face.

I reached up and drew the eyes and when I went to draw the mouth I just couldn’t do it so I wiped the mirror and saw my face. It wasn’t happy. It wasn’t sad either. I was just tired. So fucking tired.

But I kept going like I always did.

I got dressed in tee shirt with an oversized cardigan and joggers. I towel dried my hair and brushed it until most of the tangles were out before I stepped out.

“You just got out of the shower?” Scott said.

“Steam shower.” I said with a smile as turned on the electric kettle to make myself some tea.

“I’m thinking eggs and bacon.” Chris said looking through my fridge.

“Yeah… I haven’t really had a chance to do grocery shopping with everything.” I said.

“Yeah I can see that…” Chris said. “Strawberries, celery sticks, carrots and… Some weird green juice?”

“Pressed juice. Cleanse thing.” I said.

“Right…” Chris said looking at me skeptically. “Why don’t I just grab us some bagels and coffee from that place down the street?”

Oh fucking carbs.

“Uh I actually had a smoothie before my workout.” I said.

“A smoothie isn’t going to fill you up. You need real… solid food.” He said. “Shanna, we’re going out!”

“Bring me something with bacon!” She called back.

“I can see the family resemblance.” I said.

“Yeah, yeah.” Chris said pulling on a cap. “Come on.”

“Shouldn’t I change?” I asked.

“You look great and I’m also in sweats. Let’s go.” Chris said linking his hands with mine leading me out of the apartment.

We headed out and greeting Arthur on the way out. I saw a guy with a dog in a similar color to East and that reminded me of my little cuddle buddy.

“Where is East staying at anyway?” I asked.

“He’s with my Ma. Figured she might need more of an emotional support animal with everyone staying at her house.” Chris said.

“Guess I hit the jackpot in the house guest department.” I said as we walked to the bagel shop. “You never mentioned what happened with that girl you were seeing? The one you had a crush on…”

“Didn’t go well. Went out for coffee and there wasn’t anything there.” He said.

“Sorry.” I said as we walked into the shop.

“Ah it is what it is… Besides I don’t have time for anything right now.” Chris said. “You’re having the usual right? Everything bagel with cream cheese, smoked salmon and….spinach?”

“Uh no I’ll just have plain bagel and non fat cream cheese.” I said. “Not that hungry.”

“Are you on a diet or something?” Chris asked.

“No just not that hungry.” I said hugging my cardigan tighter.

“Alright then, plain bagel with non fat cream cheese, a bacon egg and cheese on an everything and another on an onion, and another with ham and egg and swiss.” Chris said.

“Coming right up.” The attendant said just as they were bringing in a bunch of bagels and frying up bacon. The smell hit me and my stomach started growling, then it felt like someone had pulled the floor out from under me and I fell.

“Oh shit!” I said as I fell on my ass.

“Jamie!” Chris said. “What happened?”

“I fell, probably my shoes they don’t get a lot of traction.” I said as he helped me up with a frown. “I’m okay. Let’s get those bagels.”

So we went home and ate breakfast. I mean I actually ate because I forced myself because I felt like I was under a microscope with everyone around me eating and telling me how amazing bacon was. Bagels are delicious going down. Coming back up… not so much.

I could feel the carbs that got away sinking in my stomach, feeling the stomach acids break it down and pulling out all the sugars before spreading them though out my body making me bloat. Scientifically I knew that didn’t make sense but again, the calorie counting weight obsessed fearmonger beat out common sense.

I wanted to cry. My head was on the toilet seat feeling miserable over the part that got away when Shanna knocked on my door needing to pee. I cleaned up and went back outside.

“Mhmm.” Chris was sitting on the couch starting to fall asleep.

“Oh I need to go pick up my suit and…” Scott started.

“I need my dress! For tonight.” Shanna said.

“Didn’t you bring it?” I asked.

“I forgot.” She said. “Mom was going to iron it.”

“Well come on, we can stop by to pick it up.” Scott said. “You guys coming?”

“I’m good.” I said.

“I’m taking a nap.” Chris said.

“Be back in a bit.” Scott said before they left.

I turned on the TV and started playing some movie. Something with a lot of explosions and no plot.

“Is it horrible of me to wish they all died already so this could be over?” I said.

“I just thought this was a bunch of back to back explosions.” Chris said.

“Tired?” I asked.

“Haven’t been sleeping so great.” He said.

“Know the feeling.” I said. He gave me a look and lifted his arm up, a silent invitation. I moved a bit closer and leaned into him. “You’re buffer.”

“You’re skinnier.” He said.

“Hm.” I hummed. “Power nap?”

“I think they’ll be back in like an hour.” Chris said.

“Forty minutes?” I asked.

“Fifty, I’ll set an alarm.” He said grabbing his phone as we got up. Chris started going to his room while I went to my room. “Do you want to…”

“My bed’s bigger.” I said.

“Your bed it is.” He said following after me. I closed the curtains and got on my bed where Chris was already laying down in. “Alarm’s set. You really do have a body pillow.”

“And a weighted blanket.” I said pulling it up as we started spooning. Me being the little spoon.

“Hm… feels like a hug.” Chris mumbled against my shoulder.

“Less talky more sleepy.” I said as I slowly started to knock out.

That was the best nap ever. I felt more well rested than I had after sleeping all night. Then that stupid alarm had to ruin in.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

“Mhmmm. No….” I groaned hiding my face in the pillow I was resting on. Turns out that pillow was Chris. I somehow turned in the middle of our nap and swapped my body pillow for… well Chris.

“Uh I don’t wanna go….” He groaned.

“Carly can practice getting married without us.” I said.

“Aunt bitchy can go be Anne to someone else.” Chris said making me chuckle. “Drew is going to miss you though. Asked me to pass you his number.”

“I’m not that desperate. Also he’s your cousin.” I said.

“Would that really be a problem?” he said.

“Would you really be okay with me fucking your cousin?” I said and Chris tensed. “Somethings are not meant to stay in the family.”

“Good to know.” Chris said. “Only good thing about this rehearsal will be the food after.”

“Yeah… Got that too look forward to. Big family dinner.” I said.

Ah fuck.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone just wanted to thank ou all for the comments, I've updated the tags to more accurately describe the story and warn people but please let me know if there is another I should add. Thanks.

**A While Later…**

Chris and I got out of bed and started getting ready. Well I did while he went to watch TV and snack a bit. I started getting ready early since Shanna and I were sharing the bathroom.

I did my make-up not going for anything too dramatic. Just a simple eyeliner and mascara for my eyes with a subtle light brown eyeshadow. I hadn’t had any breakouts lately which was great though the bags under my eyes were darker and I looked a little pale so a bit of concealer which helped with my complexion. I put my hair up in a messy updo with a few strands of hair curled and framing my face.

I chose a pair of colorful beaded drop earrings to go with my one shouldered strap blush dress with a bush and burgundy printed skirt that ended at midthigh.

I used a chunky beaded bracelet to cover up my soulmark. Didn’t need anyone picking up on that. Up until now the only people who knew about me and Chris were just his immediate family and while we never really discussed it, it was more of a silent agreement to keep it under wraps.

“Wow,” Shanna said when she saw me.

“It’s the pink right? It’s not my color, always makes me look bloated.” I said considering going to change my dress.

“Not this time.” She said. “You’ve lost a ton of weight.”

“Really? Haven’t noticed.” I said before quickly distracting her. “You know I have the perfect earrings to go with that dress.”

“No diamonds right?” Shanna said.

“No.” I said going to get them.

Then I headed to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. I might not get away with not eating at this dinner so if I fill up on water it might I’ll eat a bit less or make it easier to evacuate everything later. Of course I couldn’t drink too much or else I’d be peeing all the time… though that would give me an opening…

“Hey Jamie can you give me a hand with this tie I can’t get it ri….” Chris said freezing when he saw me.

“Don’t you wear suits all the time?” I retorted as I put the glass of water down.

“Uh yeah but… stylist or someone always leaves them set up so I just adjust them.” He said scrunching his eyebrows together as I started knotted the tie the right way.

“Is that good or do you want a Windsor knot?” I said.

“This is perfect.” He said looking a bit uneasy. “Are you… feeling okay?”

“Never better. Why?” I said as my stomach started grumbling. I was starting to get really bad heartburn.

“Well…” he started before Scott came in.

“I heard someone say something about tying ti… Whoa!” Scott said before looking at Chris who subtly shook his head no. “You look so pretty! You should wear more pink.”

“Ew.” I said straightening his tie for him.

“Uh you know what, I think that bagel I ate earlier is giving me a bit of heartburn.” Chris said. “You’ve got some tums or something?”

“I think there’s some in the medicine cabinet, next to the cough syrup. Had Indian food a while ago, spicy foods and I do not go well together.” I said.

“I know the feeling.” Chris said tilting his head in thought but shaking it off.

We all crowded into Scott’s car and drove to the venue. Carly was already there with the groom her mom and in laws and everyone else who for some reason felt they should be there.

Aunt Bitchy was well… Bitchy. I forgot how bad she was and the worst part was you couldn’t drink your way through the rehearsal. So we had to white knuckle it and smile through it. Also I couldn’t understand why she had to come with us to the rehearsal dinner in the first place but here I was. The things you do for family.

“Chris your hair… did you dye it to match the wedding theme?” Anne said.

“No just in the middle of filming…” Chris said forcing a smile.

“Ah right you’re a superhero now!” She said with mock enthusiasm.

“I’m not a hero I just play one.” Chris said. “Oh look I’m supposed to be down the aisle.”

With that he took off.

“My goodness Jamie, look at you. You’re just skin and bones!” She said clutching my shoulder. “So boney, what are you doing?!”

“Oh nothing just the usual.” I said looking straight ahead with a smile.

“Well you should stop. Men like women with a little meat on their bones. You need a little cushion in the front or back.” She said. “Can’t expect to find a husband looking like a skeleton and that dress is not doing you any favors.”

“Just like that perfume isn’t doing any favors for the ozone layer.” I said making Carly couch to cover up the laugh she let out before I took my cue to walk down the aisle. Only problem… my vision started getting fuzzy but I powered through it and got to my spot.

“Chris what are you doing?” Scott whispered loudly.

“Got something in my eye.” Chris said.

“Save the crying for tomorrow.” Scott said.

“Yeah.” Chris said.

Okay most people at the point that they start to small things like the fact that they’re always cold, their hands are always shaking, their eyesight is blurry or the mor obvious fact that they keep losing their balance and falling when they used to do flips on a 4 inch wide wooden beam that was four feet of the ground without so much as a wobble would have to admit that something was wrong with them. I still didn’t.

I wanted to go home and sleep. My big comfy bed. Where I didn’t have to pretend to be happy when I felt like crap. I wish I was still napping.

I stood there until everyone was clear on what they had to do. Then Aunt bitchy had to open her fucking mouth again.

“Oh Carly you didn’t really think about how it would look in your pictures. Your bridesmaids all uneven in stature and weight.” Aunt Anne said.

“I chose my bridesmaids because they’re family, I love them and I want them next to me on one of the most important days of my life.” Carly said.

“That’s very nice dear but Jamie’s obviously going to look a lot better in the style of dress you chose for them than your sister. Because of her smaller frame. She really committed to looking her best unlike your sister…” Anne said.

“Yeah Jamie really making us all look bad.” Shanna said sarcastically before putting her arms around me. “Kidding you look cute. You can make me look bad whenever you want.”

I couldn’t help but smile at her even though I felt really uncomfortable being hugged.

“Is it too late to uninvite her?” Carly asked us.

“Yeah but not too late to change the seating chart.” I said.

“Heard there’s an opening by the restrooms, or even in the restrooms.” Shanna said. “We can make it happen. We know people.”

“Let me think about it.” Carly said before we went through the last part and we were done.

Free to go eat. A big dinner, appetizers, main course, dessert, in a big room where everyone else was going to be eating and expecting me to eat too. Where there would be a line to use the bathroom so getting rid of dinner wouldn’t be an option.

My social anxiety was bad enough but this… this was a new form of hell.

Carly had opted to have the dinner not at a hall but at her in-laws backyard. It was pretty big so there was enough room for everyone that was going to be there. The caterers had already set everything up including the one long table everyone was going to be sitting at with twinkling lights hanging over us and the food. All we had to do was sit down and eat.

There was chicken skewers, shrimp toast, bacon wrapped figs, even wings. Platters of the food just sitting around.

And while there wasn’t an open bar the waiters did a very good job of keeping out drinks filled up which would normally be a good thing. Except for the part where wine and beer had a lot of carbs and sugars which meant more calories so I abstained, which was actually pretty easy. I accidentally lost the game of nose goes at the rehearsal during one of my dizzy spells so I was now Designated Driver. Of course that meant I had nothing to help with my social anxiety so I pretty much shot myself in the foot.

“So lovebirds, either of you getting cold feet yet?” Scott said.

“No my feet are toasty warm.” Brian said.

“Me too. I just can’t wait to be married.” Carly said.

“This shrimp toast is amazing.” Shanna said.

“It is.” Drew said. “You know there’s this little place I know in New York. Has tapas just like this. I’m sure you’d like it Jamie.”

“Not worth the drive.” I deadpanned as I slowly chewed on the edges of the shrimp toast. Hoping to keep up appearances.

“I can make it worth your drive.” Drew said and Chris snorted.

“Seriously doubt that.” I answered.

I could feel someone playing footsie with me under the table. Judging by the smug look Drew was giving me it was pretty obvious who it was. So I ran my foot up his leg slowly and he smiled then I picked my foot up and slammed my pointy heel on his toes. “Ah!” He yelped loudly bumping his knee on the table spilling his beer all over his shirt and pants.

“Andrew!” Anne shouted.

“Ah! Sorry stubbed my toe on something.” he said giving me an annoyed look. I just sipped my water. “I’m gonna go clean up.”

“Go do that bro.” Scott said smiling.

“The bacon figs are pretty good.” Chris said.

“Everything is so good.” Shanna said before looking at my plate and placing more stuff on it. “Dude eat.”

“I’m trying to save room for dessert.” I said. “What was it again?”

“Chocolate lava cakes.” Carly said with a huge smile.

“Yum.” I said with a forced smile. So many fucking calories!!!

Then the caterers cleared the plate and brought out plated with fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and peas and carrots.

This night was going to be the end of me. That is until I saw the dog sneak up under the table. There’s a reason dogs are man’s best friend.

“I can’t believe my little girl is getting married!” Lisa teared up a I bit into a carrot while I snuck the dog a piece of my chicken under the table. “I am so so proud of you and am so happy to have another son.”

I played with my food a bit slowly chewing on another carrot while I buried the peas in my mashed potatoes. At the end all I had eaten was three or four slices of carrots and a few spoons of mashed potatoes without gravy. I finished my glass of water just in time for my toast. Everyone had given one. Just happy sentiments.

“Well as the youngest and most recently adopted sister I kind of don’t have any advice to give and I don’t think you need it. You two made for each other and I’m sure it hasn’t always been easy but you always found your way back to each other. So I know no matter what comes next you two will support and love each other unconditionally. You two are goals and I wish you all the happiness in the world.” I said. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.” Everyone said as my phone started ringing. I saw it was Blair and sent it to Voicemail.

“Sorry about that.” I said. Chris raised an eyebrow and I shook my head telling him it was nothing to worry about.

I excused myself from the table a few times to see if I might be able to save myself from a few extra calories but just like I expected there was a line.

Shanna, Scott and well pretty much everyone got a drunk. There was karaoke and just fooling around until it was time to call it a night.

“Alright, that’s the last of them.” Chris who was a bit buzzed said getting his brother and sister in the car.

“Lisa you okay?” I asked.

“Of course I am. You eyes are so pretty.” She said. “Like little emerald. Sad little emeralds. I love you so much. I love all my babies so much even when they get married and leave me…”

“Okay…” I said as she hugged me.

“Ma, I think Jamie gets it.” Carly said trying not to laugh.

“She needs all the hugs.” Lisa said.

“And you can hug her tomorrow but she needs to drive your other babies home so they can sleep.” Carly said.

“Okay.” Lisa said letting me go.

“We’ll see you tomorrow.” I told her.

With that I got in the car. Shanna and Scott were knocked out. Snoring loudly in the back seat leaning against each other.

“Aww look at them.” Chris said before taking his phone out and snapping a picture. “You stepped on Drew pretty hard.”

“I was trying to let him down gently.” I said gripping the steering wheel harder as I felt my hands start to cramp. “Think he got the message?”

“I think we all did.” He said with a smile. “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.” I said.

“Jamie…” he whined.

“You know you can ask me whatever you want.” I said.

“You ever get this feeling that somethings wrong, like it doesn’t make sense but just know there’s something?” Chris asked.

“You mean like when you’re in bed and you have that feeling you forgot to do something and it’s just nagging at you?” I asked.

“Kind of, it more than that like…” he started. “It doesn’t go away.”

“I think everyone gets that but it’s more of an anxiety thing. We feel it more. Especially in times of stress.” I said.

“I’ve been feeling that constantly lately for no reason. Have you felt anything?” Chris asked.

“No, why would I?” I asked.

“Well uh… I’ve been reading a lot into our thing…. Soulmates and the bond. Different theories on it.” He said.

“Anything interesting?” I asked.

“A few things. People have been studying it for hundreds of years.” Chris said. “You know they say the reason soulmates are so in tune with each other is because of reincarnation.”

“Buddhist theory?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Chris said.

“Did a brief unit on it in freshman philosophy.” I said. “It’s actually the only theory I didn’t totally hate. Ancient Chinese philosophers believed that there was a balance to it. Soulmates were two halves of the same soul. Except one was the light and the other was the dark, if they found each other one would overtake the other and you’d never know which was which until it was too late. Kind of how they justified arranged marriages in ancient times.”

“Also did some reading on the science behind soulmarks. There’s something called mirroring.” Chris said.

“I’ve heard about it.” I said feeling chills run up my spine. It was really cold out. “No one’s ever figured out how exactly it happens. It just does.”

“I don’t know, I just started thinking about it. Wondering if you ever felt something from me?” Chris asked.

“I think it’d have to be something pretty strong to trigger it though.” I said. “It’s pretty rare.”

“More common than you think. I have friends that have had that.” Chris said. “Said it’s sometimes small. Like their heart beating faster even though they were just sitting down reading. Ears ringing. Getting dizzy or seeing blurry sometimes.”

“Maybe they were just overthinking it.” I said. “The mind is a tricky thing.”

“So are people.” Chris said with a frown as I pulled into the garage and parked the car. I stepped out and felt like someone had moved the floor lower than it was supposed to be and I stumbled a bit. “Jamie?”

“Tired of wearing heels.” I said slipping them off. “Wakey wakey.” I said shaking Scott’s shoulder.

“Mh no…” he whined.

“Come on.” I said. “There’s a big comfy bed waiting for you upstairs.”

“No… so warm.” Scott said hugging me.

“Okay buddy. We got to go.” I said. “One foot in front of the other.”

He stumbled forward but kept walking leaning against me. Fuck he was heavy. Eventually we got into the elevator and up to the apartment. Scott faceplanted onto his bed and was out for the night. Shanna right next to him.

“Night night.” I said walking out.

“Wait.” Chris said as I walked back to my room.

“You okay? Do you feel sick? Come on.” I said grabbing his hand and leading him to the bathroom but he stopped me and just wrapped his arms around me hugging me close. “Okay you guys are very huggy drunks. It’s cute but I’m feeling kind of claustrophobic…”

“I’ve dated a lot of models and actresses.” Chris said.

“Are you trying to humble brag?” I asked. “Because that’s kind of a weird thing to say when you’re drunk and hugging someone.”

“Just… just listen.” Chris said. “I… you….uh!”

“Okay you need to sleep.” I said pulling him to his room and sitting him down on the bed as I undid his tie so he wouldn’t choke in his sleep.

“Stop.” He said gently holding onto my hands to stop me before he wrapped his armed around my waist and leaned his head against my chest.

“And you’re hugging me again. Buddy this is getting a bit weird.” I said.

“I’m hugging you.” He said.

“I know that’s the part that’s weird.” I said.

“You need a hug.” Chris said. “You’re sad and I know you don’t like it but this is what you do when someone you care about is sad. And you’re too skinny and I don’t wike it!”

“Alright.” I said gently taking his arms off of me. “Time for bed.”

“Noooo” He whined.

“Yes.” I said nudging him to lay down before I took off his shoes for him and pulled the blankets over him before he rolled onto his side.

“Night.” He said going to sleep. I shut off the lights before going to check on Scott and Shanna who were still KO’ed before I walked into my bathroom closing the door behind me and started purging except there wasn’t anything to get rid of. I hardly ate anything. I puked up water some bits of carrots.

I sat there for a minute staring at the mess I managed to cough up. My throat was sore. My fingers were covered in bile and I just… I started crying. This was all I was. One mess after another that got flushed out until I was empty inside. It was disgusting and the smell. Maybe this is what Satan and Banshee saw every time they saw me. A mess waiting to be puked out and flushed away.

I don’t know how long I was sitting there. Eventually I got tired of crying… or I ran out of tears. My head was killing me, I was probably pretty dehydrated. I cleaned up, brushed my teeth and went to bed.


	18. Chapter 18

**The Day of the Wedding-**

I woke up bright and early with a pounding headache. I didn’t even drink last night. I sat on the edge of the bed and groaned feeling sore. Then I stood up and I just fell down.

“Ah…” I groaned. I took a breath and stood up. The apartment was quiet so it was safe to say everyone was still asleep. I went out to the kitchen and decided if I was going to make it through the day on my feet I was going to have to eat something.

I grabbed an apple cut it up into slices before making myself a green smoothie. I took slow bites forcing myself to swallow every everything and feeling so gross.

“Mhmm… morning.” Chris mumbled as he stumbled into the kitchen.

“Morning.” I said. “There’s coffee.”

“You’re amazing.” he said pouring himself a cup. “Another smoothie for you?”

“And an apple.” I said taking a bite forcing back the bile I felt wanting to come up again. It probably didn’t help that my throat was sore. Chris put down his coffee and came over and just hugged me. “Is this something everyone in your family does when they’re drunk or hungover, because we’re friends but this is getting weird.”

“Just take the hug Jamie.” Chris said gently rubbing my back.

“Yeah.” I said gently taking his arms off and freeing myself. “I’m gonna go shower before your sister wakes up.”

“You should finish your breakfast.” He said.

“I’m full. That smoothie really filled me up.” I said.

“You had half a glass.” Chris said.

“And It had a lot of fiber. Really fills you up. You should try it, it’s really good for hangovers.” I said.

“Didn’t finish your apple either.” He said.

“Apples are better at waking you up in the morning than coffee.” I said. “I’ll finish it later.”

“Or you could finish it now.” Chris said.

“I could but I don’t want to.” I said. He stared at me, frustrated and tense.

“Jamie, eat the apple.” Chris said.

“I’ll eat it later.” I said.

“You need to eat.” He said.

“And I am.” I said. “I’ll eat it. Later.”

“Why not now?” He asked.

“Does it really matter when I eat it as long as I eat it?” I retorted.

“Then do it for me.” Chris said. “Something wrong. I don’t know what. I think I know what it is but you’re not going to tell me.”

“Because there’s nothing wrong with me.” I said.

“Then prove me wrong.” Chris said moving the plate with the remaining apple slices closer to me.

“You’re really doing this?” I said.

“Do I really have a choice?” He retorted. “Eat it all and I won’t bring it up again.”

“Fine.” I said grabbing a slice and eating, then the next and the next until it was all done. “That okay?”

“Yeah.” Chris said hugging me and kissing the top of my head. “I’m gonna sleep for a bit more. Still too early.”

“Okay.” I said a bit confused by the weird gesture. I went back to my room and picked out some clothes before locking myself in the bathroom. I stood in front of the toilet and just stared at it. I felt sick but if I did this I knew I wasn’t going to make it through the day. And I don’t think I could stop myself from not getting rid of it all but I was so full.

And I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t even get to stick my fingers in my throat. It just came out on its own. And there wasn’t any relief anymore… Just pain and shame. I had just lied to my best friend/ my literal soulmate, kind of gaslighted him actually. The problem that I used to be in control of that was just a simple part of my routine was now controlling me.

I knew that if I walked out and knocked on Chris’ door and told him I had a problem and needed help he would drop everything and do whatever it took to get me better. For some reason that scared me more than the tiny red dots I was seeing in my puke.

I was a mess… A huge, puke smelling train wreck of a mess.

**Hours Later…**

By the time I got out of the shower Shanna and Scott were up. Both were hung over but we sobered them up with tons of coffee and carbs. Shanna and I were going to go get ready with Carly so once she showered we headed over to the bridal suite at the hotel where the reception was going to take place. We had hired someone to do our make up and hair for the big day so we had one less thing to worry about and to free up some time in case anything fell through at the last minute.

I went for a very natural look but with how horrible I looked and felt that morning it took a lot more makeup to achieve it. Then I opted for an up do. It was braid running along the side of my head into a bun with a flower pin in it.

Carly had decided on a dark beige v-neck floor length tulle gown with white lace accents along the waist and hip that matched the lace on her wedding dress. Due to my recent weight loss I had lost a lot of weight up front and had to use a water bra to give me some shape which was so uncomfortable.

“Oh my gosh…” Shanna said. “You look so pretty!”

“If Brian doesn’t cry when he sees you I will punch him for you.” I said.

“I can’t believe this is happening!” Carly said crying.

“No, don’t do that, you’re going to ruin your make up.” Shanna said.

“You can cry after you take your pictures.” I said grabbing a Kleenex and gently patting her eyes to take off the tears but not ruin her make up.

“I packed us some snacks.” Carly said opening up her bag and handing us each protein bars. “It’s going to be hours before we get to the reception.”

“Oh sweet,” Shanna said.

“I’m okay. My breakfast smoothie really filled me up.” I said. Truth was I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to keep it down, didn’t want to risk puking in the middle of the ceremony or the reception. It had to be small amounts of water and other sugary drinks that were going to get me through the day.

The ceremony went off without a hitch. It was beautiful. The personally written vows that made you laugh and cry at just the right times. It wasn’t too churchy which was nice. Once that was over we headed over to a park not too far away to take some photos.

It was a beautiful day, and unbelievably hot which did not help me. I was practically chugging water and running off to the bathroom every chance I got.

“It’s really hot.” Chris said.

“That better not be the start to a cheesy pick up line.” I said.

“No I was being serious.” He said. “What did Drew come up with this time?”

“The usual cliches, did it hurt when I fell from heaven, me being the only ten he saw etc… Really doesn’t know how to take no for an answer.” I said.

“Do you want to get him off your back for good?” He asked.

“Are you going to shovel talk him?” I asked. “Because I’m seriously starting to consider skipping the talk and just hitting him over the head with a shovel. I could use help hiding the body though.”

“Uh no but we’re definitely going to talk about your murder fantasies later, I was thinking maybe we can have some fun and mess with him.” Chris said with a smirk.

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

“How about we make him think you’re already seeing someone? Me.” Chris said.

“You want to act all lovey dovey and rub our relationship in his face all night?” I asked.

“If you want to…” Chris said.

“Oh I’m in.” I said. “How are we doing this?”

“Well we’re hug a lot might kiss your cheek and whisper in your ear and you just laugh.. or just go with it.” Chris said.

“You sure you want to do this?” I asked. “He is your cousin.”

“Yeah he’s also being a dumbass. Besides you’re also doing me a favor. Brian’s sisters and cousins are really really coming on strong.” Chris said looking out at where the rest of the bridal party was at. Sure enough there were at least five women waving and pushing others out of the way.

“I see what you mean.” I said turning to him “Put your hands on my waist.”

“What?” He said.

“Practice round.” I said putting my hands on his shoulders. “Besides we need them to ease up.”

“Okay.” He said putting his hands on my waist and scrunching his eyebrows a bit. “You have a tiny waist.”

“Yeah it’s called having a figure.” I said gently leading him to duck his head down a bit and turned my head so to anyone looking at us it’d look like we were kissing.

“What exactly are we doing?” Chris asked.

“Making your fan club think we’re kissing.” I said.

“Oh…” he said smiling.

“Hey Chris are you…Oh!” Scott said looking at us in shock. “You! and you! You’re! AHHH!!!! Carly! Shanna!”

With that he ran off.

“Should we…” I asked.

“Nah… He’ll figure it out eventually.” Chris said. “Ready to get some dirty looks?”

“Ready to get accused of breaking the bro code?” I retorted.

“This is gonna be fun.” He said as he offered me his hand and I linked mine with his before we walked back to everyone else.

“Oh my gosh! I knew it!” Carly said.

“You two are just friends!” Shanna teased. “We’re not like that!”

“Seriously this is the best wedding present I could have gotten. I mean I got a new sister and she’s not a bimbo!” Carly said hugging me.

“Not that you weren’t a sister before but now it’s official!!!” Shanna said also squishing me in a hug.

“Aw that’s so sweet guys.” I said.

“So when did it happen?” Scott said.

“Uh few weeks ago…” Chris said looking at me.

“Yeah we’ve been talking a lot and things just clicked.” I said.

“You guys make such a cute couple.” Shanna said.

“The bride and groom of course they do…” Drew said.

“Oh we meant Chris and Jamie.” Scott said.

“What?” Drew said.

“Chris and Jamie are dating.” Shanna said.

“Yeah just couldn’t let this one get away.” Chris said giving me a side hug.

“Oh you.” I said putting a hand on his chest.

“Wow that’s… that’s great. So great.” Drew said.

“Isn’t it?” I said smiling as I leaned against Chris. Best part of side hugs, extra support to help keep you standing when you have dizzy spells.

We continued taking pictures including Chris and I taking one together where we imitated a classic prom pose. We started messing with each other where we would say random words like poop or try whispering tongue twisters which would inevitably fail. It was fun.

Of course I got glared at by almost every girl there that wasn’t related to Chris.

There were some down sides. Like how Chris kept feeding me. Seriously. He thought it would help sell that we were in a relationship if he did for some weird reason. My stomach was in knots and I had really bad stomach cramps and I was nauseous.

I know he was trying to be cute and he wasn’t actually feeling me a lot just a few bites but it didn’t feel like it.

“Hey I’ll be back.” I said.

“Sure but try not to take so long we are hitting the dance floor when you get back.” Chris said.

“I didn’t know you danced.” I said.

“Everyone can dance.” He said.

“You’re going to do the sprinkler aren’t you?” I said.

“The sprinkler is awesome.” Chris said.

“No bro it’s not. It’s a dad move.” Scott said.

“It really is. Though if you floss, I would pay money to see that.” I said.

“I floss everyday, my dad’s a dentist.” Chris said and Scott started laughing.

“You’re so cute.” I said laughing as I kissed his cheek. “I’ll be back.”

**Third Person’s POV-**

Chris forced a smile and looked concerned as he watched Jamie walked to the restrooms at the back of the reception hall.

“So you two are totally faking it.” Scott said.

“What?” Chris said.

“You and Jamie? You’re not dating. You had me for a minute though.” Scott said.

“What gave it away?” He asked.

“Well she called you cute and you were feeding her. That was kind of weird.” Scott said.

“I’m trying to make sure she eats something.” Chris said.

“I think she can pick up a fork and feed herself.” Scott said.

“I’m not really sure she can or if she wants to try.” He said.

“What are you talking about?” Scott asked.

“Somethings going on with her.” Chris said. “She’s off.”

“You sure you’re not just reading too much into it?” Scott said.

“Maybe but I just need to be sure.” He said.

**Meanwhile…**

The restrooms were empty when I walked in so I walked went into one of the stalls. I really didn’t want to sit on the floor so I stood hunched over the toilet taking slow deep breaths to calm down. I tried not to go out when I ate. I liked not having to worry about people hearing me do this.

But I wasn’t going to last hours like this so I went for it.

“Buah!” I hurled kneeling on the floor. I coughed everything up until there was nothing left. I was panting, the horrible taste in my mouth as I spat it out hoping that would make it better.

“Uh did you see Chris? Mh I would love to climb that man and take him for a ride…” Someone said.

“He’s looks so hot as a blonde.” Another said.

“Did you see that girl he was with?” She said. “The bridesmaid?”

“No that’s his sister.” One said.

“No I meant the other one? The one who had her grubby hands all over him.” Another said.

“You mean that skinny bitch? She looks like a skeleton. So gross.”

“Uh I think I heard someone say she had cancer.”

“He’s probably with her for a make a wish thing. No way anyone would want to date someone so ugly.”

“Uh I know. She’s nothing to look at. She’s not fooling anyone with that stuffed bra. Doesn’t have anything in the front or back and Chris likes a little junk in the trunk. Stupid bitch.”

That made me gag a bit. I spat out into the bowl before standing up. While dealing with Satan and banshee always sent over the edge, I could bitch out a stranger in my sleep.

I straightened up and flushed the toilet before walking out. The four girls froze when they saw my reflection in the mirror.

“My name’s actually Jamie not bitch.” I said washing my hands. “Also there’s toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your heel and you have a huge booger hanging out of your nose. And there’s a stain on your ass.”

With that I dried my hands and walked out. I went to the bar and grabbed myself a shot of tequila. I hadn’t had a chance to rinse my mouth so I’d have to make do with tequila. It wasn’t the best idea and it hurt to swallow. My throat stung and burned at the same time, plus my stomach was empty so I knew for sure it was going to hit me faster and harder than usual.

“There you are…” Chris said as I took a second shot.

“Here I am.” I said. “Ready to hit the dance floor?”

“Are you?” He asked.

“You do remember how we met right?” I said.

“Hard to forget.” He said leading me to the dance floor.

Tequila, an empty stomach, prolonged starvation and dancing was not a good combo. The room was spinning and not in a good way.

“Whoa..” Chris said catching me as I started falling.

“I’m okay just head rush.” I said.

“Or tequila.” He said.

“Or that. Might have lost my tolerance. Don’t really party anymore.” I said.

“You want to sit?” Chris asked just as a slow song started.

“is that waltz music?” I asked.

“Yeah, Brian’s grandma like it apparently. Good time for a break.” He said.

“It’s slow I’ll be fine.” I said.

“Yeah but…” he said awkwardly.

“You don’t know how to dance to this? I thought Beauty and the Beast was one of your favorite movies of all time?” I asked.

“No one dances the waltz anymore.” Chris said.

“You’d be surprised. Okay quick lesson.” I said. “Straighten up, arm up like this… not in a death grip. Other hand slightly higher there.”

“Is this a boarding school thing?” Chris asked.

“Cotillion debutante thing.” I said.

“You were a debutante?” Chris asked with a smirk.

“School requirement. And it wasn’t like you’re imagining with huge ball gowns and gloves. Think floor length designer couture gowns at a nice dinner and dance. You announced your intentions for the future college and interests. Show your parents you knew your manners and could take you out in public without fear of being embarrassed.” I said. “A little closer. Good, I’m going to lead front and back just for you to get a feel for it. Move forward with your left then back with your right.”

“Left and right, left and right…” he muttered as we started moving.

“Good, use the arm on my back to feel where I’m leading you. Now we’re going to box…” I said. “Down, right, up, left.”

“This isn’t so hard.” Chris said.

“It’s all in the leading.” I said as we kept going in circles. Slowly Chris started leading without even realizing. We were moving faster more in tune with the music.

“Are you going to dip me?” He asked.

“You’re the one that’s leading.” I said. “Just don’t drop me.”

“I think I can manage that.” He said before he spun me out and back in moving side side before going back into our simple step and dip.

“Nice. Way better than my Cotillion escort.” I said.

“I had a good teacher.” Chris said.

“I’d give you an A+.” I said with a smile before he gave me one last spin and I started to feel dizzy and stumbled a bit when he brought me in.

“Whoa!” he said catching me.

“Sorry. Stepped on my dress.” I said. “Might be time for that break though.”

“Yeah.” Chris said. “How about I go grab us a drink?”

“I’ll stick to water. Don’t want to mix.” I said.

“Right. Be back.” Chris said letting me go.

Another combo that didn’t go. Stomach cramps and waltzing. I sat back down where Scott and Shanna were chatting.

“Wow. That was something straight out of a Disney movie.” Scott said.

“Maybe Chris can be on dancing with the stars?” Shanna said.

“He’s a quick learner.” I said just as my vision started blurring and my phone screamed loudly.

“Uh oh.” Shanna said.

“Don’t answer it.” Scott said.

“I have to.” I said cringing as I felt the bile start to come up again. “I’m gonna… go take this outside.”

“Jamie…” Shanna said.

“I’ll be back.” I said. Traumatized and emotionally scarred but I’d be back. I maneuvered my way out of the hall before I answered.

“Hello?” I said.

_“About fucking time you answered. Not everyone had your time James.” She said in french._

_“I’m actually at a friend’s wedding right now.” I said._

_“Did that whore Alexandra finally get pregnant?” Banshee said._

_“No another…” I started._

_“Doesn’t matter. Why is your asshole of a father ignoring my calls?” Banshee asked._

_“No idea he doesn’t talk to me either.” I said._

_“Of course he doesn’t. your voice is grating. I swear I can hear your double chin giggle every time you open your mouth.” Banshee said._

_“I have to go…” I said._

_“Oh please, I seriously doubt anyone even noticed you were gone, well except the waiters. You’ve probably kept them busy all night haven’t you hog?” She said._

_“I appreciate the call reminds me why Dad gave number two double the settlement he gave you. Something about all the money he saved in botox and bad nose jobs. The new model is always better.” I said._

_“I’d say so, he replaced you three times and I’m sure they aren’t screw ups like you. I know mine aren’t.” She said before hanging up._

_“Fucking Cunt.”_ I cursed. My stomach cramps made me buckle over in pain. “Shit.”

I couldn’t stay here. I wasn’t good company right now and I wasn’t going to ruin Carly’s big day. I took my phone out and sent a message to the siblings group chat.

_Hey I’m not feeling too great. I’m going to call it an early night and take a cab home. Have fun_

_-Jamie_

I locked my phone and with that headed outside to hail a cab. I got a few messages from Scott and then a call from Chris but I just declined them. They were going to try and talk me into going back or they wouldn’t want to leave me alone which is what I wanted right now.

“Hey Arthur.” I said as I walked into the building lobby and that’s all I remember because I passed out.

It was dark and I felt like a was floating. And there was this beeping. And at first it sounded muffled. Like when you were underwater and you heard someone talk. Then slowly it started getting clearer. It was just this constant beeping. Then I was hit with the strong stench of disinfectant and sterilizer before suddenly everything got bright.

“She’s starting to wake up.” Someone said.

“Mhmmm.” I groaned.

“Miss Becker can you open your eyes for me?” Someone said and I did seeing people in blue and green scrubs moving around us.

“What happened?” I asked.

“You collapsed. You’re in the Emergency room at Boston Medical Center.” The doctor said as I felt something in my arm. “Have you been taking any medication or any substances?”

“What? No. I don’t do that.” I said.

“Have you been having any dizzy spells, instances of blurred vision or have you passed out?” The doctor said.

“I’ve been dizzy. It was a busy day and I forgot to eat.” I said.

“You’re severely dehydrated and by the looks of it malnourished. When was the last time you ate?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” I said. “I ate a while ago. At the reception I was at. I was had some pretty bad cramps so I decided to go home.”

“Stomach cramps or period cramps?” the doctor asked.

“Period.” I said. I knew how this worked. If I confirmed anything regarding a mental health problem they could put me in an involuntary hold and they’d have to contact my closest family which would be Satan and Banshee and that would just make things worse. If it was even possible for things to be worse.

“Alright then. We’ve started a saline drip to help get some fluids in you while we get your blood results back.” He said. “Just sit tight.”

“Okay.” I said sitting back and shivering. It was freezing in here.

It was about an hour before they came back with my results.

“Alright Miss Becker, I’ve got your results and you’re very anemic, you’re low in… basically everything, dehydrated and you’re under weight.” He said.

“But nothing broken?” I asked.

“No.” he said just giving me a knowing look. “As soon as your saline bag is finished and your IV is taken out you’re free to go. Is there someone we can call for you? You shouldn’t be driving.”

“No, I’ll be taking a cab.” I said.

“Of course. A nurse will be by shortly with further instructions, foods and vitamins you can take. That sort of thing.” He said.

“Thank you.” I said trying to smile but it probably looked like a grimace. I just wanted to go home.

It didn’t take too long to finish the bag. I absorbed everything they gave me like a sponge.

“Try to eat red meats for the anemia. Leafy greens, fruits. Eggs for protein.” She said. “It’s also a good idea for you to take some multivitamins to supplement that and there’s also these resources available. If you feel you need help.”

I looked at the pamphlets for treatment centers, eating disorder support group… a hotline.

“Thanks.” I said getting off the bed and heading outside. I took one look at the pamphlets and threw them in a trash can before I got in my cab.

It was just after midnight when I walked into the lobby for the second time that night.

“Night Arthur.” I said as I walked past his desk.

“Miss Becker.” He said with a frown.

No one was back yet. They probably wouldn’t be here for a few more hours. Carly picked a reception hall that stayed open late for a reason.

I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. Saline drips always left a salty taste in my mouth. Of course I drank too fast and well…

“Buah!” I hurled into my toilet before coughing. “Uh…”

I was pressing my forehead against the seat when my phone started ringing. It was a Skype call from Lexie calling me and Blair.

I was really not in the mood for fighting.

“Lex, now’s not really a great time.” I said.

“Jamie just… I just…” Lexie cried. “Ben… ben broke up with me. College fucking sucks.”

“Told you.” Blair said sniffling.

“Why are you crying?” Lexie said.

“I… I…” Blair started before balling.

“Blair, it’s okay. You just haven’t found your crowd yet but you’ll get there.” I said.

“No I won’t!” Blair cried. “Yale is over.”

“You have two more years just stop being a bitch and…” Lexie started.

“Wah!!!” Blair cried. “I can’t I -I got kicked out of Yale!”

“You got kicked out of Yale?” I said.

“Why? I mean everyone there is basically you.” Lexie said.

“The Yale ego.” I said leaning my arms against the seat and resting my head on it.

“I know and I ruined it! I ruined my life and my future!” Blair said.

“That’s not true Blair. You can always reapply after you get your grades up.” I said.

“I was expelled Jamie! Expelled! From yale! There’s a scarlet E on my record and no one will ever want me.” She said.

“Have you dad call someone I mean everyone in your family has gone there since… like ever.” Lexie said.

“Whatever you did couldn’t have been so bad.” I said.

“I rigged the student election, blackmailed a professor and planted drugs to get my competitor expelled.” Blair said.

“Okay maybe a phone call isn’t going to cut it.” Lexie said.

“there’s nothing left for me… yale was everything!” Blair cried.

“So was Ben.” Lexie said.

“He was married.” I reminded her.

“Jamie you’re the only one that’s got it all figured out. Who got into Harvard on her own not by having someone take the SAT for her and write her essay.” Blair said.

“You’re the only one that hadn’t fucked up this year.” Lexie said and I just started laughing. And I mean laughing like a belly aching laugh that turned into sobs.

“Lex…” Blair said.

“Jamie where are you?” Lexie said.

“G-guys I’m in my bathroom…. I just got back from the ER because I passed out in my lobby and my doorman called an ambulance. I…” I started crying struggling to get the words out. “I f-fucked up again and I… I think I need help because … I don’t think I can stop this time. I’m tired guys and I just want it all to stop because it hurts so much and it just doesn’t stop…”

“Jamie look at us. It’s okay.” Lexie said crying.

“You’re going to be okay. We’re going to figure this out okay?” Blair said crying as I nodded through my tears.


	19. Chapter 19

Hitting rock bottom was… I don’t even know how to put that into words. It fucking sucked. I mean I puked. I cried. I puked some more, lied to everyone around me, destroyed myself to the point I passed out and landed in the ER, almost giving my doorman a heart attack in the process, lied to doctors and nurses because I wanted to get back home before my friends came back so they wouldn’t know there was something wrong with me. I was low. I cried and hugged my toilet.

Once Lexie and Blair calmed me down they started making plans. Trying to figure out our options.

I did make one thing very clear though and they weren’t happy but agreed because they’re my best friends and understood how hard it was for me to even ask for help.

They stayed on the phone with me as I cleaned myself up and got changed until I was in bed and asleep.

**The Following Morning…**

I woke up as the sunlight poured into the room hitting my face. Shanna was snoring a bit. Someone had a bit too much fun last night. She was still in her dress. I quietly slipped out of the room going to the kitchen.

“Morning.” Chris said.

“You’re up early.” I said. “Thought you’d still be passed out.”

“No I got to be DD last night.” He said. “You okay? You kind of disappeared last night. Scott said banshee called.”

“Oh just the usual small talk.” I said. “Had some bad cramps and just wasn’t feeling it.”

I moved around the kitchen and made myself some tea, it was chamomile. Supposed to be good for anxiety.

“You ready to go back to work?” I asked him.

“No.” Chris said. “My trainer’s going to kick my ass.”

“Aw… there there.” I said patting his shoulder reassuringly.

“You know you could come with me? Or go back with Scott to LA?” Chris offered. “You’re off for the summer right?”

“Depends who’s asking.” I said. “If it’s Satan, I’m working my way up the corporate ladder and learning the family business.”

“Well you have options.” Chris said.

“I think I’m just going to stay here. Just relax, maybe volunteer a bit, start studying for the MCAT” I said. “or I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.”

“Well Cleveland’s not that far…” Chris said.

“Chris it’s Cleveland.” I deadpanned.

“Yeah I know. I said it and I knew it was a no.” He said.

“We’ll talk and you know where I’ll be.” I said. “Plus Cleveland isn’t that far… yeah no it just feels wrong.”

“It’s really not that ba…. Oh who the fuck am I kidding.” Chris said.

“It’s just a few months.” I said. “And you’ll be back in LA or wherever they’re sending you after that.”

“Why are you up so…” Scott started before he ran to the bathroom and we could hear him coughing up last nights booze.

I felt my stomach clench at the sound before my phone dinged.

_Train just got to Boston. Let us know when the coast is clear- Lexie_

“Ma’s making breakfast for everyone.” Chris said looking at his phone. “Said she wants us all there.”

“I’m going to have to sit this one out.” I said.

“Jamie…” Chris whined. “My fake girlfriend can’t let me go out alone. People are going to think we broke up.”

“Your fake girlfriend’s Aunt Flo came to town early and is trying to kill her from the inside out.” I said.

“Do you need me to make a pharmacy run? Chocolate run? Ice cream? Cupcakes from Sprinkles?” he said ready to jump on a moment’s notice.

“I’ll stick to tea.” I said. “But thanks.”

I felt like I did last night when he was feeding me which I still thought was really weird.

“Coffee….” Shanna said walking into the kitchen like a zombie.

Slowly Scott came out of the bathroom and joined in. Chris played the part of a barista and kept pouring the coffee until they were more or less awake.

“Is mom making waffles. I need waffles and bacon and everything that’s good in the world.” Scott said.

“Mhmm Bacon.” Shanna said.

“Jamie….” Scott said hugging me.

“Okay hangover hugs are a genetic thing with you guys?” I said patting him.

“I’m going to kidnap you and take you to LA with me.” He said.

“No you’re not.” I said.

“No but I want to.” He said. “Think of the guys we can meet in all the clubs in LA.”

“Yeah but it’s LA… in the summer. It’s too sunny.” I said.

“Which means she’s ours.” Shanna said hugging me. “Our tiny little sister. So glad you guys finally got together.”

“Oh.. yeah about that.” Chris said. “We’re not dating.”

“What?!” Shanna said.

“Yeah, Drew was getting annoying and Chris was tired of dodging all the women that were throwing themselves at him so we were pretending to date.” I said.

“But the dancing…” Shanna said.

“You don’t have to date to dance with someone. And Jamie’s a good teacher.” Chris said.

“I had a great partner.” I said.

“Aw..” Shanna said. “We’re still keeping Jamie.”

“Oh totally. She’s the best girl Chris has ever brought home.” Scott said.

“Okay, we should go before Ma comes here and drags us to the house.” Chris said.

“Thanks for having us.” Shanna said hugging me.

“Thanks so much.” Scott said.

“Anytime.” I said hugging them as they walked out.

“I’m heading to the airport after brunch so I’m probably not going to see you until… Thanksgiving.” He said.

“It’s going to be a while.” I said.

“Yeah. But we’ll talk.” Chris said. “And you can call me. Anytime. Any day. If you need anything. Anything at all.”

“I know.” I said with a small smile. “And you, remember to wrap it before you tap it. There are a lot of gold diggers out there.”

“I’ll do that.” Chris said laughing before he got serious and pulled me into a hug. I put my arms around him and hugged him back. “I’m serious, if you need me I’m here.”

“I know. I’m going to miss you dorito.” I said.

“I’m going to miss you too.” He said as I started letting go but Chris wouldn’t.

“Buddy you’re going to have to let go at some point.” I said gently rubbing his back.

“I know, I just don’t want to go to Cleveland.” Chris said before he sighed. He moved his hands up and kissed the top of my head. “Take care Jamie.”

“Are you two done saying goodbye yet?” Scott said.

“I’m starving.” Shanna said.

  
“Alright I’m going.” Chris said picking up his bag and walking out. I closed the door and walked in.

I walked back to the living room and sat by the window waiting to see Scott’s car drive by. Once I did I picked up the phone and texted Lexie.

_All clear they just left- Jamie._

Not ten minutes later there was a knock at my door. Lexie and Blair stood there for the first time in months and they weren’t fighting.

“Jamie.” Blair said hugging me.

“You look like hell.” Lexie said hugging me.

“Feel like it too.” I said as they walked in.

“Haven you eaten anything?” Blair asked immediately.

“I had tea. Haven’t had anything else. Haven’t puked up anything since last night either so not a total loss.” I said.

“Okay we need to keep you hydrated but we need to sneak you some calories so juice.” Lexie said going to my fridge.

“I’ve got chicken stock.” Blair said. “That should hold you over while we figure out what we’re doing next.”

“Which is?” I asked.

“Well you’ve got options…” Lexie said.

“And they all suck don’t they.” I said.

“No. We just didn’t realize how bad things had gotten.” Blair said.

“Broth and OJ aren’t going to cut it.” Lexie said. “And I don’t think a heart to heart and a bottle of gin Blair snuck out of her mom’s place is going to cut it this time.”

“You definitely should not be drinking right now.” Blair said.

“Yeah the tequila I had last night isn’t going to cut it.” I said.

“We’re going to need help.” Lexie said. “Serious help.”

**Hours Later…**

“Jamie what happened?” Lexie said. “It’s been almost five years since the last time this happened.”

“How long has this been going on for?” Blair said. “Last time we saw you, you were doing great. You had Chris, you were practically adopted.”

“I don’t know.” I said. “I’ve been stressed and it wasn’t too bad. I had been eating less but I was still eating and keeping it down. I did have that problem with stress and whenever Satan called that I puked.”

“That’s nothing new. He’s the worst.” Lexie said. “But he doesn’t call that often.”

“Except he has. He was on your case about your future plans.” Blair said. “I’m so sorry.”

“You couldn’t have known. And besides smoking it wasn’t too bad. But then I saw him and had dinner with banshee in the same week…” I said.

“Uh…” Blair groaned.

“That bitch.” Lexie said.

“Yeah that just… it was bad.” I said tearing up. “And I just… I was weak. Almost five years without an incident and I fucked up again.”

“You didn’t fuck up.” Blair said hugging me. “You asked for help.”

“It’s a marathon not a sprint. One bad day doesn’t erase all the good days you’ve had.” Lexie said. “But you need help Jamie. More than just us.”

“I read up on how to treat eating disorders. Treatment centers…” Blair said.

“Rehab.” I said.

“There’s some good ones in New York.” Lexie said. “But that’s…”

“Same city as Banshee and Satan, also known as hell on Earth.” I said. “They find out and I’ll never hear the end of it and I’ll eventually be right back where we are now. Same goes for anywhere in the country.”

“Which is why I made some calls and I found somewhere in France, just outside of Paris. Looks more like a five star resort than a rehab clinic. They have some of the best specialists in all of Europe including therapists, dieticians a whole team of experts. Masseurs, full spas, professional chefs, 24 hour therapist/concierge. They’ve even had royalty stay there before.” Blair said.

“You’re making me want to sign up for rehab.” Lexie said and Blair kicked her shin. “Ow.”

“How long?” I asked.

“90 days inpatient then they refer you to someone in your area to continue treatment if you need it.” Blair said.

“Three months.” I said. “Okay. When can they take me?”

“They’re holding a spot for you until the end of the day. Just need to make the call.” Blair said.

“Guess I should go pack.” I said.

“I’ll help.” Lexie said going to my room with me. We grabbed my Louis Vuitton leather luggage bags and trunk suitcase. Lexie got straight to it grabbing racks of clothes, even dresses I probably wouldn’t even use.

“Alright I’m not going to throw too many thing in, It’s still Paris and we’re going to end up shopping at some point…” She started before she realized I wouldn’t be shopping. “You know when you’re out.”

“Yeah.” I said just staring at the suitcase in front of me. “You know this is the only suitcase I had when I got to Switzerland. Banshee and Satan wanted me out as fast as possible. Didn’t even let me go up to my room to get my favorite book so I could have something to read on the flight. Told me to buy a new or they’d ship it with the rest of my stuff. Kind of fitting I use it when I go exile myself.”

“You’re not exiled.” Lexie said. “You’re getting help. You’ll be back before you know it. I still think you should call him. They should know.”

“No.” I said.

“Jamie…” Lexie said.

“If I tell they they’re going to drop everything and do whatever it takes to help me and I just… I don’t want them to see me like that.” I said. “I’m not ready for that conversation.”

“Okay.” She said. “Right now we just need to get you better. The rest we can figure out later.”

Once we were all packed up and Blair let them know we would be there tomorrow morning. I locked up everything, let Lexie scare the crap out of my supervisor at the internship I was supposed to be at so he wouldn’t let it slip to Satan I wasn’t actually there, I let Blair figure out all the travel arrangements and I just drank my broth through a straw and stared at my phone.

I kept typing then erasing and retyping the message again.

“Okay, the jet’s ready.” Blair said “and the car’s downstairs.”

“Alright.” I said looking at my phone.

“Jamie?” Lexie said.

“Just need a second.” I said typing a message and letting my thumb hover over the send button before I finally pressed it. “Okay let’s go.”

_Hey sorry about doing this by text but I’m in a bit of a rush. Something came up and I’m going away for a while to take some personal time off from… everything. Might be out of reach for a while but don’t worry I’ll be okay. Don’t know when exactly I’ll be back but I’ll let you know when I am._

_Love you guys, Jamie_

**Third Person’s POV-**

Chris’ flight had just landed and everything just felt wrong. He shouldn’t be in Cleveland. He shouldn’t have left Boston. He shouldn’t have left Jamie without trying to talk to her.

He wanted to talk some sense into her. Make her see how bad she was treating herself and get her some help. Especially after he almost passed out at the reception and she mysteriously disappeared.

He was debating getting himself a ticket back to Boston when his phone buzzed. It was the sibling group chat and it was from Jamie.

_Hey sorry about doing this by text but I’m in a bit of a rush. Something came up and I’m going away for a while to take some personal time off from… everything. Might be out of reach for a while but don’t worry I’ll be okay. Don’t know when exactly I’ll be back but I’ll let you know when I am._

_Love you guys, Jamie_

“What the hell?” Chris picked up his phone and dialed Jamie but her phone was off. He kept trying but got no answer so he left a message. “Hey Jamie it’s Chris I got your message and wanted to make sure you were okay. So call me back when you can please.”

**The Following Morning…**

After a long, turbulence filled eight hour flight where Blair and Lexi took turns trying to sneak me calories in soda, iced tea and tea with extra sugar in it we finally landed in Paris. It was early in the morning there. I had slept a bit on the plane but I was dreading the next part to actually get any rest. The car drove through the city. Lexie and Blair were making plans as to what they where they were going to shop first. They were trying to keep things light. We eventually made it out of the city and we got to the center. It had the appearance of a French Chateau something about it was more modern.

It wasn’t gated. And the shrubs were all perfectly trimmed and this was just the front.

We pulled up to the front where the doorman immediately approached the car.

_“Mademoiselle Becker?” the doorman said. “Welcome. Shall I take your bags inside_?”

“Do you want us to come in with you?” Blair said.

“No, I think I have to do this part on my own.” I said looking into my bag and taking out my laptop and phone and handing them to Lexie. “You’re going to need these.”

“We’ll keep them off your back.” Lexie said. “I know how to keep divorced parents focused on each other instead of me.”

“And I’ll handle work.” Blair said. “I’ve been told I’d be perfect for the cut throat world of business. It might be my calling.”

“Well it’s definitely not politics.” Lexie said with a smile but glare and I just gave her a look. “Yeah too soon.”

“And if Chris or anyone else calls…” I started.

“Radio silence.” They both said.

“Okay. I’ll see you in 90 days.” I said.

“Love you.” Lexie and Blair said hugging me.

“Love you.” I said before taking a breath and walking inside.

“Mademoiselle Becker?” The receptionist said. “We’ve been expecting you. My name is Natalie If you’ll follow me please.”

I followed Natalie and went through the initial stages of intake. For starters they gave me a set of cream colored silk pjs. The top had buttons along the sleeve to easily open in case that was needed. It came with a fluffy thick white robe with a silk belt that was very warm.

I was put in a waiting room decorated in earth tones, plants and flower arrangements. Even the cushioned chair was very comfy.

_“Miss Becker, I’m Doctor Toussaint.” He said with a kind smile. He was an older man in his mid to late forties. “I understand you speak both English and French fluently as do I but I would like to address you in the language you are most comfortable with. Would that be English or French?”_

_“I have no real preference but I don’t speak French too often in Boston so I might be a bit out of practice.” I said._

“Then English it is.” He said. “I’d like to talk to you for a bit and walk you through the procedure for the first couple of days.”

“Okay.” I said.

“Before anything we need to do a thorough medical examination. That includes blood tests to determine any underlying conditions and to see if there are any vitamins or anything specific you urgently need and an EKG because rapid weight loss can cause your heart muscles to weaken” He said. “From there we’re going to be putting you on a drip. Saline to keep you hydrated and any other anything else you may need. Any questions so far?”

“No that all makes sense.” I said.

“Alright now I need to ask you a few questions just to know what would be the best way about starting to feed you.” Doctor Toussaint said. “When was you last meal?”

“Uh… When I last ate or last full normal meal?” I asked.

“When you last ate.” He clarified.

“Uh I took a bite of a pretzel on the flight here and a few sips of soda. Before that My friends were feeding me chicken broth. Took a bowl of that. Tea, orange juice. Then the night before I ate a few bites of chicken and rice Chris fed me.” I said. “And an apple that morning but that doesn’t count since I… purged.

“So you’re okay with liquids?” he asked.

“Small amounts, Like I can’t drink a whole glass in one go…” I said.

“That’s okay. We can work with that.” He said. “No your intake form said you were hospitalized a few days ago. What happened there?”

“I fainted and was unconscious for about an hour. I regained consciousness in the hospital after they gave me some fluids.” I said.

“Alright. Is there any behavior you leaned more towards, purging or restricting your diet?” he asked.

“I do both.” I said. “I don’t eat a lot but when I do I… get rid of it.”

“We’ll work with you on that. But first I need to look you over. May I?” He asked for my hand.

Everything from there was pretty straight forward. he checked my pulse, blood pressure did an EKG to check my heart before a nurse took blood samples and put in an IV.

Then came in a nurse and offered me a half full cup of juice? Basically it was a super high calorie electrolyte solution. They couldn’t just go straight to feeding me regular food because after starving myself for so long my stomach wouldn’t be able to handle it and I’d probably end up puking again.

It tasted sweet and had a funky aftertaste kind of like when you drank diet soda. But I tried it. Slow sips. They had a nurse with me the entire time just to make sure I wouldn’t run off to the bathroom and also so I wouldn’t be alone. She was very nice and was very good at making small talk.

Once they were satisfied with how much I had drank I was taken to my room. King sized mattress, 1200 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, a room with a great view of the garden and Seine river in the distance.

_“All of your bags were unpacked already. It should be very easy for you to find everything. The phone has a direct line to our concierge desk and in the bathroom there is an emergency intercom that will connect to the nurses’ desk downstairs in the event you feel the need to do anything or just want someone to talk to just press the button. Unless you need anything else I’ll leave you to it.” Natalie said._

_“I’m okay. Thank you.” I said._

_“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” She said._

I went through the closet just to get a feel where everything was at.

The next day started off the same. They checked my stats asked how I felt after yesterday before continuing like before. Then came my first one on one session.

One of the nurses led me to a beautiful sunroom. There wasn’t a desk or a couch like I was expecting. On one side there were windows that went all the way up the to the high ceiling.

(This room)

There was a marble fireplace with candle sticks on the mantle and some abstract painting of a field of flowers. There seemed to be a theme going throughout the center. Neutral lots of earth toned with small splashes of colors. Gold accents on the windows and furniture.

At the center of the room was a glass coffee table with metal gold legs and edges and a trap with tea cups and a pot. On one side there was a cream colored couch with blue pillows and on the other end was a day bed and above it all was a chandelier.

(This furniture)

“Good morning. Tea?” he asked as he poured himself a cup.

“No thank you.” I said before he put down the cup.

“I’m Gabrielle Laurent.” He said. “Your therapist and you are James correct?”

“Jamie.” I corrected as I shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you Jamie.” He said. “Please sit.”

I took a seat on the couch and stayed quiet.

“Where are you from?” He asked.

“Boston.” I said.

“That’s in Massachusetts right?” he asked.

“Yes.” I said.

“How do you like it?” Gabrielle asked.

“I like it. Especially in the fall when the leaves start to change colors. Makes everything seem warm even when it’s really freezing outside.” I said.

“That does sound nice.” He said. “Are your parents from Boston?”

“No my mother is actually French, she moved to the US when she married my father and he’s from New York though he lived in LA for a few years.” I said.

“So you grew up in Los Angeles?” he asked.

“Yes and no.” I said. “I lived there until I was ten, then my parents split up and they shipped me to boarding school in Switzerland, then back to the US and I moved to Boston for College.”

“I take it you’re not very close with your parents?” Gabrielle said.

“Not really.” I said. “Doctor Laurent…”

“I prefer Gabrielle. Titles make it seem like I have the control here which I don’t.” He said.

“Okay, Gabrielle I don’t really know how this is supposed to work but aren’t you supposed to ask about my problem?” I asked.

“Americans are very direct, too direct and focused on results. Here we don’t treat a problem we treat patients as a whole. You’re more than just what brought you here.” He said. “If I wanted to know about the problem I’d read your file. I’m more interested in you.”

“That makes a lot of sense.” I said.

“You said you were in college, how’s that going?” he asked.

“I just finished my second year, My grades are perfect, I had a bit of a hard time with Calculus but my 4.0 stands I declared biochemistry as my double major and it was approved and I decided I want to go to medical school which considering where I’m at right now is a bit ironic.” I said.

“Everyone deals with something, even medical professionals.” He said. “Did you know dentists have the highest suicide rates?”

“Dentists? I always thought it’d be psychiatrists.” I said. “No offense I just thought since you guys probably listen to a lot of crazy things at some point…”

“I used to think the same thing.” Gabrielle said sipping his tea.

We had a good talk and when it was done I went back to my room. I played a few rounds of gin with Natalie while I took my afternoon liquid calories. Apparently I was doing really good. Pretty sure they told everyone that.

Slowly they started swapping the electrolyte solution and saline with water and broth. I had at least one session with Gabrielle a day sometimes it was more about getting to know me. Other times we would just talk about any random thing.

It was going pretty good. Until my diet went from clear liquids to more heavier soups.

“Okay we’re going to change it up a bit today. You’ve been doing really good with the broths and the liquids and the doctor thought you were probably getting tired of eating the same thing over and over again. So today the chefs prepared a delicious carrot soup and a green smoothie made with spinach, pineapple, mango and a bit of coconut water.” She said.

“Wow that’s a lot.” I said looking at the bowl and the cup with a straw.

“You don’t have to eat it all. Just what you can.” Natalie said.

“Okay.” I said. I hesitantly took a spoonful of the soup. It was pureed and it tasted good but I didn’t want to eat a lot. I was sure they added cream or something with way too many calories. There was no way carrots on their own could taste that good. I tried the smoothie which had a lot more flavor than anything I had eaten in a while. I tried drinking it but I only got half way through it before. “Uh Natalie I don’t think I’m going to be able to eat anymore.”

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“Yeah just… Smoothie was too heavy.” I said.

“Do you need a bin?” She asked.

“Maybe.” I said closing my eyes and taking slow breaths

“It’s okay.” She said rubbing my back before I felt it start to come up my throat. I managed to keep most of it down but still coughed up a bit. “Here’s some water, rinse out your mouth.”

“Sorry.” I said tearing up.

“It’s okay.” She said. “You did good. You actually tried the food and ate a bit. That’s a big step.”

“I feel gross.” I said.

“Was it too much?” Natalie asked.

“The food was good but it was too much flavor. The smoothie was really sweet just made me sick.” I said.

“So maybe something a bit more bland?” She suggested. “Because the soup didn’t bother you as much as the smoothie.”

“Yeah.” I said.

“Okay, I’ll make a note and I’ll take this with me. And if you’re feeling better in a little while we can try some tea?” Natalie said.

“Maybe.” I said.

Yeah rock bottom definitely sucked but it wasn’t all bad because once you get there, you can only go up. Though you don’t always go straight up.

By the end of the first week I still wasn’t back to full meals but I had a higher tolerance for heavier soups and I actually managed to eat half a slice of toast and keep it down.

Week two it was decided that I made enough progress to not be under constant medical supervision so I started participating in more group activities including group therapy. My fellow patients were… interesting.

There was Juliette, she was fourteen or fifteen. She was queen bee of her school and insecure which honestly who isn’t. She kind of reminded me of Blair. Oh who am I kidding she was Blair just French. Similar mannerisms, the headbands, a bit pretentious.

Next was Ines she was an up and coming model. Very famous in Paris. Really friendly and genuinely nice to everyone.

Then there was Sylvie, she was the oldest person in the group in her thirties. Very poised, polite and self obsessed. A good sense of humor though. Blunt and unapologetically honest. Quick witted. In a parallel world where Banshee was nice I think she’s be like her.

There were a few other people who didn’t say much. It was the first session I’d been to so maybe they were also in the same boat.

What surprised me though was that there was a guy there. Probably in his early twenties. He wore grey sweats and an olive hoodie and a beanie.

_“Alright, as you all probably noticed we have some new faces in the group and we’re not going to embarrass our new friends by asking them to introduce themselves. We’ll pick on them later.” Gabrielle said. “We’re going to break for tea and a snack before going to art therapy... or for those of you who opted for it some time getting pampered in the spa.”_

With that we headed outside to the patio. The way meal times worked once you weren’t under medical supervision was that a certified dietician planned out the meals for everyone. We all ate the same thing just different portions depending on where we were in our recovery.

During snack times however it was buffet style. There were platters of fruit and nuts and yogurt along with coffee, tea or just fruit infused water and you served yourself as much as you wanted and whatever you wanted. The point of this was to get us comfortable with picking our food.

I got myself some tea and three strawberries. I looked around and saw everyone was scattered.

_“Jamie.”_ Ines said waving me over. Seriously, the nicest person ever and her accent was so cute. She pronounced my name Shay-mee.

I smiled and walked over to her table and sat down. Sylvie was sitting there with a small spoonful of yogurt, one strawberries, four blueberries and an almond while smoking a cigarette.

Juliette was also there. Her plate was just yogurt.

And lastly was the mysterious broody slightly grungy guy.

_“Hello.”_ I said to everyone with a small smile.

_“Hello dear.”_ Sylvie said before taking another puff of her cigarette. Can’t believe that was allowed here.

_“You should try the yogurt, I heard about this diet that is all fats but no carbs.” Juliette said taking in a huge spoonful._

Part of me wanted to correct her but who was I to rain on her parade? Plus she was eating so… lesser of two evils

_“Yogurt has sugar.” The moody guy said._

_“But no carbs.” Juliette retorted._

_“Sugar is a…” he started._

_“Jamie have you met Karl Philippe?” Ines interrupted._

_“I have now. Nice to meet you.” I said._

_“I go by Lip.” He said pronouncing it ‘Leap’ before giving me a polite smile._

_“Your accent is really good for an American.” Sylvie said._

_“I took French classes through grade school and my mother’s French.” I said._

_“Ah.” She said. “So puke or starve?”_

_I choked on my tea and coughed._

_“Sylvie!” Ines said._

_“What? The only good entertainment we get is hearing the new girls… and guys stories.” Sylvie said. “I’m a puker.”_

_“Anorexia.” Ines said._

_“Bulimia.” Juliette said._

_“Depended on the time of year for me. I went back and forth.” Lip said._

_“Both.” I said._

Turns out Rehab was pretty cliquey. Everyone was nice and polite but like everywhere else when you vibe really well with a person that’s who you stuck to. For me it was the four of them.

We had a pretty good dynamic at the table and once you knew half the people in your therapy group it was a lot easier to open up in group. Most of the work was done individually. Group was mostly there to have a support system or to have more of a sounding board which helped because everyone was going through something similar.

“So let’s talk about your life in Boston. What does a normal day for you look like?” Gabrielle said.

“Normal day, before this or when I…” I started.

“Normal day, not including food or food habits just what do you do?” he asked.

“Okay normally I wake up around five thirty or six. Go work out for an hour, come back up to my apartment shower change review my reading notes while I have breakfast. Go to class. Normally done with school around one, grab a quick coffee and lunch go volunteer at the retirement home for a few hours, come back to campus for research meetings, stop and do any errands on the way home study until around midnight. Go to bed and repeat.” I said.

“You have a very busy schedule, do you spend any time with your friends?” Gabrielle said.

“That depends, every Sunday I do have dinner with Chris’ mom and his sisters. His brother if he’s not in New York or LA. Saturday is my catch up day. I sleep in. Go shopping with Shanna and Carly or just stay in and play video games all day. I call Chris or Lexie and Blair.” I said.

“Have you ever heard of a work life balance?” Gabrielle said.

“I’m American. We’re workaholics. Not to mention you have no idea how competitive college and med school is. It’s very cut throat.” I said.

“Understandable, but you also have to take care of yourself.” He said. “There’s no point in being at the top of your class or being successful if you’re killing yourself in the process. When was the last time you did something for yourself? Something that wasn’t goal oriented?”

“Well I volunteer because I like it and it just so happens that it helps me reach my goal.” I said.

“Let me rephrase when was the last time you did something that was absolutely not at all goal oriented?” He said

“UH…” I started thinking. “Most recent… going to LA for spring break but I should probably mention Scott made me go with him. Shanna packed my bag and they dragged me to the airport. Apparently I was turning into a hermit and needed a break. He thought I over reacted to getting a B on a midterm which I totally didn’t because that would have ruined my 4.0.”

“You just made my case for me.” Gabrielle said. “Where does this pressure come from? You’re an excellent student, you volunteer, you go above and beyond in everything you do, you clearly have amazing friends that love and support you unconditionally…”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I know I’m very lucky to have the opportunities I have and I know it sounds really braggy and pretentious but I have everything I could ever want. I have great friends. I mean Lexie and Blair were there for me when I had no one. They dropped everything to get me here. And don’t even get me started on Chris, I was a complete stranger that tripped into him on the street and somehow we just went straight to being best friends, his entire family basically adopted me. I mean his mom packs me lunches and his sister made me a bridesmaid. She’s stuck with those pictures for the rest of her life so that’s a big deal.”

“Chris comes up a lot in our conversations.” He said.

“Well I guess I probably should have mentioned this before but Chris is my soulmate.” I said.

“Yeah that’s something most people bring up when they talk about someone.” Gabrielle said. “So how long have you two been together?”

“We’re not.” I said. “We agreed we’re strictly friends. We’re just not into each other like that, and we’re in different places in our lives plus we don’t believe soulmates are an all or nothing things.”

“But you’re very close?” Gabrielle said.

“I’d say so.” I said. “We talk a lot. Is really good at reading me and just gets me. Awesome guy all around. He uh… he was kind of the only one to pick up there was something wrong with me but I convinced him otherwise.”

I didn’t.

“How did he react when you told him you were here?” Gabrielle asked.

“He doesn’t know I’m here.” I said. “No one besides Lexie and Blair know I’m here.”

“What about your parents?” Gabrielle asked.

“They especially don’t know I’m here.” I said.

“Don’t you think they’re going to be worried you just disappeared?” he said.

“They wouldn’t react that way and if they even remember I exist I have someone covering for me.” I said.

“What about Chris and his family?” Gabrielle asked.

“I sent a group text telling them something came up and I was going out of town for a while for some personal time and would text them when I got back.” I said.

“Anyone ever tell you, you have trust issues?” he said.

**Days Later…**

I didn’t think it was possible to notice weight gain in just two weeks but I did. I mean it didn’t bother me but I wasn’t entirely comfortable in my body.

One important phase of rehab was teaching us the difference between exercising because we like it and it’s good for us and exercising until we pass out because we were afraid of gaining weight. The line between the two was a bit fuzzy.

We had two hours of exercise a week total we were permitted. No one was forced to participate but everyone did because we were all afraid of gaining weight and it was the only exercise we were allowed to do. One of those hours took the form of a light exercise class like yoga or tai chi. The other hour was exercise that didn’t seem like exercise. We had goat yoga where everyone spent most of the hour trying to exercise but instead you did light stretches and bottle fed baby goats. Other times which almost everyone preferred because the smell wasn’t as bad, Was taking dogs from a local animal shelter for a walk around the small lake on the grounds.

I mean who doesn’t like spending time with adorable unconditionally loving puppies?

For my walk I was assigned to a male Australian Shepherd named Gaston. Seriously his name was Gaston. And his eyes were the exactly same shade of blue Chris’ eyes were. And as I watched him his fur was the same shade of Chris’ was and they had the same hairstyle. If I had my phone with me I totally would have snapped a photo of him and sent it to Chris. He was an older dog. Around ten years old, very calm and sweet.

_“I think my dog’s broken it keeps peeing.” Lip said as he gently tugged the leash to see if he would move from his spot but no the French Bulldog took his time._

_“It’s probably because of all the other dogs.” I said as we stopped and Gaston sat at my side with his back perfectly straight._

_Lip sighed annoyed before he looked at me weird. “You have an incredible walk. Like a dancer. Perfect lines.” He said._

_“Uh thanks?” I said confused._

_“No really. Your posture when you walk, your back is so effortlessly straight and your shoulders are back. Plus when you bend over to pick something up you do a thing with the leg you don’t put any weight on where you keep your leg straight and point your toes. It’s so graceful and effortless. It takes most people years to learn to do that.” Lip said._

_“That’s both the weirdest and possibly nicest compliment anyone’s ever given me.” I said._

_“Sorry just a habit.” Lip said rubbing the back of his neck as he gave me a small smile._

_“So I take it you like dancing?” I asked._

_“Yeah I’m…” he said looking hesitant to finish that sentence. “I’m a dancer. I do Ballet.”_

_“Wow, ballet that’s incredible.” I said._

_“Really? Most people I tell that to tend to laugh and call me a fag.” Lip said._

_“Are you kidding me, ballet dancers are tough as nails.” I said. “You guys do the hardest and most intense stunts of any performers that require more strength than any athlete doing any sport and you make it look so effortlessly graceful and elegant.”_

_“Ballet fan?” He said with a smile._

_“Not really. I used to do gymnastics and I took some classes to help with that. I didn’t really like it but I do admire the hard work and artistry behind the performances.” I said._

_“Fair enough.” He said as we continued walking._

_“So is that where your nickname came from?” I asked. “Lip because in English the way Lip is said with a French accent sounds like Leap? The dance move?”_

_“Uh no. It’s just supposed to be short for Philippe, but that sounds like a better explanation. I’m going to start telling people that.” He said making me chuckle._

_“You know I was just thinking Gaston here.” I said petting the dog. “He looks just like my friend Chris.”_

_“Dogs cannot look like people, they’re dogs.” Lip said weirded out._

_“Really?” I said. “Look at Sylvie and the poodle she’s supposed to be walking.”_

_He turned and saw Sylvie sitting on a chair with a cup of coffee smoking a cigarette as she shook her head keeping her nose up high. While the poodle sat at her feet doing the same._

_“Nevermind.” Lip said. “Maybe you’re just missing your boyfriend. Is he in Boston?”_

_“Chris isn’t my boyfriend.” I said. “We’re just friends and right now? He’s probably in Cleveland, asleep.”_

**Third Person’s POV-**

On the other side of the world, Chris was not asleep. In fact he was in bed typing out another message to Jamie. Another message that would just go unanswered like all the other messages he had sent.

His anxiety was through the roof. On top of a jammed packed shooting schedule his best friend had disappeared with only a vague goodbye text to let everyone know she was leaving. She wasn’t answering any calls, texts or emails.

In times like these he’d normally call Jamie but since that wasn’t an option he called the only other person he knew might still be awake.

“Chris? It’s… 2am here.” Scott said.

“Can’t sleep either?” Chris asked.

“I just got home.” He said. “Are you still worried about Jamie?”

“Aren’t you?” Chris said.

“Well it’s Jamie… She’s not exactly an open book but she’s smart and knows how to take care of herself.” Scott said.

“She wasn’t doing a really good job of it last time we saw her.” Chris said.

“Chris you’re over reacting. She had just finished finals and she was under a lot of stress. It’s normal to lose weight and Jamie just has a really fast metabolism. You didn’t see her down that 4x4 In n out burger with animal fries and a chocolate shake like it was a kids meal. She’s a big girl Chris she was taking care of herself a long time before she met you and she still is. You shouldn’t be worrying. Jamie’s probably on a white sandy beach somewhere working on her tan while sipping Mai Tais out of a coconut.” Scott said.

“You really think so?” He asked.

“Oh yeah. She needed a vacation.” Scott said.

“But from us?” Chris said. “And she couldn’t even tell us where she’s going?”

“Oh please you used to do that all the time. Mom used to freak out when you wouldn’t call.” Scott said.

“So I’m just over reacting?” He said.

“That and you miss Jamie. We all do but she’ll be back before you know it and she wouldn’t want you worrying she even put it in her message.” Scott said.

“You’re probably right.” Chris said. “Thanks bro.”

“Anytime now go to sleep, you need to take care of the moneymaker.” Scott said. “Night.”

“Night.” Chris said before hanging up.

Scott sighed and looked through his messages reading all the ones he had sent to Jamie but had never gotten and answer from. He pressed the call button and waited for someone to pick up but she didn’t and instead he got her voicemail.

“Jamie you’re my sister from another mister and I love you but your cute ass needs to call us back. We’re all worried you might be dead in a ditch somewhere so please pick up the phone and call us so we know you’re okay. We miss you.” Scott said before hanging up.

**Jamie’s POV-**

Group was starting to get kind of interesting. We all started getting familiar with each other and sharing more. Some more than others but it was a start.

_“So today I was thinking we can talk about pressures we face in our regular day to day? We all have different jobs or responsibilities but that also means we have different perspectives. And pressures can very easily turn into triggers.” Gabrielle said._

_“You mean like how every time I see that skinny bitch my stooge of an ex-husband left me for I feel sick?” Sylvie asked politely._

_“That’s a good start…” Gabrielle said probably making a mental note to bring that up in the next one on one session. “I meant more of things that can alter the way we see ourselves but maybe for you that is a pressure what else?”_

_“The fact that womens sized clothing now looks like it’s for a child.” Someone said._

_“Oh yes I feel like every fashion week even if I know I am still the same size the clothes are getting smaller and smaller and so do the younger models.” Ines said._

_“Seeing people who look like that modeling on designers runway during fashion week.” Juliette said gesturing to Ines._

_“Talking to my mother during fashion week while she deals with models who look like Ines and have her compare me to them.” I said before I noticed the look Ines was giving me. “No offense you’re just so…_

_“Perfect.” Juliette said._

_“Yeah.” I seconded and everyone nodded._

_“None taken and I’m not perfect no one is. Look at where we are. Designers create the illusions of what they think is perfect but in reality it’s a lot of makeup and lighting tricks or the photoshop magazine editors use to sell more magazines.” Ines said._

_“Competition.” Lip said. “Constantly being compared to someone else for the top spot. Someone who can stand on their toes for longer without breaking a sweat or who’s leg didn’t twitch though I think that might be more of a perfection thing.”_

_“Going on dates.” Someone said. “You know how on the first date you’re not supposed to finish your food, at most only have half of your plate?”_

_“You’re supposed to do that?” Juliette asked._

_“Uh yeah…” They continued and everyone except Gabrielle and Lip had looks of horror as they thought back. Did I eat all of the food or just half of it? And was I really supposed to eat half of my plate, gourmet restaurants had freakishly small and overpriced portions. If I only ate half I’d eat nothing._

_“I don’t think that is really the custom on a first date.” Gabrielle said. “Right Lip?”_

_“I don’t really pay attention to what my dates eat, most of the time I’m thinking about what I shouldn’t be eating or when that doesn’t happen how I can get her naked.” Lip said and everyone just stared at him._

_“Man whore.” I said with no malice and smirk._

_“Prude.” Lip said with a smirk. “Seriously You Americans have normalized gun violence to the point you don’t even flinch when it comes up on the news but when it comes to sex or nudity…”_

_“It’s not normal to answer your door naked.” I said._

_“Why? Did you like what you saw?” Lip said wiggling his eyebrows making me laugh._

_“Okay that was completely off topic and I’m going to have to agree with Jamie that you should not be opening your door naked here, but you two did bring up a good point. Being comfortable in our own bodies is important. Some of us are obviously more comfortable than others… and external pressures change how we see ourselves.” Gabrielle said. “So I want us to try something we’re going to go one at a time and stand in the circle and rest of us are going to shower that person in positive compliments. Who wants to go first?”_

_First up was Juliette. She thought she was a princess and wanted to be treated as such so she jumped at the chance to be praised._

_“You know how to accessorize. I used to think headbands were something only children wore but you make me want to run out and buy one.” Someone said._

_“Your work ethic and drive are unmatched and that’s going to take you far.” Sylvie said._

_Then came Sylvie._

_“You are so chic.” Ines said. “You make loungewear look like something you got off a runway.”_

_“You’re honest at times to a fault but in the best way possible.” Lip said._

_“You’re are the coolest and most relatable old person I know. I wish you were my grandma.” Juliette said._

_“I’m 33.” Slyvie said. Note to self, don’t ever smoke again._

_“Ehem…” Ines said._

_“Fine 36.” Sylvie said smiling as everyone laughed. “I’m not going any higher.”_

_“You have the best sense of humor and the fact that you can laugh at your own mistakes just proves how strong you really are.” I said._

_“You are so confident and unapologetically yourself. Your ex didn’t deserve you.” Lip said._

_“Which one?” Slyvie asked._

_Then Ines…_

_“You’re so tall...” Juliette said. “I wish I was your height.”_

_“You are beautiful, not just on the outside but where it truly counts.” Sylvie said._

_“Ines you are the sweetest, nicest person I’ve ever met. You’re like a ray of sunshine.” I said._

_“You see the best in everyone.” Lip said._

_Then Lip-_

_“You make me slightly reconsider not wanting kids.” Sylvie said. “Three ex husbands and none of them ever made me do that.”_

_  
“You are unbelievably talented.” Ines said._

_“Your artistic eye is impeccable.” Juliette said._

_“You never fail to make any of us smile and when we hang out I never stop laughing.” I said._

_Lastly was my turn…_

_“You have gorgeous eyes.” Someone said._

_“You’re incredibly smart.” Juliette said._

_“Kind and loyal to a fault.” Ines said._

_“You are quick witted, honest, a good listener and kind not to mention beautiful. You’re going to keep your future husband on his toes and he’ll be a lucky man to have you.” Sylvie said._

_“You’re loyal to a fault, hilarious, know how to take a joke and give as good as you get.” Lip said. “And when we hang out I always lose track of time because of how much fun we have.”_

I was feeling good. I was slowly starting to eat more, putting on weight in a healthy manner. Everything was going good. Until it wasn’t...

**Meanwhile…**

Chris was out with his friends and the cast and crew for the movie. Apparently Robert Downey Jr had rented out a rooftop bar/club for everyone to relax and have a good time. Even Scott and Shanna had made the trip from Boston to be there for him.

He had gotten a call or text from everyone he knew except the one person he wanted to hear from. So while everyone was inside dancing and partying the night away he snuck out to the balcony to check his messages for the hundredth time that day hoping to see something from Jamie.

But yet again he was sadly disappointed. So he picked up the phone and dialed Jamie and yet again he got sent to voicemail.

“Hey…” Chris said. “It’s me again. Not sure if you’re getting any of these or not but here I am again. Not sure if you remember but it’s my birthday. The big 3-0. Rob rented out a rooftop bar with a great view. I’m sure you’d really like it. I uh… I thought I’d hear from you today… a text or something but I guess you’re probably really busy with something… Wish you’d call though. I miss my best friend.”

“Evans get your ass in here it’s cake time!” Someone called out.

“I’m comin.” He called back.

“Did you…” Shanna asked and Chris just shook his head before forcing a smile going to blow out the candles on his cake.

_Back in Paris…_

Lexie and Blair were having breakfast in their shared apartment. Both recovering from a late night out.

Lexie was cutting up fruit and cheese, heating up croissants and making coffee. Blair on the other hand was on Jamie’s computer answering emails from her ‘job’ when Jamie’s phone started ringing it was the star spangled man with a plan.

“He’s calling again.” Lexie said.

“Let it ring.” Blair said. “We should have left that thing on vibrate.”

“Yeah but if we did we’d miss a call or text from Satan and the Bitch.” Lexie said. “It was Chris’ birthday yesterday or… today.”

“I know. Jamie had reminders set at midnight and every three hours after on both her computer and phone. She also had a list of old man jokes ready to go.” Blair said.

“Aw,” Lexie said looking through Jamie’s schedule. “She was going to send him a singing telegram of a girl in a stars and stripes bikini singing the star-spangled man with a plan after she popped out of a cake. Wow Jamie was going all out.”

Then the phone dinged.

“Another voicemail.” Blair said putting the phone on speaker.

_“Hey… It’s me again. Not sure if you’re getting any of these or not but here I am again. Not sure if you remember but it’s my birthday. The big 3-0. Rob rented out a rooftop bar with a great view. I’m sure you’d really like it. I uh… I thought I’d hear from you today… a text or something but I guess you’re probably really busy with something… Wish you’d call though. I miss my best friend.”_

“Aw he’s really sad. And it’s his birthday.” Lexie said. “We should do something. send him a happy birthday text or something?”

“No, we promised Jamie.” Blair said.

“Blair he’s her soulmate. I don’t care how their thing works but the guy obviously loves her and is worried about her. He should know what’s going on.” Lexie said.

“Jamie was very clear. She goes to rehab, We keep Satan and the Bitch off her case and cover for her, radio silence for everyone else.” Blair said.

“Don’t you think this is insane? He’s her soulmate and his family practically adopted her and they text every day.” Lexie said.

“This was her choice.” Blair said. “And we have to respect it.”

“She was delirious and passing out all the time. Jamie was not in her right mind when she said that.” Lexie said.

“I know but Jamie trusted us above everyone else to ask for help for a reason. Yes, it wasn’t the best decision but that doesn’t matter. Her getting better comes before everything else.” Blair said.

“You’re right.” Lexie said erasing the missed call notification. “She’s lucky.”

“Yeah, she has us as friends.” Blair said.

“Yeah… and her soulmate is hot.” Lexie said.

“So hot.” Blair said. “If she wasn’t my friend I’d take him for a ride.”

“Climb him like a tree.” Lexie said. “Put those muscles to use.”

“Jamie better give him some when she gets out. He’s hot, he’s sweet, considerate… the whole package.” Blair said.

“I wonder how big his package is?” Lexie said.

“Lexie!” Blair said throwing a strawberry at her.

“Oh like you weren’t thinking it.” She said.

**Jamie’s POV-**

Recovery was not a straight line. There were bumps along the road. Very, very big bumps. I had a good first couple of weeks. I was starting to crave food again not that I’d eat it but I would eat the food that was prepared for me which was slowly starting to look more like normal portions.

Now that I was a bit stronger and more stable was when therapy started to pick up and Gabrielle started picking my brain for the heavy stuff.

“Tell me about the relationships in your life.” Gabrielle said as he poured me a cup of tea.

“You mean people I’ve dated because there’s not really much to say on that front.” I said.

“We could talk about that but I meant more about the people in your life. The ones that really matter.” He asked.

“Well you know about Chris, I’ve only known him for about a year and a half and he’s great. Caring. So easy to talk to. We can talk for hours about nothing and everything.” I said.

“And he’s your soulmate.” Gabrielle said.

“We vibe really well.” I said. “Then there’s Scott, if I had to describe my relationship with Scott I’d say it’s like having an older brother. I’m an only child… well I consider myself an only child so I’m only going off what I hear having a sibling is like. It’s the same with Shanna and Carly. We kid around, unconditionally supportive.”

“You’re also very close with his mother.” Gabrielle asked.

“Lisa? Yeah she’s been so welcoming. Invited me to Thanksgiving when she didn’t even know me. Mandatory Sunday night dinners. She packed me lunches for finals week… one time she came over just to do my laundry when I was studying misterms. She’s like…” I started.

“A mom?” He asked.

“Well yeah.” I said. “And then the only two people I’m actually close to would be Lexie and Blair.”

“Your friends.” He said.

“Oldest friends.” I said smiling. “They’ve been there for me since day one. Even when I felt alone they never left me alone. Don’t get me wrong we argue and there are times they drive me crazy but they’re the best.”

“And your parents?” Gabrielle asked and the smile fell of my face.

“They’re not.” I said.

“It normal for children of divorce to bear some resentment toward one or both of their parents.” Gabrielle said.

“Oh I’m not saying that because they got divorced. They acted divorced way before the actual thing. They’re just not good people.” I said. “There’s a reason I call them Satan and Banshee.”

“They’re still your parents though.” He said. “If I had a kid who was hurting themselves the way you were I’d want to know.”

“And you’d be a good parent. They’re not.” I said. “I can bet you whatever you want that they haven’t even called me once since I’ve been here or that they even suspect anything is off with me.”

“If not your parents then why not your pseudo adopted family? It’s obvious that Chris and your siblings and their mother care about you a lot, they would have done everything they could to help you but instead you went to great lengths to keep this from them. You lied to Chris who knew there was something wrong and convinced him otherwise. You landed in the hospital and lied to your doctors to get them to release you early even though you probably had a concussion. And instead of telling the people who lived minutes away you called your friends from out of state. I’m trying to figure out why.” Gabrielle said.

“Well there’s a lot of reasons and it’s not that complicated.” I said. “Chris worked very hard to get to this point in his career and if I told him he would have dropped everything. Secondly I didn’t want to put this burden on any of them because they don’t deserve that. I was the one that screwed up. I failed. It was an epic and really really gross fail.”

“It’s a medical condition Jamie. Not a failure.” He said.

“And lastly I called Lexie and Blair because they were the ones that got me to stop last time.” I said. “Which is why I’m saying I failed. Five years without an incident and I messed up.”

“What exactly happened the first time?” Gabrielle said.

“I started alternated before purging and starving.” I said. “And before you write that down that was actually the second time.”

“They caught you the second time you were doing that?” he asked.

“No that was the second time I started doing that again.” I said. “My first relapse.”

**A Few Days Later…**

My appetite had been a bit off. I saw myself in the mirror naked that morning and saw that the cami I wore that morning fit me a bit off. I was still eating it just took a lot more effort to actually keep eating.

Then came therapy and we went back to the very beginning.

“It started off as something to keep me out of Satan and Banshee’s way. Apparently sitting in the corner reading books trying to not cry while they shouted at each other was too distracting for them, so I tried a lot of things. Art was too messy and pointless; it was too soon for extra classes at school and I didn’t need tutoring so they wouldn’t let me stay after school.” I said. “Tried a lot of things but gymnastics was the one that stuck. I’ve always been a bit of loner and gymnastics was more of an individual sport. I took classes for years, and as you moved up classes got longer I was out of the way longer and when I eventually got old enough to start competing it turned out I was really good at it. Like Olympic potential good. I won a lot and that’s where it all went to hell.”

“So what you’re telling me is you’re good at everything you try?” Gabrielle said trying to lighten the mood in the group therapy session.

“More like hard work pays off.” I said.

“Your parents must’ve been proud.” He said.

“That’s not the word I’d use to describe it.” I said. “They didn’t see me, they just saw an opportunity. Satan’s business competitors and acquaintances had sons they could be pound of. He had me, someone who in his eyes had disappointed him since the day I was born. He wanted a boy and instead he got me and he still hasn’t forgiven me for it.”

“That can’t be true.” He said.

“My full name is James Alexandra Becker because of a typo. It was supposed to be James Alexander Becker the fourth.” I said.

“Fair enough.” Gabrielle said. “So how did things change?”

“I went from being called brat to Champ. I was given a lot of attention. Too much attention. Satan would actually show up to practice in the middle of the day and banshee designed all of my leotards, saw a new market she could expand into.” I said. “He saw my potential and decided that I should focus on training full time. So I got taken out of school and was homeschooled. I was training for six hours a day sometimes more … and I started burning out. I started falling more. Muscles were sore and I could barely stand sometimes and I wasn’t winning. I remember the first time I got second place. I was so proud of myself because I landed a perfect layout on beam for the first time, I missed out on first place because I wobbled on a spin and touched the beam and I didn’t even care. I ran off the podium to show my parents. Banshee wouldn’t even look at me. And Satan was just so mad. He grabbed my arm and dragged me outside and you know what he said to me, ‘James you worthless dumbass why the fuck are you so happy? Second place isn’t something you should be proud of it just means you’re the first loser.”

“How old were you?” He asked.

“Eight or nine.” I said. “From there. They worked me harder. They got me a new coach who was relentless. I was running twice as many laps as anyone else in my gym, more leg lifts, more rope climbing, more repetitions until I got it right or couldn’t stand anymore.”

“When did you start?” Gabrielle said.

“First time it happened. After my first injury. I fractured my wrist and ankle so I had to take some time off. And when you go from doing six to eight hours of exercise a day to none you gain weight which is totally normal and once you go back to working out you lose it.” I said. “They didn’t see it that way, specifically Banshee. I got fat and I wore her clothes which meant I was tarnishing her brand. Then to make it worst she came to practice and saw what a hard time I was having. How I couldn’t do giants like everyone else could. So when we got home she grabbed me by my hair, dragged me upstairs to my bathroom pulled me down to my knees. Told me to stop being a fat loser and do something about it and pushed her fingers into the back of my throat and made me puke until she though it was enough. Told me I either stopped eating like a pig or she’s have to ruin another manicure… you can probably put the rest together.”

I felt sick just thinking about it. My hands were shaking.

“That’s abuse.” He said.

“I was a kid. I couldn’t do anything. And as for my dad he told me to suck it up. It was what champions did.” I said. “That went on for a year until not one but two career ending injuries put me in the hospital. I cried tears of joy the day the doctor told me I’d never be able to do gymnastics again. And me being in the hospital while I recovered I was too busy learning to walk again to think about weight or how I looked and when that was over I got shipped off to boarding school so I got away from them.”

“But it happened again.” Gabrielle said.

“Yeah.” I said.

“I think this is a good place to leave off.” He said. “It’s lunch time anyway.”

“Right.” I said getting up and going to join everyone.

It was a pretty good meal today. Herb crusted chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans. It looked amazing but the made my stomach churn.

_“Sweetheart are you okay?” Sylvie asked._

_“Yeah.” I said forcing a smile. “Just had a tough session.”_

_“Oh Jamie.” Ines said giving me a side hug._

_“Rock bottom or daddy issues?” Juliette asked._

_“Mhmmm.” I groaned putting my fork down. “First time i…”_

_“I remember my first time. It was a fling before I went to college…” Sylvie said._

_“First time she purged Sylvie.” Lip said._

_“Oh, when my first husband grabbed a love handle in the middle of sex and said nice cushion.” Sylvie said. “He slept on the sofa and I spent the night in the bathroom. Puking and counting calories.”_

_“When I had sex with my boyfriend and my thigh jiggled.” Juliette said._

_“When I got passed up for the male lead in Giselle because the costume designer complained about having to let out my tights.” Lip said._

_“I tried it once when I was looking for an agency to take me.” Ines said. “but I couldn’t get anything out.”_

_“My mother shoved her fingers into my throat. And she had long acrylic nails… uh I can still feel them.” I said gagging._

_“Deep breaths.” Lip said rubbing my back_

_So I didn’t eat that day, and I picked a bit the following day but day two when I was starting to feel better…_

“I want to talk about your first relapse. What was going on then?” Gabrielle asked.

“I don’t really know. It was five years ago. So I was finishing up the year in Switzerland or had just moved back to the US and was at Exeter. No wait I was in Switzerland. It was before I decided to transfer to Exeter. I remember because Lexie and I still hated Blair. Her parents had just split up and she was lashing out at everyone. She had minions who wore headbands that matched hers. Lexie hit puberty and was always dating someone or making out with someone. I was really into Linkin Park I’d play their music constantly and it drove Lexie crazy… or was that after I started again?...” I said.

“Ehem…” He cleared his throat.

“Anyway Banshee had just gotten remarried to number two or three. She called to tell me not to bother her while she was on her honeymoon. Satan had just started dating a model and he called to tell me he was having another kid and that he’d just found out it was a boy so he’d be sending me the paperwork to change my name so he could give my name to the new kid.” I said.

“I don’t think you can do that.” Gabrielle said.

“You can it’s just a lot of paperwork and a total hassle because you have to get your name changed on all official documents, school files, get a new passport and birth certificate…” I said. “And then like a week later banshee tells me she’s pregnant too and is further along and really hopes this one doesn’t end up being a fat screw up like me…” I said. “She starts calling more often. She sent me the wrong clothes for picture day and I told her I needed a bigger size more fat talk. Sent me diet pills. Satan forgets to pay my allowance and I don’t have enough to go on a school trip. I call him constantly to try and get him to help me. And I keep getting voicemails and voicemail and he finally answers and he starts yelling me. Cursing that he’s stuck with me because his girlfriend miscarried his son before saying he wished I was the one that died and hanging up…. And that’s where the Linkin Park phase started. Also when I started puking again and why I still puke whenever Satan calls.”

“That’s how you started. How did you stop?” He asked.

“Well after about a year of that and lashing out at everyone including Lexie who decided to give me space. I hit rock bottom when I got Banshee’s birth announcement in the mail with a photo of her holding her new baby looking completely in love with her and the card said it was her first kid.” I said. “I was crying into the toilet after throwing up and Blair who apparently had the same problem and was about to relapse after her boyfriend broke up with her heard me we sat on the floor of two stalls that were right next to each other just talking. Lexie found us there. We talked some more and we stuck together, were each other’s support group. Blair convinced us to transfer to Exeter with her and here we are. Five years later and still a mess.”

“You got better once and you can do it again because I think you know what the problem is, you just won’t accept it.” Gabrielle said.

“I have shitty parents. I know that. I’ve known that for a very long time.” I said.

“Dig deeper Jamie.” Gabrielle said. “You’re not hurting them you’re hurting yourself.”

“I came here to get better not constantly be reminded why I feel like shit.” I said. “Can we call it a day already?”

“Yeah, you should eat something.” he said.

“I think I’m just going to take a nap. Talking about my parents makes me feel like throwing up.” I said.

“Maybe something light like soup?” Gabrielle offered.

“Don’t make me puke it’s a really nice couch.” I said as I walked out.

I wasn’t eating. And the one time I did well… I did a pretty good reenactment of the exorcist.

“Buah!” I puked into the toilet.

_“Okay.” Natalie said rubbing my back. Since I hadn’t been eating again and I fainted due to dehydration in the middle of group therapy I was currently hooked up to an IV and the doctors were debating whether or not I was going to need an NG tube._

_“I’m supposed to be getting better not worse.” I cried._

_“Knock knock.” Lip said._

_“Go away Lip.” I said. “I’m so fucking gross.”_

_“Been there.” He said as he came and sat next to me. “The gazpacho that effect on people.”_

_“It’s not funny.” I cried into the toilet._

_“I know.” Lip said. “Want to talk about it?”_

_“I want to crawl under a rock and never come out.” I said. “What the fuck am I doing here?”_

_“Getting an up close look at the toilet.” He said._

_“I mean here. I’m not getting better. I feel worse than when I got here and I didn’t even think that was possible.” I said._

_“It’s going to get worse before it gets better Jamie.” Lip said._

_“I thought the point of rock bottom was that you couldn’t get any lower.” I said. “I went five years last time. I didn’t even make it to week five this time.”_

_“Last time your friends watched you pee to make sure you wouldn’t throw up after you ate. That’s putting a band aid on a stab wound with the knife still in it.” Lip said._

_“Better than twisting the fucking knife.” I said._

_“My point is that you’re here because you want this to be the last time you’re crying into a toilet staring at your lunch.” He said moving my hair out of my face. “You have to put in the work to figure out how the knife ended up there before you can get it out. But you can’t do that if you’re passing out you’ve got to use all the tools they can give you. You have to do the work but you’re not alone.”_

_“They’re going to put a tube up my nose aren’t they?” I said._

_“Yeah.” Lip said._

_“Mhmm.” I groaned._

_“Come on.” Lip said getting up and helping me off the floor. “It’ll help you feel better.”_

So they stuck a tube up my nose. I was in medical for two days. On the plus side everyone came to visit. We played board games, played cards, and shared stories.

When I was finally released I went straight back to the couch.

“How are you feeling?” Gabrielle said.

“Well I still can’t smell anything out of my left nostril but I’m better.” I said. “Though I’m probably going to stay away from the gazpacho for like the rest of my life.”

“Fair enough.” He said. “I want to keep talking about… you know.”

“I figured. Let’s twist the knife some more.” I said. “Third time’s the charm right?”

“You seem really energetic right now.” He said.

“I had coffee this morning.” I said. “And I actually kept it down for the first time in a while so the caffeine’s kicking in.”

“You were okay for five years. You were on your own. On top of well everything and you were happy. What happened?” He asked.

“I saw Satan again for the first time in almost five years.” I said. “And he was… bad. I was stressed and he was putting pressure on me to do what he wanted and go into the family business. At that point I still hadn’t started again well not on purpose. It was when I saw Banshee again a few days later that I just lost it. One minute I was just living my life on vacation with my friends and actually relaxed and the next I’m nine years old again with her fingers down my throat.”  
  


I stopped and took a breath.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah.” I said slowly exhaling. “I’m good.”

“And how did you feel?” He asked.

“It’s basically a never-ending cycle of worthlessness, disgust, short relief before the shame kicks in and I’m right back to where I started.” I said.

“That’s how you feel when you purge. I meant about seeing her. Hearing her say those things?” he said.

“Again worthless, disgusted…” I said.

“No, dig deeper.” He said. “Your parents brought you into this world. They’re the people who are supposed to love and support you unconditionally. You’ve seen what a real mom is supposed to be like. What true unconditional love and support is from your friends, from Chris and his family.”

“Not everyone is like that.” I said.

“You are smart, you’re kind, considerate, you have gone above and beyond in everything they have ever asked of you.” Gabrielle said. “Practically killed yourself trying to live up to their impossible expectations.”

“I was weak.” I said.

“Your parents have belittled you, neglected you, abused you time and time again. And every time they call, every time you accomplish something amazing and they don’t say a single kind word to you. You ask yourself that one question…” he said.

“They’re assholes. I don’t think there’s a real reason behind it.” I said.

“You’re your mom and dad’s first born and they pretend you don’t exist. They push you aside… and nothing you do will ever change that so what is it.”

“What did I ever do to deserve this? Why do you hate me? Why don’t you love me? Why wasn’t I enough?” I cried. “Why wasn’t I enough?”

**End of August 2011-**

It was a nice day out so for our last session before I was discharged Gabrielle thought it’d be nice to go for a walk.

“Today’s the big day. How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Well I feel better… stronger than when I first got here but I’m still here. I know I put in the work and I do want to get out of here but I’m also nervous. To have to face everything and everyone. I mean I fell of the face of the earth for three months.” I said.

“I understand not telling Satan and Banshee but Chris, he’s probably been worried sick.” Gabrielle said.

“Yeah. And his anxiety probably made it way worse.” I said.

“Telling him is probably a good place to start.” He said.

“Yeah, uh I missed his birthday. I had it all planned out too. A showgirl wearing a bikini popping out of a cake… The look on his face would have been priceless.” I said.

“I’m sure once you sit him down and talk to him about everything he’ll understand.” He said. “What are you going to do about the other thing?”

“Well they’re never going to change. It’s been almost 20 years. I need to make some changes, big ones but I have to make a plan and figure out a few things first like where I’m going to live.” I said. “But it’ll work out.”

“And you already know who you’re going to be seeing back in Boston?” he said.

“Yes. Already have an appointment and everything.” I said. “Just because I’ve made progress doesn’t mean the work is done.”

“I’m proud of you Jamie, you’ve come a long way the past three months.” He said. “And with that I’m happy to say you are officially discharged. Go home Jamie.”

“Thanks Gabrielle.” I said.

With that I went to reception to pick up my things. All of my friends had been discharged over the past week. I got all their emails and numbers so we could keep in touch. I said goodbye to Natalie and walked outside where Lexie and Blair were waiting for me.

“Hey stranger.” Blair said handing me a martini.

“Really?” I said.

“You know the deal one of us ends up in rehab the other two pick her up and greets them with a drink. Even if it is a spiked mocktail.” Lexie said.

“So a cocktail.” I said.

“We’re on vacation.” She said as we clinked glasses and drank it in one go.

“Alright, catch me up. What do I need to do damage control on first?” I asked.

“No.” Lexie said. “We are on vacation for one more week.”

“We are going to relax and have some fun before we go back to reality.” Blair said as we got into the Limo.

“Well I just got out of rehab so… retail therapy?” I suggested. “One last run before I get cut off.”

“Let’s do some damage.” Lexie said.


	20. Chapter 20

The best part of Paris besides the art, the beautiful architecture, shopping, the history… was the food.

I wasn’t gorging myself on anything… well not too much anyway but something as simple as a croissant and espresso never tasted as good as it did now.

“Mhmm.” I moaned.

“Are you eating that croissant or having sex with it?” Lexie asked as we walked across the lock bridge.

“Sorry just don’t remember croissants tasting this good.” I said.

The past week was 100% relaxation. We went to a spa, we shopped, we ate a little bit of everything. We even went out clubbing and it was great. But the week was almost up. And that meant going back to reality and getting my laptop and phone back.

“Message… message message MESSAGE MESSAGE MESSAHHHH!!!” my new ringtone for Banshee and Satan’s text messages.

“You’ve got to change that ringtone.” Blair said.

“I could do that.” I said debating whether or not I should open the text but instead I decided to do something I should have done a long time ago. I grabbed my phone and threw it into the Seine.

“Jamie!” Lexie said.

“That’s better.” I said.

“Okay…” Lexie said still staring at me in disbelief “that’s one way to get it to shut up.”

“Was that really a good idea?” Blair asked.

“It’s just a phone.” I said. “I can call everyone back later."

“So you know everyone’s numbers?” Blair asked and I froze.

“Aw fuck.” I said.

We flew back to New York, Lexie and Blair needed to make an appearance with their parents and I was procrastinating. Mostly I had no idea how to reach out to everyone. Satan and Banshee could wait I cared more about people who actually cared about me.

“Okay how about this I sent them a bye text maybe I should just send everyone a mass text telling them I’m back?” I said.

“Call them.” Blair and Lexie said.

“But I mean who do I call first?” I said. “And I mean what do I say?”

“How about the truth?” Lexie said.

“And I’d start with Chris. He texted you every day.” Blair said.

“Left some pretty sad voicemails.” Lexie said.

“Call him.” Blair said.

“Okay.” I said picking up the new phone I had just gotten delivered this morning. I saw Chris’ contact details and was about to press the call button. “You know what he’s probably at work. Maybe I should just wait until later…”

“Jamie.” Lexie said.

“Okay look I know admitting to people you have a problem is hard and you know we don’t count because we’ve known you longer and went through this together before so maybe we should start small.” Blair said. “Dorota!”

“Yes Miss Blair.” Dorota said.

“Jamie needs to say something.” Blair said.

“Blair really?” Lexie said.

“You know Dorota but you don’t know her too well. Sometime telling a complete stranger is easier than telling someone you love.” Blair said. “So Jamie, say it.”

“Blair this is kind of weird and I don’t want Dorota to be uncomfortable.” I said.

“I once sent her to go buy more condoms in the middle of sex, she’ll be fine.” Blair said.

“Okay Dorota three months ago I left Boston to go to…r-rehab in Paris because I have an…ea-eat… eating disorder.” I said finally saying the words out loud.

“Oh Miss Jamie.” Dorota said giving me a side hug. “It’s okay.”

“See not so bad.” Lexie said.

“No that fucking sucked.” I said. “I want to curl up into a ball and cry now. And if that was hard telling Chris is going to be so much worse. He’s going to give me that kicked puppy look and uh!”

“Okay then let’s not start with Chris then. Let’s work our way up.” Blair said.

Blair’s idea was to tell a complete stranger I would probably never see again so she had a car drive us all the way to New Jersey to go through a McDonald’s drive through.

“Okay Jamie this is probably some greasy teenager you’re probably never going to see again because when are we ever going to come back to Jersey.” Blair said.

“Short stint on Jersey shore?” Lexie offered.

“And look like a cheetoh?” She retorted.

“Guys… greasy teenager? What am I supposed to say? What do I order?” I asked.

“Just tell him the truth. You just got out of rehab and tell him why you were there.” Blair said.

“Any while you’re at it order me some fries.” Lexie said.

“Iced coffee.” Blair said.

“Alright… easy.” I said as the car pulled up to the drive through.

“Hi welcome to Mcdonald’s how can I get you started today?” The guy on the other end said.

“Hi, I… just got out of rehab because I have an e-eating disorder.” I said.

“Oh, well congratulations and I’m glad you got better. Can I get you anything?” he asked.

“Yeah, one large order of fries and an iced coffee.” I said.

“Alright five fifty at the window.” He said. “thank you.”

“See that wasn’t so bad.” Lexie said before holding out my phone. “Now it’s Chris’ turn.”

“Maybe I should take a few more laps… get some more practice…” I said.

“Jamie…” Lexie said.

“No we’ll get there.” Blair said. “one more stop.”

We went back to the city and went to Blair’s hair stylist.

“Are you trying to give me a makeover?” I asked.

“You could use a new hairdo. Fresh start.” Lexie said.

“Plus hairstylists are super easy to talk to. They’re like therapists except they make you look good.” Blair said. “Get a little trim or a new style… maybe some color… talk about it and answer questions about it…”

“Wow one thing is telling a complete stranger through a drive thru speaker it’s another thing to be stuck in a chair for hours telling a stranger face to face.” I said.

“Then don’t tell a stranger, call Chris.” Lexie said.

“Do you think I can pull of bangs?” I said.

Three hours at the salon and I came out with fringe bangs and I decided to change things up. I got a trim with layers added into my hair for texture and wispy bangs. I also got talking into dying my hair. I went for an ombre with the tips of my hair being blonde and slowly getting darker as it matched my hair color.

“Okay, you have a new do, you’ve got practice, now are you going to call Chris?” Lexie said.

“Don’t you think I should do it in person?” I retorted.

“James Fucking Becker!” Lexie said

“That’s it give me the phone. I’m ripping off the bandaid.” Blair said.

“No.” I said.

“Jamie you can’t keep putting this off. You’re going back to Boston tomorrow.” Lexie said. “And we love you but we can’t always be at your side. If something happens and you can’t reach us you need to have someone to talk to.”

“Also they love you and are probably worried sick. Call him.” Blair said giving me my phone.

I took a breath and picked up the phone. My finger hovered over Chris’ number.

“Mhmmm I can’t do it.” I said so I put my phone down.

“Jamie, it’s not that hard.” Blair said. “It’s not like you two are dating.”

“I know but I lied to him and I’ve never lied to him before and then to tell him…” I started.

“I sent the entire family a text you were going to be back in Boston tomorrow.” Lexie said.

“What?” I said.

“I sent a text. You can tell them when you’re ready but they need to know you’re okay.” She said as my phone started dinging before it started ringing. “It’s Scott.”

“Oh course he’d call.” I said picking up the phone. “Hey Scotty.”

“Don’t you Hey Scotty me where the fuck have you been? I’ve been calling you non stop for months. I’ve been worried sick, Ma’s been worried sick and Chris…” he said.

“I know and I’m sorry I just had some things to take care of that came up last minute and they took a while.” I said.

“And did you lose your phone or something?” He asked. “You couldn’t call, or text or email…”

“I threw it in a river.” I said. “And I lent my laptop to someone so I was off the grid for a while.”

Scott sighed. “Where are you now?” He asked.

“New York.” I said.

“Really?” he said. “So am I. I’ll meet you at that coffee shop on Broadway and 102nd in an hour.”

“What?” I said.

“I need to make sure you’re alive and not just calling because you’ve been kidnapped and your kidnappers want to keep people from looking at you. One hour.”

With that he hung up.

“That sounded promising.” Blair said.

“We’re having coffee in an hour. Because he’s in New York.” I said.

“Oh you get to show off your new do.” Lexie said.

“This is good.” Blair said. “You can sit down. Take it slow.”

“Blair she’s trying to tell her soulmate’s brother she just got out of rehab not get a second date.” Lexie said. “You’re gonna go talk to him. If he feels the need to lecture you about being an idiot for leaving without saying it you take it because you know you were then you tell him why you did it. He might cry, you might cry and that’s okay. You just need to talk to him.”

“And go change.” Blair said.

“You’re fine. Though maybe change the shoes.” Lexie said.

I ended up changing all together. Opting to go a bit more casual. I picked out my favorite blue distressed high waisted jeans with a blue chambray button down that was knotted at the waist and a pair of heeled tan sandals.

I took a taxi to the coffee shop only to see Scott waiting for me outside while talking on the phone to someone.

“Yeah I’m right here waiting for her.” Scott said. “Yes I’m sure it was her… Oh here she is. Well she looks like Jamie… she dyed her hair. I got to go. I’ll tell her. I’ll tell her bye.”

“Hey…” I said.

“Hey? That’s really all you’re going to say?” Scott said.

“I missed you?” I said.

“Get the fuck over here.” He said hugging me. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Uh we should probably sit down first.” I said.

So we did we ordered and got our coffees. When we got to our table we sat there in silence for a bit. I had no idea how to start. I thought I’d give Scott the opportunity to yell at me if he felt like it.

“How’s are things with that guy…” I started.

“Where have you been?” Scott said. “You disappeared and all we got was a text.”

“We’re just going to jump into it okay… uh I went to rehab.” I said.

“You went to what?” he said thinking he had heard wrong.

“Rehab, 90 day program.” I said.

“Like rehab rehab?” He said.

“Yeah.” I said. “I went to rehab…”

“Wow uh…well uh… I knew it was coming. I was getting a bit worried about your drinking and…” He started rambling.

“For an eating disorder.” I finished and Scott froze. “Why would you be worried about me drinking?”

“I don’t know… Eating Disorder?” He said before he started looking at me up and down. “Like… when…”

“Starved myself or got rid of anything I ate.” I said. “It something I’ve dealt with off and on for a few years but this time was a lot more intense than it was before and when I finally hit rock bottom I called Lexie and Blair and they dragged me to rehab in France. That’s where I’ve been the last three months.”

“You were… oh fuck, that’s why…. And oh fuck.” Scott said. “Chris said there was something off and I told him he was just overthinking it and seeing things and fuck! I am so sorry.”

“Scott you have nothing to be sorry about. I lied and was really good at hiding this from everyone.” I said. “And I really didn’t handle this well. I shouldn’t have just disappeared without a word.”

“I’m still pissed at you about that. Though I do get why you did it now.“ Scott said. “You should have said something.”

“I know, I just I didn’t want you guys to see me like that.” I said. “And I know I’m being stupid and stubborn and you wouldn’t have cared because all you would have wanted was to help me… I apparently have a hard time letting people in, I’m working on it.”

“You really do.” Scott said. “But you’re okay now?”

“Yeah. I’m not cured because it doesn’t work that way but I’m in recovery. I have a therapist I’m going to be seeing regularly in Boston, there are a few things I need to work on and do once I get back. But yeah…” I said.

“So have you talked to Chris yet?” Scott asked.

“I’m working up to it.” I said.

“Jamie…” Scott grumbled.

“It’s not that easy okay. I was going to call him when I got out of rehab but Lexie and Blair thought I should take a week to enjoy a break and adjust to being out of rehab. Then when I finally got my phone back Satan and Banshee started bugging me and I just… threw my phone in the Seine and I didn’t know anyone’s number so I had to wait until I got back and get a new phone… and I’m just… I lied to him Scott. He knew something was off and he tried to help but I gaslighted him.” I said.

“He’s been worried sick about you. We all have.” Scott said.

“I know and I missed his birthday. You have any idea how many old man jokes I had saved for that day? I didn’t even get to send him the half naked singing telegram I found.” I said.

“Oh you missed one hell of a party. But either way…” he started as he snapped a photo of me with his phone. “That’s a proof of life photo because Ma’s been blowing up my phone and Shanna and Carly keep asking about how you dyed your hair.”

“Tell them it’s ombre.” I said.

“You can tell them tomorrow night. At Sunday night dinner.” Scott said. “I was told to drag you there if needed.”

“Sounds about right.” I said. “What train are you leaving on?”

“8am, Shanna’s picking me up. If you want a ride?” He said.

“I’ll take you up on that. I already shipped most of my stuff from Paris.” I said. “So I won’t have to carry everything back.”

And that’s what I did. After getting yelled at by Shanna the entire car ride back then being smothered in a hug and getting yelled at some more I was dropped off at my apartment.

“Okay I’m going to warn you guys I haven’t been home in three months so the only thing I have to offer you is tap water.” I said struggling with the keys and my bags.

“Haven’t you heard of traveling light?” Scott said.

“I was light, then I went shopping.” I said.

“What did you buy? Rocks?” Shanna asked.

“Boot season is upon us.” I said as I opened the door and walked in. “Just throw it down anywhere.”

“Don’t mind if we already did.” Scott said before jumping onto the couch.

It was good to be home though I wasn’t sure how much longer this would be home. I sat on the couch ready to nap when someone’s phone buzzed.

“It’s Ma, wants to know if you’re good with Lasagna.” Shanna said.

“I’m always good with Lasagna.” I said.

“You sure?” Scott asked giving me a knowing look.

“Yeah, I’ve been craving pasta… or any homemade meal.” I said. “I missed Sunday night dinners.”

“You wouldn’t miss them if you hadn’t gone anywhere… or you know called.” Shanna said. “And how are you not pissed at her?”

“Oh I am I just know she had her reasons.” Scott said.

“Like what?” Shanna said.

“I bought you boots?” I said bringing out a box of boots.

“Jamie You are not going to buy my forgiveness… Oh my gosh they’re gorgeous!” She said taking the box. “No wait no… I’m still mad at you.”

“I’m going to go up to the roof, give you two a minute.” Scott said.

Great I was going to have to do this now.

So I did.

Shanna was… in shock. Literally just staring off into space for a few minutes trying to process what I had just told her.

“So the… when you threw up because your dad called you… you were…” She asked.

“No that’s just normally how I react when he calls.” I said. “I didn’t start again until after spring break. Did get some tips on how to not to that though. Breathing exercises… that sort of thing.”

“And all the weight you lost that was…” She said.

“I wasn’t eating or not eating enough and getting rid of it.” I said.

“You were going through all of that?” She said. “And I didn’t even notice I was so busy with everything and…”

“Shanna it’s not on you. I was really good at lying and hiding this. I’ve had years of practice.” I said.

“But… I should have known.” She cried.

“Shan no, I was in denial until it got really bad. And even then I spent the first month of rehab working on admitting I actually have a problem.” I said.

“But rehab? It was rehab bad?” She said.

“Yeah, I’m a mess. Well was a mess. I’m a work in progress.” I said.

“But you were all alone…” She said crying.

“Shanna don’t cry… you’re going to make me cry.” I said tearing up.

“I’m sorry but you’re my sister and you were in so much pain and I couldn’t help you.” Shanna cried.

“I couldn’t ask for help. I mean I know I could and should have but I just couldn’t say it. Lexie and Blair were there the last time I relapsed so they’re kind of experts at this sort of thing.” I said. “Also we were all at a really low point so it just spilled out of all of us. They needed to get away and I couldn’t do rehab here. Too close to Satan and Banshee and I wanted this to be the last time I relapsed.”

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” She said hugging me.

“I missed you guys.” I said.

  
“We missed you like crazy too.” She said. “And don’t you ever disappear like that again. I’m seriously considering getting you chipped.”

That made me laugh.

“So have you called Chris yet?” She asked.

“Not yet… I’m working up to it.” I said. “He hasn’t answered the text I sent and he’s probably really busy.”

“Yeah his schedule’s been… packed.” Shanna said.

**Later that Day…**

I stood outside the Evans house.

“Jamie it’s okay.” Scott said with an arm wrapped around my shoulders.

“You’ve been here before, it’s just a regular Sunday night dinner.” Shanna said putting an arm around my waist.

“And you even brought cake.” Scott said. “Who can be angry at the person who brings cake, huh?”

“If the person who brought the cake disappeared off the face of the earth for three month without saying where they were going.” I said.

“They’ll understand.” Shanna said.

“Oh right, Lisa and Carly. At the same time.” I said.

  
“Yup, Just them.” Scott said. I felt chills run up my spine as he said that for some reason.

“Okay, Let’s do this.” I said before Shanna opened the door and we walked in.

“Ma we’re here!” Scott called out.

“Kitchen!” She called out.

“Come on.” Shanna said.

“It smells good in here.” Scott said walking into the kitchen.

“You’re right on time.” Carly said.

“And look who we brought…” Shanna said.

“Am I seeing things? Because there’s a shadow behind you that sort of looks like that girl we used to know the one that’s all over my wedding photos but disappeared.” Carly said.

“I brought cake?” I said.

“Very funny.” Carly said hugging me. “Good to have you back.”

“Look at you.” Lisa said putting her hands on my shoulder. “I can’t decided if I want to hug you or try to shake some sense into you.”

“Hug first yell later?” I suggested putting my arms out.

“Oh you.” She said hugging me. “I’ve been worried sick about you! Oh but you look so cute with bangs. And you’ll never guess who also showed up…”

At that minute the front door opened.

“Oh East hold on…” I heard a very familiar voice say before I heard my favorite cuddle buddy ran in.

“East!” I said kneeling down and hugging the bulldog who was whining and crying as he cuddled against me. “Oh who’s such a good boy! I missed you.”

“So you are alive.” Chris said standing in the doorway with his arms crossed.

“Hey you.” I said.

“Hey.” Chris said very clipped.

“Too soon for an old man joke?” I asked.

“I’m not the one that forgot how to use a phone.” He said.

“Fair enough.” I said.

“Oh no you can just sit down for the interrogation… I mean dinner.” Carly said smiling at me.

“Okay…” I said. “I’ll just help set the table then.”

“I’ll help.” Shanna said.

So once everything was set and we all sat down, things were tense. Scott and Shanna were sitting at in the seats next to me.

“You’ve been busy. Or I’m assuming you have since no we have no idea where you were or where you’ve been.” Carly said.

“I’m guessing they didn’t have cellphone service? Or wifi? Or what do they call it when you have to plug in your laptop to get internet?” Chris said.

“Do you have any idea how worried we’ve been?” Carly said starting to raise her voice.

“Hey, this is my house no one yells in my house except me.” Lisa said. “Jamie What in the world were you thinking?! Oh don’t answer that because I know you weren’t thinking?!”

I’ve been yelled at by a parent before but this… this was the first time I got yelled at by a parent that actually loved me and was worried about me. Also the first time a parent noticed I was missing. It was heartwarming and at the same time terrifying.

“Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?! You disappeared and all we got was a text message?! A text message Jamie!” Lisa said.

“Ma maybe we should ease up on Jamie.” Scott said.

“Are you kidding me? You were just as bad as Chris calling her everyday even if you were pretending you didn’t.” Carly said.

“You told me I was being dramatic!” Chris said.

“Because you were stressed and you anxiety was through the roof and I didn’t want you to faint again!” Scott said.

“You fainted?!” Lisa said.

From there it just got a lot crazier everyone was yelling at everyone and arguing and I just…

“I WENT TO REHAB!!!” I shouted and the room went quiet.

“What did you just say?” Chris said.

“I went to rehab.” I said. “That’s where I’ve been the last three month.”

Everyone just stared at me as the front door opened.

“Hey, I’m here sorry I’m late did I miss my chance to yell at Jamiee….” Brian said as he walked into the dining room and freezing when he saw the weird looks on everyone’s faces. “What’d I miss?”

“Well I never thought your drinking…” Carly said.

“Not that type of rehab.” Shanna said quickly.

“Uh Sweetie I think you should start at the beginning.” Lisa said.

“Okay…. I went to rehab because I have an… eating disorder. I’ve been dealing with it on and off for the last ten years but this last time was a lot worse than before so what I normally did to try to stop before wasn’t going to cut it so Lexie and Blair got me into a 90 day rehab program in Paris.” I said.

“How long has it been going on this time?” Carly asked.

“Uh… spring break.” I said. “Seeing both Satan and Banshee in the same week just set me off. Really set me off… Anyway it got bad. Lost weight, ended up in the hospital because I passed out and in the words of my doctors and therapists I was killing myself. So I went away for a while focused on getting better. Left Blair to cover for me at the internship, left Lexie to keep Satan and Banshee mad and arguing with each other to even notice I was gone which was not that hard.”

“And what about us?” Chris said. “You put your friends in charge of everything and all we got was a text?”

“I put Lexie and Blair in charge of lying and manipulating people to keep them off my back. I didn’t want to lie to you guys but I wasn’t ready to talk about it. And I was going to call once I was out but I stupidly threw my phone into the Seine because Satan and Banshee were spamming me with texts and I don’t know your numbers by memory.” I said.

“You actually threw your phone in a river?” Carly said.

“I was in Paris, it was my last day there and I wanted to enjoy it without having to worry about dealing with… them.” I said.

“But you’re better right?” Lisa said staring at my plate checking to see if I was actually eating.

“I’m better. Still going to therapy but I’m taking care of myself.” I said.

“You look better.” Carly said. “And the bangs make you look younger.”

“I’m still trying to figure out if I like them or not. Looks cute with a ponytail though.” I said. Chris stayed quiet and didn’t say anything. The rest of dinner was a lot lighter. Though did get a lot of threats of being chipped or hunted down if I ever did something as stupid as disappearing with just an ominous goodbye text.

When dinner was over I said goodbye to everyone. Chris had excused himself to go walk East. I dropped a lot on the guy, he needed space to process. It did hurt though.

I drove home and started unpacking a bit. Though I had to flip a coin to decide whether or not to unpack. I really needed to track down my accountant.

I was ready to go to sleep. I had just changed the sheets and I was in my pjs, only problem was I couldn’t sleep. I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark. I was up for a while when I heard knocking.

I checked my phone and it was a bit past midnight. I got out of bed and walked out only for me to realize the knocking was at my door. I opened it and saw Chris standing there.

“Chris? It’s after midnight.” I said.

“You went to rehab.” He said.

“Yeah… I told you guys during dinner.” I said stepping aside so he could walk in.

“You went to rehab and you didn’t tell anyone. You didn’t tell me! You told me over and over again that you were okay and I just…” He started shaking. I knew what was about to happen.

“Chris.” I said gently putting a hand on his bicep. “It’s okay.”

“You were… killing yourself and…” he started.

“I’m right here.” I said slowly leading him to the couch.

“I just… I knew there was something wrong. I felt it and I should have done more and you went to rehab… you went through all of that alone and you just… why?” Chris said.

“Chris take a breath for me.” I said holding his hands which were cold. “It’s okay. Just take a deep breath in… and out. One more time in… and out.”

“I’m sorry I just…” he started.

“I know. I didn’t handle things that great.” I said. “And you were probably the only person who knew something was wrong with me and I lied to you. So you deserve to be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad I’m just… I don’t know. I’m mad I’m frustrated I’m relieved you’re okay and you’re better but I’m just so….” He started

“You have a lot of questions.” I said.

“Yeah and I don’t want to pressure you because I know this is probably really hard for you…” He said. “but I can’t stop thinking about it and I can’t sleep.”

“I can’t either.” I said. “So how about I make us some tea because that’s the only thing I have in the kitchen right now and we talk. Not sure I’ll be able to tell you what you want to hear and I can tell you right now it’s not pretty but I can try.”

“Okay.” He said. I got up and went to the kitchen. I turned on the kettle and poured us each a cup of tea. I knew Chris didn’t really drink it but something warm or having something to distract himself with would help.

I put it in front of him on the coffee table before I sat back down.

“What do you want to know?” I asked.

“You fainted more than once right?” He asked. “When did it happen?”

“Well it happened more than once. The first week more or less okay but when starving and purging wasn’t enough for me to look ‘better’ I started working out excessively. Mostly cardio. I worked out in the morning and at night. An hour each sometimes more until I passed out. Happened a few times but I always woke up on my own a few minutes after. Drank a bit of water steamed and went to bed to start all over the next day.” I said.

“I started getting dizzy spells and almost fainted a couple of times. The doctor on set thought it was that I was dehydrated or it was heatstroke but I drank a lot of water got the costume adjusted so he thought it was a mirroring symptom. My body was imitating what was happening to you.” He said.

“I am so so sorry.” I said. “I didn’t think… I mean I wasn’t thinking.”

“I know… I’ve dated models… the way your brain sees your body doesn’t match and it’s tricky.” He said.

“Oh that’s one word for it.” I said.

“So what happened that day that you just left. I saw you that morning and you were fine.” Chris said.

“I wasn’t.” I said. “The uh.. night of the wedding at the reception I was barely standing. You feeding me which by the way was really weird…”

“I wanted to make sure you were eating.” He said.

“I ate, it didn’t stay down.” I said. “I got a call from Banshee. She knows about me not studying business and she was on my case. I deflected her a lot but I had to deal with her a lot more than usual and I couldn’t take it. I went home and as soon as I walked into the lobby I said hi to Arthur and I passed out. Woke up in the ER. Severely dehydrated, anemic.. malnourished… potentially a concussion.”

“Damn it Jamie…” Chris cursed.

“I know. They released me and I got home and I did it again though there wasn’t a lot to get rid of and I felt sad, lonely, ashamed, disgusted and just bad. I was crying into the toilet when Lexie and Blair called who were also in crisis mode for things they were going through and I just couldn’t do it anymore all I felt was pain and I was tired. Told them I had screwed up… they got on the first train to Boston. They were waiting down the street for you guys to leave.” I said.

“Why didn’t you say anything? We could have helped you. I wanted to help you.” He said.

“And you did, you guys gave me a reason to want to get better.” I said. “And if I had told you, you would have dropped everything to help me. You have responsibilities, a job.”

“Fuck that, you were hurting yourself.” Chris said. “And I felt it.”

“You felt part of it. Because it got a lot worse.” I said. “And it was something I had to do on my own. Lexie and Blair were the ones who got me to stop the last time.”

“So you went to France.” He said.

“It was the best option.” I said. “If I stayed here Banshee and Satan would have found out they’d be on my case again and I’d be right back where I started in a few months or years down the line. I don’t want to feel that again and I really don’t want you to have to feel that.”

“If it does happen tell me. I don’t care where I am or what time it is you have to tell me these things. Because I’d rather hold your hair back while you puke and cry than not know where you are and start to think I’m never going to see my best friend again.” Chris said tearing up.

“Promise. And I promise not to disappear with just a text again. I’ll call next time.” I said.

“Keep saying that and I’ll put a lojack on you.” Chris said chuckling.

“Too soon.” I said smiling while trying not to cry.

“So this wasn’t the first time?” He asked.

“Third time.” I said. “And the worst… well that one was more physical, this one was more emotional.”

“Third time?” He asked.

“Last time was five years ago in boarding school, first time was before boarding school.” I said. “Roughly ten years ago.”

“Ten years ago so you were nine or ten?” Chris said in disbelief.

“Rough childhood.” I said. “But that’s a story for another day. Because it’s late… really late.”  
  


“Yeah.” Chris said checking his phone.

“So you’re probably still mad… and this might be weird but..” I started.

“Want to cuddle?” He asked.

“Yes please.” I said as he got up and going to my room. I pulled the covers over and slipped into bed. Chris kicked off his shoes and his button down staying in a white tee shirt.

He stood awkwardly looking at me than down.

“You can take off your jeans, they look really tight and not comfortable to sleep in.” I said.

“You sure cause I can just…” he started.

“Take your pants off Chris.” I said before a thought occurred to me. “You are wearing underwear right?”

“Yeah, you can’t go commando in tight jeans. That’s an accident waiting to happen.” He said.

“Good call.” I said laying down. Chris quickly took off his jeans and slipped in behind me. We were spooning but something just felt off about that. He felt tense like he was holding his breath so I turned around so I was facing him and hugged him. Instantly he relaxed and curled up into me.

“I missed you.” Chris said.

“Missed you too.” I said. “You’re a good pillow.”

He chuckled before we slowly drifted off to sleep. It was the best night’s rest I had had in months.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone sorry for the delay, I had part of this already written but I got dragged into accompanying my mom for over a week while she handled some business in Mexico for ten days because she thought I needed to get out much. She forgot we were in the middle of a pandemic. Then our flight got delayed and we got stranded in Tijuana for a day which sucked. Moral of the story don't travel in the middle of a pandemic and Stranger Danger/ Human trafficking is a real thing, be careful.
> 
> Anyway I finally got home and am back in front of my computer where I should have stayed to begin with so here's the next chapter.
> 
> It's good to be back and am looking to hearing from you guys-Lexie

I woke up the next morning still hugging my Dorito shaped Chris sized pillow. If acting didn’t work out Chris could totally market those.

“Morning.” Chris mumbled.

“Morning.” I said looking up at him he was still half asleep.

“Sleep okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, you’re a good pillow.” I said.

“I’m getting hungry.” He said. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Uh… That’d be nothing because I just got back yesterday and still haven’t had a chance to do groceries.” I said.

“How about that brunch spot a few blocks down?” Chris asked.

“There’s a brunch spot a few blocks down?” I asked.

“Yeah opened it like a month ago. Carly said it’s really good.” He said.

“Mhmm that does sound good.” I said.

“We can go grocery shopping after?” Chris offered.

“Are _we_ making a day out of it?” I asked.

“You disappeared for three months so yes please?” he asked.

“I have to run a few errands.” I said. “And remind me to get you a key.”

“I get a key?” Chris said.

“Yeah so you can come over whenever you want and for emergencies though not sure how long you’re going to be able to use it for.” I said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Chris said.

“Well I spent an entire summer in rehab and paid close to half a million dollars to find out I have mommy and daddy issues.” I said. “So I think I’m going to make some changes.”

“That might be a good idea.” He said. “Mind if we stop by for a few changes of clothes… and East.”

“Oh my cuddle buddy’s always welcome.” I said.

“I thought I was your cuddle buddy?” Chris said with an exaggerated pout.

“You know I worked with a therapy dog that looked just like you.” I said. Most people probably would have been offended by that but not Chris. Instead he let out a belly aching laugh as he clutched his left pec… “His name was Gaston.”

“Gaston like from Beauty and the Beast?” Chris said.

“Yeah and he only understood French.” I said sitting up. “Such a good boy. Let me jump in the shower and we can go.”

“I’ll just… be here. This bed is amazing.” Chris said falling back.

I went into the bathroom and took a quick shower before wrapping myself in my fluffy white rode and walking into my closet. I decided to keep it simple and chose comfort over style today. So I slipped on a pair of black joggers, a white and black striped v-neck tee with a light blue denim jacket and white converse.

If Blair and Lexi had seen what I was wearing they would have made me change but I was with Chris and it was a causal low key day. I put my hair up into a top knot leaving my bangs down to frame my face.

“You look comfy.” Chris said with a smile.

I froze for a sec. Yeah I totally was slacking off in the looks department at the moment.

“Yeah I uh… need to do laundry…” I said before I stopped. It wasn’t a complete lie but I did say I was going to stop lying and I needed to open up more. “And uh… I got used to wearing nothing but pjs and sweats in rehab since that’s all we wore there. I’m working my way up to feeling comfortable in my usual outfits.”

Chris didn’t say anything for a minute, just gave me a smile.

“You look great no matter what you wear.” He said.

“So breakfast?” I asked.

“Breakfast.” Chris seconded.

We headed down the street and had breakfast at what was turning out to be my new favorite spot. Once we were finished we headed to Lisa’s house to pick up Chris’s things and East.

“There you are.” Scott said. “I told you he’d come back Ma.”

“Chris where have you been? You walked out last night saying you needed some air and don’t come back all night?” Lisa said.

“You didn’t tell your mom where you were going?” I asked Chris.

“You disappeared for three months.” Chris said.

“I sent a text.” I said.

“She sent a text Chris.” Lisa said before turning to me. “How are you sweetie? Did you have breakfast already?”

“Just came from breakfast. Tried out that Brunch spot Carly told us about. It’s my new favorite spot.” I said.

“I’ll try it out some time.” Lisa said.

“Sorry ma, I went to visit Jamie and I lost track of time talking.” Chris said.

“Did you talk or did you _Talk.”_ Scott asked with a smirk putting extra emphasis on the second talk.

“Dude.” I said shaking my head.

“We talked.” Chris said. “And I’m gonna crash at Jamie’s place for the week. Make up for lost time.”

“Call of duty marathon.” I said.

“And Smash brothers.” He said.

“And Smash brothers.” I seconded.

“Aw… I wanna sleep over too.” Scott said.

“I have more than one guest room.” I said.

“Mom?” Scott said.

“Scott you’re almost 28.” Lisa reminded him.

“Oh right. I’m crashing at Jamie’s!” Scott said running up to his room.

“Sorry I stole the kids?” I told Lisa who just chuckled.

“Oh Jamie you’re doing me a favor. If I had to hear Scott whine about how bored he was I was going to kick him out myself.” Lisa said.

“This works out better for us. Scott can take East back to your place while we go grocery shopping.” Chris said.

“That is good, I was kind of worried about how we were going to fit him in my car.” I said.

“Yeah I didn’t think that one through.” Chris said. “I’m gonna take a quick shower and pack.”

“Take your time we’re going to catch up.” Lisa said. “Coffee?”

“Tea?” I countered. “Trying not to overdo it on caffeine.”

“I can do that.” Lisa said as we headed back to the kitchen.

**Half an Hour Later…**

“I kid you not he looked just like Chris.” I said as Lisa laughed.

“I think you just missed him sweetie.” Lisa said.

“He looked just like him.” I said before I took out my phone. “Here I went to visit him in the shelter before I came back from Paris to give him a treat and say goodbye… and…”

Lisa took my phone and looked at the photo.

“Oh my gosh that looks just like Chris if he were a dog. He has the same hair style and the eyes.” Lisa said.

“Right?” I said before I swiped to more photos before over swiping and showing one of me and Lip.

“And who is that?” Lisa said.

“Oh that’s Lip.” I said with the French accent so it sounded like Leap.

“Leap?” Lisa asked.

“He’s a friend from Paris.” I said.

“Well he’s a looker.” Lisa said smirk.

“He’s a great guy.” I said smiling at the photo of the both of us goofing off.

After he had gotten out of rehab we had gotten together a few times during the week before I came back. He showed me the true Paris only a real Parisian knows. We snuck into the theater he used to rehearse at and he gave me a short private show which ended with us goofing off. He even gave me a ride on the back of his Moped.

“Oh he’s that type of friend.” Lisa said smile.

“No.” I said. “I mean…it’s complicated.”

“Doesn’t seem that complicated.” Lisa said looking at a photo of us kissing with the Eiffel tower in the background.

“That’s actually a funny story.” I said. “We met up for breakfast one morning because Lexie and Blair went out and were passed out and I’m still wasn’t feeling up for that because my tolerance is still not back to where it used to be.”

“That’s responsible of you.” Lisa said. “But Lip?”

“Lip.” I corrected with the accent. “Oh anyway we were walking by the Eiffel tower and we saw this couple taking the cheesy photo every tourist takes and we start joking around and he’s like you know what would be funny? If we took one with a really bad kiss, like a gag photo. And I was like oh that’d be hilarious, I can use it as your contact photo so we get my phone and we’re like let’s stick our tongues out and lean into it but that just looked weird and we kept disagreeing until he took my phone, planted one on me by surprise and it turned into that.”

“Looks like it was a good surprise.” Lisa said.

“It was.” I said thinking back to what happened after that photo. The making out. The running back to his place because it was closer, deciding to forget about the apartment shutting off the elevator and just doing it there.

“But?” Lisa said.

“But, for obvious reasons the timing isn’t right. Plus he lives on the other side of the world.” I said.

“You really like him don’t you?” Lisa said.

“Like who?” Scott said.

“Ed Sheeran, he’s a great vocalist. I’ve been listening to his album on repeat non-stop.” I said.

“Really? So you’re not talking about the guy who you made out with in front of the Eiffel tower?” Scott said looking at my phone.

“Who made out with who in front of the Eiffel Tower?” Chris asked before he saw the photo. “Oh.”

“I thought you were in rehab?” Scott asked.

“I was, this was the week after I got out before I came back.” I said.

“Damn you move fast.” Scott said.

“There was no moving it just happened.” I said. “Kind of like we need to make things happen. So grocery run, any requests?”

“Jamie…” Scott said.

“Nothing to talk about it was just a kiss.” I said. And a make out session and a quickie in an elevator.

“Sure…” Scott said.

“Okay… Scott mind taking East to Jamie’s while we go get groceries?” Chris asked.

“I’ll text Arthur to let you in.” I said making a mental note to make another key for Scott.

“Okay, I’ll get his crate and everything ready.” Scott said.

“It’s all in the laundry room.” Chris said.

Once we were in the car on the way to the grocery store, I could feel his eyes glancing on me. He was tapping his foot and he was fidgeting.

“You want to ask about it don’t you?” I said.

“What? NO!” Chris said.

“Ask.” I said.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“I need a sounding board.” I said. “This might be helpful.”

“Okay who’s the guy?” Chris asked.

“His name’s Lip.” I said.

“Leap?” Chris asked. “That’s a weird name.”

“It’s short for Philippe, with the French pronunciation it sounds like leap.” I said. “I uh… I met him in rehab.”

“Oh.” Chris said surprised.

“I skipped most of the gory details yesterday. Short version is that my recovery wasn’t a straight path to getting better. I started getting better but once I started dealing with the origin of my triggers I relapsed, and it got bad. I needed some emergency intervention.” I said.

“Jamie.” Chris said concerned.

“I’m okay I had friends there one of them was Lip. He had been there longer and when I was refusing treatment because I was being stubborn he was the one who convinced me into taking the help so I’d get better.” I said. “He got out before me but when I did we met up a few times. He was my best friend in rehab so meeting up with him once I was out gave me a bit of familiarity, and after months of being treated like a patient, like I was something that needed to be fixed being with Lip was the most normal I had felt in months.”

“He went through the same thing and he understood you.” Chris said.

“Yeah… and I was horny.” I said and Chris just started laughing. “I meant it when I said Lip is a great guy. He’s also a bit of a man whore. He’ll screw anything that moves. I know it didn’t mean anything. We both had urges, but should I have said something? you know clear the air?”

“Wow… you’re me ten years ago.” Chris said. “Uh have you talked to him since you…”

“Had a quickie in an elevator? Yeah we email.” I said.

“And he hasn’t said anything?” Chris asked.

“Nope.” I said.

“Then I’d say you’re good. Unless you… you know?” Chris said.

“Know what?” I asked.

“You feel more?” He asked.

“No I’m good.” I said.

“Good.” Chris said. “So an elevator…”

“It was slow and he lived on the fifth floor.” I said as my phone started ringing. “Sorry got to take this, might be my accountant getting back to me.”

“Hello?” I answered only for it to be a telemarketer. “Not him.”

“Must be busy.” Chris said.

“Must be.” I said.

We went aisle through aisle picking up things we needed.

“I’m thinking of grabbing a pack of beer.” Chris said eying me cautiously.

“Okay.” I said. “We’ll go by there next.”

“Is that okay?” Chris asked.

“Yeah.” I said “I went to rehab for an eating disorder not booze.”

“I just didn’t want to… you know…” he said.

“I know, you’re good.” I said.

“Sam Adams or Stella?” he suggested.

“Sam Adams, haven’t had one in a while.” I said.

“I’ll grab it while you grab some ice cream?” he suggested.

“Hagen Daz or Ben and Jerry’s?” I asked.

“Hagen Daz.” Chris said.

“I’ll grab a pint or two.” I said before we split up.

We met back at the register and paid separately for obvious reasons since I can’t legally buy booze and didn’t want to be banned from my favorite grocery store since they had the biggest selection of ice cream.

“You got plans for tomorrow?” Chris asked when we got to the car.

“Yeah I have my first appointment with my new therapist in the morning. Free all day after though.” I said.

“I feel like going hiking, take East out so he can run around. You up for it?” He asked.

“I could go for a hike.” I said.

**The Following Morning…**

I woke up and forgot for a second that Chris and Scott were staying over. So when I heard people walking in my apartment and the sounds of pots banging I freaked out for a minute. The I heard a smaller footsteps and someone gently scratch my bedroom door and I remembered who it was.

I looked at my phone and realized that if I was going to make my appointment I was going to have to get ready now so I jumped out of bed and took a quick shower. I still hadn’t done any laundry and didn’t feel like going through the struggle of changing into every possible outfit to find something chic so I stuck to something easy which consisted of the first thing I pulled out of my closet. A pair of dark blue skinny jeans, a grey racerback tank top, and a white and black flannel I slipped on over with some tan ankle boots. I put my hair into a half up half down do with half of it up in a messy bun and the rest down in natural waves.

Once I was ready and went outside to be hit with the amazing smell of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon.

“Morning.” Scott said.

“Morning, should I have the fire extinguisher close by?” I asked.

“Haha,” he said mockingly. “I know how to cook breakfast. Ma made me learn before I moved out so I wouldn’t starve.”

“Either way it’s under the sink.” I said as I poured myself some coffee.

“Chris turned you to the flannel side.” Scott said.

“Didn’t feel like dressing up today.” I said just as Chris walked out of his room.

“Morning.” He said. “Dude you need to turn the bacon.”

“It needs more time to get crispy.” Scott said.

“Any crispier and it’ll burn.” He retorted.

“I’m going to cut up some strawberries.” I said. “Craving one.”

“But you’re eating bacon too right?” Scott said not really sounding like he was asking.

I knew this was going to happen. Ever since they found out they’d been hovering a lot. I couldn’t blame them, I did disappear for three months and then came back to drop a huge bomb on them. Plus they were just looking out for me and it was good, it meant if I ever started slipping up again they’d know what to look out for. Though it was getting weird how obviously they were not so subtly asking if I was eating or pushing more food towards me.

“As long as you don’t burn it.” I said.

“I’m not gonna burn it.” Scott said annoyed.

We had a quick breakfast before I headed to therapy. Parking was hell but I managed to find a spot right by the entrance. I checked in with the receptionist and sat in the waiting room until I was called in.

“Miss Becker? Doctor Shepherd will see you now.” The receptionist said.

“Thanks.” I said before I walked into the other room.

“Good morning.” Doctor Shepherd said standing from his chair. He was in his late forties with dark hair that was starting to grey and blue eyes dressed in tailored grey pants and a light blue button up that just made his eyes seem even bluer. “It’s good to meet you Miss Becker.

“Good to meet you too.” I said shaking his hand.

“Is it alright if I just call you James?” He asked.

“I actually go by Jamie.” I said.

“And I go by Derek.” He said. “Please sit. Can I get you anything to drink?”

“I’m okay. Thank you.” I said.

“How are you feeling today?” Derek asked.

“I’m good.” I said. “My friends are staying over so I woke up to coffee and breakfast just waiting for me. And no smoke detectors were set off which I consider a win.”

“That does sound nice.” He said. “So I read up on your case and you’ve been back for two weeks now?”

“One actually.” I said. “I stayed in Paris for a week to shop and just relax, get used to being out of rehab. Then I was in New York for a week with my friends. Got back to Boston Sunday morning.”

“And how’s the adjustment been?” Derek asked.

“Well in Paris my friends made it their mission to just distract me with shopping or sightseeing. And eating was easy. I just ate a bit of everything. In New York it was the same thing. Now that I’m on my own I haven’t really felt any big changes. I eat three times a day. Some fruit or yogurt for a snack in between and like I said my friends have been staying with me so I’ve been eating regularly haven’t had any urges to restrict what I eat or purge.” I said.

“That’s always good to hear.” He said with a smile. “I’ve read your file and the notes Doctor Laurent sent along with it. I know how you left things in Boston how are you dealing with that?”

“You mean telling Chris and everyone?” I asked. “Lexie and Blair, my friends who got me to paris, they were on my case about telling them. They were covering for me while I was away so they got all the messages but I was scared to tell them so we took it in baby steps. I practiced telling Blair’s maid slash nanny. That was still too hard so I practiced telling a complete stranger by telling a McDonald’s drive through cashier through the speaker.”

“That’s and interesting tactic.” He said. “How’d they react?”

“Said good for me and if I was going to order anything.” I said. “Still couldn’t pick up the phone so I went to get my hair done and talk about with a hairstylist and when that didn’t do it Lexie sent out a mass text telling everyone I was back and made me talk to the first person who called. That ended up being Scott. We met up for coffee and I told him. He took it okay.”

“And everyone else?” He asked.

“Told them when we got back to Boston the next day. His sister picked us up from the train station so I told her next. There were tears but we worked it out. Then we had a dinner with everyone else. Chris showed up and dinner there was yelling and some arguing and I just blurted it out. We talked and … yeah.” I said. “Overall its been good.”

“And did you feel okay telling everyone?” Derek asked. “It seems like you were pressured.”

“I wanted to tell them I just needed a push.” I said. “I’m glad I did it, it’s just a bit weird having everyone know. In rehab it was just me and everyone there was going through the same thing. Now it seems like I’m under a microscope. I said rehab and everyone assumes I’m sober. That or they pay more attention to what I eat or if I’m eating, which I get.”

“Have you talked to them about it?” He asked.

“I’m not sure I should yet. I dropped something very big on them and they’re still processing. I have explained that they don’t have to worry but…” I started.

“They worry anyway.” Derek said. “Which is understandable, but you need to take care of yourself first. If you feel this is hindering your progress it’s okay to ask them to take a step back and give you some space.”

“I will but… I really missed them. If they get really pushy I’ll call them out on it but for now it’s okay.” I said.

“Good to hear have you also told your parents?” he asked.

“Fuck no.” I said. “They’re part of the reason I ended up in rehab to begin with.”

“A big part of recovery is learning to overcome your triggers.” Derek reminded me. “Doctor Laurent put a note that you two had come up with a plan.”

“A plan I’m trying to go through with but I’m having a hard time getting in touch with my money manager.” I said.

“It’s going to be a big change.” Derek said.

“Massive change.” I said. “On the plus side Satan already paid for this year’s tuition and that’s non-refundable unless I drop out so that’s one less thing to worry about.”

“And the rest? You’ve always had a very comfortable lifestyle.” He said.

“I never had to worry about the things most people did. Money really doesn’t buy happiness but it does make life easier.” I said. “I know this is probably the calm before the storm. Just because my phone hasn’t rung yet doesn’t mean it won’t. I’m done letting them control me and I’m done taking crap from them. I’m just biding my time.”

“You don’t want to tell them?” Derek said.

“They’ve known I’ve had a problem for years. They just don’t care.” I said. “I almost killed myself trying to lose weight. It’s time I drop the deadweight that keeps dragging me down. So I made a list of things I need to do before that.”

I took out a piece of paper from my purse and handed it to him.

“Baby steps.” He said as he read through the list.

“One step at a time.” I said. “It’d just go a lot faster if my money manager would pick up his phone already.”


	22. Chapter 22

**A Few Days Later…**

Scott was out on a date and Chris had gone to the gym so it was just me and East in the apartment. I was on the couch with my laptop in front of me and East snoring happily in the spot next to me.

I still hadn’t heard back from my money manager but the clock was ticking and I decided now was a good a time as any to start browsing rentals. Of course I didn’t really have a budget so I was just looking around to see what was out there.

I wanted something close to campus, and still had no idea if I wanted to rent month to month, sign a lease or just go all in and buy a house or condo.

“Man, didn’t think a few days would make that big of a difference.” Chris said.

“Thought you were going to ease back into it?” I asked.

“I did.” Chris said as he grabbed himself a glass of water before walking over. “What are you up to? School already?”

“No I’m browsing through real estate.” I said.

“So you talked to your money guy already?” Chris asked.

“No he still hasn’t gotten back to me I’m just getting an idea for what’s out there. This is a townhouse a couple of blocks from campus.” I said. “What do you think?”

“That’s… nice. A bit pricey. Never realized how expensive real estate in Boston was.” Chris said as he let out a whistle.

“Yeah, and it’s only going to keep going up. This is about the same square footage of this place.” I said.

“It’s nice, big too but… you sure you need two extra bedrooms and bathrooms and a walk in closet the size of a room?” Chris asked.

“It’s the same as this one and I do have a lot of clothes.” I said.

“Yeah but…” Chris said not exactly sure of what he was going to say.

“But?” I started.

“I think you might need to lower your expectations a bit.” Chris said. “You haven’t talked to your money guy yet. And you have to take into account, bills and other expenses like your car and insurance for that, plus there’s school, and med school.”

“So how much should I lower my… expectations?” I asked.

“Well… maybe look at one bedroom apartments or a studio?” Chris suggested. “Of if you do get a three bedroom place maybe get a roommate?”

“A roommate.” I said.

“It’s not so bad. I mean I had a roommate when I got to LA.” Chris said.

“I’ve had a roommate before. I roomed with Lexie in boarding school. I saw a lot of dicks and hairy asses.” I said and Chris just laughed.

“Why didn’t she just leave a sock on the doorknob?” Chris said.

“Because she didn’t want our governess to know there was a boy in the girls’ dorm.” I said.

“I think this one’s having an open house if you want to go take a look?” Chris said.

“I think open houses are for people who are ready to commit and put in an offer. I need to know how much money I have to budget first.” I said.

“If you need help I can…” Chris started.

“Nope.” I said. “I’m not taking money or loans.”

“Jamie it’s going to be a big adjustment and I know you said you have cash saved but if you need it…” Chris said.

“I appreciate the offer but I’m okay. Thank you. What I will accept is help moving when that happens.” I said.

“I’ll be there and If I’m working I’ll send Scott.” He said.

“I’d appreciate that.” I said. “But that’s enough about that. I’m feeling tacos for lunch.”

“Tacos sound great. You know I haven’t found a good taco place in Cleveland?” Chris said.

“Chris it’s Cleveland.” I said.

“It’s really not that bad.” He said.

“Then why’d you get out as soon as they said you were off for a week?” I said.

“Because it’s Cleveland and you finally showed up after three months.” He said.

“Fair enough. Go shower, it’s taco time.” I said.

“Yeah.” He said softly petting East before he went to go shower.

When we got back we plopped ourselves on the couch ready to slip into a food coma.

“Mhmm I don’t want to go back. My trainer’s going to murder me.” Chris said.

“No pain no gain.” I said.

“Mhmm.” Chris groaned before falling to the side so his head was in my lap. I started running my fingers through his hair and he groaned again.

“Sorry.” I said.

“No, that feels nice” He said putting a hand on my knee as he got comfortable.

“You still have all day tomorrow.” I said. “Time for one last family dinner. And I’m not looking forward to starting school.”

Then it happened…

“Message, Message… Message… Message. MESSAGE MESSAGE!!! MESSAHHHGE! AHHH!!!” My phone range slowly getting louder and louder until it was screaming.

“What the fuck is that?!” Chris said falling off the couch.

“My phone.” I said unlocking it so the phone would stop ringing. “I changed Banshee and Satan’s ringtone to that. Having the imperial march as his ringtone made me nauseous every time I tried to watch star wars.”

“And that was a better option?” he said.

“It describes them pretty accurately.” I said ignoring the text.

“You’re not gonna…” Chris said.

“Nope.” I said as I turned off the volume on my phone and threw it aside. “Want to watch a movie or something?”

“Do I have to get up?” Chris asked.

“No.” I said.

“Then sure.” He said as I got the remote and turned on the TV. We ended up watching a rerun of friends.

“Ross and Rachel were so bad for each other.” I said.

“What? No they’re couple goals.” Chris said.

“Are you kidding me?” I said. “They’re so dysfunctional. I mean Rachel doesn’t even know what she wants and Ross totally deserved to get dumped. Rachel was working to further her career which he should have supported.”

“But that guy was totally into her.” Chris said.

“Well yeah but he should have gotten over his insecurities and trusted Rachel.” I said.

“You make it sound really easy.” He said. “He pined over her for years and he finally got her.”

“Yeah then he screwed it up.” I said.

“But they end up together in the end.” Chris said. “Soulmates.”

“Did they really end up together?” I asked. “Because I mean think about it. Rachel always ended her relationships because Ross was jealous or because she focused on being a mom or in those weird episodes where they thought it’d be a good idea if she dated Joey because it never should have happened. But she finally got her dream job in the fashion capital of the world and that’s when Ross decides to step up and magically decide he still loves her. If he really loved her he should have followed her to Paris.”

“But she got off the plane to stay with him.” He said.

“That was really short sighted of her.” I said. “I mean the guy’s been divorced like three times in ten years. And you have to admit the last season or two he was very neurotic, probably on the verge of a nervous breakdown.”

“He was comic relief.” Chris said.

“That was Joey and Phoebe.” I said.

“Okay I think I know what the problem is.” Chris said.

“I have mommy and daddy issues?” I retorted.

“No. You’ve never been in love.” Chris said. “Like really in love.”

“I’ve been in love.” I said.

“Carter doesn’t count.” He said.

“I wasn’t talking about Carter. But if I was…” I started.

“No.” Chris said.

“Okay Love guru, have you ever been in love? And Minka doesn’t count because you’ve been more off than on.” I said.

“Longest relationship I was in, Jessica.” He said. “I loved her. I really did but I was a kid. We both were and we grew up and apart.”

“You just described every relationship that ends.” I said.

“Okay tell me this have you ever had a crush on someone. Not a celebrity crush but a real person you see in your day to day?” Chris asked.

“Yeah.” I said.

“And have you ever felt the butterflies in your stomach, or your palms get sweaty or just the anticipation of being near them?” he asked.

“Well there was my date to Junior prom. Connor. Had a huge crush on him.” I said. “It was good for a while… well when he was a sober. He was a drinker, not a mean drunk I just got tired of being his nanny.”

“Is everyone you went to school with an alcoholic or a drug addict?” Chris asked

“No… well some of them were but for the most part high functioning alcoholic or drug users. Connor ended up at Stanford before he dropped out after a semester, started up his own tech company last I heard.” I said. “He was smart… and a red head. Always thought that was hot.”

“What?” Chris said laughing.

“It was.” I said laughing. “Connor was a very hot guy. Complete gentlemen even drunk. Him being a sloppy drunk was the deal breaker.”

“Bad kisser?” Chris asked.

“Too much tongue.” I said.

“Ew.” He said.

“Maybe I’m too cynical to ever really fall in love. I mean at one point I thought I loved Carter.” I said.

“Your relationship started because he stole your parking spot and he annoyed the hell out of you. What you went through with him were growing pains.” Chris said. “You learn from your mistakes and heartbreak.”

“Well… Blair always says you have to kiss a lot of toads before you get to your prince.” I said.

“They won’t all be toads.” He said.

“Are you one of those guys that tried to be friends with their exes?” I asked.

“You can be friends with your exes.” Chris said. “I’m friends with a lot of my exes.”

“Really? So you can call them up right now and make plans to hang out and it won’t be weird?” I asked.

“Yes.” Chris said.

“And I’m talking one on one plans, no buffer.” I said.

“Want to bet on it?” Chris asked.

“What are we betting?” I asked.

“Hmmm.” Chris said. “A no questions asked favor.”

“I still have the one from last time.” I said.

“So you’ll get two.” Chris said.

“Okay you’re on.” I said.

“Alright.” Chris took out his phone and started going through his contacts. “Do I get to pick or do you?”

“You can pick anyone but it’s can’t be a one night stand, you had to have gone on an actual date.” I said.

“Okay.” He said. “uh let’s see… Here we go Sarah. We dated for a few months.”

Chris took the phone and dialed her before putting the phone on speaker.

_“I’m sorry but the number you have dialed has been disconnected and is no longer in service please hang up and try another number.”_

“It was a while ago.” Chris said before he went to another number. That person didn’t even pick up. “It’s hard to keep in touch with people with work…”

“I know.” I said before a thought struck me and I started thinking out loud. “You ever wonder if that’ll be us?”

“What do you mean?” he asked pinching his eyebrows together.

“Do you think we’ll ever lose touch?” I asked. “I mean you’re busy, I’m a workaholic and have basically been a drifter since I was 10.”

“You’re kidding right?” Chris said sitting up. “That’s never going to be us. Yeah we’re busy and maybe we don’t talk as much as we wish we could but when we do it’s like no time has passed. You’re family and it’s not because of this.”

He gently rubbed a finger on my soulmark.

“It’s you. You’re your own worst critic and I can’t believe you don’t see how amazing you are.” Chris said. “Because you are. I mean you’re my best friend and I love you but your parents are the worst. But despite everything they’ve done to you, everything you’ve been through, you’re one of the best people I know. Loyal, Kind, honest. You’re someone that can be counted on. You’re the one that sets me straight and keeps me grounded. No way in hell I’m losing you. You’re stuck with me.”

I didn’t say anything I just stared at him for a minute.

“Love you too Dorito.” I said leaning back and resting my head on his shoulder.

“I need to come up with a good nickname for you.” Chris said putting his arm around me and resting his head on mine as we kept watching Friends. “They were on a break.”

“Yeah.” I said in agreement. I was really comfy them my phone started buzzing.

“It’s still going.” Chris said.

“Let it.” I said.

“You’re gonna have to talk to them eventually.” Chris said.

“I’m busy.” I said raising the volume on the TV.

**The Following Morning…**

“I don’t wanna go….” Chris whined.

“Chris stop complaining you have your dream job.” Scott said.

“And you’re in the home stretch.” I said. “Even you said it yourself they’re working you out enough to keep you in the suit but not so much you have to wake up in the middle of the night to eat chicken.”

“I know but then there’s press and travel.” He said.

“You do that all the time.” I said.

“Are you worried about Jamie disappearing again?” Scott said. “Because we can put a low jack on her. I’m pretty sure there’s an app for that.”

“You’re not low jacking me.” I said. “Because I’m not going anywhere and if I am I promise I’ll call to let you know this time.”

Just as my phone started ringing.

“Ring, Ring, Ring, ring ring ring! RING RING RING! RING RING RAHHHH!!!”

“Ah fuck.” I said. “They’re calling this time.”

“Shit.” Scott said.

“Jamie, it’s okay.” Chris said. “We’re right here.”

“I could always just send them to voicemail.” I said.

“You can’t run away forever.” Scott said.

“I know.” I said picking up the phone. “Time to rip off the bandaid.”

“Hell…” I started.

_“You took your fucking time didn’t you?” Satan said._

“I was taking a shit.” I said. Scott snorted loudly almost choking on his coffee.

_“Well I got your supervisors review on your performance this summer.” Satan said. “According to him you did an excellent job. So I fired him because there no way in hell he was talking about you.”_

“That’s one way to run a business.” I said.

_“You had three months to adjust so while you’re in school you’re going to be working at a company I recently acquired in Boston.” Satan started._

“Yeah I’m going to pass on that.” I said.

_“Excuse me?” He snarled._

“I have a full course load with labs, and all the other requirements for Bio and Chem along with research and volunteering so I don’t…” I started.

_“VOLUNTEERING!!!” He shouted as I pulled my phone away from my ear. “YOU WORK FOR FREE!! WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY TEACH YOU AT THAT FUCKING HIPPIE BOARDING SCHOOL!!!”_

I kept hearing ranting so I put the phone down and muted myself.

“This might take a while.” I said.

**Thirty Minutes Later…**

Satan was still ranting so the guys decided to go ahead and play some call of duty while we waited for him to stop ranting.

“Is he still going at it?” Chris asked.

“Yeah.” I said as I put the phone on speaker.

_“Time is money James and you’re just giving it away for free. Then again your time isn’t worth much you worthless dumbass!” He said and he just stared at me in shock as I took it off speaker._

“Fuck just hang up.” Scott said.

“Nah, I’m going to waste as much of his time as I possibly can then hit him with the news that I’m not going to business school before hanging up.” I said picking up my laptop and sending my money manager yet another email. “It’s not like he’s giving me a chance to say anything now.”

“So just hang up. You don’t have to listen to this.” Chris said ending the call less than ten seconds it started ringing again.

“Yes?” I answered.

_“Did you fucking hang up on me?!” he shouted._

“Wasn’t actually me but since I have your attention I’m just going to get this over with. I’m double majoring in biology and Chemistry. I plan on going to med school not business school and I don’t care what you think it’s what makes me happy. Cut me off, kick me out into the streets, do whatever the fuck you want but I’m done putting up with your shit.” I said.

“You stupid bitch…” he started

“Have a nice life asshole.” I said hanging up.

“Did you just…” Scott said.

“I did.” I said as what I had just done finally hit me. “I called him an asshole.”

“You did.” Chris said. “You okay?”

“Uh… I think so.” I said as my phone started ringing and I just threw it onto the other couch.

“You know since you’re going to be cut off, you might want to be a bit more careful with your phone.” Scott said. “I’m just gonna reject the call… okay.”

“You sure you’re okay?” Chis said.

“Uhuh.” I said still in shock. “I should uh… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I had a list but I kind of just threw it out the window.”

“Maybe sit down first.” Scott said.

“Yeah.” I said falling back on the couch. East jumped up to cuddle with me.

“Okay so you had a plan right?” Chris said.

“Uhuh…” I said.

“So we go with that.” Chris said. “You told him now all you have to do now is start slowly to adjust to life without money.”

“Which would be easier to do if fucking Shawn would answer his phone.” I said.

“You need a new money guy.” Scott said.

Then my phone started screaming.

“AHHHHHH!!!!” It let out a loud scream.

“You’ve got to stop with the ringtones.” Chris said covering his ears.

“That’s Banshee.” I said sending her straight to voicemail. “I should probably go to the bank… or an ATM. Take out all the cash advances I can from all of their credit cards.”

“You do know you have to pay those back right?” Scott said.

“The accounts aren’t under my name.” I said.

“Oh then let’s go before they cancel your line.” Scott said.

“Hold on.” Chris said. “Jamie stop and think for a second. The reason you’re doing all of this is to get away from them. You wanted a clean break. If you take that money you’re giving them the control again.”

“No I’m giving myself a cushion so I have something to fall back because the next few weeks are going to be rough.” I said.

“Millions of people managed to live on a fixed budget every day. You can do this.” Chris said.

“And you’re not alone mom and Carly and Shanna can give you some great tips on budgeting. Saving money on grocery shopping.” Scott said.

“Seriously they’ll give you an intense crash course on managing your money.” He said. “And you’re in for it. They gave it to us before we moved out and we got pop quizzes.”

“Carly always knew she was going to be a teacher.” Scott said.

“I think I can handle it.” I said.

“Where do you do your grocery shopping?” Chris asked.

“Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods.” I said.

“Oooohhh…” They said.

“What?” I asked.

“Oh Jamie.” Scott said.

“You might have to change grocery stores.” Chris said.

“Might have to stop buying organic while you’re at it.” Scott said.

“But it’s good for you.” I said

“This might be harder than you think.” Chris said.

I wasn’t completely hopeless. I just wasn’t used to checking prices of anything I bought. If I went to the grocery store I went to the closest one to my house that had my favorite snacks. Clothes when I did go clothes shopping I bought things because I liked them not looking at the prices or brand, I just swiped my credit card.

Banshee sent me tons of clothes mostly so she wouldn’t be associated with a fashion disaster.

Speaking of banshee she had taken to calling me, texting me or leaving me long screeching voicemails calling me every possible insult for being stupid enough to give up everything.

I sent her a text telling her to fuck off and blocked her number.

The first week of classes went pretty well. I had arranged my schedule so that I had Wednesday’s off for errands and also for a mental health break from everything. Therapy was going good. I was a bit anxious because I hadn’t heard anything from Banshee and Satan. I hadn’t used any of my credit cards. I stuck to the money in my bank account. My saving grace was that they had both deposited my monthly alimony check before our argument so as long as I stuck to a budget and didn’t splurge on anything huge I would be okay.

I had also decided that I was going to try taking the bus to school and back home. Satan didn’t make threats lightly so when he said he’d take the car away I know he would. I didn’t want to make it out of class one day and see my car being towed away. So I left the car carked out in front, made sure there was nothing left in it and just waited.

Sure enough the Friday after I broke the news to him I got home to the car being towed away.

“Miss Becker I tried to tell them it was a mistake…” Arthur said.

“It wasn’t Arthur.” I said. “The car was never mine to begin with.”

With that I headed inside to what was the beginning of the end of life as I knew it.

I let myself into my apartment to be met with the two people I did not want to see.

“James, good of you to join us.” Banshee said.

“Fuck.” I cursed under my breath as I closed the door behind me. “Guessing Arthur let you in.”

“Of course he did. He works for me.” Satan said.

“You’re here to kick me out then?” I said.

“We’re here to put you back in your place idiot.” She said trying to grab my arm but I quickly yanked myself free.

“Don’t touch me.” I said.

“Then sit your ass down.” Satan said.

“I’d rather stand. I doubt this will take long.” I said.

“You’ve done some stupid things before James but this, this is a new level even for you.” Satan said. “You had one job. One!”

“I’m not changing my mind.” I said.

“We’re not asking you, we’re telling you.” Banshee said.

“And I’m telling you no.” I said. “I meant it when I said I was done with both of you.”

“You fat…” Banshee started.

“And another thing. I’m not fat, I’m not stupid and I’m not worthless. Yeah you two paid a lot of money for my education and gave me a lot of opportunities I probably wouldn’t have had without your money but I was the one that put in the work. I’m not as skinny as a supermodel but I’m healthy no thanks to you two. And I didn’t get into Harvard because you bribed the admissions committee with a huge donation I got in on my own work.” I said. “Which is something neither of you can say.”

“How dare you?! You ungrateful brat!” Satan said raising his hand getting ready to slap me.

“Touch me and I’ll put your ass in jail for assault.” I said. “I’ve put up with a lot from you two. Verbal and physical abuse in some cases. I’ve almost killed myself trying to live up to your impossible standards so I could be worthy of even a shred of love but the truth is you’re both incapable of it. I deserve better and I shouldn’t have to put up with either of you so I’m not.”

“You are nothing without my money.” Satan snarled.

“No I’m a lot more than just your money.” I said.

“You wouldn’t last a day without us.” Banshee said.

“I’ve lasted ten years so far.” I deadpanned. “Take away the money, the car, the clothes, the apartment, take it all. As long as I never have to put up with either of you again I’ll be great.”

“You stupid bitch.” He snarled. “I want you out of my apartment.”

“Don’t worry I will once I find a new apartment.” I said.

“I want you out now.” He said.

“No. I’m going to stay here until I find a new place. And legally you can’t kick me out whenever you want I have rights.” I said.

“Rights, stupid little bitch.” Banshee said.

“We’re going to make your life a living hell.” Satan said.

“No you’re not. You’re in the middle of a divorce. I wonder what a judge might think about leaving two young girls in the custody of a woman who verbally and physically abused her oldest daughter for years.” I said. “I have proof and I have witnesses. That goes for both of you. I seriously doubt your board is going to want another scandal, you’ve got your hands full as is.”

“Fucking bitch.” Satan snarled. “You want to be cut off? Fine. I’ll cut you off completely. You’re dead to me.”

“Good riddance.” Banshee said before they both stormed out slamming the door behind them.

After everything that was said and done it still hurt and I still cried. I sat on the couch hunched over, my elbows on my knees as I rested my head on my hands.

Then my phone started ringing. Chris and Scott had been calling me everyday to check up on me.

“Chris now’s not really a good time, can I call you back in a bit?” I asked.

“Well I’m not Chris and I was just getting back to you because it seemed urgent but sure…” Shawn said.

“Shawn?” I said hoping I recognized the person on the other end.

“Hey Jamie, Miss me?” He asked.

“Fucking hell Shawn, where the fuck have you been?!” I said.

“Sorry about that I was in court and dealing with some other shit.” Shawn said. “So what’s up?”

“We need to talk about my finances. I’m getting cut off.” I said.

“Shit, What the fuck happened?” he said.

“My parents are assholes, I ended up in rehab and decided to make some changes and got cut off. I need to find a new place to live, get a new car and well figure out how I’m going to keep paying for Harvard so I need to know how much cash I have.” I said. “And move some stuff around.”

“Damn, I missed a lot.” Shawn said. “Well are you doing anything this weekend?”

“Besides apartment hunting and car shopping nothing.” I said.

“Think you can make it into the city tomorrow?” he asked. “or can it wait until next week?”

“Satan just had my car towed and told me I was dead to him so I’ll go with urgent. I can take a train in the morning and meet up for brunch?” I asked.

“I can do Brunch.” He said. “I’ll get us reservations, my assistant will send you the details.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said.

“Looking forward to it.” Shawn said before hanging up.

I wiped my face and combed my hair back.

And if all of that wasn’t enough for one day…

**Hours Later…**

I was talking to Chris catching him up.

“He actually said…” He said.

“You’re dead to me.” I said. “Those were his exact words.”

“Shit. What an asshole.” Chris said.

“Yup. On the plus side Shawn finally got back to me and I’m taking a train into the city tomorrow morning to meet up with him. Start making plans.” I said as my computer dinged. “Hold on a sec, that’s probably his assistant sending me the details.”

I opened up my email on my laptop but it wasn’t from Shawn it was from Satan, well more specifically his company that managed his properties, specifically this building.

“Not Shawn it’s the management company.” I said as I started reading it. “To all tenants of the Tudor…. New opportunity and… oh that fucking asshole.”

“What’s wrong?” Chris said.

“He tried to kick me out and I not so subtly reminded them both I know where all the dead bodies are buried so I was going to stay in the apartment as long as it took to find a new place. He just countered by announcing the building is going condo and all units leases will be terminated within the next month or so.” I said.

“Can he do that?” Chris said.

“I don’t know but he just did.” I said taking a deep breath as I tried to stay calm.

“Jamie, still there?” he asked.

“Yeah.” I said. “Just remembering how bad it felt to have a feeding tube put up my nose so I don’t regret doing this.”

“You’re going to be okay, there are tons of great apartments. You’ll find something.” Chris said.

“I know but I just really love this place.” I said. “It’s close to everything.”

“Yeah but you don’t need a three bedroom three bath apartment with a with a deluxe master walk in closet.” He said.

“Don’t forget about the steam shower.” I said. “The onsite gym, rooftop patio, the doorman who calls 911 when you pass out in the lobby.”

“It’s just a place.” Chris said.

“It was my first real home.” I said tearing up. “And I know it’s really stupid to be crying about an apartment but… it’s a really good apartment.”

“Jamie, it’s okay to cry. You’ve been through a lot today.” He said. “You did a lot, you stood up to your parents, in person.”

“Don’t remind me.” I said. “Growing pains suck.”

“It only gets worse before it gets better.” He said.

“Hopefully not any worse than this. I should probably go to bed. I have an early morning.” I said.

“Okay, Call me when you get to New York and back please.” He said. “And be careful.”

“Night.” I said.

“Night.” He said before hanging up.

I have no car and I might be homeless, I’m afraid to ask what worse than this is.


	23. Chapter 23

**End of August 2011-**

I got up early on Saturday. I woke up before my alarm from a night of tossing and turning in my bed. Hearing my alarm go off felt worse than when it woke me up from a deep sleep.

I jumped in the shower to shake off the last bits of sleep before my phone buzzed. Scott had to go to New York for an audition so he offered to tag along with me. Pretty sure he was still worried I was going to disappear again.

It was still pretty hot and since we were going to New York I assumed it was going to be extra humid so I opted for a black and white vertical striped off the shoulder dress with a ruffle hem, some tan sandals and sunglasses.

<https://i.pinimg.com/736x/df/aa/42/dfaa429ee41032ea3dec90ee2cfc1152.jpg>

I was having brunch with Shawn which meant it was going to be put on his company card and we were going to end up drunk so those sunglasses would come in handy after. They also made a good headband to keep my hair out of my face.

I was packing some snacks for the road when Scott walked in.

“Morning sis.” Scott said coming in with two cups of coffee. “Wow I feel under dressed.”

“Oh this is just for brunch.” I said.

“That’s what you wear to brunch with your accountant?” Scott said.

“Yeah, it’s brunch Scott. This is the usual dress code for brunch.” I said.

“Wait is this Shawn guy like an ex or a friend with benefits?” He asked.

“He’s a friend from school.” I said. “And I forgot to ask if you wanted to come with.”

“It seems like sort of a private thing.” Scott said.

“You mean the money talk?” I asked. “I never understood why people were so touchy feely about that.”

“That’s because most of us aren’t loaded and live paycheck to paycheck.” Scott said.

“Well we’re probably going to spend most of brunch catching up and drinking.” I said.

“It’s seven in the morning.” He said.

“The whole point of Brunch is to day drink.” I said.

“Am I going to have to carry you home after?” he asked.

“I can sleep it off on the trip back.” I said.

“That’s a yes. Wish I could join you but I don’t think showing up drunk for an audition is a good idea.” He said.

“Probably not.” I said. “So I packed us snacks, from the last trip I’ll be making to Trader Joes for the foreseeable future. I’m really going to miss chocolate covered pretzels.”

“They sell those at CVS.” Scott said.

“They don’t taste the same.” I said.

“Maybe but after almost 20 years you’re free. Everything you’re giving up, it’s a small price to pay for that and your sanity.” Scott said.

“Yeah… I’m going to enjoy the shit out of this free overpriced brunch.” I said.

“Now you’re getting it.” Scott said.

So we grabbed a cab to the train station and took the train to New York. We got to Grand Central Station a little after eleven which was right on time to make it to brunch.

Scott was heading to Broadway and I was heading to the Upper East Side to the Milton for my meeting with Shawn.

I was half expecting to be there early but as luck would have it he was already there.

“Jamie!” he cheered.

“Hey you.” I said hugging him before I noticed the cut eyebrow and wrist brace. “What happened to you?”

“Car accident. DUI, it’s why I got back to you so late. I was dealing with that.” He said.

“Fuck Shawn, you really need to stop powdering your nose so much.” I said.

“Dude it wasn’t even my fault some other drunk jack ass hit me when I was waiting at a red light.” He said.

“Seriously?” I said surprised to hear that. I always knew there would come a day I would see Shawn’s face in the news because he’d do something stupid when he was high and ended up in jail.

“My dad said the exact same thing when I told him.” Shawn said chuckling. “Parents am I right?”

“With you there dude.” I said.

“On the plus side, the doctors gave me a prescription for some pretty strong downers, so a few pills after a bump and I’m more sober then I’ve been in years.” He said.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how you’re supposed to get sober.” I said.

“Yeah but when have I ever done things that way they’re supposed to be done?” Shawn said. This is the guy I trust to manage my money. I should seriously consider finding a new money manager. “So what is up with you? Cause I mean out of all the people I expected to end up getting cut off by their parents you were the last person I ever even considered.”

“Oh you don’t know the half of it.” I said.

“Fill me in.” He said before waving over a waiter. “Wait, drinks first.”

“Right.” I said.

“What can I get you sir?” The waiter said.

“I’ll have… an Irish coffee, make it extra Irish and a shot of Jameson on the side.” Shawn said.

“And you Miss?” He asked.

“Bloody Mary, easy on the Blood, heavy on the Mary.” I said.

“Of course.” He said.

“Well, I live in Boston now which you probably already know…” I started.

Half a Bloody Mary that was more vodka than anything later, I finished filling him in.

“I can’t believe it. You beat me to rehab?” Shawn said. “What is going on with the world?”

“We’ve come a long way since freshman Algebra 2.” I said.

“You were the only freshman in Algebra 2.” He said. “Shit that is rough. I know my dad can be a jerk but yours is…”

“Total asshole.” I said.

“I was going to say douche but that too. Shit. He really took the Audi?” He said.

“Had it towed right when I got home from class.” I said. “Probably going to get kicked out of the apartment any day now.”

“Fuck, he’s cutting you off cold turkey.” Shawn said.

“Yeah, so you get why this couldn’t wait.” I said.

“This is as big of an emergency as it gets. Bet you’re really grateful now that I didn’t let you donate everything to charity like you originally wanted to.” He said.

“I was 15 and I had a black card, what was I going to do with 200K a month?” I said.

“Blow, weed, strippers.” Shawn suggested. “That’s what I would’ve done at 15.”

“You did do that at 15, you still do that.” I said.

“I’m here for a good time not a long time Jamie.” Shawn said. “Well I’ve got some good news and I’ve got some bad news. What do you want to hear first?”

“Oh fuck you spent my money on blow didn’t you.” I said.

“No, Seriously? That’s what you think of me?” Shawn said.

“Shawn I’m having one of those weeks where everything that can go wrong will go wrong. And I can’t tell if you’re stoned or high right now.” I said. “So just say it.”

“Well the good news is you’re not broke.” He said. “Bad news is you’re not rich either.”

“I kind of figured but I’m not broke. I’ll take that as a win.” I said as they brought our food over. “How much exactly am I working with?”

“Let’s eat first then we’ll head back to the office and I can get you an exact number.” He said. “So rehab, what’s that like?”

“Think boarding school except instead of class it’s therapy.” I said.

“Doesn’t sound so bad.” He said.

“Imagine boarding school without drugs and booze.” I said.

“Nevermind.” Shawn said.

We caught up on everything we had been up to. Shawn and his misadventures being a high functioning drug addict and all of his close calls with the law. I was expecting to get an invitation to Shawn’s intervention any day now.

Once we finished up and brunch was paid for we took a car to his office. They worked half days on Saturdays mostly to mingle with clients and look busy.

“Alright,” Shawn said as he started opening up my file and financial statements up on his two computer screens. “So let’s start by calculating how much cash you have access to right now. Your third quarter dividends have just come in and all things considered you did okay.”

“Okay?” I said not liking the way he said okay. “What do you mean by all things considered?”

“Guessing you haven’t seen the news lately?” Shawn said. “The stock market took a bit of a dip last week.”

“How much of a dip?” I asked.

“Record breaking dip.” He said. “The Dow dropped five or seven percent last week.”

“Shit.” I said.

“But I was prepared for that. You know me always looking out for everyone.” Shawn said. “I had you set up for safe and long term investments. Your dividends are a bit lower than what I was expecting but only ten percent lower.”

“That’s not too bad, what exactly am I looking at?” I asked.

“You’re looking at… that.” Shawn said turning his screen so I could see.

“That’s… a little less than I was expecting.” I said.

“Are you kidding me? In this economy you are making a killing.” He said.

“Yeah I know just… not exactly the amount I was hoping to rebuild my entire life on.” I said. “You know considering I’m about to be homeless and have no car.”

“Well you’re not going to be driving an Audi R8 anytime soon but you’re not going to be living in under a bridge either. Welcome to the Middle class, prepare to be screwed over by the American tax system.” Shawn said.

“So those are my liquid assets. Anything you think might be a good time to cash out on?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t recommend that. Sure the stock market is starting to recover but if you cashed out right now you’d be losing more money than you’d be making.” Shawn said.

“And I’m not going to be making any money for a while.” I said.

“You’re not actually doing too bad right now.” Shawn said. “And if you stop donating so much money to charity you should be okay until you start working after you graduate.”

“If I can afford another year at Harvard. Don’t even get me started on med school” I said. “Do you have any idea how expensive tuition is? And they want to raise tuition next year, like how the fuck is anyone supposed to afford that?”

“We’ll figure it out. Let’s start by calculating your expenses.” Shawn said. “One year at Harvard including books and living expenses you’re looking at what.. 50, 60K?”

“More like 70K.” I said.

“Let’s leave it at 80K in case you decide to do summer school.” He said. “Add to that four years of med school, guessing you’re aiming for another Ivy league?”

“Hoping for it but there are a lot of great schools in Boston.” I said.

“Let’s put 10K for applying and traveling for interviews, average of 50K in tuition including fees a year, an extra 10K for textbooks… comes to a grand total of…$220,000 for four years of medical school if you don’t want to get loans.” He said. “Your car lease?”

“Satan paid for it.” I said.

“Okay you’re no longer leasing a car. It’s a rip off unless you’re writing it off as a business expense. All you need is something reliable and safe to help you get from point A to Point B.” Shawn said. “Average cost of owning an average sedan is about 10K, add to it you’re buying a car, not new but certified pre owned… that’s another 15 to 20 K depending on the brand. Pay for it cash if you can, the financing is how they get you.”

“That’s not too bad.” I said.

“How much do you pay for rent?” Shawn said.

“I don’t pay rent. Satan owned the building.” I said.

“Well let’s see average cost of renting in Boston per bedroom is about $1114 a month, round up to 1300 for a bit of wiggle room since you probably want to be close to campus, add to that basic utilities, that’s 150, but you’re going to want internet to study at home, maybe cable that brings you up to 250. For a grand total of 1550 a month and $18,600 a year.” He said.

“I think I need a drink.” I said getting dizzy just thinking of how much money I’m hemorrhaging.

“Way ahead of you.” Shawn said opwning his desk drawer and pulling out two glasses and a bottle of Vodka. “Sharon can I get some ice please?”

His assistant came in immediately with an ice bucket. Shawn immediately poured us both one and handed me on.

“That’s how much rent is in Boston? I wonder how much he’s selling those condos for?” I said taking a shaky gulp of vodka.

“What condos?” Shawn asked as he sipped his vodka.

“The building I currently live in. It’s going condo.” I said and Shawn coughed.

“Wait wait wait… Your building in Boston is going condo and you’re just telling me now?” he said.

“Me being evicted kind of distracted me from telling you about new real estate hitting the market.” I said.

“No no no no, you don’t get it, Boston real estate right now is like Manhattan real estate in the 90’s and pre 9/11. It’s about to skyrocket.” Shawn said.

“What?” I said.

“Yeah, it’s huge. One of my clients just sold their townhouse in Beacon Hills to make up for the hit they took this quarter and they were kicking themselves because if they could have waited at least a year they could have gotten double.” Shawn said. “You must’ve really pissed off your dad if he’s willing to take a huge hit just to get back at you.”

“It’s always nice to be reminded how much my dad hates me.” I said with a grimace. “Still doesn’t change anything.”

“No it changes everything. Your dad trying to get back at you might have just saved your ass financially.” Shawn said picking up his phone. “I’m going to make some calls, see what exactly we’re working with.”

I have no idea who Shawn called. Maybe a friend who worked in real estate who gave him the number to someone else then his dad and then who knows. It was about an hour before he finally put the phone down.

“So I got a price for your apartment and it’s…” He started.

“Way out of my price range?” I finished.

“I was going to say expensive but not impossible.” Shawn said. “How much cash do you have in your personal checking and savings account?”

“Uh…Well I just got cut off this week so I still have most of my 200K alimony in my checking and savings a little under 100K, rehab was not cheap.” I said.

“Okay, let me run the numbers, can you get me the exact amount you have in both of your accounts?” Shawn said as he typed into his computer.

I opened my bank account on my phone and pulled up my bank statements. I quietly sipped my drink while he worked it out.

“Have you ever considered becoming a homeowner?” He said.

“I’ve never stuck anywhere long enough to consider it. Never had a reason to stick around before.” I said.

“And now?” he said.

“I’ve seen the numbers Shawn. It’s either the apartment or everything else. I can’t have both.” I said.

“You can’t have both right now. The apartment’s an investment.” He said.

“An expensive investment.” I said.

“It’s a place to live, so instead of renting you’d own your own home. No one would be able to kick you out. And yeah it’s pricey but in two or three years the apartment will easily be worth double or even triple.” Shawn said.

“Yeah but there are also other expenses to account for like school, HOA fees. Taxes?” I reminded him.

“Which you can afford with your dividends.” He said.

“Yeah but what happens when the stock market dips again?” I said.

“That’s why you wouldn’t pay it all at once.” He said. “You go to a bank and apply for a mortgage loan. Space out the payments evenly for a year or two and done.”

“Aren’t you the guy that just said the financing is how they get you?” I said.

“No risk no reward Jamie.” Shawn said.

“Shawn most people who say that have something to fall back on. I don’t have anything to fall back on. This is all I’ve got.” I said.

“Okay, take a breath.” He said. “Jamie you’re going through a lot and I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. But this is an amazing opportunity. I can practically guarantee you, you can double or even triple your money with this and do you know how often I can say that in this job?”

“Fuck my head is spinning. I need a fucking Xanax or something.” I said.

“I’ve got you. I don’t have Xanax but I’ve got something better.” Shawn said taking out a blunt of weed and lighting it while taking a puff.

**Twenty Minutes Later…**

“I wish I was more like you.” Shawn said.

“You’re joking right?” I said. “I just got out of rehab, I just got disowned. My parents hate my guts.”

“Yeah but despite all of that I’ve never seen you as confidant and happy as you are now. I mean you’re stoned in the middle of the day the girl I met in senior Algebra 2 wouldn’t even think about doing that. You have a clear direction in life and you’re in control. I in a hamster wheel well on my way either to an early grave because of an overdose or slowly becoming my dad.” He said.

“At least you still have your hair.” I said and he started laughing.

“Yeah I do.” He said doing an exaggerated hair flip.

“If I go through with buying the condo, what does that mean for everything else?” I asked.

“Well You said the year is already paid for?” He said.

“Yeah, non-refundable so it was good timing.” I said.

“Including mortgage payments, bills, HOA fees and taxes. The first year or so until you finish it’d be tight, and tuition might be an issue.” He said. “And by might I mean you can’t afford it. But I mean you can take a gap year.”

“I’d have to put off applying for med school and even going which would defeat the whole purpose of even investing in the apartment.” I said.

“But if you don’t you can’t afford med school anyway.” Shawn said.

“Why the fuck is this so hard!!” I said.

“That’s what she said.” Shawn said and I snorted.

“I thought the saying was ‘mo’ money mo’ problems’ not ‘no money hella problems.’” I said.

“Money makes a lot of problems going away.” He said. “Look you have some time. The condos haven’t gone up for sale yet. They have to let all the tenants know because by law they have to give you guys first dibs on buying your apartment before they kick you out. Just think about it.”

“Living is expensive.” I said.

“Trust me so is dying.” Shawn said.

After we finished the blunt Shawn had his driver drive me to meet up with Scott. All I could think about were numbers and suddenly price tags weren’t as small as they used to be and I saw the price tag on everything.

“Hey you.” Scott said hugging me. He must’ve had a really good audition. “Were you smoking weed?”

“Shawn and I shared a blunt.” I said still in shock.

“That bad huh?” he said.

“When did everything get so expensive?” I said.

“Oh boy.” He said. “Come on, let’s get you a coffee.”

“I think I just want to go home. Crawl into bed and stay there until things get better.” I said.

So we went home. Except that didn’t turn out the way I expected it to.

“Okay you know what we should do? Disney movie marathon. Some ice cream and candy and just forget about everything else.” Scott said.

“Scott I’m okay I’m just going to take a nice long steam and shower…” I said unlocking the door with my key before walking in throwing my keys on the table by the door except there was no table. They just fell on the floor. “What the fuck?”

“Shit!” Scott said as he walked into a completely empty apartment. All the furniture had been taken. “Did someone break in?”

“How I have a doorman. I think Arthur would have noticed if someone started moving all my stuff out.” I said. “And they left the Wii and PlayStation. I said before going to my room to see the bed and everything gone but my personal things like my clothes, laptop, and the safe with my jewelry were still there.”

“Uh The robber’s left a note for you.” Scott said coming in and handing me a paper.

_James,_

_I may not be able to kick **your** ass out of **my**_ _apartment but that doesn’t mean I can’t take **my** furniture back you fucking moron._

_Good luck you’re going to need it dumbass._

“I wasn’t robbed. Satan decided to take his furniture back. Fucking asshole.” I said taking out my phone and opening my email to send the drafted email I had set up to send to all of his ex wives of funds he hid from them during their divorce so they could screw him over with that.

“Shit.” Scott said.

“I’m gonna…” I started looking around. “I’m just going to lay down here for a minute…”

I said just lying on the floor staring at the ceiling before I started laughing.

“Jamie, you okay?” Scott asked.

“He took the bed. I don’t have a bed anymore.” I said laughing before someone started knocking at the door.

“I’m just gonna… go see who that is.” Scott said typing into his phone.

First he took my self esteem and self worth, then he took my Audi, He’s either going to take the apartment or Harvard and Medical school and now he took my bed.

Fuck.

Things can’t get any worse than they already are.

“Uh Jamie that was Arthur. Apparently there’s some asbestos or mold in the walls or some gas leak… or all three not sure but anyway the managing company is paying for everyone to go stay at a hotel, all expenses paid… but since you don’t have a lease…” Scott said.

“Mhmmm.” I groaned as I closed my eyes and fell back again.

Spoke too soon.

I don’t really remember what happened next. I remember Scott moving around the apartment. Talking and then going into my closet to grab some clothes before he was helping me up just as I was starting to fall asleep.

One short car ride later we were at Lisa’s house.

“Hey sweetie.” Lisa said giving me a hug. “It’s okay.”

“I’m just going to put these upstairs in Carly’s room?” Scott asked his mom.

“Actually put it in Chris’ room. I’m using Carly’s room as storage.” Lisa said.

“Got it.” Scott said.

“Have you eaten anything? I can heat you up something? Or make you a sandwich?” Lisa said.

“I’m okay I’m just really tired. I was going to lay down but I don’t have a bed anymore. I should probably look for a hotel or….” I started.

“No you’re not.” Lisa said. “You’re staying here. There’s plenty of room for you. There’s no need for you to go to a hotel.”

“I don’t want to be any trouble.” I said.

“You’re not trouble.” Lisa said. “You’re family and you can stay here as long as you want. I’m going to heat you up some soup so you can eat something before taking a nap okay?”

“Okay thank you.” I said hugging her again.

I managed to eat half a bowl of soup and some toast before I went upstairs to sleep off the hangover.

I woke up a few hours later to my phone buzzing under my pillow. Well Chris’ pillow. Satan took my orthopedic memory foam pillow with my bed.

I answered the phone without checking who it was.

“Hello?” I said still half asleep.

“Hey did I wake you up?” Chris said.

“Kind of, but I should probably get up anyway.” I said.

“Rough day?” He asked.

“That’s one word for it.” I said sitting up and moving to sit against the wall as the bed was set against the bed. “Good news is I’m not broke.”

“That’s good, is there a but?” Chris asked.

“But my budget is a lot tighter than I thought it was. Apparently the stock market took a record breaking dip last week.” I said.

“I think I read about that.” He said.

“Yeah well on top of that my savings took a hit paying for rehab and therapy because insurance didn’t cover it. So as it is right now I can afford a year all expenses paid at Harvard but after wards I’d be penniless and wouldn’t be able to afford med school or even afford applying to med school.” I said.

“Shit.” Chris said.

“He did offer me a solution though.” I said. “He thinks I should buy my apartment when it hits the market. Apply for a mortgage.”

“But your apartment is probably worth, like a lot.” Chris said.

“Think upwards of 900K, maybe slightly less. Apparently they give you a discount if you were renting there before.” I said. “And that’s really cheap and Boston real estate is on the up and up. Practically guaranteed me I’d double or even triple my money in a year or two but in the meantime I’d barely be scraping by and I wouldn’t be able to afford a fourth year of college. I’d have to take a gap year or two until I sell the apartment… Neither option is really good.”

“It’s a tough call.” Chris said.

“Yeah, and my dad took all my furniture.” I said.

“I heard.” Chris said. “He’s doesn’t kid around does he?”

“No he doesn’t.” I said looking at the time and knowing that right about now wives two three and maybe four were giving him hell. “but what about you? You’ve had a busy week.”

“Do you really want to hear about my boring days on set where I just wait around for them to reset while I try not to think about the wedgie the suit gives me?” Chris said.

“Yeah I want to hear all about that.” I said. “How bad of a wedgie are we talking? And will I be able to see your panty line in the movie.”

“I’m a guy Jamie we don’t get panty lines.” He said.

“Okay fine your boxer line or is it brief line? I know it depends on the day of the week with you?” I said.

“You know I’m starting to feel a little uncomfortable.” Chris said obviously kidding around. “I mean how would you feel if I asked you what underwear you were wearing.

“Victoria Secret black lace cheekies.” I said not caring in the slightest.

“T-that’s nice.” Chris said chuckling.

“Other than the uncomfortable wedgie any other suit mishaps?” I said.

“I had to make them loosen it up in front. Took a big step and squeezed too much where it shouldn’t.” he said.

“This might seem like a really dumb question but you guys were really tight suits and the bulge never shows up in movies? How does that happen?” I asked.

“You actually check for that?” Chris said.

“Every girl does that.” I said.

“No they don’t.” He said.

“Uh yeah they do. It’s like when a guy checks out a girl. He mainly focuses on their ass and boobs, only difference is that we’re a lot more subtle about it.” I said.

“So you check out guy’s… front? For what size?” Chris said.

“Well bulge isn’t always a good indicator of size. You know stuffing and the flies of skinny jeans… Mostly I compare bulge size to phone size.” I said. “If they’re roughly the same size we’re talking average. If the bulge is bigger above average. If the phone is bigger well, you know.”

“That can’t be true.” Chris said.

“Well I’ve seen a few dicks so far but it’s pretty accurate.” I said.

“Huh…” He said before I heard him moving around.

“You’re checking right now aren’t you?” I said.

“No!” Chris said quickly and I started laughing. “What are you going to do?”

“About the apartment? No fucking clue.” I said. “Any ideas?”

“Do you really need three bedrooms?” Chris said.

“It’s an investment.” I said.

“I don’t know Jamie.” He said. “Do you want a second opinion? I could give you my guys number.”

“No I trust my guy. He was actually sober today. Well as close to sober as Shawn can get.” I said. “I just need to think. I mean I have two years left to get my degree to finish the requirements to even get into med school.”

“You’re so close too.” Chris said.

“If only I was graduating this year.” I said and that’s when it hit me. “Oh shit!”

“Jamie?” Chris asked.

“You just gave me a really good idea.” I said.

So that’s where Lisa found me the following morning. I was in the kitchen with my laptop and like ten different windows open in my internet browser taking notes putting the pieces together.

She was still half asleep when she came down and I think she might have forgotten for a second I stayed the night.

“Morning.” I said.

“Ah!” Lisa jumped. “Jamie! I didn’t see you.”

“Sorry.” I said.

“No no it’s fine sweetie.” Lisa said before looking at the papers and notes I had spread out on the counter. “Have you been up long?”

“uh… I woke up from my nap and was on the phone with Chris for a while before I started working on this… so… twelve ish?” I said.

“You’ve been up all night?” Lisa said.

“Yeah I lost track of time.” I said.

“I’ll make us some coffee, and some breakfast. I’m thinking omelets.” Lisa said.

“I can help.” I said.

“Oh no you don’t. You’re obviously working on something really important. I’ll handle breakfast then we should talk.” Lisa said.

“Uh oh…” I said.

“It’s not bad I just want to check in on you.” She said.

“Maybe I should clear this all up and shower before the talk?” I said.

“Whatever you feel is best.” Lisa said.

“I’ll be back in a bit.” I said quickly grabbing my things and headed upstairs. I took a quick shower washing off the grime and smell of New York and weed. Once I was out I opted for a mustard sleeveless camisole with blue ripped skinny jeans and tan sandals. Which was the thirst thing I grabbed out of the bag Scott had packed for me.

I left my hair down just towel dried it. Once I thought I looked good enough I headed downstairs.

Lisa was just finishing up breakfast and plating everything when I walked in.

“I’m surprised Shanna and Scott haven’t woken up yet. Smells great.” I said.

“Oh it’s still to early for them especially on a Sunday. They probably won’t be up for at least another hour.” Lisa said sitting down next to me. “You had a tough day yesterday.”

“Yeah. You know I always thought that when I got cut off that would just be the end of it but… life is expensive.” I said.

“I can imagine and college tuition is so expensive. Carly and Shanna went to state school and that was hard to manage. I can’t imagine how much Harvard is.” She said.

“65K per year in tuition and they want to raise it again.” I said. “I made it almost twenty years and not once have I ever looked at a price tag and now I see price tags on everything even things that don’t have price tags. It’s like the only thing they don’t sell are air and sunshine.”

“Welcome to being an adult.” Lisa said with a smile. “Scott told me a bit of what exactly is going on and your parents are… something else.”

“I’ve called them worse.” I said. “But it’s okay. I have options they’re just not the best but I’m working on it.”

“I can see that sweetie and I know you’re not used to asking for help but you know that we are here for you, what ever you need.” Lisa said.

“And I am so grateful. Especially for letting me stay and I can look for a hotel room so I don’t bother you.” I said.

“Jamie. Please stop and listen.” Lisa said. “You are not bothering me or anyone. You’re family, you’re my kid just as much my other kids and I am here for you. I want to help you. Let me help you.”

“I… I don’t know.” I started.

“Jamie don’t be stubborn.” Lisa said.

“Oh it’s not that. I just… I don’t know where to start.” I said.

“How about yesterday?” Lisa suggested.

So I told her everything except I omitted the part where I spent most of the day drinking and smoking weed. Pretty sure she suspected something.

“Wow that’s uh… Your parents used to give you $200,000 a month?” Lisa said.

“Yeah.” I said.

“And you actually spent all of that?” Lisa said.

“I donated most of it to charity.” I said. “It helped clear my conscience of some of the stuff my parents did.”

“That’s nice dear but… 200 thousand a month?” She said.

“Yeah, Satan and Banshee never really had a real concept of money.” I said. “But they got that money doing morally reprehensible things. I mean Banshee once held a fundraiser to sponsor a bill that would allow killing dogs and cats to use their fur in the American fashion industry with the slogan ‘Beauty is pain but it doesn’t always have to be our pain.’” 

“That’s horrible.” Lisa said.

“Yeah.” I said. “Anyway, this year’s tuition is covered, next year is still up in the air and med school depends on his that goes. If I buy the apartment I break even and will barely have enough to get by for the next two years but if I don’t I can’t afford med school or even applying. Then last night I got this crazy idea while I was talking to Chris about me graduating this year instead of next year so I wouldn’t have to worry so much and I’d have to pull a Hermione which surprisingly has been done before I just need to get approval from the Dean.”

“That’s a lot to process. So you can buy your apartment?” Lisa said. “But it would wipe out all of your savings and any money you get from your investments?”

“Yes plus I’d have to get a mortgage to cover the part I don’t have but I’d finish paying it off in a year and in two or three years I’d double or even triple my money, covering all of med school and I’d even have some left over for another condo or a house.” I said.

“But in the meantime you’d have nothing.” She said.

“I’d be living off ramen in whatever car I could get at a police auction.” I said.

“That’s not happening.” Lisa said.

“The alternative is I find a new place, finish undergrad and not have enough for med school.” I said.

“And the Harry Potter solution?” Lisa said.

“It’d buy me some time and save a bit of money.” I said.

“Well there’s another option, Move in here.” She said.

“Lisa I…” I started.

“James Alexandra Becker if you say you don’t want to bother me or something like that I swear I will yell.” Lisa said. “You can move in here while you’re in school or at least until you figure something else out.”

“You…” I started again.

“I want to do this and you’d be doing me a favor. Since Carly got married and Shanna has been talking about maybe moving out to experience the real world, I’ve been dealing with a bit of empty nest syndrome.” Lisa said.

“Is that why there were weights and a bike and all that yarn in Carly’s old room?” I said.

“I’ve been looking for a hobby.” She said.

“I can talk to Shanna for you. I’ve been out in the real world for a week. I can tell her how much it sucks.” I said making Lisa laugh.

“No I think she’s starting to figure that out. She went apartment hunting and one of them was a crime scene.” Lisa said.

“Can she pass me that listing?” I asked and Lisa playfully swatted my arm.

“We can clear up Carly’s room, move all the stuff into Shanna’s room since she’s probably going to take all her stuff.” Lisa said.

“That’s a huge weight off my shoulder but… what do I do with the apartment?” I asked.

“You gave up everything to go after your dream, I think you already know what you’re going to do.” Lisa said.

“I still have to see if I get approved for a mortgage.” I said.

“Oh you’ll get approved. They’ll take one look at your bank statement and approve you on the spot.” Lisa said.

“Still haven’t sold my jewelry, that’s another grand or two right?” I said.

“You’ve really never checked a price tag have you?” Lisa said.

“My card never got declined so I never really had to… and that sounds really pretentious.” I said.

“Just a bit.” Lisa said smiling.

“In the meantime I have to get a car.” I said. “Found this used one at a dealership not too far from here. 15,000 is not too bad right.”

“Not bad at all and that’s just the sticker price.” Lisa said looking at the photo on my phone.

“Well yeah, the price is on the sticker on the windshield.” I said.

“No honey that’s the sticker price.” Lisa said as if that somehow meant something.

“I know that’s the price of the car. That’s how much you pay for it.” I said.

“Jamie no one ever pays sticker price.” Lisa said.

“But sticker prices are the price tags of cars?” I said confused.

“Y-you pay the sticker prices when you buy your cars?” She said shocked.

“Well I’ve never bought a car. They’re always leases.” I said and somehow that made it worse.

“Oh honey… I have so much to teach you.” Lisa said patting my shoulder.


	24. Chapter 24

So apparently the price dealerships put on cars aren’t the price people pay. It the starting point for negotiating a lower price.

That was just one of many, many things a private school education and privileged life did not teach me. All things considered I was lucky I even knew how to do my own laundry and cook.

After our heart to heart, Lisa, Shanna, Scott and I went car shopping.

“Okay so there’s the dealership close to downtown…” I started.

“You mean the one with all the cars indoors?” Scott said.

“Yeah they have a few pre owned cars in the back.”

“Jamie, sweetie, places like that tend to inflate the prices.” Lisa said. “If you’re getting a used car you should go to a bigger dealership. It’s still name brand but the cars they sell used to be leases or rentals so you know they’ve been maintained.”

“And you get all the oil changes and maintenance done for the first year free.” Shanna said.

“Exactly. And you’re gonna want to stay away from any European cars. Replacing any parts and basic maintenance are a lot more expensive.” Scott said.

“So not even a Volkswagon?” I asked.

“Maybe. Depends on which model and how old.” Lisa said. “We’re just going to take a look and go from there.”

“I feel like I should be taking notes.” I said.

“Don’t worry we’ll walk you through it.” Shanna said.

So we did. I found a few cars which were apparently the wrong cars I should be looking at. Too much gas, it was salvage, a cheap sports car…

“What about this one?” I said looking at a not too old but not too new Jetta.

“Hmm it’s a good size.” Scott said.

“Price though is a bit high for how old it is.” Shanna said. “There’s a Toyota over there that’s only a year old, that’s in your price range.”

“I though imports were a no go?” I said.

“European imports.” Scott said. “Toyotas, have great gas milage, they’re reliable and maintenance is affordable.”

So we went to take a look. Very low milage, used to be a rental car. The car was in perfect condition. I was going from an Audi to a Toyota Corolla. How the mighty have fallen.

“Guess we could take it for a test drive.” I said. I had to admit it was a good car. Practical and like Lisa reminded me I just needed it to get me from point A to Point B.

So after a lap around the block we came back and went into the office to start the negotiation.

“Will this be your first time buying a car?” Randy our salesman said.

“Yes.” I said trying not to spit out the coffee he had given us that tasted like they had used gym socks as a coffee filter. By the looks of everyone else I wasn’t the only one that thought so.

“Well buying a car is a great way to build your credit. I’m just going to need your information so I can run your credit and see your financing options.” He said.

“That’s not going to be necessary.” I said handing him back the forms and pen he had slid over to me.

“Jamie it’s normal, you just fill it out.” Shanna said.

“No I mean I don’t need financing.” I said.

“Then how do you intend to pay?” Randy asked skeptically.

“I was thinking cash.” I said.

“Excuse me?” He said.

“Would you prefer debit?” I said.

“Uh Jamie…” Scott said.

“She’s joking right?” Randy said.

“I don’t think so.” Shanna said.

“Jamie you sure you don’t want to fill out that form?” Lisa said.

“No I just want to figure out a good price for that car and go home… well go figure out that situation.” I said. “So prices?”

“I’m going to go get my manager.” Randy said getting up and walking out of the office.

“Jamie you can’t just put a car on your credit card the interest rates will kill you.” Lisa said.

“I know which is why I’m paying cash.” I said. “Looked it over Shawn paying cash is the way to go.”

“You have twenty grand cash?” Scott said.

“Yeah, I always keep a couple grand in my purses in case I need to bail someone out of jail or I want to go somewhere without Satan and Banshee knowing where I am.” I said. “We went to see Shawn so I decided to play it safe.”

“You have twenty grand in your purse right now!” Scott said. “We were in New York we could have been mugged!”

“I have pepper spray.” I said.

“That’s good but uh good rule of thumb never carry so much money on hand. The more you have the more you’ll spend and you can’t afford to do that anymore.” Lisa said.

“Oh.” I said. “It might actually be mo… MH!”

Shanna put her palm on my mouth. “Jamie never say how much cash you have in a car dealership. These people are like sharks. They smell blood and they will be all over you. Play it cool.” She said removing her hand.

“I was going to use the tax free cash to leverage a lower price?” I said sounding more like a question.

“I’ve heard that works but I’ve never had enough cash to actually try it.” Scott said.

“Wait it out. This is like poker.” Lisa said. “He’s going to try some small talk then hit you with a bunch of numbers. Don’t go out of your budget no matter what he tries to put in.”

“And don’t fall for one free gas card, they’re legally required to give you the car with a full tank of gas.” Shanna said.

“We’re not in a rush, take as long as you need.” Lisa said. “They’ll get impatient and that’s when you can get them to lower the price.”

“Man this really is poker.” I said just as Randy came in with the manager and judging by the fact that his face was all over this place, the owner.

“Hi folks I’m Dan O’Connel, the owner and manager. I heard there was a small issue?” He said.

“Well not really an issue.” I said. “I want to buy a car and we’re just working out the payment.”

“We do have many great financing options even for first time buyers with no credit.” He said.

“That’s great to hear but I don’t need financing.” I said. “I’d like to pay for the car cash on the spot.”

“Ma’am you do know the car is over twenty thousand dollars?” Dan said.

“Well first off I’m way too young to go be called ma’am. And secondly I’m well aware of the sticker price on that car.” I said. “And I’m still paying cash.”

“This is a serious business….” He started and Scott and Shanna snorted.

“Ah.” I sighed before opening my purse and taking out a stack of 10,000 dollars and putting it on the table. “Is that serious enough for you?”

Dan shut up and stared at the money.

“Because if not we can go to that dealership across the street and buy a car there. They might be more serious than you and have better coffee.” I said.

“NO! No that’s won’t be necessary Miss…” He started.

“Becker.” I said.

“Miss Becker I would be happy to personally come to an agreement with you.” He said. “And in the meantime Why don’t we get you something better to drink. Randy can make a Starbucks run. Isn’t that right?”

“Of course!” Randy said. “What can I get you all?”

Once coffee orders were taken we got back to business. Well I tried to but Dan tried making small talk and I figured I could go along with it for a bit.

“A Toyota that’s a good first car. Very reliable.” He said.

“So I’ve heard.” I said.

“I bought my daughter a Camry when she went off to college.” He said.

“Where does she go?” I asked.

“NYU.” He said.

“Great school.” I said. “I have a few friends that go there.”

“I know it’s only three hours but it feels like she’s on the other side of the world.” He said.

“Is she your youngest?” Lisa asked.

“Oldest of three.” He said picking up a frame and showing us a photo of his family. His three kids. All looked their mom with their blonde hair and hazel eyes. The oldest two were girls but the youngest at around ten was a boy. Then something caught my eye. On his left hand where his wedding band was supposed to be there was a tan line. He had taken it off recently.

“Aww, your son looks just like you.” I said.

“Your wife is beautiful.” Lisa said.

“Thank you but she’s not… we’re not married anymore.” He said.

“Oh I’m sorry.” Lisa said.

“No it’s fine.” Dan said. He was totally not fine but this worked in my favor. “It’s been a bit rough on the kids. You know working out schedules. I want to be there but you know…”

“It’s tricky.” I said.

“But uh, that’s enough about me.” He said. “What do you do?”

“I’m a junior in college.” I said.

“Oh where do you go?” he asked.

“Harvard.” Shanna and Scott answered.

“Wow that’s a great school.” He said. “Guess that’s why you need a car.”

“Part of it.” I said as Randy came in with our coffees.

After some more small talk we finally got down to business.

“You know what I like you Jamie. You’re a smart kid and I can tell you’re going places so I’m going to make you a deal.” He said. “$16,500 even. One year guarantee and all maintenance for a year on us. Hell I’ll even throw in a gas card.”

“Well you legally have to give me the gas card anyway.” I said with a smirk and he laughed.

“It’s a good deal. Tell her it’s a good deal.” Dan said.

“It’s a really good deal.” Randy said.

“Hmm… Uh mind giving us a minute to think on it?” I asked.

“Of course, we’ll just be right outside.” Dan said walking out with Randy and closing the glass door behind him.

“Are you going to take it?” Shanna asked.

“It is a pretty good deal.” Scott said.

“It is.” Lisa said.

“No, I can get him to drop it more.” I said. “I’m going to play hardball. Just a heads up I might have to pull a Blair.”

“What does that mean?” Lisa asked.

“Someone might end up crying by the time we’re done here.” I said just as they came back in.

“So?” Dan said as he sat down. “Do we have a deal?”

“Dan I think we need to cut the BS and be honest with one another. You’re not giving me a deal. That car is worth way less. At least 5K less but you’re desperate.” I said.

“Excuse me?” He said chuckling anxiously.

“You own a successful medium sized dealership. So you make what? 200-300K a year before taxes?” I said and he just stared at me. “With that amount of income your daughter doesn’t qualify for financial aid and scholarships are hard to get, add to that the incredibly expensive mortgage on your house that you decided to refinance about three years ago when the market crashed, And now you’re getting divorced. Those legal fees are piling up and that’s just the beginning. Judging by the size of that rock on your ex-wife’s finger she’s used to pretty comfy lifestyle. She’s going to milk you for all the alimony she can get, plus child support for your other two kids. You’re barely scraping by to make rent on your new bachelor pad because almost every cent you make goes back to her and you’re left with nothing.”

“That’s an interesting assumption.” He said. “But when you assume you make an ass out of you and me.”

“The only ass here would be you if you let a clean 10 grand walk out of here.” I said. “I could have gotten financing if I wanted. Could have paid the credit company but I want to help you Dan. So help me help you.”

“I can’t give you the car for 10 grand. I’d be losing.” He said as his desperation started coming out. Watery eyes. Oh man I Waldorfed him good.

“You’re losing anyway.” I deadpanned.

“13.” He said.

“No.” I said.

“12.” He said.

“Add another two extra gas cards on top of the one you legally have to give me and another year of free maintenance and you’ve got a deal.” I said.

“I’ll get the paperwork started.” Dan said.

Once the papers were signed and I had the keys and pink slip we were out of there.

“Wow that was…” Scott said chuckling a bit.

“I can’t believe you got him to drop it that much.” Lisa said.

“You’ve got to teach me that.” Shanna said.

“I’m not bringing you over to the dark side of the force.” I said. “What should I do with the rest of the rest of the…”

Shanna put her hand over my mouth again.

“Not so loud.” Shanna said. “You don’t want to get mugged.”

“You should save it.” Lisa said. “Always good to have a safety net for whatever else comes up.”

“And boy do things keep coming up.” I said looking through my bag and picking up a bunch of change as there was an old lady with a dog on the street.

“Stop.” Scott said looking at the change in my hand and taking out all of the quarters. “Go.”

“Okay?” I said confused going to give the lady the change before coming back. “Why did you take my quarters.

“You need to save them for laundry.” Shanna said.

“Why would I need quarters to do laundry? I just need a washer, soap and dirty clothes.” I said and Scott and Shanna just stared at me like I had said the dumbest thing in the world.

“Oh Jamie.” Lisa said.

**Later that Day…**

“Hey you.” Chris said as he skyped.

“Hey.” I said. “You finally home?”

“No I’m in my trailer. They don’t need me for a few hours so I’m just relaxing.” He said. “Heard you got a new car.”

“I did. Apparently the prices they put on cars aren’t what you’re supposed to pay for them.” I said.

“Oh mom’s giving you her crash course on adulting.” Chris said. “Has she taking you shopping yet?”

“Uh we went out to eat. We stopped by a laundromat because I didn’t know why I was supposed to keep my quarters.” I said.

“Oh Jamie…” Chris said.

“What? I always had a washer and dryer or I just sent my stuff to the cleaners.” I said.

“You sent your laundry to the cleaners?” Chris asked.

“That’s what everyone else at school did until I discovered we had a laundry room in the dorms.” I said.

“Well just wait until she teaches you go grocery shopping. Just a heads up the sell by date is not the same thing as the expiration date.” He said and I just looked at him confused.

“But… what?” I said.

“Yeah, And the expiration date on freezer food isn’t right it lasts way longer.” He said.

“But what about freezer burn?” I asked.

“Mom will tell you all about how to store your food.” He said.

“I thought you just put it in the fridge?” I said.

“Nope.” Chris said.

“I guess I got that to look forward to.” I said. “So uh wanted to talk to you about something. Your mom offered to let me move in.”

“She mentioned it.” He said not at all surprised. “Are you going to do it?”

“I don’t know if I should.” I said.

“Jamie, there’s no pressure to say yes or no, ma just wants to help and it’d be good for her to not live alone. I mean I know I’d feel better.” Chris said and he just gave me a look. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I said.

“Jamie.” Chris said not dropping it.

“Okay I’m not used to living with other people.” I said. “I mean the last time I lived with any parental figure I was ten.”

“So it’ll be an adjustment and you probably won’t be able to walk around naked but it’s not like you did that anyway.” Chris said.

“You don’t know what I do with my alone time.” I said and Chris smiled.

“Fair enough. Look you still have a lot to work through and if you do end up buying the apartment it’s going to take some time for the mortgage paperwork and the offer to go through and your dad took your bed. Stay at the house while you figure things out and go from there.” Chris said.

“You okay with me crashing in your room while all this is happening?” I said.

“Of course just uh… don’t open the red shoebox covered in stickers at the bottom of my closet.” Chris said.

“Why? Is that where you hide your porn?” I said joking but Chris turned bright red. “No…”

“I’m a guy Jamie.” Chris said and I laughed as I got up.

“This I have to see.” I said.

“What? No.” Chris said.

“Yeah. I’ve never opened up a porn magazine.” I said opening the closet. “I mean I know there are naked women in them but is that all there is?”

I sat outside the closet and opened up the box as I started going through them. All the covers had a similar characteristics.

“Well you definitely have a type.” I said.

“Staaaaahp.” He said covering his face.

“Chris you have nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s normal to have sexual urges. And a lot of guys like ass.” I said and he just started laughing hard grabbing his left pec like he always did when he laughed hard. I picked on up and opened it up. “Oh that’s a cute bra.”

Then I turned the page.

“And the bra’s off, her surgeon did a great job.” I said as I kept turning. “Oh wow there are actual articles in here. Must try Kama sutra positions, Hugh’s Christmas must haves. They bedazzle those?”

At that moment Scott walked in.

“Hey dinners’… Jamie why are you looking at Chris’ porn magazines?” Scott said.

“You knew about my porn?” Chris said as I turned the phone that was on skype so the could see him.

“Yeah I used to hide stuff in here after you moved out.” Scott said.

“Are you guys coming or…” Shanna said. “Oh you found Chris’ porn.”

“Ah!!!” Chris groaned hiding his face. “Does everyone know?”

“Oh I found it when I was looking for con… I mean when Carly was looking for condoms.” Shanna said.

“Nice save.” I said. “And honestly Chris, you kept them in a red shoe box covered in Pats stickers. It’s kind of obvious you put something there.”

“Why do I tell you these things?” he said.

“Because I’m awesome.” I said.

“Scott, Shanna, Jamie, Get your butts down here dinner’s getting cold.” Lisa called from downstairs.

“Yes Ma.” We all said and I froze. Did I just say that?

“Did you just…” Chris said and Scott and Shanna smirked.

“It slipped out.” I said. “Well we’ve got to go. Talk to you later.”

“Yeah,” Chris said smirking. “Call me if anything happens.”

“Will do.” I said.

“And put the magazine back before Ma sees.” He said.

“Yeah yeah.” I said before hanging up and doing as he asked.

**A Few Days Later…**

Shawn had promised he was going to talk to a few friends of his in the area that could recommend me the best place to apply for a mortgage. I just wanted to do it with my bank since all my money was there anyway but he said to wait.

Instead I focused on school. I had the insane idea to pull a Hermione, which basically consisted of me double booking my lecture and lab times or staggering them.

To do that I had to get approval which meant meeting up with my counselor to see which classes I needed, getting the names of all the professors I’d need to get on board for this and tracking them all down so I can convince them to say yes.

It was a mission.

I tracked them down at seminars, in their labs, one I ‘casually’ ran into at the parking lot, I crashed a lecture and answered all the questions he asked his class perfectly.

Once I was done I came back with all the appropriate forms signed then my counselor said this:

“I’m still not to sure.” She said and I just glared at her.

“It’s just one signature on a line. I got all the forms signed just need you to put it in.” I said.

“But it’s too much.” She said. “Taking more than 30 units a semester? You want to do two years in one.”

“That was the whole point of me doing the research, putting together the entire schedule, and tracking down all of those professors and convincing them to give me a chance. One of them even gave me a pop quiz.” I said.

“You have a 4.0, a perfect GPA, you had a plan and were on track to go to med school, you could get in here if you wanted to but you’re going to rush it?” She said.

“Well I either rush it or I drop out so…” I said sliding the papers back to her.

“There are options, loans…” She started.

“I earn too much money and don’t qualify for low interest student loans and with how much tuition is a scholarship isn’t going to cover it. I know I checked.” I said.

“Your future…” She started.

“I’m going to stop you right there. I’m doing this for my future. I got cut off because I chose the possibility of my dream job over stability and more money than I would ever know what to do with. I’m taking control of my life and right now you’re standing in the way of my dream and undoing all the progress I’ve made this year. So tell me Karen are you going to sign the damn paper and do your job or am I going to have to track down your boss and tell him how you contributed to my nervous breakdown last semester and how truly incompetent you are at your job. I’m pretty sure it’s not the first complaint he’s gotten about you.” I said.

Karen stared at me and I glared back at her. She sighed but did as I asked before inputting everything into my computer.

“There, you’re all set.” She said.

“Thank you have a nice day.” With that I left her office and headed to my labs.

I didn’t get out of class until almost nine at night. It was a packed day but the lab wasn’t as packed as it was at other times.

I was walking to my car when I bumped into someone because I was on my phone texting Shawn to see if he had heard anything.

“Oh Sorry.” I said.

“Jamie?” He said.

“Charles?” I said as we hugged. “Oh my gosh, what are you doing here?”

  
“It’s my first day.” Charles said. “My uncle convinced the board that if I was going to step up it might be a good idea for me to take a few business courses. So I’m here auditing classes before I commit.”

“In Boston. I thought you said you’d never leave New York again.” I said.

“I needed a change of scenery.” He said. “I was actually going to call you see if we could meet up. Are you busy right now? We could maybe grab dinner?”

“I’d love to but I actually have a ton of reading to catch up on and an 8am class tomorrow. But I’m free this weekend. We could meet up for coffee somewhere to catch up?” I suggested.

“Sounds good. You still have the same number?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I said.

“I’ll text you.” He said.

“Looking forward to it.” I said.

“And do you by chance know where the Parking structure B is?” He said.

“Yeah walk straight through the arch between those two building and lake a left, it’ll be right in front of you.” I said.

“Thanks.” He said. “I’ll text you.”

“Alright.” I said before we went our separate ways.

The drive back to the Evans house was longer than I was used to making me miss my apartment more than I already did. I was dead tired by the time I got walked through the door.

“Hey you, you’re home late.” Scott said.

“Labs and another day stalking faculty members but I finally got the last one.” I said.

“So you’re really doing it?” Shanna said.

“Yup. If all goes according to plan I’ll be graduating this year.” I said. “And now I’m going to go do my readings for tomorrow.”

“Ah not so fast, I‘m going to warm you up a plate.” Lisa said. “You’ll focus better with some food in your stomach.”

“I’ll just go leave this upstairs.” I said running upstairs and then back down to eat. I was halfway through my pork chop and mashed potatoes when Shawn called. “Hey Shawn, any news?”

“Yeah. The apartments go up for sale in two weeks.” He said.

“Shit, that fast?” I said.

“Well your dad’s still pissed at you.” Shawn said. “Good news is I got you an appointment with my guy for Saturday morning, works for your bank too. And an old… friend of mine that knows the Boston real estate market better than anyone is going to be managing the sale. Trust me she’s a shark. She’ll get you that apartment.”

“This is really happening.” I said.

“There’s still time to back out.” Shawn said.

“No it’s now or never.” I said. “At what time is the appointment?”

“10am.” He said. “That’s good right?”

“Yeah.” I said.

“My assistant will email you the details.” Shawn said. “You’re doing the right thing Jamie.”

“Let’s hope because there’s no going back now.” I said. “Thanks Shawn.”

With that I hung up.

“Everything okay?” Lisa asked.

“Yeah Shawn was just telling me he got me an appointment with a Mortgage broker on Saturday because my apartment’s officially going up for sale in two weeks.” I said.

“So you’re going to buy it?” Shanna asked.

“Yeah just not sure what I’m going to do with it after.” I said. “I might lease it. Could help with the upkeep, pitch in for the mortgage and HOA fees.”

“And how much would that be?” Shanna said.

“The Apartment hunt isn’t going well is it?” I asked.

“There are a lot of great apartments out there, they’re just really expensive.” She said.

“Real estate is expensive.” I said.

“Hello!” Carly called out.

“In the kitchen.” Lisa called out.

“Oh good you’re all here… No wait let me call Chris first.” She said as Brian tagged along.

“Babe wait up.” Brian said stumbling in after her. “Hi sorry we just crashed in.”

“Oh you, sit down I’ll serve you dinner.” Lisa said.

“We’re not staying we just we have news.” Carly said as she skyped Chris. “Come on Chris pick up, pick up”

“Carly, what’s up?” Chris said.

“Okay…” She said before sharing a look with Brian while the rest of us just looked at them confused. “So…I’m pregnant.”

“What?!” Scott said.

“Oh my gosh!” Shanna said.

“I’m gonna be a grandma!” Lisa said.

“I’m gonna be an uncle!!!” Chris shouted.

“And I’m just going to spoil the crap of your kid.” I said.

“And an aunt!” Carly said correcting me.

“I’m going to be an Aunt!” I said.

“This is, this is great. I’m so happy for you guys.” Chris said tearing up.

“Are you crying?” Scott said.

“No, I just got something in my eye.” Chris said wiping his eyes.

“I’m about six weeks so, baby’s due around March.” Carly said.

“Right around the time I’m done with reshoots so I get to be there.” Chris said. “Guys I am so happy for you and you can expect to get a lot of mini pats gear in a few days but I really have to go. I’m gonna be an uncle!” He said before hanging up.

“He was totally gonna go cry some more.” Scott said.

“Yeah.” I seconded.

**Days Later…**

“Okay, how do I look?” I said coming downstairs for the fifth time that morning. I had opted for black skinny jeans, a white chiffon button down blouse with a black string bow at the neck, a black military inspired blazer with gold buttons and black suede heels.

“Same as you did the last four times you came down, great.” Scott said.

“You look really dressed up just to go down to the bank.” Shanna said.

“Yeah I’m meeting with the guy that’s going to determine my future and somehow I have to convince him to lend me, a nineteen year old, close to a million dollars so I can buy an apartment because I walked away from a multi billion dollar inheritance.” I said.

“Jamie breathe, it’s okay. You’re going to be fine. You’re smart, responsible and if they look at how much money is in your bank account they’re going to approve you in a heartbeat.” Scott said.

“Just be you and if that doesn’t work do what you did at the car dealership.” Shanna said.

“You’re right… Still hate this.” I said just as my phone dinged. It was a text from Charles asking me if we were still on for coffee. “Well I’m going to go rip off the band aid and maybe stop by after to see if I can go back into the apartment.”

“Good luck.” Scott said.

“Thanks.” I said.

The drive to the bank was nerve wrecking. I was dreading going in there and if this didn’t work out I had no idea what I was going to do but fingers crossed.

My banker Will was not what I was expecting from someone who went to college with Shawn and was his frat brother. In fact he was the complete opposite of my high functioning drug addict friend. He was as straight laced as can be.

“Jamie Becker, It’s great to meet you. Shawn’s told me a lot about you.” He said.

“Good things I hope.” I said.

“Great things.” He said. “He also told me you’re in the middle of some financial restructuring.”

“That’s one way to put it.” I said. “But yes. I’m looking to buy the condo I’m currently living in.”

“Real estate in Boston is a really good investment. Especially downtown. It’s an up an coming neighborhood.” Will said. “Just need to get a bit of info from your account so if you could please fill out these forms for me.”

“Course. I also have the rest of my financial paperwork Shawn said you’re probably going to need here.” I said passing him a folder.

“This is very helpful.” He said looking through it. “I’ll fill out a few things get ahead on a few things while you do that.”

So we did.

It was mostly basic information. Like my social security, any current debts, expenses. Yada yada. Probably stuff they already knew along with permission to run a thorough credit check.

Once that was done I handed him back the forms.

“Alright just going to run these pass these on to get the credit check started.” He said.

There was a lot of waiting, a lot of small talk while he called a few people from about an hour when finally…

“Alright I think we’ve got a winner.” Will said.

“Winner as in I’m approved for a high amount at a low interest?” I asked.

“Well you got approved for more than the amount you wanted which helps in case you get into a bidding war.” He said. “Bad news is, the interest is slightly higher than you wanted.”

“How much higher?” I asked.

“About…” He said moving some stuff around and turning the screen so I could see. “That much.”

“That’s over Four percent on close to a million dollars.” I said.

“It is a bit high but considering you don’t have as much of a credit history no consistent stable income…” He said.

“Okay you have my bank statements and my investment portfolio. I can afford it.” I said.

“Clearly but that’s just the way the system works. On the plus side for your next mortgage your interest rate is going to be so low.” Will said.

“Yeah but right now I’m kind of screwed. My mortgage payment’s going to be almost two grand more than I was expecting.” I said.

“There’s nothing I can do about that. I mean unless you have some more money you’re willing to put toward a down payment?” He suggested.

“Not at the moment. I just bought a car. My insurance is through the roof now that it’s just me before I’m under 25 and not married. There are some things I might be able to sell off but that could take some time.” I said.

“It does take some time for offers to be able to go through. You have maybe a week or two, maybe more since all units have to be inspected before they’re sold.” Will said.

“How much money would I need to put down to bring down the interest rate?” I asked.

“Uh I’d say roughly another ten percent of the property value.” He said.

“About a hundred grand.” I said. “I’m going to need to move some stuff around. Can I just call you once I have the money to see about that?”

“You have my number, you can call me and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. And when I say that I’m serious. I won’t make you wait weeks like Shawn does.” Will said.

“Good to know I’m not the only one.” I said.

So I headed out. I had promised Charles I was going to meet up with him a coffee shop not too far from campus. I guess he was staying close by.

“Hey.” He said hugging me.

“Hey, sorry if I kept you waiting. My meeting ran long.” I said.

“You’re working on a Saturday?” Charles asked.

“No this is more personal business.” I said. “I’m thinking of investing in some real estate. I’m sure you’ve probably heard I got cut off.”

“Wait that’s true?” Charles said.

“Yeah, Satan and Banshee actually did it. He had my car towed and everything.” I said.

“Saint James Becker got cut off, never thought I’d see the day that happened. What did you do?” Charles asked.

“Told my dad I wasn’t going to business school because I want to be a doctor.” I said.

“That explains a lot.” Charles said. “I ran into him and… I’m not sure if it was his wife or his secretary… but he was saying something about someone being dead to him and a ex wife giving him hell because she found out about an account in the Maldives?”

“Yeah that was me too. He took all the furniture out of my apartment. Same apartment I’m trying to buy actually.” I said.

“He took your furniture?” He said. “You really did piss him off. And I thought Bart was bad.”

“Charles you threw an orgy in his office and he still didn’t cut you off.” I said.

“I got a suite at the plaza out of it.” Charles said.

“Parents.” I said shaking my head.

“So where are you now?” He asked. “Without a trust fund, an allowance or them paying for everything you must be… living in your car?”

“Staying with friends…well more like family at this point.” I said. “I’m not completely broke I’m just not rich anymore which is an adjustment but it’s okay. And one huge plus is I never have to deal with my parents again.”

“You win some you lose some.” Charles said.

“What about you? How’s… everything?” I asked.

“Everything’s the same as it’s always been. I still throw parties I’m just more discreet about it. I bought a hotel.” Charles said. “The Empire.”

“I’ve heard.” I said. “It’s amazing what you’ve built in one year.”

“And that’s just to start. I’m considering expanding. Opening up another hotel here in Boston.” He said.

“Boston is a great city.” I said.

“New York is better.” He said.

“You just got here. Give it a chance.” I said.

“If you say so.” He said.

After a really good catch up session with the promise to do it again later that week and also meet up for a study session I headed to the apartment. By the looks of things everyone was given the okay to come back.

“Arthur.” I greeted.

“Miss Becker.” He greeted before offering me a key. “You may need this.”

“He changed the locks?” I asked.

“No I did.” He said. “The ‘exterminators’ couldn’t find the key to get in and ‘clean’ what was left in the apartment. And you have until the end of the month left on your lease. Just like everyone else in the building.”

“So these exterminators also move things?” I asked.

“Normally but like I said they didn’t get in.” he said. “They won’t be able to reschedule.”

“I guess I have good timing then.” I said. “Thank you.”

“Of course ma’am.” He said with a smile before I headed up.

Sure enough they weren’t able to get in. Everything was exactly the way I left it.

I went into the room and the safe was locked and everything was still in it. All my jewelry and incredibly expensive Birkin bags.

I grabbed the extremely gaudy 11 carat diamond necklace I had won from Blair. Last I checked it was worth about thirty five thousand. If I was going to sell it I should give her a chance to buy it back first. I dialed her number and answered.

“Jamie? How’d the middle class treating you?” Blair said.

“Better than the one percent.” I said. “Do you remember that necklace I won from you? You know the one with the diamonds?”

“You mean my Erickson Beamon, 11 carat diamond necklace set in heart and flower shaped platinum?” Blair said.

“Yeah that’s the one. I need to make some quick cash to buy my apartment and wanted to know if you were interested in buying it back.” I said.

“You’re selling your jewels? You poor destitute woman.” She said.

“I’m not destitute. I’m a strong independent woman that’s got her priorities straight and is fending for herself. So do you want the necklace or am I sending it to the auction house with everything else?” I asked.

“How much do you want for it?” Blair said.

“I was thinking around 40 thousand.” I said. That necklace was worth 35, but I did win it off Blair for being a bitch so I had to tax her.

“40? Alright. Send me the address where you’re staying at. I’ll send Dorota on the jet for it.” She said. “I’ll wire you the money.”

“Alright.” I said before hanging up and going through the rest of the jewelry. I had most of it insured. The only thing I never got appraised and insured were my earrings and necklace. I could probably get about 50 thousand just for the earrings. From there I could sell one of the Birkin’s for about 20K online. Which would get me a bit over the 100K mark.

I grabbed one of my suitcases and grabbed all of the jewels as well as my passport and other paperwork before piling clothes on top to cover it up. With that I headed home to wait for Dorota.

“How’d it go?” Scott asked.

“Okay, just have to work a little thing out.” I said.

“Need a hand?” he asked.

“Sure.” I said handing him the suitcase.

“Oh fuck what do you have in here? Rocks?” Scott said.

“Diamonds actually.” I said and Scott almost dropped my bag.

“You have diamonds in here?” he said.

“My jewelry. I’m selling it to have more money for a down payment so the interest will go down.” I said. “A friend of mine is actually stopping by later to pick one up.”

“You work fast.” Scott said.

“I don’t have time to waste.” I said. “And break time is actually over. I have like a ton of midterms and reading to get on top of.”

“I bet.” Scott said.

**Two Weeks Later…**

When I decided to pull a Hermione, I didn’t really take into account all the reading and multiple midterms that were going to be on the same day. Basically it felt like it was finals week everyday. I don’t even want to think what the actual week of will be like.

Charles had been around a lot more too. He made sure I ate lunch everyday which was great. Pretty sure he never studied when we met up to study but this was as close to hanging out with friends I had now.

“We should go out.” Charles said randomly one of the days we met up in one of the study rooms.

“What?” I said surprised by what he just said.

“We should go out.” He said. “Not just go to the library but I mean do normal college things. I’ve been here for over a month and I still haven’t gone to a party or even seen Boston.”

“Don’t you have a midterm tomorrow?” I said.

“On intro to business. I own a billion dollar company what more can I study.” He said.

“It’s Thursday.” I reminded him.

“I know a guy on the rowing team. They’re having a kegger, whatever that is. Sounded fun.” He said.

“Charles Bass did you just say the word kegger?” I said.

“That’s what it’s called. I’m sure they’ll have a decent vodka or scotch too.” He said.

“Yeah I’m really tempted to see you experience the reality of a college kegger because you really need to adjust your expectations but I have two midterms tomorrow and the MCAT is coming up so I’m going to pass. You should go though. Cut loose. Maybe take your tie off for a bit.” I said.

“You’ve been working non stop for weeks. Live a little.” He said.

“I will, after I graduate.” I said.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to study but the weekend of your birthday you’re not working at all. Whole weekend.” He said.

“The whole weekend. That reading’s going to pile up.” I said.

“James you need some stress relief.” He said. “How about tomorrow night you come over to my hotel. We can order room service while we study.”

“Charles, you really think I’m going to fall for that?” I said.

“Fall for what.” He said with a smirk.

“Dude I’ve known you for years, and I’m not one of your bimbos.” I said. “We’re not sleeping together.”

“I never said that… but if you wanted to…” He said.

“That’s the exact same line you used when you met me.” I said.

“If it’s already perfect why fix it?” he said.

“Okay, you’ve come a very long way from when I met you and I’m very proud of you and as a friend a love you but we are never going to sleep together.” I said.

“Never say never. But alright.” Charles said. “Can we at least go out for dinner as friends?”

“Sure. I know a good Thai place nearby.” I said.

“I was thinking steak.” He said.

“You wanted the real college experience.” I said.

“I did say that.” He said.

“Come on.” I said closing my books.

We had dinner at the small restaurant before we each headed home for the night. I was lucky Lisa had given me a key because I had been coming home really late. Everyone was already in bed by the time I got back.

I was studying in Chris’ room when a videocall popped up on my laptop. It was Chris, yet another thing I hadn’t had time for lately.

“Hey you.” Chris said. “I finally get to see you.”

“Sorry about that I’ve been a bit.. all over the place lately.” I said.

“I know the feeling.” He said. “How’s everything going?”

“Pretty much the same as last time we talked. I’m just trying to stay on top of everything. Waiting to hear back about the apartment.” I said.

“Still nothing?” He asked.

“Nope. The realtor sent in the offer but I’m guessing there’s a lot of paperwork and it’s slow.” I said. “What about you?”

“Uh… Nothing just work.” He said. “I’m going to miss your birthday again.”

“You’re not missing anything.” I said. “I have class all day and a paper due so I’m not going to have time for anything.”

“You sure you’re not over doing it?” Chris asked.

“Staying busy helps keep my mind off everything else.” I said.

**November 1, 2011-**

It had been weeks and I still hadn’t heard anything from my realtor or from Satan’s holding company about my offer for the apartment. I needed to start making moves. Plan out my future because as nice as living with Lisa was I couldn’t stay there forever.

“Jamie.” Charles said putting his hand on my knee to stop it from bouncing. “Something on your mind?”

“I’m still waiting for that phone call.” I said.

It didn’t help that today I had I was going to start tracking down professors I had worked with during my time at Harvard to see if they’d give me a letter of recommendation I could include in my applications. I was planning to have them all done by June and sometimes people took way too much time writing those out.

I had dressed up today. Nothing too serious but a lot more effort than I had been putting into my appearance lately. I had gone with a light grey knit sweater with a colorful printed skirt, grey heeled boots topped with a grey blazer. I had worn black sheer tights under as it was starting to get cold.

“These things take time.” Charles said. “My deals normally go through in a week maybe two.”

“It’s been over a month since I put in the offer.” I said.

“You might want to call your realtor then.” He said.

“Uh….” I groaned.

“Well at least you won’t have to worry about this weekend. I’m sure Lexie and Blair have it all taken care of.” He said.

“This weekend?” I asked confused.

“Your birthday weekend?” he said.

“Shit, That’s this weekend?” I said. “I’m so behind on my reading and that paper…”

“You have it all outlined. I’ve seen you write ten-page essays less than two hours with less.” He said. “Now come on. I’m having pizza delivered from New York. It should be in my room waiting for us when we get there.”

“Your room?” I said.

“I have a living room.” He said.

“Good enough.” I said taking his hand as he helped me up. We were walking when a guy in a skateboard sped past us and almost hit me. Charles put his arm around my shoulders in a friendly manner as we walked side by side gently leading me out of the way. I think I was getting kind of desperate because I couldn’t stop thinking about how nice it felt.

Uh, what is wrong with me?

**Two Days Later…**

“Shawn I don’t know what the fuck is going on with Rebecca but I still haven’t heard anything and its been weeks.” I said.

“These things take time.” Shawn said.

“Again it’s been weeks. She isn’t picking up and when you do It I can handle it because that’s just how you are but when a stranger that is handling an almost million dollar deal…” I said.

“I see your point. Look it’s probably nothing but I’ll get ahold of her and get you an update.” He said.

“I’d appreciate it.” I said.

“In the meantime try to relax you sound super tense, like more than usual.” Shawn said.

“Easier said than done.” I said.

“Well if it was my birthday weekend that was coming up, I’d start the weekend early, down a couple of shots and get laid. But that’s just me.” He said.

“Yeah I think I’m just going to go back to calculating how many liters of sulfuric acid I’m going to need to dilute for this reaction I’m staring at.” I said.

“You sure know how to party.” Shawn said sarcastically before he hung up.

“Still no news?” Shanna asked.

“Nope.” I said. “What about you? Did you get that apartment?”

“No, they gave it to someone else.” Shanna said. “Maybe I should move into the garage, That might be the closest thing to an apartment I can get.”

“Don’t give up. Something will come up.” I said.

“Let’s hope so. Thanksgiving is coming up and it’s going to get crowded.” She said.

“And once the baby comes…” I said and we were quiet for a minute.

“I’m going to check if there’s another listing.” Shanna said.

“I’m going to look at other listings in the area.” I said opening up my computer.

**November 4 th, 2011-**

It was the Friday before my birthday, I had just gotten out of my second midterm of the day and sent in my paper. I was officially done until finals next month.

“Finally free?” Charles asked from across.

“From midterms at least.” I said.

“that’s good.” he said.

“Ahhh!!!” Lexie and Blair screamed and they jumped up behind me.

“Ah!” I screamed in surprise.

“Happy Early birthday!” Lexie said.

“You’re here!” I said. “I didn’t know!”

“That’s kind of why it’s called a surprise.” Blair said before she looked at my outfit and frowned. “What are you wearing?”

“Jeans and a hoodie.” I said.

“This is what the middle class does to people.” Blair said. “We came just in time then. We’re here to save you.”

“And to start off your twenties with a bang!” Lexie said.

“Guys I should…” I started.

“You finished your labs yesterday and had your last midterm already.” Charles said and Blair gave him a look which he completely ignored.

“Charles….” I whined.

“That’s settled.” Lexie said grabbing my things. “Let’s go.”

“Do you have your car or do I call us a cab?” Blair asked.

“No I have mine. But I do need to drop off everything at home…” I said still feeling weird calling the Evans’ house that.

“Don’t you still have the apartment?” Blair said.

“More or less and mostly less.” I said. “I don’t have any furniture.”

“Okay how about you go drop everything off and then meet us at that place we went to last time we were here.” Lexi said. “I’m in the mood for lobster.”

“Oh the caviar with some champagne.” Blair said.

“You know I’m just gonna skip lunch but I can meet you later?” I said.

“Jamie, its your birthday weekend we’re here to see you.” Lexie said.

“And I’m sure you’re tired of eating instant ramen all the time.” Blair said.

“I actually don’t eat that.” I said. “I have to run a few errands too but dinner sounds good. Maybe some take out…”

“Take out?” Blair said.

“If that’s what you want.” Lexie said awkwardly.

“Okay I’ll text you when I’m done.” I said grabbing my things and heading home. It would have been great to have lunch with my friends but, I couldn’t afford caviar and lobster. And those were just the appetizers.

Lisa was out and so were Shanna and Scott so I did a bit more studying and had a simple grilled cheese sandwich for lunch.

A little while later there was a knock at the door. I thought it was Shanna or Scott who had forgotten their keys again but was surprised to see Blair and Lexie.

“Hey guys. Thought we were meeting later?” I asked.

“We fucked up.” Lexie said.

“Jamie, you’re our best friend and we love you. Even if you are broke.” Blair said.

“What Blair means is, we came to see you.” Lexie said. “Because after the fucking year you had…”

“That we’ve all had,” Blair corrected.

“You deserve to have the best fucking 20th birthday anyone could ever want.” She said.

“And we all finally have something good to celebrate.” Blair said. “If that’s staying in and watching TV while we eat take out, we’ll do it.”

“But if you let us which is what we meant when we were inviting you out to lunch is that Blair and I will be your sugar daddies for the weekend.” Lexie said.

“I already bought your outfits for the weekend.” Blair said pulling out a Louis Vuitton Garment bag.

“I love you guys.” I said tearing up.

“Jamie don’t cry, you’re going to make me cry.” Lexie said tearing up.

“Uh Jamie you’re going to ruin my makeup.” Blair said.

“Ah fuck…” I said wiping my face. “Okay, okay I’m good.”

“So grab your phone and anything else you’re going to need, you’re staying with us this weekend.” Lexie said.

“I should…” I started.

“You can take a weekend off. Just make sure to let everyone know where you’ll be. Don’t make them think you disappeared again.” Blair said.

“I’m not doing that again.” I said grabbing my phone. I dropped everything off and after I showered and changed because according to Blair I was a walking talking fashion emergency.

We went to lunch and had lobster and champagne before we went to enjoy a couple of spa treatments.

Blair and Lexie managed to convince me to dye my hair again. This time lighter, ombre balayage thing. So now my hair was more blonde than anything while my roots were a bit darker almost my natural hair color.

“Wow.” Lexie said.

“I know. I’m blonde.” I said.

“So blonde.” Blair said.

“We do have more fun.” Lexie said making us all laugh.

“Okay time for the big reveal. For night one of our birthday weekend I picked you something… fun.” Blair said.

“And the right amount of sexy.” Lexie said.

“When you say sexy…” I started.

“She means slutty.” Blair said. “It’s your twenties, this is the time to be slutty before things start to sag.”

“And you’ve got great boobs, use them while you still can.” Lexie said.

“Okay, let’s see it.” I said before Blair went to the closet. She pulled out a garment bag and zipped it open before seeing it. “Wow that is a really short dress and I love it.”

“Put it on. Let’s go.” Lexie said as there was a knock at the door. “Those are probably our margaritas.”

I took the dress and went to go put it on. It was a dark red wine colored cage dress with a low back and cut outs in front that only went up to mid thigh. Blair had thrown some metallic gold heels at me to wear with it.

“I’ve always known I had good taste but I think I’ve out done myself.” Blair said.

“You really have.” I said.

“The guys are going to be all over you.” Lexie said handing me a margarita.

“The only guys I want tonight are Jose and Julio.” I said sipping my drink.

“Now you’re sounding more like yourself.” She said.

“And that’s not the only surprise. We made some calls and we got the gang back together for this weekend!” Lexie said.

“You mean…” I started

“Party bus is downstairs.” Blair said.

“Yes!” I cheered.

Sure enough the whole gang was back. The last time I saw them all was my 18th birthday. A lot of shit happens in two years. Like a lot. Growing pains are no joke.

“I have a fucking kid at home and I’m paying the nanny double time so we have to make this shit worth it!” Someone said.

“You have a kid?” Blair said.

“He’s a month old. Speaking of I’m going to have to do a pump and dump in about thirty minutes but we got this.” She said.

“What the fuck is a pump and dump?” Lexie said.

“I don’t know and I don’t think I want to.” I answered.

“Who wants shots!?” Shawn said passing out.

“Shots!!!” We all cheered.

“Cheers.” He said as we all took it. “Another one.”

“Aye!” We cheered.

“Third times the charm.” Shawn said.

“Dude. slow down.” Lexie said.

“Take the third shot Jamie.” Shawn said.

“Shawn?” I said confused.

“Shot first.” He said.

“Okay?” I said hesitantly taking it and drinking it in one go.

“You didn’t get the apartment.” He said.

“What?” I said. “but… I put in the offer. What they were asking and a huge down payment.”

“You did but you got outbid.” Shawn said. “Apparently some Chinese real estate conglomerate put in an offer for all the condos. Double what your dad was asking and they took it. I’m sorry.”

“I lost my apartment?” I said. “I don’t have an apartment. I’m homeless. I don’t have med school.. Oh fuck I don’t have… Ho… wha…ha…”

“Jamie breathe.” Blair said.

“My apartment…” I started still in shock.

“Seriously?” Lexie said. “You choose now to tell her?”

“I was waiting for the booze to kick in.” Shawn said. “I needed her buzzed but not completely gone.”

“Jamie It’s okay, it’s just an apartment. You can find another one.” Lexie said.

“Totally, I already have Rebecca looking for other options. This isn’t the end Jamie. We’re going to figure out, I mean when have I ever let you down.” Shawn said and everyone glared at him.

“Too soon.” Someone said.

“I always look out for you and I’m going to keep doing that. You just got to hang on for a bit.” Shawn said.

“I have no apartment, no nest egg, no money for either tuition or med school, I sold my favorite earrings, I’ve slept five hours in the past two days and most of my money is tied up and I won’t see a six figure profit for at least another year and… I’m pretty much homeless… What have I done?” I said falling back in my seat.


	25. Chapter 25

“It’s karaoke time!!!” Lexie cheered.

“I’m so screwed.” I said staring at the roof of the bus.

“Jamie.” Blair said. “You’re not screwed. You’re just poor and lots of poor people do things like go to med school. Of course they’re basically in debt for the rest of their lives which is modern slavery…”

“Blair not helping.” Lexie said. “Hey you are going to be okay.”

“She’s right, that’s a problem for you to deal with on Monday. Right now you have us, Your sugar daddies.” Blair said.

“Oh maybe that’s what you need. We can find you a sugar daddy.” Lexie said. “We know a ton of rich old dudes.”

“Maybe you can flirt with one of your stepdads. The one that always sent you diamonds might be into you.” Blair said.

“I’m not sleeping with a rich old guy for money. I have enough daddy issues I don’t need the trauma of getting on one and having him die of a heart attack three seconds in.” I said.

“He’d probably die really happy.” Lexie said.

“There’s always stripping.” Blair said. “Hallmate last year paid her first year in a month… though she was also an escort on weekends.”

“You’d be a good stripper Jamie, you have great legs and you’re really flexible thanks to all those years of gymnastics.” Lexie said.

“Ew… I mean it’s the worlds oldest profession and if you like it go for it but… It’s not for me.” I said hugging the champagne bottle and drinking straight from it using a silly straw. “I really thought I was going to do it. That I was going to prove them wrong but I’m not. I’m crashing and burning hard.”

“No you’re not.” Blair said. “You’re James Becker, The smartest person we know. And in one year you went from having no ambition or aspirations to figuring out your life’s purpose, overcoming your inner demons, facing your parents in person and telling them to fuck off, beat the system at Harvard that crushed the dreams of hundreds of other students before you who couldn’t afford their overpriced tuition and you looked fucking amazing doing it. This is just a bump in the road of an amazing life you’re going to have. After 20 years you finally have both hands on the steering wheel, are you going to crash the car or are you going to get on that highway and take the longer more annoying detour?”

“Uh… “ I said thinking about it as I felt a bit fuzzy.

“Why doesn’t she just stay on the highway but not crash? I mean if the other one is longer…” Lexie said.

“It’s a metaphor the highway is what her parents want.” Blair said.

“Then why would she crash the car there’s a brake…” Lexie said.

“And detours always suck, plus you waste more gas… fuck do you have any idea how expensive gas is?” I said smiling.

“Guys.” Blair said.

“I take a taxi.” Lexie said starting to laugh.

“You’re messing with me.” She said. “That’s nice I was giving a really good pep talk. Probably one of my best ones.”

“I’m sorry but…” I said laughing. “I think the shots are starting to kick in. I should probably drink a bit of water.”

“That was great Bee.” Lexie said.

“Man I’m fucked.” I said. “But it’s the weekend. I’ll deal with it on Monday. For now let’s celebrate my last weekend as a teen, my last weekend of freedom because starting Monday the world’s going to shit.”

“That’s the spirit.” Lexie said. “One last shot before we go in?”

“Hit me.” I said.

As much as I said I wanted to enjoy my last weekend as a teen, forgetting the fact that my life was falling apart around me and that I had just lost my safety net which was basically all I had was hard to do.

I was in the club sitting down slowly nursing a drink Lexie had gotten me while everyone else danced around.

“Didn’t think it was possible to be sad in here.” Charles said taking a seat next to me.

“It is if you get some bad news right before they pull you in here and your shots haven’t kicked in.” I said.

“Didn’t get the apartment?” He said.

“Nope, Chinese investors bought out the whole building for double.” I said.

“It’ll be okay Jamie. There are plenty of other apartments in Boston.” Charles said.

“But not like that one.” I said tearing up a bit. “I mean the marble floors in the kitchen, the granite counter tops, The steam shower with the rain showerhead and the perfect water pressure, The walk in closet… And Arthur, he’s such a good doorman.”

“I think we’re going to need another round of shots.” Charles said handing me a glass as he poured one out for us.

**A While Later…**

_“I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you, I know you were right believing for so long…”_ I drunkenly sang at the karaoke bar Lexie decided we stop by in between clubs and bars.

“Is it just me or does she sing better when she’s drunk?” Shawn said.

“You’re stoned.” Charles said.

“That too.” Shawn agreed.

“You couldn’t have waited until we got to the strip club and she had a guy grinding on her?” Lexie said.

“I thought she’d want to know and I told her to take the shot.” Shawn said.

“I don’t know if she’s singing about money or the apartment.” Blair said.

“Is there a difference?” Lexie said. “We’ve got to do something. It’s barely nine we can still save the night.”

“We’ve tried Julio and Jose and all we got was…” Blair said.

_“I can’t be too late to say that I was so, so so wrong.”_ I cried.

“That.” She said.

“We’ve got to mellow her out.” Shawn said.

“No, we’ve got to get her angry.” Lexie said. “Focus all of that on something. You did put in that piñata right?”

“I’ve got a better idea.” Shawn said “My turn… and we’re all singing.”

And that’s how this happened.

_“We are the champions, my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end  
Oh, we are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions!!!”_ We all sang.

“You know what fuck it. I have a million dollar mortgage approved and it’s a buyers market…” I said. “Fuck Satan, fuck banshee, they can go suck a fucking dick. I’m going to do what I fucking want and prove those bitches wrong. Because I’m Jamie Fucking Becker. I have both hands on the steering wheel and I am not driving myself over a cliff, I’m going to ride into the fucking sunset because I am a fucking champion.”

“Fuck yes!” Everyone cheered.

“Jamie! Jamie! Jamie!” Everyone cheered as they picked me up and held me up as I cheered.

“To the strippers!” I cheered pointing to the exit as they carried me out while they cheered.

“Jamie! Jamie! Jamie!”

For it being a Friday the strip club was surprisingly empty and it wasn’t as trashy as it normally was. Or maybe it was the tequila finally kicking in.

Either way I took my lap dance as I was, a fucking champion.

Then I got up and went for some water and something to eat. Everyone else was too busy giving their own strip show, taking shots off a stripper. Or going backstage for a more private show.

“Hey you.” I said to Charles. “I thought you’d be all over… well… someone.”

“I never thought I’d say it but… I think I outgrew strip clubs.” He said.

“Charles Bartholomew Bass, are you dying?” I said and he smirked. “Do you have a fever?”

I checked his temperature.

“Why are you going to nurse me back to health?” He said and I laughed before I took a few beer nuts they had at the bar and frowned when I realized they were stale. I grabbed a napkin and spat them out.

“Ew they’re stale.” I said. “Can’t believe we missed the dinner buffet.”

“That’s how they get you.” He said. “Want to go get something to eat?”

“I know a good taco place not too far away.” I said.

“My limo’s outside.” He said.

“Should we get everyone?” I said but Lexie and Blair were dancing in the cages and everyone else was making out with a stripper or milking themselves…

“I think they’re all busy.” Charles said. “We’ll bring back food. Sober them up enough to get them to the club.”

“Probably a good idea.” I said following him out. We got into the limo and drove to the taco spot Chris introduced me to. We ordered up before getting back in the limo. “Mhm tacos are my one true love. They love me just as much now that I’m poor than when I was rich.”

“I think they love anyone that can pay for them.” Charles said. “But these are really good.”

“They’re greasy, they have carbs and small enough that they don’t fill you up too much when you’re not done partying. The perfect food.” I said.

“Tapas are good too.” He said.

“Tacos are the tapas of the poor and middle class.” I said taking a bite.

“I thought they loved the rich and the poor?” He said.

“They do.” I said. “Thanks for doing all of this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said.

“Charles. We’ve been friends a long time. Also how else would Lexie and Blair know exactly where I was when they showed up?” I said.

“I owed you.” He said. “I would still be lost if you hadn’t shown me around Boston. Which isn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. I mean it has you.”

“Always the charmer.” I said putting a hand on his cheek. He smiled before I cleaned up and threw the trash away.

“You’ve never been able to take a compliment.” He said.

“It’s hard to tell when you’re being serious or just saying it to get something out of someone.” I said.

“You’re one of the few people that’s always been able to see right through me.” He said.

“That’s because you only let people see what you want them to see. Behind all the bravado, the tricks and schemes you Charles Bass are a good guy.” I said as I put a hand on his shoulder. “You just have to give people a chance to see that.”

“I let you see it.” He said leaning closer pressing his forehead against mine.

“Couldn’t fool me even if you tried.” I said.

“Yeah.” He said looking down at my lips.

I wish I could say that what happened next was the tequila’s fault but it wasn’t I was still very aware of my actions and I was horny. It had been a while and after weeks of us just tiptoeing around each other I just went for it.

I kissed him and he kissed me back. After weeks of non stop stress and anger and fear I finally just felt… free and so so good.

He deepened the kiss moving his hands down to my waist as I kept my arms around his shoulders. Charles leaned forward and lowered his hands to my thighs moving me to straddle his lap, his hands moved down to my ass. He squeezed it making my breath hitch as I grinded on his thigh. He started kissing down my neck pulling me closer as he grinded against me so I could feel him.

“Uh…” I moaned pressing myself on him harder wanting more friction.

“You’re killing me with this dress.” He groaned before I pulled him into another kiss and he slipped his hand under my dress reaching up to start pulling at my thong. I got off him and quickly slipped it off as he unbuckled his belt and pulled down his pants before I got back on him. I grasped him stroking him a few times.

  
“Mh, Becker…” He groaned into my neck before he moved his hands down to my ass and pushed me up.

I stroked him a few more times before slowly sinking down onto him.

“Ah….” I gasped at suddenly feeling really full.

“Shit…” he cursed as I rocked my hips slowly taking him in the rest of the way. Charles kissed me as he grasped my hips leading my hips slowly back and forth before I took charge and started moving faster. Bouncing up and down riding him before he grabbed my hips and started going faster hitting the perfect spot making me scream his name. He grabbed my hair as he wrapped his other arm around me laying me down into the seat before he pounded into me fast and hard.

“Ah. Fuck” I clutched onto him digging my heels into his ass.

“Fuck.” He cursed as he kept going.

“Charles…” I cried out as I came.

“Uh.” He groaned into my neck as he came with one last hard thrust and burst inside of me before the intercom buzzed.

“We have arrived sir.” The driver said.

“Yes we did. So you can start calling me Chuck now…” He said and I started laughing as I sat up. My legs still shaking. He quickly tucked himself back into his pants while I cleaned myself up with some tissues and slipped my underwear back in. making sure I looked… well like I hadn’t just fucked one of my oldest friends in a limo.

“They’re probably hungry.” I said grabbing the bag of food.

“I’ll take the waters.” He said before we got out of the limo and walked back inside where no one had even noticed we were gone and apparently I was too sober to be the birthday girl which everyone decided to fix.

**The Following Morning…**

I was on a cloud… or at least a hotel mattress with three thousand thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Then Blair had to fucking open the curtains and let the light pour in.

“Blair!” Lexie cried out.

“No!” I seconded.

“Rise and shine. Room Service is on its way, I got us all some coffee from Starbucks so wake up.” She said before walking out of the room.

“Uh… This is why she doesn’t get to be designated drunk.” Lexie said.

I opened my eyes as I started at the ceiling as everything I did last night hit me.

“Lex. I need to tell you something.” I said.

“That I’m your favorite? I already knew that.” She said.

“No I uh… I did a thing last night.” I said.

“You did a thing?” She said looking at me as she sipped her coffee and burned her tongue.

“I did a thing… I did a … a really really…a thing.” I said trying to figure out what I was thinking that I would think screwing inside my friend group would be a good idea.

“You did a lot of things last night.” Lexie said super hungover. “Like put more fucks in a single sentence than I thought was possible.”

“I fucked Chuck.” I blurted out.

“What?” Lexie said confused.

“I fucked Chuck.” I said.

“You just called Charles Chuck.” She said before she realized what that meant. “Oh fuck you fucked Chuck.”

“I fucked Chuck.” I said slightly embarrassed.

“You fucked Chuck.” Lexie said still in shock.

“Who fucked Chuck?” Blair said as she walked in.

“I…” She started about to say it again.

“Jamie saw Chuck fuck a stripper.” Lexie said quickly.

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Blair said. “Honestly it’s easier to name who hasn’t fucked Chuck. Cause that is a long list of hookers, bimbos and you remember that one TA who could never button her shirt all the way…”

“I think I’m going to be sick…” I said feeling so so dirty.

“I got her.” Lexie said quickly rushing me to the bathroom and closing the door behind me. She turned on the faucet kneeled in front of the toilet and I froze.

“I promised I wouldn’t do this again.” I said breathing heavily.

“You promised you wouldn’t put your fingers down your throat it’s a different story when it comes back up on its own.” Lexie said. “So you fucked Chuck.”

“Uh I did.” I said.

“Did he roofie you or… fall on you?” She said. “Just..how?”

“We’ve been hanging out the past couple of weeks and nothing happened.” I said.

“You said you fucked…” She started.

“I did, this was the first time. So we were talking about tacos and he was flirting and then we were kissing and I kind of jumped him and… yeah.” I said.

“Wow.” She said.

“I know. I fucked up.” I said.

That’s one word for it.” Lexie said. “So there’s something you should probably know.”

“You fucked Chuck too?” I said.

“No, well yeah but that’s not what I was going to say. Chuck is Blair’s soulmate.” Lexie said.

“What?!” I shouted.

“SHHH!” Lexie said putting a hand on my mouth and shushing me. “Not so loud.”

“I fucked… and he’s…Blair… I am such a fuck up.” I cried.

“No Jamie… you were just horny and you didn’t know.” Lexie said. “Everyone deserves to have good birthday sex. And in a limo, I’m actually a little proud.”

“I fucked Blair’s soulmate. How do you think she’s going to take it?” I said.

“Which is why you’re not going to tell her.” Lexie said.

“Lexie She’s going to end up finding out. No one in this party bus group knows how to keep a secret.” I said.

“Fine just don’t tell her this weekend. We need this.” She said. “Blair really really needs this.”

“Brown not treating her well?” I said.

  
“Yeah she doesn’t fit in with the liberal arts crowd.” Lexie said.

“I’ll tell her Sunday then.” I said. “Just make sure that when I get drunk and start losing my filter she’s not around or already passed out.”

“Got it.” She said.

“Uh… Okay I think I got this handled. I’m not puking. I’m good.” I said.

“Lexie, Jamie hurry up or Charles is going to eat all the pancakes.” Blair said from the other side of the door.

“Buah!” I hurled.

“Be out in a minute.” Lexie said holding my hair back.

Once I cleaned up and brushed my teeth I went out to the world of the living. I was lucky everyone was too hungover to even try making conversation.

It was a pretty chill day. We relaxed for a bit before we went out for afternoon tea because apparently that was a thing. So were drunk Tea partied.

Oh yeah.

Unfortunately they didn’t get me buzzed, they got me tipsy enough to feel like crying because I lost my apartment and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to see it so I could say goodbye.

So here we were.

“The elevator ding.” I said. “Always opened up at the perfect time so I wouldn’t have to wait for it when I really really had to pee.”

“Jamie don’t hug the elevator, people put their butts against that.” Blair said.

“I know I did.” I said before we got to the floor before I stumbled out of the elevator and down the hall. “My door… oh you kept me safe from the world.”

“Now open it so I can pee.” Lexie said.

“Give me a sec.” I said taking out my keys and opening the door. “Apartment…”

“Move move move.” Lexie said running in.

“Look at this place. My first real home.” I said walking into the kitchen and running my fingers along the granite counter tops. “My perfect kitchen. My granite counter tops that are so easy to clean. Those unforgiving but so so pretty marble floors. First time I made out with a guy was in this kitchen. In that corner.”

“Jamie it’s a kitchen, you’ll make out with Chris again.” Blair said.

“We’re not like that.” I said before sitting on the floor. “And those hardwood floors. Those bitches better not cover you up with an ugly carpet, because you’re a word of art. And you hide beer stains so well. The first time I used more than one controller on my x-box was here. I don’t want to go.”

I sat face first on the floor.

“Jamie, get up the floors dirty.” Blair said. “When was the last time the maid was here?”

“Okay I’m… Jamie why are you hugging the floor?” Lexie said.

“It’s a really good floor.” I said.

“You need to let it go. It’s just an apartment.” She said.

“A really really good apartment.” I said.

“You need to say good bye.” Lexie said. “You had some great times here and you grew up a lot but you also outgrew it. It’s time to kick off the training wheels.”

“But have you seen my walk in closet?” I said.

“I’m actually a little jealous. If this place was in New York I’d buy it.” Blair said.

“You know what.” Lexie said. “I just got a really good idea. The perfect way to give this place the goodbye it deserves.”

“Lex I’m not going to pick up a random stranger and have sex in the apartment one last time.” I said.

“No but I like where your head’s at.” Lexie said. “What is the one thing our overpriced, privileged private school education never let us have?”

“Unsupervised trips off campus so we could go to fashion week?” Blair said.

“Basic life skills?” I said.

“Driving lessons.” Blair said.

“No real concept of money?” I asked.

“No… well yeah but okay what does every high school student get to do, what every epic teen movie has in common?” Lexie said and then it hit me.

“A house party?” I said.

“House party.” She said.

“Like a dinner party.” Blair said.

“No I mean a real party, loud music, dancing, beer and a ton of people crowded in here making a mess and not giving a crap about the consequences until the cops show up.” Lexie said.

“You do remember we’re all over 18, of the cops arrest us we do go to jail.” Blair said.

“Which is why it’s even better, the cops won’t do shit to us because we’re adults.” Lexie said. “And they’ll never even know and best of all you’d get to give your dad one last fuck you before being completely done with him. We can have it all planned out in an hour.”

“Lex as great as you think that Idea is…” I started before my phone rang. “Uh hello?”

“James you stupid bitch.” Satan said.

“What?” I said wanting this to end.

“I just sold your apartment for a shit ton of money, more money than you’ll ever make in your fucking life.” He said.

“That’s great.” I said.

“You have no idea dumb ass.” He said. “You are so fucking stupid, thinking you can put in an offer. A million dollars? You’ll never have that much money again. And you know what I’m going to do, it’s going to pay for some fracking equipment in the pacific Northwest. I know how much you’ll love that. All those stupid animals…”

“Personally I’d save it for the audit coming your way but you could shove it up your ass for all I care asshole.” I said before hanging up. “Fuck it, let’s mess shit up.”

“Yes!” Lexie said. “I’m going to take care of everything.”

And she did. I don’t know how she did it or how Lexie knew so many people in Boston but the apartment and roof were packed. The DJ was jamming, the drinks kept on coming and it was everything the movies said it’d be.

Blair picked out an all black skin tight short sleeved jump suit with a plunging lace silhouette neckline and black suede pumps.

My hair was up in a messy bun just to keep it out of the way. It was hot and muggy in the apartment with how crowded it was. The music was blasting so loud the floor was shaking and I couldn’t hear myself think let alone talk.

As soon as we got there Lexie put a drink of some very spiked punch in my hand and we started drinking.

_“Party rock is in the house tonight  
Everybody just have a good time (yeah)  
And we gon' make you lose your mind (woo)  
Everybody just have a good time (clap)”_

‘Everyone give it up for the birthday girl!” The Dj said.

“WHOOOO!!!!” Every cheered.

Even without the furniture people were sitting on the ground, smoking, drinking… I think I saw a couple of baggies.

We were all dancing having a good time before we headed up to the roof which was supposed to be a bit tamer. It wasn’t. there was another DJ, a bar tender a bunch of kegs and someone passing around a bong.

A few guys were doing keg stands and totally failing at it.

“They’re doing it wrong.” I said. “Their form, the breathing.”

“If you’re so great at it why don’t you do it?” Shawn said.

“You know what. You’re right.” I said making sure my hair is tightly in its bun before I walked up to the keg that wasn’t being used.

“Jamie?” Chuck said. “You sure you can to do that?”

“Chuck,” I said putting my hand on his cheek. “If there’s one thing I got from ten years of gymnastics besides an eating disorder, some insane flexibility, and muscle control, it’s a strong core and upper body. I got this.”

“I’d love to see that flexibility again.” Chuck said and I smirked. Unknowingly Blair watched the exchange with concern.

“Fun Jamie’s back.” Blair said not looking completely happy.

“Fuck yes!” Lexie said. “I love fun Jamie. She is the ultimate yes man.”

I got up to the keg and slipped off my heels telling everyone not to help me unless I asked. I took a breath, wiping my hands on my clothes to make sure they were completely dry before I gripped the edge of the handles, bent over and slowly lifted myself up. My legs were split as I adjusted myself before lifting them up straight in the air putting them together and pointing my toes.

“Beer me.” I said as they put the nozzle in my mouth and started pouring.

“Oh shit.” I heard Scott said.

“Is that Jamie?” Shanna said.

“Chris is not going to believe this.” Scott said.

“Go Jamie!!” Lexie shouted.

“You got this girl!”

“Jamie! Jamie! Jamie!” Everyone chanted.

“Holy shit she’s doing it.” Shawn said.

“She’s just full of surprises.” Chuck said smirking.

“Five more and she’ll beat the record.” Someone said.

“Five, four, three, two, one.” The guys said before they took the nozzle out of my mouth. And I flipped myself out of the handstand. I felt my knee and leg ache a bit and when I moved my arm, my shoulder. Yup I was going to feel that tomorrow.

“Uh, felt the gas in my nose.” I said slipping my heels back on.

“Wow.” Scott said.

“That was… you did that.” Shanna said.

“Hey guys.” I said hugging them. “Didn’t know you were coming.”

“Yeah we got your text invite. You never told us you were having a party.” Shanna said.

“I didn’t know I was.” I said. “Up until like five hours ago. Lex was like let’s fuck shit up and I was like fuck it. And yeah..”

“You’re drunk.” Scott said.

“Just a little bit.” I said. “But come on we’ve got everything.”

“Shots!” Shawn said.

“Shots!!” I seconded as I took mine.

From there the night gets a bit fuzzy. I remember taking body shots off of someone. Dancing and possibly grinding on someone. Then I danced on the kitchen counter and crowd surfed a bit.

Then everything got dark until I woke up the next morning lying on the floor of what used to be my bedroom with a tequila bottle in one hand a smiley winking face drawn in marker on the back of my hand with a place and time and note telling me to drink water on my forearm.

“Uh….” I groaned my head was pounding and everything hurt.

“Jamie!!!” Someone screamed. “Jamie!!”

“Not so loud…” I cried.

“Jamie!!!” Shawn ran in with Lexie and Blair behind him. “You got the apartment.”

“Wha…” I said.

“You got the apartment!” Blair said.

“What apartment?” I said.

“This one!” Lexie said. “You got the apartment!”

“I got the apartment?! I said.

“You got it!” Shawn said. “Rebecca’s been calling you but… yeah.”

“But I thought… the Chinese investors paying double…” I said as I got up stumbling a bit before I stood up.

“Oh they were but apparently your dad took them out to dinner before they signed the paperwork and James Senior decided to tell a really racist joke, basically he offended everyone at the table and they were so insulted he basically started a trade war with China.” Shawn said.

“What was the joke?” I asked Shawn took a step and whispered it in my ear. “Wow!”

“Yeah.” Shawn said. “And that’s not even the best news, thanks to his fuck up his company’s stock dropped a few points and their stockholders are spooked, they need to sell fast so Rebecca used that to leverage a better deal for you. They dropped the price by a third of what you put in.”

“Oh fuck!” I said. “That means… I have an apartment!”

“You have an apartment!” Everyone cheered as Lexie popped open a bottle of champagne. Then we looked around and saw the mess and the damage the party did.

“Aw shit.” I said realizing that now that the apartment was mine I was going to have to clean and fix everything.

“Oh….” They all said.

“You were right. You do always look out for me.” I said hugging Shawn. “Thank you.”

“That’s what I’m here for. Now did someone say something about brunch? Unless you have a date?” Shawn said looking at my arm.

“Yeah I have no idea what this is about.” I said. “I could totally go for brunch. But I should probably shower and change.”

“That’s way too sexy for brunch.” Lexie said.

**Later that Day…**

After they dragged me back to the hotel and I showered, Blair threw another outfit at me. It was a black body con long sleeved mini dress with suede black thigh high heeled boots, and a Burberry tartan wool sleeveless duster cardigan.

My hair looked blonder now that I was sober than it did last night. I took the shades Lexie offered me and slipped them on before we walked out.

Everyone at brunch was half dead. We were all leaning on the table, the back of our chairs struggling to drink our coffees or in the case of Shawn, our bloody Mary’s because apparently the best cure for a hangover was more alcohol.

“So how’s the birthday girl this morning?” Chuck asked as he sauntered in.

“Stop talking.” I groaned. “It’s too early.”

He leaned down and kissed my temple before whispered something in my ear about our date.

When did he ask me out on a date? Hell when did I say yes?

Blair just stared at us. I’d never been on the receiving end of a Waldorf death glare but I think I finally get that saying of looks that could kill.

“The Tiramisu French toast looks good.” Lexie said trying to cut the tension.

“Yeah… That sounds good.” I said trying to ignore Blair. I was too hungover to have that talk right now.

We all ate and slowly one by one they all started to head home. Until eventually it was just me, Lexie, Blair and Chuck.

“I should actually get going. I have a meeting. Are we still on for Tuesday?” Chuck asked.

“Uh study…” I started.

“You fucked Chuck.” Blair said and everyone stayed quiet.

“I’m going to go sort out the bill…” Lexie said running out of there as fast as she could.

“Blair…” I started.

“Don’t even try to deny it. I expect something like this out of that man whore or Lexie but you Jamie? What the fuck?! You fucked my soulmate!?” Blair said.

“Blair I didn’t know…” I said.

“how could you not.” Blair said.

“Well you never said anything.” I said.

“And to be fair we didn’t really take our clothes off… We were in the back of the limo…” Chuck started.

“Not helping.” I said shutting him up.

“You two… Uh…” Blair gagged. “You should know better!”

“It just kind of happened.” I said. “If I had known I wouldn’t have…”

“Jumped me?” Chuck said again.

“Still not helping.” I said.

“How could you do this to me?” Blair said on the brink of tears.

“I didn’t. It just happened and if I had known he was your soulmate I wouldn’t have done it.” I said.

“You should have known!” She said.

“You never told me.” I said.

“It was very obvious to see.” Blair said. “I know you can be oblivious but even you should have seen it.”

“Where?” I said.

“On my ass Jamie!” Bair shouted.

“What?!” I said.

“My soulmark is on my ass!” She shouted making everyone turn to look at us. “You’re a traitor!”

“Blair I’ve never seen your ass. I don’t go around staring at people’s asses.” I said.

“I’m done with you.” She said before storming off.

“Blair.” I said but she was already storming off. “Shit.”

“Leave her.” Chuck said.

“You couldn’t have said something? She’s your soulmate.” I said.

“What does that matter?” Chuck said.

“She’s your soulmate, one of my best friends don’t you think that’s something that you should have mentioned before…” I said.

“I didn’t force you into anything Becker.” Chuck said.

“Yeah but you could have mentioned it at some point.” I said.

“You didn’t really give me a chance and what does it matter. We’re not together. She made that very clear.” He said.

“To you. Honestly you two have that love hate thing going on and… yeah should have put two and two together.” I said. “I’m going to go.”

“Are we still on for Wednesday?” Chuck said.

“Chuck you’re my best friend’s soulmate and forgot to tell me. What do you think?” I said.

“I want to date you.” He said.

“Chuck I’m not sleeping with you again.” I said.

“I said date not sleep. I meant it when I said I felt something. That’s how I know this is what I really want. I already slept with you and I still want you around.” Chuck said.

“I was wrong, you’re still the same dumbass.” I said walking out of there.

“Hey what happened?” Lexie said as I walked past her.

“Chuck’s a dumbass and she said she was done before storming off.” I said.

“Aw shit, lets go find her. She’s my ride back to Brown and I really don’t feel like flying coach or taking the train.” Lexie said as we ran out to catch a taxi back to the hotel.

We managed to catch her back at the hotel as she was stuffing things back into her suitcases in a rush.

“Blair.” Lexie said.

“I said I was done with you.” Blair said.

“Blair, it was a mistake. She didn’t know.” Lexie said.

“Of course you’d take her side.” Blair said.

“Because you’re over reacting.” Lexie said.

“Over reacting?! Over reacting?!” Blair shouted. “She slept with my soulmate!!!”

“I didn’t know because you never said anything and honestly I thought you hated him.” I said.

“And that’s supposed to make it better?!” Blair shouted.

“Lexie’s slept with a bunch of people you didn’t like and hell she’s slept with Chuck and you didn’t have a problem with it!” I said.

“Hey!” lexie said.

“Oh please if I got mad at Lexie every time she had sex with someone I’d have a stomach ulcer by now.” Blair said. “You should have known better.”

“Blair your soulmark is on your ass. I don’t go around strip searching my friends or check out their asses for soulmarks.” I said.

“We’ve been to the beach, you’ve seen me in a swim suit.” She said.

“Again I don’t go around staring at people’s asses!” I said.

“Do you have any idea what a back stabber you are. How would you feel if I slept with Chris?” Blair said.

“We’re not dating and if you’re both consenting adults I don’t see what the problem is.” I said.

“Ah!! You’re such… Ah!!! You couldn’t keep your fucking legs closed you slut!!” Blair said.

“Wow!” Lexie said.

“Fuck you!” I said. “I made an honest mistake. And if I had known I never would have done anything because that’s how much your friendship means to me you self centered bitch.”

“You’re the worst friend ever. I never want to see you again. Get out.” Blair said.

“Blair.” I said.

“Out!” She shouted.

“Come on Jamie. I’ll give you a ride home.” Lexie said.

Lexie quickly grabbed all of my things while Blair locked herself in her room before we left.

“How bad did I screw up?” I asked Lexie when we got to the car.

“I’ve screwed up worse.” Lexie said. “Blair’s a spoiled brat that’s never had to share. That’s the problem with having guilty divorced parents that let you get away with everything.”

“We’re not sharing and I am totally not seeing Chuck again.” I said.

“That’s going to be hard, he asked you out on a date.” Lexie said.

“Yeah he also said he knows that’s what he wants because even after we fucked he still wants me around.” I said.

“Fucking dumbass.” She said.

“I can’t believe I slept with him.” I said.

“I can’t either. Were there drugs involved?” Lexie said.

“I was drunk but not that drunk.” I said.

“You fucked Chuck while sober drunk.” Lexie said.

“I think next year, we’re going to skip the drunken weekend long rager and just have a quiet night in that way I can’t do stupid shit.” I said.

“Well next year is Vegas so…” Lexie said.

“Uh…” I said feeling sick just thinking about it.

“Well we’re here.” Lexie said. “I’ll work on Blair and keep you updated but uh…”

“Don’t fuck Chuck again?” I asked.

“Don’t fuck chuck. And go get tested for an STD, the guy’s been around.” She said.

“Ew.” I said getting the chills just thinking about it.

“See you soon, love you.” She said hugging me.

“Love you too.” I said before letting go and walking out. I let myself into the house starting to feel the hangover and the exhaustion of the past couple of weeks hit me all at once.

“There she is!” Scott said as I walked into the living room and I collapsed on the couch in between him and Shanna.

“Uh…” I groaned.

“Rough night?” Carly asked with a smirk.

“I’m never drinking again.” I said making everyone laugh.

“That’s what everyone says.” Shanna said.

“You weren’t saying that last night when you were doing a keg stand.” Scott said.

“Uh, don’t remind me. I’m so sore. Everything hurts.” I said. “And I trashed the apartment.”

“That you did. At least it’s not your problem anymore.” Shanna said.

“Actually it is. I got the apartment.” I said.

“What?!” Carly said.

“Yeah, and for a steal too. One of the few perks of my dad being a racist misogynist asshole, he starts a trade war with China that made them back out of their deal and made his stocks drop… I save 300 thousand dollars and become a home owner.” I said.

“Wow, You go out and get drunk for three days, and you come back blonde, with an apartment and with some really cute new boots. Not a bad birthday.” Carly said.

“Oh you have no idea.” I said.

“You look good as a blonde.” Scott said.

“Eh… I’m still not too sure how I feel about it. Might dye it back later.” I said.

**November 6 th, 2011- Third Person’s POV**

Chris was feeling it. The pressure and anxiety. He had been away from home for months. His only constant was his dog and even East was starting to feel it. The 18 hour days, the intense stunts.

He hadn’t even been able to talk to his soulmate who was not only fresh out of rehab but was also dealing with some major life changes and was probably stressed beyond belief. He had called and texted but their schedules just seemed to never match up.

He just wanted to go home, eat a home cooked meal and not some pre packaged meal that his trainer had planned specifically for training schedule, have a good laugh with his friends and family.

So that’s where he was while he was sitting in his chair getting his makeup retouched for the tenth time while they reset the scene.

“Evans why the long face?” RDJ asked.

“Just tired and this helmet is squeezing my brain.” Chris said frustrated.

“Just a few more days Chris.” Scarlett said.

“I know, then it’s Thanksgiving and Christmas. I bought Carly this Pats onesie for the baby.” He said. “Just wish Jamie would answer the phone. It’s our friendiversary, wanted to know if she got the gift basket I sent her.”

“Friendiversary?” Hemsworth asked.

“That’s not a real thing.” Jeremy said.

“It’s a thing.” Scarlett said. “In grade school.”

“It’s a thing.” Chris said checking his phone for the hundredth time.

“So this Jamie… you sure she’s just a friend?” RDJ asked.

“Is this the same Jamie you were freaking out because she disappeared for months?” Hemsworth asked.

“Jamie? As in LA Jamie?” Jeremy asked.

“You’ve met her?” Scarlett asked.

“Yeah, smart kid.” Jeremy said. “I thought you two were dating?”

“We’re not like that.” He said checking his phone yet again.

“Mister Evans?” His PA called out.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“Uh… this came for you.” She said confused as a giant cake was wheeled in.

“I think this is a mistake I didn’t order a cake…” Chris started before suddenly a bunch of women in trench coats walked over holding a stereo playing a drum beat before a very familiar melody started playing and all the women threw off their trench coats leaving them in stars and stripes bikinis and boots.

“What is this?” Scarlett asked.

“Are those strippers?” Hemsworth asked.

“I hope so.” Jeremy said just as they started dancing circling Chris who just frozen in his spot laughing.

_Who's strong and brave, here to save the American Way?  
Who vows to fight like a man for what's right night and day?  
Who will campaign door-to-door for America?  
Carry the flag shore to shore for America  
From Hoboken to Spokane  
The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!_

_We can't ignore there's a threat and a war we must win  
Who'll hang a noose on the goose-stepping goons from Berlin?  
Who will indeed lead the call for America?  
Who'll rise or fall, give his all for America?  
Who's here to prove that we can?  
The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!_

_Stalwart and steady and true,  
(See how this guy can shoot, we tell ya, there's no substitute!)  
Forceful and ready to defend the Red, White, and Blue!  
Who'll give the Axis the sack and is smart as a fox?  
(Far as an eagle will soar)  
Who's making Adolf afraid to step out of his box?  
(He knows what we're fighting for!)  
Who waked the giant that napped in America?  
We know it's no one but Captain America  
Who'll finish what they began?  
Who'll kick the Krauts to Japan?  
The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!  
(Who's strong and brave, here to save the American way?!)_

The show ended with a scantily clad woman in a sexy captain America costume coming out of the fake cake that split open and lit up with sparklers ending the show.

“Here’s to you Cap.” Fake Captain America said holding out a round cake shaped like Captain America’s Shield with ‘Happy Friendiversary Chris’ Written on it.

Everyone on set was laughing and Clapping while RDJ recorded the whole thing and Chris couldn’t stop laughing.

“The message is from your friend Jamie who wanted us to tell you Happy Friendiversary and to tell you she’s sorry she’s missed all of your calls she’s not doing it on purpose she’s just really fucking busy. Her words not mine.” She said.

“I figured.” Chris said smiling. “Thanks so much. I..”

“No tip needed. She gave us that already.” She said. “Though can we get a picture?”

“Sure.” Chris said quickly taking a photo with the group. “Thanks again guys.”

They all quickly got their things as he walked back to everyone.

“Looks like Jamie didn’t forget your anniversary.” Scarlett said.

“Yeah.” Chris said with a. goofy grim on your face.

“Dude she got you strippers for your anniversary. Marry that girl.” Hemsworth said.

“She’s a keeper.” Scarlett said. “When do we get to meet her?”

“Seriously Evans stop hiding your girlfriend.” RDJ said.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Chris said.

“Well she’s not just your friend. Especially not if you check your phone every five minutes to check if she’s texted you.” Jeremy said.

“Or maybe she is your friend and you want her to be more?” Hemsworth said.

“Or she’s really hot.” Scarlett said.

“Renner is she hot?” RDJ asked.

“Yeah.” Jeremy said and Chris just gave him a look. “You know it’s true.”

“I want to see.” Scarlett said. “Picture, now.”

“Alright alright.” Chris said going through his phone before finding one of Shanna, Scott and Jamie they had sent him as a proof of life photo. “She’s the one in the middle.”

“Wow.” Hemsworth said.

“She’s your type.” Scarlett said nodding in approval.

“She’s a looker.” RDJ said. “Looks young though. How old is she?”

“She’s in her twenties right?” Jeremy asked.

“She turns twenty in two days.” Chris said.

“What?” they all said.

“Yeah, she’s in college.” He said.

“How did you meet her?” Scarlett asked.

“Met her outside a club in Boston. She bumped into me.” He said.

“You became friends with a complete stranger, a teenager you met outside a club?” RDJ asked. “She’s barely legal.”

“We’re not like that.” Chris insisted.

“You met the girl you can’t stop talking about or checking up on when she bumped into you. And just like that you’re friends?” Scarlett asked.

“Yeah.” Chris said as she looked at him.

“Jamie.” She said looking into his eyes. “Jamie… James! Jamie’s short for James! She’s James!”

“James?” RDJ asked confused.

“She’s that James!” Scarlett said.

“Uh… Maybe?” Chris said trying to play it off. “Yes.”

“You met her and you didn’t tell me.” Scarlett said slapping his arm.

“What are you guys talking about?” Hemsworth asked.

“Jamie… is my…” he said before whispering the last word just loud enough for only them to hear it. “Soulmate.”

“That explains it.” RDJ said.

“She’s a good one man.” Jeremy said. “She should probably stop smoking though.”

“Already did.” Chris said.

**One Week Later…**

I was still avoiding Chuck. He had called, showed up after class everyday with my favorite coffee order to try and get me to talk to him but still wouldn’t do it.

Finally it was time to pick up the keys to the apartment and I decided to take some cleaning supplies to clean up the mess from the party. Shanna had a day off from work and Scott had a call back in New York so it was just us girls in the house.

One quick stop at my realtors office to sign the last forms to receive the keys and I was officially a home owner.

Shanna helped me carry everything upstairs and when I opened the door we took in the mess of red solo cups, empty beer bottles and spilled beer everywhere.

“Man, forgot how much of a mess this place was.” Shanna said.

“Yeah, thought I wasn’t going to get the apartment so I said fuck it. This is what happens.” I said as we put everything down. “I only have myself to blame.”

“It’s not all bad.” Shanna said. “Once you clean everything up, patch that hole in the wall and get rid of that smell it’ll be good as new. Have you figured out what you’re going to do?”

“I have a few ideas. I mean I love living with everyone but with Carly and Brian moving in and the baby…” I said.

“It’s going to be crowded.” Shanna said getting it.

“Yeah. I mean I love everyone but…” I started.

“Crying baby.” Shanna agreed.

“Though I was thinking of getting a roommate.” I said and she turned to me. “The mortgage is pretty much covered and I have enough saved up that I can afford not to work for a year or two as long as I stick to a budget. Might stretch it a bit more if I have someone else pitching in for bills.”

“Got someone in mind?” She asked.

“You really need me to ask?” I said.

“Are you serious?” Shanna asked.

“If you want.” I said. “I know you were looking for a studio to live alone but…”

“Are you kidding me this is way better. I mean you have a rooftop patio, an onsite gym, doorman… This place is great.” She said. “Though how much is rent?”

“What was your budget for an apartment?” I asked.

“1500” She said.

“!200, and put the rest towards paying off your student loans.” I said.

“Okay roomie.” Shanna said. “Guess that means I’m helping with the clean up.”

“And breaking the news to your mom.” I said.

“Aw… she’s going to cry.” Shanna said.

“Probably.” I said. “We also have to figure out where we’re going to get some furniture.”

“Can I have the guest bedroom with the steam shower?” She asked.

“All yours.” I said before I grabbed a garbage bag and started picking up trash.

**Thanksgiving Week-**

By the time thanksgiving came around I was exhausted. School, therapy, dealing with Chuck constantly trying to get me to agree to go out on a date, calling Blair everyday trying to get her to forgive me, Dealing with the move and trying to find furniture and the craziness that came with Thanksgiving, It’s like I didn’t have time for anything. Even worse I was so busy I had missed all of Chris’ calls. We texted but I wouldn’t get back to him until hours later and he was in the same boat as he finished filming.

The only plus side of thanksgiving was having the entire week off, the downside was that finals were right around the corner and it was also moving weekend along with Thanksgiving.

I spent most of my first day off from class in the library. I didn’t get home until it was almost time for dinner.

“I’m back.” I said walking into the kitchen.

“Jamie!” Chris cheered.

“Dorito!” I said hugging him. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too…” Before he ran his fingers through my hair as he hugged me back. “Are you blonde?”

“Yeah.” I still hugging him. I was about to let him go before he pulled me back.

“Not yet.” He said. “I’m sorry I haven’t…”

“I’m sorry two this semester is just kicking my butt.” I said.

“And the stunt training I just get home and….” He said.

“Getting the apartment ready…” I said.

‘And you’ll never guess what happened with this girl…” he continued.

“Blair’s pissed at me because I…” I said.

“Told the crew because Scarlett guessed…” Chris said.

“And Chuck won’t take no for an answer…” I continued.

“Wow.” Shanna said just sitting in the corner watching them. “You two are made for each other.”

Chris and I chuckled before splitting up.

“You want to go first?” Chris asked. “I got a photo of you doing a keg stand which I’m sure there’s a story behind.”

“The weekend from hell.” I said. “You might want to sit down. It’s a long one.”


	26. Chapter 26

“Okay so…” I was about to start before we sat down for our catch up session when East started scratching at the door. “Hold on a second.”

I jumped out of my seat and went to open the door to let East in who was whining and crying.

“Oh there my favorite cuddle buddy!” I said hugging him as he nuzzled into my neck and started licking my cheek. “You missed me? Yes you did. Yes you did.”

“I take him out for walks and clean up his crap and he never does that for me.” Lisa said.

“Me either.” Chris said just watching me carry East in my arms back to where we were sitting before the dog got comfortable in my lap leaning his head on my arm while I softly pet him.

“I missed this.” I said.

  
“I think you have another dog sitter if you need one.” Lisa said. “have a good day of studying?”

“Yeah the library was empty so I got my favorite study room for the whole day.” I said.

“You have a favorite study room?” Shanna said.

“Yeah it’s close to the restrooms and the vending machines, far away enough from the elevators that you can’t here them, and it had good lighting plus the fluorescents don’t buzz.” I said.

“Okay weirdo.” Shanna said.

“The little things make a difference. I finished one of my essays memorized half the reactions I needed to and read all the articles I’m going to use as references for the second essay I’m doing tomorrow.” I said.

“And I thought I was busy.” Chris said.

“Oh at what time are we going furniture shopping tomorrow?” Shanna asked.

“We can go after lunch. I’ll head to the library early come back, eat and then shop.” I said.

“Furniture shopping?” Chris said completely confused.

“Yeah for the apartment.” Shanna said.

“You got an apartment?” Chris said. “Where?”

“Jamie’s apartment.” Shanna said. “We’re moving in together.”

“You two are moving in together? Wait… you got the apartment?” Chris said. “I’ve been gone less than two months and everything’s changed.”

“Yeah I have a lot to catch you up on.” I said as my phone started beeping.

“Dinner?” Lisa asked.

“No Exercise. I’m going to take a walk around the block. Plus I think this little guy is due for a walk.” I said.

“You schedule your breaks now?” Chris asked.

“Yes and no, it’s a new thing.” I said putting down East.

“I’ll go with you so you can start filling me in.” Chris said putting on East’s harness and leash.

So we headed out and went outside.

“Oh well to start, this is my new car.” I said stopping next to the Toyota corolla.

“That’s good car, Better than my first car.” He said.

“Well it gets me from point A to B, and the speaker system is pretty good.” I said.

“So the alarm?” He asked.

“Oh right. Don’t freak out but with everything I had going on I had a minor set back.” I said.

“Jamie…” Chris said.

“That’s what my therapist calls it, There wasn’t any purging. I’ve just been really busy and started skipping meals without realizing I was skipping meals. So I have alarms on my phone to remind me to eat now. And we’ve been working on slowly easing me back into exercising which now that I’m super busy would totally help with my anxiety but I’m limited to only thirty minutes a day and the only way I can squeeze it in is in three ten minute intervals scattered throughout the day which defeats the purpose of exercising because ten minutes isn’t even close to what I need to get a runner’s high. He wanted to give me pills but pills make me nauseous which when I’m already struggling to remember to eat would defeat the whole purpose of therapy and meds. So the alarms really help.” I said.

“That’s rough.” He said. “But you’re okay right?”

“Oh yeah, things have really calmed down the past week or so. I mean it’s the first finals week in years I’m not stress puking.” I said. ”If all goes well I’ll be up to 45 minutes by January.”

“I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself.” He said. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks.” I said. “Uh let’s see what else did you miss… Oh the keg stand and the apartment.”

“I was going to ask about the hair?” He said.

“That’s actually part of it.” I said.

“Okay so this guy I knew from boarding school, Chuck, Is in Boston taking a few business courses and I’m like the only person he knows here so we’ve been hanging out.” I said.

“When you say hanging out…” he said.

“It was flirty but nothing happened.” I said. “Anyway the weekend before my birthday Lexie and Blair came into town to surprise me with a weekend long rager. We went to a spa, got the works and once we were there Lexie and Blair talked me into changing it up in order to distract me from the fact that I still hadn’t heard back about the apartment. And I said sure, I saw this look I liked but said maybe a bit lighter than that and well… now I’m blonde.”

“Looks good though.” He said. “You look better than I do as a blonde.”

“It comes and goes.” I said. “So we got the whole gang back together, there was a party bus, I was wearing this amazing dress and I was on top of the world. Then Shawn keeps giving me shots to prepare me to find out I didn’t get the apartment.”

“I thought you did get the apartment?” Chris said.

“I did later.” I said as East stopped at a tree to whiz. “At that point my dad had made a deal to sell the whole building for double to some Chinese real estate company. I was wrecked. I mean all my plans had basically fallen through so we’re at karaoke and I’m just bringing down the mood until the ultimate hype song comes on…”

“Eye of the tiger?” he asked.

“We are the Champions.” I said.

“Oh that’s way better.” He said.

“From there we went to a strip club. I got a lap dance from two guys, both firemen…” I said. “Everyone hooked up at that point so I snuck out with Chuck to get tacos from that place we went to… And at this point I was drunk but knew what I was doing and I need to make this clear that at the time I had no idea.”

“No idea what?” Chris said.

“You’ll see.” I said. “So we’re in the limo on our way back we start talking, I was kind of horny and he was flirting so I went for it and we hooked up.”

“In the back of a limo. Way to go Jamie. About time you had some fun.” He said as he held his hand up for a high five.

“You might want to hold off on that.” I said.

“Why?” Chris said.

“So next morning I tell Lexie what happened and turns out Chuck is Blair’s soulmate.” I said.

“Oh shit.” He said.

“Yeah.” I said. “I had no idea, Blair and Chuck always had this passive aggressive tension which now that I know make sense but she never brought it up. Neither of them ever did. So we decided to wait until Sunday to tell her because we totally thought it would ruin the mood and she’s also been going through a lot since she got kicked out of Yale. Anyway I was bummed about the apartment so I told them I wanted to say goodbye to the place. See it one last time. Admire the granite counter tops, the steam shower… the walk in closet. While were there Lexie gets the brilliant idea that we should throw a house party since we never got to have one in high school…”

“You’ve never been to a house party?” Chris asked.

“Boarding school Chris.” I said.

“Right.” He said.

“I said no then Satan called to rub in the fact that I wasn’t going to get the apartment and I said fuck it let’s stick it to the douche one last time and we threw a house party. I mean there was booze, every possible drug you could want, two DJs, I did a keg stand. I basically passed out on the floor of my room, woke up the next morning to Shawn shouting telling me I got the apartment because right before Satan was going to close the deal he told a super racist joke that offended everyone in the room and started a trade war with China. His stocks tanked, and the board rushed him to sell so I got the apartment for 300K less than the asking price.” I said.

“What exactly did he say?” He asked and I whispered the joke into his ear. “Oh what a douche… but you got the apartment.”

“I got the apartment. So then at brunch is when shit got real. I had woken up with writing on my arm of a date I had with someone on Wednesday. Turns out Chuck had put that there because he wanted to go out.” I said. “Blair figured it out and I apologized but she wasn’t hearing it because somehow I should have known about the soulmark she had on her ass because I’m expected to check my friend’s asses for soulmarks for some reason. And Chuck had nothing to say because according to him he didn’t do anything wrong. Assumes we’re still on for our date after everything. I make it clear we are never hooking up again and he says he wants a date and he knows he’s serious about me because even after he fucked me he still wanted me around.”

“He actually said that?” Chris said.

“Yeah. Don’t know why I was surprised. This is the guy that used to introduce himself to girls and say three other girls want to fuck me how about you?” I said.

“Jamie…” Chris said.

“I know.” I said. “Now my best friend won’t talk to me, Chuck is still trying to convince me to go out with him and I’m just freaking tired.”

“I’m sorry.” Chris said giving me a side hug.

“It’s okay… The sex was actually good this time so not a total loss.” I said.

“Want to hear about something that happened to me?” Chris asked.

“I really really do.” I said.

“So my schedule’s been all over the place and I’ve also been really stressed and wanted to unwind so I went out with the guys to a bar. I met this girl and she was nice, pretty so one thing leads to another and we go back to her place because…”

“No way you want a random stranger to know where you live?” I finished.

“That and her place was closer.” Chris said.

“Makes sense.” I said.

“So we’re going at it. Going great and then she goes ‘fuck me harder Cap’.” He said.

“She didn’t…” I said.

“It gets worse.” He said. “She follows up with take your shield, take it hard…”

“Oh….” I said before bursting into laughter. “That’s… wow. I mean some people are into roleplay. That could have been fun.”

“She actually had a shield.” He said and I started laughing.

“Chris…” I said laughing. “That’s… what did you do?”

“I was… attached.” He said making me laugh. “So I kind of just let her take over, waited until she went to the bathroom and ran out of there.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of Chris running for his life from a crazy fan.

“Does that happen often?” I asked.

“I’ve never played such a big role before. I mean the fantastic four movie wasn’t so popular… Is this what dating’s going to be like now?” Chris asked.

“No.” I said “Some people just have a hard time separating that actors are real people not the characters they play. It’s just another red flag for you to look out for. But you really weren’t into it?”

“Jamie she had flag panties.” He said making me laugh.

“Okay that’s trying too hard.” I said.

“That’s one word for it.” He said.

“Guess that means you didn’t like the singing telegram.” I said.

“Oh no I liked it. Really brightened up my day. The guys on set got a real kick out of it.” He said. “Cake was good too.”

“Glad to hear. Scott had to help me figure out how to get them into the set.” I said.

“Also… I kind of let it slip out… well more like Scarlett figured it out.” Chris said.

“Figured out what?” I asked.

“That you’re my soulmate.” He said.

“Well she’s your friend Chris. One of your closest friends by what you’ve told me. And you’re allowed to tell people if you want. Telling reporters though, that I’d have a problem with.” I said.

“The main cast of the movie knows.” He said. “They were there.”

“Okay.” I said.

“But they know not to tell anyone they get it.” He said.

“Okay.” I said.

“And I know I should have talked to you before saying anything but Scarlett just knew, it’s like a super power.” He said.

“Chris.” I said stopping him before he went into full meltdown mode. “It’s okay. I trust you. If you trust them not to blab this to the media then so do I.”

“I know those guys and they get being private. I mean I didn’t even know Scarlett got married until she got divorced.” He said.

“That’s taking sneaky to a whole new level.” I said.

“So you’re rooming with Shanna.” Chris said.

“Yeah, it’s kind of nice coming home to a house that isn’t empty.” I said. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I know. I missed you guys.” He said.

“Yeah… You came in time to help us move everything.” I said.

“Uh. Well it’s not much to move anyway.” He said.

“For now.” I said. “We’re going shopping tomorrow. Including Ikea.”

“Guess that’ll be my workout for the day.” He said before we headed back to the house.

We ate dinner and watched a movie for a bit. East cuddled up with me, snoring the day away.

“The flight must’ve really tired him out.” I said.

“Might be his meds too.” I said.

“Meds?” I asked.

“Yeah took him for a check up and turns out he had a heart murmur which is why he was wheezing.” Chris said petting East’s head.

“Poor little guy.” I said gently rubbing his back. “Is it anything to worry about?”

“Not at the moment. Just means he has to get checked out more often.” Chris said. “But he’s a strong guy. He’ll be fine.”

“RRR” East said letting out a loud snore.

“I should actually start getting ready for bed. Need to get to the library early if I’m going to get any work done.” I said.

“What time are you getting up?” Chris asked.

“Six thirty. I’m eating breakfast before I go. Just need to get some things out of your room so you can crash.” I said.

“I’m taking the couch.” He said.

“Chris you’re not sleeping on the couch. It’s your room, you should crash there.” I said.

“It’s your room, at least until you’re settled back in your apartment.” He said.

“You just flew in and your backs going to kill you if on the couch.” I said.

“I swear you two are the same person sometimes.” Scott said.

“I know.” Shanna said. “How about you neither of you sleep on the couch. One of you can crash in Carly’s room and the other in Chris’ room. Mom already had Chris move her stuff out of there.”

“That’s a good idea.” He said.

“I’ll crash in Carly’s, you might want some alone time with your Pats box.” I said making Scott and Shanna laugh.

“Why did I ever tell you about that?” Chris said.

“You like big butts and you can’t lie?” I retorted.

“That’s it. Come here.” Chris said pulling me closer as he started tickling me.

“Chris!” I shrieked as I started laughing. “Stop stop I have to pee.”

“Oh.” He said quickly letting me go.

“Okay Now I’m calling it a night.” I said. “See you all tomorrow.”

“Night.” They all called out.

**The Following Morning-**

I woke up to minutes before my alarm. Two freaking minutes. That’s the worst feeling in the world. I knew two minutes didn’t really make a difference but the anticipation just makes it feel worse.

When my alarm finally did ring I immediately shut it off and got up. I took a quick shower hoping I didn’t wake anyone up.

I put my hair up in a ponytail. The forecast for the week said it was going to be cloudy, my favorite weather so I chose a pair of light blue skinny jeans, a light grey flowy v-neck and topped it with a charcoal grey waterfall duster cardigan. I finished the look off with tan booties.

When I was done I headed downstairs for a quick breakfast before I headed out. Normally I was up before everyone else but When I walked in Chris was making breakfast.

“Morning.” He said.

“Morning.” I said going straight to the coffee maker. “Did you fall out of bed?”

“No, my call times have been really early the past couple of weeks. Guess I got used to it and I had to take East out.” Chris said as he plated some scrambled eggs. “Sit, breakfast is almost ready.”

“I was just going to have some oatmeal but this is way better.” I said.

“Protein keeps you full longer and it’s brain food.” He said.

“Hmm.” I said humming as I took a bite of the greasy salty goodness. “Big plans today?”

“If by big plans you mean sit around, catch up on my reading list or help mom with the show.” He said.

“Reading for fun… I forgot what that’s like.” I said. “All I read about are stats, chemical reactions biological processes and more research. You know I read a study about why guys never used a urinal in the middle.”

“What do you mean by middle?” Chris asked.

“If there’s three of them side by side.” I said.

“That’s not a thing.” He said.

“Oh it is.” I said. “Guys will go to the one on either side or the middle one if no one else is there but if the two on the sides are taken you won’t go to the middle one.”

“I… huh.” Chris said thinking about it just as Scott walked in.

“Uh.. why are you up so early?” Scott said.

“Things to do.” I said eating my bacon.

“Hey Scott, if there’s three urinals and the two on the sides are taken would you use the one in the middle?” He asked.

“No I don’t want people trying to size me up while I’m peeing. It’s not accurate.” Scott said making us laugh.

“Apparently there’s a study to do research on that.” Chris said.

“Why would people do research on something so obvious?” Scott said.

“It’s why some people don’t believe Psychology is a real science.” I said finishing up breakfast. I got up and put my dish in the dishwasher.

“What time are you coming back?” Chris asked.

“Around lunch time. So noon, maybe one I get a bad case of writer’s block.” I said.

“It used to take me days to write an essay.” Scott said.

“I have it all planned out already just need to put all the pieces together. I said. “I’m going to head out. Don’t want anyone to take my study room.”

“We could go hiking later. If you’re up for it.” Chris said.

“I get thirty minutes a day so it can’t be a long one.” I said.

“Does it count if it’s fifteen you take a break for a while and then take fifteen back?” Chris said.

“Dude that’s way more than fifteen minutes.” Scott said.

“We’re not going there.” Chris said. “And we only took that long because you kept stopping.”

“It was a long hike.” He said.

“Well my endurance has taken a pretty big hit, I mean I could barely climb up the stairs three days after I did a keg stand.” I said.

“It’s an easy hike and if we end up going over I’ll give you a piggy back ride.” Chris said.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” I said.

“I could do it. I lift weights heavier than you and you don’t weight… that mu..ch” Chris said as Scott started signaling him to stop talking but quickly covering it up when I turned to look at him.

“You know I should be mostly done after today with the assignments that are due. We can go tomorrow.” I said.

“Tomorrow works too.” Chris said.

“Less stress.” Scott said.

“Cool, guess I’ll see you guys later.” I said looking at Scott strangely before walking out.

**Third Person’s POV-**

Jamie walked out of the kitchen going to grab her things before she headed out. Scott then walked over to Chris and slapped the back of his head.

“Ah! What the fuck man?” Chris said.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Scott said. “You lift weights heavier than her? She doesn’t weight that much? No wonder she won’t go out with you.”

“We’re not like that.” Chris said. “And what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Dude you can’t say shit like that to Jamie.” Scott said. “It’s like offering a beer to an alcoholic.”

“What don’t I know?” He said. “I know I’ve been gone a while but…”

“Look Jamie is better, like way better and a lot more relaxed now that she’s cut off than when she wasn’t cut off but she has a lot on her plate and she has bad days. Like the day she skipped lunch and dinner because she called Blair trying to apologize again and she called Jamie fat. Or when she went shopping with Carly and Shanna because her favorite pair of jeans didn’t fit anymore and she found out she also went up a bra size. Ma almost spoon fed her soup that day while she studied.” Scott said.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Chris said.

“I know but it’s still really easy to trigger her.” Scott said.

“She mentioned a set back but she said it wasn’t that bad.” He said.

“Dude she didn’t tell us she went to rehab until she got out.” Scott said. “You really think she’d say anything if it started again?”

“Shit.” Chris said.

**Hours Later…**

I was on a roll today. I finished my essay, my lab reports, finished all of my flash cards caught up on my reading… I was kicking ass.

I headed home at 12:30, so right on time for lunch.

“I’m back.” I said walking in.

“Right on time. I’m making Sandwiches.” Chris said.

“Oh you’re the best.” I said walking into the kitchen and grabbing a piece of tomato. “I’m gonna go leave my stuff upstairs.”

I quickly went to do that and wash my hands before coming back.

“Shanna still not here?” I asked.

“Nah, She went grocery shopping with Carly.” Chris said.

“Ouch.” I said taking a bite of my sandwich. “The week of thanksgiving is the worst week to go grocery shopping.”

“It’s like going Christmas shopping on December 23rd.” Chris said watching me eat.

“Do I have something on my face?” I asked.

“No you’re just really enjoying that sandwich.” Chris said with a smile before he frowned. “Which you should it’s a great sandwich. I should add sandwich artist to my resume.”

“Ok Evans, spill.” I said.

“What do you mean?” He said.

“You’re being weird and talking fast. Like a real life auto correct.” I said.

“No I just… I realized that I may have said a few wrong things this morning.” Chris said.

“What wrong thing?” I asked.

“The weight thing.” He said.

“You didn’t call me fat.” I said.

“Yeah but I realized that could be triggering for you…” He said.

“That’s not one of my triggers.” I said.

“It’s not?” Chris said.

“If you called me fat and shoved two fingers with really long fingernails into my mouth, compared me to a farm animal or a sea mammal, or grabbed my arm hard enough to leave finger shaped bruises, that would probably trigger me. Telling me I’m lighter than your freakishly huge weights won’t.” I said.

“Are you sure because I really really don’t want to see you go through that again. You look great, you always have and…” He started.

“I’m good. Promise.” I said. “What brought this on?”

“Scott was telling me about the setback?” Chris said.

“Setback is a bit of an exaggeration.” I said.

“So you didn’t stop eating for a day?” He asked.

“I skipped lunch because it was lab day and we did this synthesis reaction that smelled really bad and it grossed me out. Stunk up my clothes that day.” I said.

“And you didn’t freak out when you talked to Blair and she called you fat? Or when you went shopping and went up a size?” Chris asked.

“Yeah it hurt when Blair called me fat but to be fair I called her a frigid psychotic bitch so I think I got off easy.” I answered.

“And the shopping?” He asked.

“Yeah I freaked out in joy because I finally got my boobs back and I could go back to using my other bras. Do you have any idea how expensive bars are, especially good ones that are actually comfortable?” I asked.

“So you’re not… you know…” He said.

“No. I don’t feel like doing another stint in rehab. If I start to get dark I remember what it felt like getting an NG tube put in and the feeling goes away fast.” I said.

“Oh fuck that’s great.” Chris said. “Scott said…”

“Scott? Yeah he got bored a few weeks ago and when I told him a few rehab stories he went down a WebMD spiral. Your mom took his phone away for a few days.” I said.

“That makes sense.” He said.

“Trust me that’s not something you ever need to worry about. I’ve come way too far to start falling back now.” I said.

“Good to hear.” Chris said with a relived smile as I took a bite of the sandwich.

“Mh… Why do sandwiches always taste better when someone else makes it?” I said.

“I don’t know.” He said. “Are you and Shanna still going shopping later?”

“As soon as she gets here.” I said. “Why? In the mood for some furniture shopping?”

“I was thinking of maybe buying a new bed, I think I’m too big for my twin bed.” Chris said.

“It’s really comfy but I was wondering how you manage to fit on there.” I said.

“It’s a tight squeeze.” He admitted.

“Well we’re going to Ikea for a bed frame and then to the mattress store. Hopefully they haven’t discontinued the mattress I used to have.” I said. “From there we’re going to check out estate sales and storage unit sales.”

“Estate sales?” Chris said.

“You never know.” I said.

“You aren’t afraid of being haunted?” He said.

“I’m looking for a good coffee table or lamp not a bed.” I said. “Or anything with body fluids on it.”

“We’ll find you something.” Chris said.

It didn’t take long before Shanna showed up and we were off. We started off at an auction of items from storage lockers who’s owners hadn’t paid the rent. I found a pair of arm chairs I liked that could go in the corner of my room or in the living room for fifty bucks plus an additional fee for delivery.

“Okay what do you think an L shaped couch or I was thinking one big couch, a day bed by the window and a love seat?” I asked Shanna.

“Depends are we getting a dining table?” She asked.

“I don’t think so. I mean we always eat at the breakfast bar or in the living room.” I said.

“True… I think a love seat would be better. That way we each have one to cuddle on and fall asleep when we watch movies.” Shanna said. “Obviously everything’s going to be in grey so it can match the walls and the kitchen.”

“But with light blue accents like curtains or couch pillows…” I said.

“Oh yes, that would look so cute.” Shanna said. “And like a dark or rustic wood coffee and lamp tables.”

“And the TV stand.” I said.

“You guys should come to LA and redo my place. I normally just buy stuff and put it wherever.” Chris said.

“Typical bachelor pad.” Shanna said.

“I do love your kitchen though.” I said. “these lamps though are a no go for me.”

“they’re cute and would totally go with the couch.” Shanna said.

“But they’re so dim.” I said.

“Does it really matter you have ceiling lights.” Chris said.

“If you’re going to put a lamp out it should be able to do its job right.” I said.

“You can just change the bulb or the lamp shade?” Shanna suggested.

“Eh… we should hold off on those. We’re still going to Ikea.” I said.

“True,” Shanna said putting the lamps down. Then I saw something that caught my eye.

“Huh, this looks just like my old coffee table.” I said. “And my couch.”

“Yeah…” Chris said looking at one of the cushions. “It even had the coffee stain from when Scott spilled his while we were playing Call of Duty.”

“It does.” I said before I look the cushion net to it and flipped it over to show the nail polish stain Lexie left on it when she visited the weekend of my 18th birthday. “Chris this is my couch.”

“What?” he said.

“This is all my old furniture.” I said walking to the coffee table and reaching under it to pull out a pack of cigarettes. “This is where that asshole dumped it all it.”

I looked around and found the manager.

“Excuse me sir, where did all of this come from?” I asked pointing to my old furniture.

“Oh yeah this stuff is the best. Some rich guy’s assistant booked it for him to store to for a few months. Then two weeks ago he calls, pays for me to junk it all. The stuff was practically new so I decided to pocket the cash and sell it all.” He said.

“That fucking asshole.” I said.

“Uh I can get you a good deal…” The manager said uncomfortably.

“We’re just going to keep looking.” Chris said ushering me away.

“Well now I know where my stuff ended up.” I said.

“So we’re buying all of your stuff back?” Shanna asked. “Because we got to move fast. I saw that lady eyeing your coffee table.”

“My vintage handcrafted perfectly leveled coffee table?” I said before I saw my TV stand, my bed frame… my rug. People were touching it. Kids were dragging their little racecars all over it with their sticky hands.

“Jamie breathe.” Chris said.

“Touch the fuzzy pillow.” Shanna said putting my hand on a pillow she was holding. “Soft pillow, fluffy pillow…”

“I’m okay.” I said taking a breath. “I’m okay. This is just stuff. Stuff I picked out. Every single piece. Every hand knit cashmere throw. Every single piece in its own perfect spot around my sixty inch flat screen with surround sound.”

“If it helps I can haggle and get you fifty bucks off the asking price?” Shanna said.

“No… No this is a fresh start.” I said before I saw my falt screen. “Except for my TV, I want that back”

“Bed.” Chris fake coughed.

“And since were here and I know who’s cooties are on my bed, that too.” I said quickly going to make that purchase.

“I’ll take the other one!” Shanna said running after me.

We each ended up buying one of the mattresses at a steal.

Since we got most of the big purchases out of the way first the rest of the day was more us looking for things to decorate the apartment with which was actually really fun. I got a set of wall decals that covered the entire wall behind my bed with constellations.

We went back to the apartment to drop everything off and to wait for all the stuff we bought to be delivered.

“Wow!” Chris said when he walked in.

“Believe it or not it was worse.” Shanna said.

“Worse than the hole in the wall?” Chris said.

“The TV and the stand will cover that up.” I said. “But I’m still having someone come by and patch it up tomorrow.”

“Good call.” Chris said looking at the scuff marks on the floor. “Carpet?”

“Yeah.” I said. “We’re also going to need to go grocery shopping this weekend.”

“At least you got to keep the fridge and stove.” He said.

“Negotiated it in the deal.” I said pulling out waters from the fridge for everyone. I had just cracked mine open when there was a knock at the door.

“That was fast.” Shanna said.

“Yeah.” I said. “Remind me to ask what moving company they hired, you never know.”

I opened the door and saw the delivery man there.

“Is this the apartment of James Becker?” he asked.

“Yes.” I answered.

“Alright, where do you want your boxes?” he asked.

“Boxes?” I asked confused. “I think there’s a mistake. It’s supposed to be furniture…”

“I have boxes here sent for a James Becker from a Miss Vivienne Bernadee..ax?” he said.

“Bernadeaux.” I corrected.

“Yeah do you want my help bringing them in or do you want me to just leave it here cause I’m not taking it back.” He said.

“How many boxes are there?” I said looking out to the hall to see stacks of them and even a few by the elevator he still hadn’t brought in. “Ah fuck.”

We brought them all into the apartment. Each box was marked with the words ‘James’ shit’ or some synonym of that.

“What the hell is all of this?” I said opening the first box I saw.

“Uh I think this is all your stuff.” Shanna said opening up a box to see a bunch of arts and crafts projects.

“Aw that’s kind of nice. She kept all of your school projects.” Chris said as I opened up a box to see a note.

“Wouldn’t be too sure of that.” I said picking up the note “James Since I no longer have to put up with your shit here’s all the shit you left at the house or sent us because you thought we’d want to waste time on, you dumb fat pig. Don’t come crawling back to me when you’re on the streets- Vivienne’.”

With that I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the trash.

“Guess we should go dump all this stuff.” I said.

“You don’t want any of it?” Shanna said.

“Why would I? It’s just drawings and art projects from grade school.” I said.

“And all of your trophies.” Christ said opening a box and pulling them out. “You have a lot of trophies. All for gymnastics and your third grade spelling bee.”

“I’m especially dumping those.” I said.

“Oh my gosh, is this you.” Shanna said pulling out a frame with a plaque on it. “James Becker, Balance Beam Champion, 1999. You look so cute!”

“Aw… you were so cute. What happened?” Chris said and I glared at him. “Kidding. There’s more… and baby pictures!”

“Aw! I have to send this one to Ma.” Shanna said snapping a with her phone of a photo of me at around one year old in a matching baby blue dress and cardigan with white knit leggings and black Mary jane shoes with a huge bow in my hair.

“The white shoes! You were such a 90’s baby.” Shanna said.

“That’s a huge bow.” Chris said before he kept turning the page. “And another one. Your mom really liked bows.”

“No I actually didn’t have a lot of hair as a baby so people assumed I was a boy especially since my name is James so Banshee made sure it was really obvious I was a girl by making me wear huge bows.” I said.

“I think this one’s bigger than your head.” Shanna said.

“Yeah, I had one for every outfit up until first grade.” I said.

“The corduroy overalls, the sailor dress, floral jump suits. Man you were the 90’s personified.” Shanna said before she picked up the next album. The gymnastics album.

While they went through those I started opening the boxes to see if there was anything in there I could sell later or what was going straight to the trash.

I opened one box and couldn’t help but cheer.

“BAILEY BEAR!” I cheered picking up a stuffed elephant toy and hugging it.

“Bailey bear?” Chris and Shanna asked looking up from the album.

“Uh…” I said realizing what I had just said and quickly put the elephant down. “Old favorite toy.”

“You do know it’s an elephant right?” Shanna asked.

“I was two, everyone had a stuffed bear and I asked for a stuffed bear but Satan and Banshee weren’t paying attention and threw the first stuffed toy they saw at me told me it was that or nothing so I named him Bailey Bear so I could say I had a bear.” I said. “Used to hug and cry into it when Satan and Banshee started yelling. I’m pretty sure the hairs glued together are my tears and snot.”

“Or could be the fact that it’s been in storage with who knows what for ten years.” Chris said.

“Ew.” I said quickly throwing Bailey back in the box. “Ah! Yes! My first edition wizard of oz!”

“I love the wizard of oz. I made mom read it to me at least a hundred times.” Chris said.

“I wanted to take it with me to boarding school but they didn’t give me a chance to grab it.” I said picking up all the books in the series.

“Are they all first editions?” Shanna asked.

“Yeah.” I said. “Banshee went through a vintage phase and everything in the house had to match including the books. Definitely putting these in the safe.”

“Is that an autograph!?” Chris said as he opened the first page.

“From the author and illustrator.” I said as I kept looking through the books to make sure there wasn’t any damage.

“This might be the most expensive thing I’ve ever touched.” Chris said.

“Don’t you have a Rolex?” Shanna remined him.

“This is more important.” He said. “Look what I found.” Chris said lifting up a box of old VHS tapes. “Home movies.”

“Probably my old competition tapes.” I said. “Dump them.”

“What?! No, I want to see you in action. I mean you were a champion, you had to be really good to win all those trophies.” Shanna said.

“I wasn’t that great and besides I don’t have a VHS Player.” I said as there was another knock at the door. “hopefully it’s the movers this time.”

**Third Person’ POV-**

Chris watched Jamie go show the movers where to put everything while he and Shanna started clearing things up.

“Can’t believe Jamie wants to throw this all away.” Shanna said.

“I do. Probably doesn’t bring up happy memories for her.” He said.

“Yeah but… look at this.” Shanna said. “Have you ever seen a cuter baby picture? Does Jamie ever look bad in photos?”

“I know.” Chris said smiling. “Red really makes her eyes pop.”

Shanna’s phone started buzzing.

“Wow Ma finally figured out how to use emojis.” Shanna said. “So many heart eyes, teary eyes… just hearts. She says she wants to see more. These are definitely coming home with us. Everyone needs baby pictures.”

“You should ask Jamie.” Chris said.

“It’s the baby album not the gymnastics album.” Shanna said. “Wish we could see Jamie in action though.”

“She must’ve been really good.” he said. “But they’re all VHS tapes.”

“Well… Scott still has the VHS in his room….” Shanna said.

“Does it actually work?” Chris asked.

“He and Jamie were watching Star Wars on it last week.” She said and Chris gave her a look.

“I mean it couldn’t hurt to watch a couple. Just to see what Jamie was like as a kid.” He said.

“And mom would want to see it.” Shanna said.

“It’s only fair… I mean she’s seen all of our embarrassing photos.” Chris said picking up a yearbook.

“She’s seen your embarrassing photos. I don’t have bad photos.” Shanna said.

“You sure about that?” Chris retorted skipping through it. “Wow.”

“What… WOW!” Shanna said.

“Alright the other bed you can put in the other room and…” Jamie said coming closer.

Shanna quickly snapped a photo Chris closed the yearbook and put it back in the box as Jamie came back.

**Jamie’s POV-**

We got back in time to have Chris’ bed delivered and for dinner. Chris and Shanna brought back the box of photos and were currently showing them off to Scott and Lisa.

“Oh look at you with those little dimples.” Lisa said.

“Man do you ever take a bad photo?” Scott said.

“That’s what I said!” Shanna said.

“Your first day of school.” Lisa said. “Such a cute uniform and your matching bow.”

“Look at these you were so tiny.” Scott said looking at the photos of me in leotards.

“Look at you with a tutu, a little ballerina.” Lisa said. “But this one is my favorite.”

It was the photo of me at one year old in the blue dress.

“That’s my new contact photo for you.” Chris said.

“Everyone always likes that one.” I said.

“Can I frame this for you?” Lisa said.

“You can keep it if you want.” I said. “I was just going to throw everything out.”

“What?” Lisa said. “James Alexandra Becker you will do no such thing. These are memories you should hold on to. You can compare them to photos of your kids to see if they look more like you than their dad. You know what, I’m going to hold onto them for you. And this one’s going up with the rest of the baby photos.”

“Ma she also wanted to throw out her home movies and gymnastics videos.” Shanna said.

“Jamie.” Lisa said.

“Don’t worry.” Chris said walking in. “We rescued them and I just finished setting up the VHS player in the living room.”

“No.” I said.

“Yeah.” He said.

“I want to see!” Scott said getting up.

“I want to see baby Jamie!” Lisa said going after him.

“Oh come on guys I wasn’t that great.” I said.

“I still want to see.” Lisa said as they all ran to the living room.

“I hate you.” I told Chris as I passed by him.

“No you don’t.” he said with a grin. As he went to grab a tape and started the first one.

_It started with me and the other girls running around the floor matt spinning our arms in wide circles as we warmed up._

_“That’s what you put her in?” Satan said._

_“Velvet is very chic, and the red brings out her eyes.” Banshee said._

_“No one gives a shit about her eyes, she better not fall on her ass again.” He said._

_“Let’s hope not, that’s the last thing I need my brand to be associated with, a fat loser.” Banshee said and everyone frowned before turning to me._

_“_ The Commentary gets better.” I said turning my attention to the screen. It started off on floor as I jumped on the spring floor doing a split leap before landing in the corner and running to do my first pass which was a simple arabian, followed by more twists and tumbling before I ended on the floor in a perfect split with my head thrown back and my arms up saluting the judges.

“That was amazing.” Lisa said.

_“That second landing was off. Should have flattened her feet, that’s going to be a deduction.” He said._

_“She’s getting my clothes dirty.” Vivienne said._

_Then there was me in the video panting getting lecture by my coach as he gave me a firm pat on the back. I flinched just thinking about it._

The Vault was fast and nothing to really comment on. Just banshee complaining about the chalk that was going to get on her clothes and car.

“Jamie I knew you said you were good but you were… I mean...” Chris said.

“You could have gone pro. Why did you stop?” Shanna said.

“Stuff happens.” I said.

_Then came the uneven bars._

_“She need to get this right. If she does this she wins.” Satan said._

_“Let’s hope she can lift her fat ass and stay straight.” Banshee said._

_“Fucking point your toes James.” Satan cursed._

_“Sloppy not a single clean line.” Banshee said._

_“I’m going to fucking tie her legs together see if that makes her keep her fucking legs together.” He cursed. “Stick it, stick it stick IT!! Yes!!”_

_“Finally!” Banshee said as they stood up and cheered._

_“We won, not even James could screw this up now.” Satan said. “And with that Layout.”_

_Of course that didn’t end up happening. The first and only time I took second place. I was digging my nails into the palm of my hand so hard I was probably going to start bleeding._

_I mounted the beam, the choreography was perfect and on a simple front aerial I wobbled and lost my balance._

_“Ah!!!” Satan cursed. “Fucking idiot. She had it, she fucking had it.”_

_“I told you not to give her dairy but no…” Banshee said._

_“It’s that stupid outfit you made, it doesn’t let her move.” He said._

_“I’m trying to motivate her to lose weight.” She said. “Should have made her get rid of it before we left the house.”_

_“No shit.” He said. “You cost us gold.”_

_“Me? I wasn’t the one that kept her up half the night on the treadmill…” She started._

“I think that’s enough.” Chris said stopping the video. “I think I saw another one in here with Stars and arrows that might be good, happier.”

“That might be better.” Scott said.

“Oh here it is.” Chris said picking up the video and reading the title. “The Big Day.”

“No!” I shouted. I don’t know exactly what came over me but I think I finally snapped from the anxiety or maybe it was another trigger I didn’t realize I had. But I literally jumped out of my seat on the couch, stepped onto the coffee table and used that to boost myself up and jumped forward towards Chris and I tackled him back into the arm chair he was sitting on and we both fell back as I grabbed the tape and fell onto him as we fell back.

“OH!” Everyone exclaimed.

“Jamie!” Shanna shouted.

Scott later described this incident as my running back making a Superbowl winning play impression. My hands were above my head holding up the tape, keeping it as far away from everyone as possible. While Chris who was still in shock was well…

“Jamie!” Chris said struggling to get up. “Your boobs… in my face…. Can’t breathe.”

“Oh!” I said quickly jumping off him. “Sorry.”

“What was that?” Shanna said.

“Nothing!” I said quickly. “Just uh… this one’s off limits.”

“Okay…” Chris said looking at me still in shock.

“Why?’ Scott asked. “What’s on it? A sex tape? Wait is it a sex tape?”

“Why would a ten year old make a sex tape?” Shanna said.

“Maybe she isn’t ten in the video…” Scott said.

“It’s not a sex tape.” I said. “It’s just off limits so just forget about it. Pick another video. I think my third grade spelling bee in on one of them. I’ve been told my spelling of pterodactyl was really adorable. You guys get started I’ll be right back.”

With that I ran off.


	27. Chapter 27

**Thanksgiving Day…**

“Okay keep or donate?” Shanna said holding up an old camp tie dye tee shirt.

“Donate.” I said not even looking up from my notes.

“You don’t even know what I’m holding up.” Shanna said.

“Your old camp tie dye tee shirt that you always put in the donate pile when you clean but always chicken out at the last minute.” I said.

“So Keep?” She said.

“You were going to keep it anyway.” I said with a nod. It was the day before the big move and Shanna had waited until the last possible moment to start packing her room. She also decided to take this opportunity to clean out her closet.

“I thought you were done studying?” Shanna asked.

“I’m never really done studying,” I said.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you blink all morning.” She said.

“That might explain why my eyes are super dry.” I said blinking a few times.

“Alright all the boxes are in the car. Anything else we can take?” Chris asked as he came into her room.

“You sure you don’t want to wait until tomorrow?” I said. “It is thanksgiving.”

“Says the girl that’s been up since 5 studying.” Scott said.

“I wasn’t just studying. I helped cook.” I said.

“You had me quiz you the whole time.” Chris said.

“You said you wanted to help.” I said.

“I do which is why you’re going to put the book down and come with me.” Chris said.

“But…” I started.

“You need a break.” Chris said not taking no for an answer as he closed my book.

“But I’m not going to be able to study tomorrow…” I said.

“You haven’t stopped in days. You’re as ready as you can be for a test so come on.” Chris said.

“Fine but I’m taking the flash cards.” I said.

“No you’re not.” Shanna said taking them. “You’re not supposed to be stressing yourself out remember?”

“Uh…” I groaned. “I can’t run, I can’t have caffeine, I can’t study, what’s next?”

At my last session my therapist had noticed I was a bit shaky from all the caffeine and how strict my study schedule was so I was strongly advised to take the rest of the week off and relax because if not she was going to start scheduling me for an extra session a week. As if I didn’t already have enough to do.

“Sex?” Scott suggested.

“I’d have to be having any for that to happen.” I said putting everything aside and getting off Shanna’s bed just as my phone started buzzing. “Uh..”

I quickly sent it to voicemail.

“Chuck again?” Chris asked.

“Yeah, probably to ask if I’ve gotten his latest flower arrangement.” I said. “He doesn’t know how to take a hint.”

“He must really want you.” Scott said.

“Well he better get used to disappointment because that is never happening again.” I said. “Be back later.”

“Oh if you’re going to pick up the pies can you get some ice cream on your way back. We’re out.” Shanna said.

“Alright.” Chris said.

“And get a chocolate pie while you’re at it!” Carly called out from down the hall. “I have a craving.”

“Okay.” Chris said following me out.

“You sure you want to do this right now?” I asked again.

“It’ll give us less to carry tomorrow and more time to put everything together.” Chris said. “Besides you’re not the only one that wants to get out of the house. Aunt B and Drew are coming over. Her plans fell through again.”

“I’m starting to think she never had plans to start.” I said. “They don’t know do they?”

“Nope.” Chris said with a smirk.  
  


“You’re sneaky.” I said as we got in the car.

The streets were packed with people running last minute errands. We quickly dropped all the boxes off at the apartment. While we still hadn’t unpacked anything everything was starting to come together. After we painted the walls to cover up the patched up hole in the wall, the place looked like a completely different apartment. It was really my apartment now.

“Place looks differently, like a whole new apartment.” Chris said.

“The magic of a new paint job.” I said putting down one of the boxes.

“I’ve been thinking of buying a place in Boston. You know so I don’t have to crash at Ma’s place. Especially since Carly’s moving in and the baby.” He said.

“Well real estate is a good investment and it is a good time to buy.” I said. “But what about your house in LA?”

“I’d keep it too. I go back and forth a lot and I just want a place for me. I love being home but…” He started.

“It can get a bit crazy.” I said.

“Yeah.” Chris said.

“Well you’re always welcome to crash here but if you really want your own place I can give you my realtor’s number. She’s a shark and I’m sure she can get you whatever you’re looking for.” I said.

“That’d be great.” He said as my phone buzzed again and I sent it to voicemail again. “So I know I probably sound like a broken record but are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah…” I said but Chris didn’t look convinced. “Look I’m not exactly where I’d want to be but I’m getting there. I’m tired but it’s not because I’m stressed about school, its more like I’m stressed about everything I can’t do. I feel like a gremlin. You know I have to eat at certain time and I’m hyperaware of what I’m eating and how much I’m eating just like everyone else is and I can only exercise a certain amount a day and I have to stay on top of everything because staying busy distracts me from all of that and then there’s the fact that if I do start to slip up then there goes med school, Harvard and possibly the apartment.”

“That’s a lot.” Chris said.

“Yeah.” I said.

“And you’re not a gremlin. There’s no way you’d turn into those ugly green scaley monsters.” He said.

“Walking skeleton then.” I said.

“Yeah that’s not happening again.” Chris said. “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now but you’ve made a ton of progress in just the past month. I mean you told off both of your parents not just through the phone but to their faces. You admitted you have a problem and you’re doing everything you can to get better. You basically rebuilt your entire life and you haven’t stopped for a second. I mean just take a minute to breathe because this is huge. I don’t think I could have pulled this off right now let alone at 20.”

“It’s been a crazy year.” I said.

“That’s one word for it.” He said before I spotted something in the corner behind Chris.

“Is that…” I said walking behind Chris and spotting the bag of weed.

“Weed?” Chris said.

“Must be left over from the party.” I said opening the bag and taking a wiff. “The good stuff too. Must be Shawn’s he always has the good stuff.”

“Yeah.” Chris said.

“Too bad it’s going in the trash.” I said.

“Or….” Chris said and I gave him a look. “I mean we’ve both been pretty stressed lately and it is the good stuff. It’d be a waste to just throw it out.”

“It’s Thanksgiving.” I said.

“And?” Chris said with a smirk.

“We’re having dinner with your family, your mom and aunt.” I said.

“I’m not hearing a no.” Chris said.

“We’re supposed to pick up the pies and the ice cream?” I reminded him.

“The bakery is just down the street we can walk there and be back in less than ten minutes and we can pick up the ice cream at any gas station on the way back.” Chris said. “Come on Jamie. You know you want to.”

“You want to show up to dinner with your aunt stoned?” I said.

“You want to show up to dinner with my Aunt and Drew sober?” Chris retorted. Fair point. “Besides it’s not even noon yet. We go pick up the pies, come back have some giggles and shit. Take a nap and then go to dinner. We can even shower and change here so we don’t smell if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“You know this is crazy.” I said.

“Jamie….” Chris whined.

“Well my therapist did say I need to find a way to unwind and weed does make me eat so… fuck it.” I said. “but we have to go get the pies first.”

“Let’s go then.” Chris said smiling. “Maybe we should get an extra one to munch on?”

“Don’t go overboard I still can’t work out more than 30 minutes a day.” I said.

**Less than twenty minutes later…**

We got back to the apartment and I went straight to the baggie to start rolling up the joints.

“I cracked open all the windows.” Chris said.

“Thanks.” I said finishing up rolling the perfect joint.

“You’re really good at that.” He said with a smirk.

“Years of practice.” I said. “Want to do the honors?”

“Got it.” He said taking out his lighter and lighting it up. He took a puff and coughed a bit. “Wow that’s strong.”

“Shawn’s guy brings it directly from Amsterdam.” I said taking a puff and struggling to hold it in. “Not to mention Shawn has a really high tolerance so he goes for the really strong stuff.”

“How strong are we talking?” Chris said.

“Hard to tell. I think he’s immune to the regular stuff at this point.” I said with a shrug. “We’ll be fine.”

“It’s too late anyway. But just in case.” Chris said going to lock the door. “Make sure no one comes in or one of us gets lost.”

“Good call.” I said. “Did I ever tell you about the time we lost Lexie during one of our nights out during boarding school?”

“The time you found her Irish folk dancing at that pub in New York?” Chris said.

“No This was another thanksgiving we all red robined our parents and set each other up as our alibis. We crashed at Lexie’s mom’s penthouse and got totally hammered this one weekend. Anyway we all knock out but when Blair and I wake up Lexie is gone. She left her phone and we couldn’t find her. We go down to the lobby and the doorman hadn’t seen her and she didn’t go out through the service entrance so we spend the rest of the night going floor by floor looking for her and there’s like 32 floors total. It took us all night and we didn’t find her. We were on the 20th floor before we decide to call it and just wait for her to sober up and call us from wherever she was. We get to the apartment and we hear this noise and we’re like shit her mom’s home early. We jump into the coat closet to hide and wait until she leaves or goes upstairs when fucking Lexie wakes up and grabs Blair’s leg. Turns out she had been there the whole night asleep and Blair was so scared she actually peed herself.” I said laughing.

“Did she really?” Chris said laughing.

“She thought it was a burglar.” I said still laughing.

“Did I ever tell you about how I got Scott to pee himself?” Chris said.

“Yeah but I love hearing you tell that story.” I said. “So tell it again.”

**Minutes later…**

“You know what I just realized? Carly’s having a baby.” Chris said.

“You just noticed?” I said.

“No but… she’s having a real baby. Like she’s gonna be a mom.” Chris said. “I’m going to be an uncle. I’m fucking old.”

“You’re not old. You’re 30.” I said.

“I’m 30! When did that happen?” Chris said.

“You know now that you mention it I think I saw a grey hair that wasn’t there before right…” I said running my fingers through his hair. “here.”

“What?!” Chris said looking for it and making me laugh. “Oh laugh it up. You’re not going to think it’s so funny when you’re thirty.”

“Thirty. Ten years from now I’m… going to be… cutting people open.” I said.

“Ten years from now… I’ll probably still be a slave to Marvel.” Chris said. “They got me really locked down.”

“You want to hear about locked down? I have a mortgage.” I said. “And I’m going to be a surgeon. So six months of undergrad. A year of traveling for interviews to see if I get in, four more years of school. Six years of residency, one or two years of a fellowship depending on what I specialize in.”

“Good thing neither of us are afraid of commitment.” He said.

“Well professional commitments. Personal… that’s another story.” I said.

“Relationships are hard. You know people keep asking me when I’m going to settle down and have kids?” He said.

“Ew why would you want to do that?” I asked.

“I mean I do want that I just don’t want that right now.” Chris said.

“You have all the time in the world.” I said. “I mean biologically speaking, guys can go around knocking people up well into their sixties maybe even later with the way modern medicine is going just look at Satan. He’s in his early sixties and with a couple of Viagra in him he’s still going at it. Me on the other hand. My biological clock is ticking cause once thirty hits…”

I made a whistling sound and lowered my hand before mimicking an explosion.

“Fertility goes way down.” I said.

“You’re twenty.” Chris said.

“Yeah but I’m not banshee. I don’t know if it’s science or she made a deal with the devil because she somehow had kids in her forties. Not everyone can do that. I’m not popping out any kids until after I’m done with school and my residency and even then I don’t know.” I said.

“I want to be there for my kids. Maybe when I’m not traveling so much and I actually have time to meet the right person.” He said.

“But in the mean time we get to be the fun Aunt and Uncle to Carly’s and whoever else’s kids.” I said.

“Uncle Chris.” Chris said. “Sounds nice.”

“Aunt Jamie.” I said. “Never thought I’d hear that.”

**A Few Minutes Later…**

We were laughing uncontrollably for no reason.

“I don’t think weed’s ever hit me this hard.” Chris said laughing.

“I know. I don’t think I’ve ever smiled this much.” I said before Chris’ phone started ringing.

“Okay okay… serious face.” Chris said stilling up and I scrunched up my face in the best serious face I could muster while he did the same. We stared at each other before he started laughing making me laugh.

“Why are you wrinkling your nose? It’s serious face not East cut the cheese face.” I said.

“How can something so small put one out like that.” Chris said laughing.

**Later…**

“Okay… Never have I ever stolen a car.” Chris said.

“I stole a golf cart.” I said.

“I stole a cab.” Chris said.

“That doesn’t count.” I said.

“How does that not count?” he said. “A golf cart isn’t even a real car.”

“You didn’t break a law or a rule. You were rude in New York which is totally normal.” I said.

“Never have I ever gone goth.” Chris said.

“It was a phase.” I said. “I knew I should have thrown out that yearbook.”

“I mean you got a nose piercing. That’s commitment.” Chris said.

“It actually didn’t hurt that bad. It was just that crunch sound.” I said scratching my nose. “Closed up really fast though.”

I let out a yawn.

“I think it’s nap time.” Chris said.

“Yeah.” I said grabbing my phone. “I’m going to text Shawn and thank him for the weed.”

“Thank him for me too.” Chris said hugging me as he rested his head on my shoulder before I put my phone down and cuddled against him on the couch. It was a tight squeeze but we fit.

Then I realized.

“Chris?” I said.

“Mhmmm.” He hummed.

“Why are we on the couch when we have three orthopedic memory foam mattresses?” I said. Chris didn’t move for a minute until he opened his eyes and got up taking my hand and leading us to my room. Good thing I had already set it up.

Chris landed face first.

“Mhmmm… so much better.” Chris said. “Like a fluffy cloud.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. I put my phone down making sure the alarm was set before laying down next to him. Chris moved closer wrapping his arms around me as I pulled up a blanket over us. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. It was the best nap I’d had in months.

**Hours Later…**

RING RING RING RING!

“Uh…” I groaned.

“Turn it off.” Chris groaned. I reached over and shut off the alarm.

“We have to get up.” I said.

“But I’m so comfy…” he said.

“We have to go to dinner.” I said.

“Is there anymore weed?” Chris asked.

“No but there’ll be plenty of booze?” I said.

“With my Aunt…. Uh.” He groaned again.

“Come on. The last bits of the high are still hitting you.” I said sitting up and feeling a bit light headed. “And me. Nothing a good steam in the shower won’t fix.” 

“I want pie.” Chris said.

“There’s going to be pie.” I said taking his hands and pulling him up. “Up up up.”

“I don’t wanna.” Chris said.

“Chris…” I whined. “I want turkey. And potatoes. And gravy.”

“Mhmmm mashed potatoes.” He moaned before jumping out of bed. “Okay I’m up. I’m up. Man that stuff was strong.”

“If that is what Shawn smokes regularly and it barely hits him, His tolerance must be way higher than I thought it was.” I said getting up.

“I’m gonna… go shower.” Chris said. “I don’t remember if we got that extra pie? I could really go for pie.”

“No pie. Turkey.” I said.

“Fine…” Chris said padding off to the guest bath. I wobbled into the bathroom and started the steam shower. Fifteen minutes later I was all sobered up.

I blow dried my hair and left it down in neat waves before pinning back a few locks and leaving my bangs to frame my face. I then slipped on a pair of sheer lace patterned tights under a beige and black pattern skirt and a dark beige half sleeved top with cut up sleeves and a statement necklace. Lastly I slipped on a pair of heeled black boots before going to check on Chris.

He still hadn’t come out of the bathroom and I was slightly worried he had fallen in the s

shower… or fallen asleep.

I knocked on the door and called out to him.

“Chris?” I called out. “Are you almost ready?”

At that second he opened the door.

“That steam shower is amazing.” Chris said.

“Feeling okay?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Chris said really perked up. “I’m good. So ready for some turkey and pie.”

“Keep that vibe going.” I said as his phone started ringing. “And that’s probably your mom asking where we are. Let’s go.”

“Don’t forget the pie.” Chris said.

“I’m not going to forget the pie.” I said going to the kitchen to grab the pies.

We drove over feeling completely relaxed and happy. This was turning out to be the best Thanksgiving ever. On the way we made one last stop for Carly’s ice cream before we headed to the house.

Chris and I were in the car blasting music singing at the top of our lungs when the song flagpole sitta came on the radio.

_Fingertips have memories  
Mine can't forget the curves of your body  
And when I feel a bit naughty  
I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes  
(But no one ever does)_

_I'm not sick but I'm not well  
And I'm so hot 'cause I'm in Hell_

I couldn’t help but start laughing uncontrollably.

“What’s so funny?” Chris said.

“You’re singing that song.” I said.

“What’s wrong with the song? It’s an awesome song, It’s my song.” Chris said and I started laughing even harder.

“It’s a song about jerking off.” I said.

“What? No it’s a song about flagpoles and saluting our flag.” He said.

“When you feel a bit naughty you run it up your flagpole.” I said making a fist and gesturing.

“OH!!!! It’s a song about jerking off…” Chris said laughing uncontrollably.

“And you were screaming it out!” I cackled just as my phone started ringing.

“Is it Scotty? Tell him we’re coming.” Chris said.

“You mean to salute you?” I said.

“HAHAHAHAHA.” Chris said as I checked my phone.

“Oh shit it’s Shawn!” I said putting the phone on speaker and picking up. “Shawny!”

_“Hey Jamie.” Shawn said sounding a bit weird._

“Tell him I said thanks for the weed!” Chris said.

“Chris said thanks for the weed and so do i! This is the best thanksgiving ever!” I said.

_“Yeah hey Jamie, how many people did you share that weed with?” Shawn asked._

“Oh just me and Chris. We were hiding from his bitchy aunt. So thank you thank you thank you!” I said.

_“Shit. Okay Jamie I need you to listen to me.” Shawn said. “What you and Chris smoked was supposed to be split with at least three more people. You two got a super dose.”_

“It wasn’t that bad. We were super mellow took a nap and showered so we all good.” I said. “Tell him Chris.”

“We’re super good.” Chris seconded as we turned onto the house’s street.

“We’re almost home.” I said. “Turkey time.”

_“Okay Jamie that’s good. You’re just in time because I’m pretty sure the second wave is about to hit you and it tends to be stronger than first.” Shawn said._

“Second wave? That’s not a thing.” I said.

“We can do the wave.” Chris said chuckling.

“Whee…” I said

“We’re here.” Chris said.

_“Jamie focus!” Shawn said. “Okay. You’re going to turn off the car and you’re going to go inside and you’re going to stay there for the rest of the night. No driving, no walks, no moonwalking in the middle of the street, or stripping or being honest and opening up. You and Chris are going to shut up, smile, look pretty and eat turkey okay? Can you do that?”_

“Yes.” I said.

_“Chris?” Shawn said._

“There’s a squirrel up in that tree.” Chris said.

_“Chris!” Shawn said louder._

“Yeah yeah…” Chris said. “I am… I’m good.”

_“Stay together and watch out for each other. I’ll check on you tomorrow. I’m about to have dinner with my parents and I need to get ready.” Shawn said. “Later.”_

With that he hung up.

“Okay…” I said taking a breath.

“We got this.” Chris said offering me his hand. “Together.”

“Together.” I said taking his hand. “Put your game face on. You’re Tom Brady and we’re about to walk into the Super Bowl.”

“You’re badass surgeon about to walk into an OR.” Chris said. “We got this.”

“We got this.” I said before we gave each other a high five and walked out of the car. “You know that limo looks familiar?”

“Jamie we’re both stoned I don’t even know if that limo is there.” Chris said.

“Good point. Stay together.” I said as we walked in.

“We’re back. And we got the pies.” Chris said.

“And ice cream!” I seconded.

“About time.” Scott said.

“Was the store really that crazy?” Carly said taking everything.

“Yeah and traffic.” I said.

“Well you’re just in time. Look who decided to stop by.” Shanna said before Chuck popped up from the kitchen with Lisa and Aunty B.

“Chuck! What a surprise.” I said.

“Hope you don’t mind I stopped by. I tried calling but you weren’t answering your phone.” Chuck said.

“Chuck stopped by on his way out of town to wish you a happy thanksgiving and I invited him to stay over because no one should spend Thanksgiving alone eating pizza.” Lisa said.

“There was really no need.” Chuck said. Probably because he was going to fly over to Italy for pizza or have a Michelin star chef cook it for him.

“Oh nonsense. The more the merrier.” Aunty B said.

“Awesome.” I said as everyone started walking back to the kitchen.

“The limo really was there!” Chris whispered into my ear.

“I know!” I whispered back. “This is bad. This is so fucking bad!”

“Hey hey. I’m right here. We’re the avengers we’re in this together.” He said.

“We’re not the avengers you’re the avenger.” I said.

“I’m making you an honorary avenger. I’m the captain I can do that.” Chris said. “We’re a team right?”

“Right.” I said.

“We’re sticking together. Like really sticking together because the floor is made of jello and I feel like I’m sinking.” Chris said.

“Shit is that what that is?” I said.

“Hey good looking.” Drew said popping up.

“Hey man. What’s the score?” Chris said stepping in and being my dorito shaped shield.

“Oh uh…” Drew said as Chris took my hand and led me to the living room keeping himself between me and his cousin.

We sat down in the living room where Scott, Shanna, Brian and Chuck were already sitting. It was a tight squeeze but we managed to squeeze into the couch next to Scott.

“You guys had a busy day huh?” Scott said.

“Yeah, grocery store was crazy.” Chris said.

“Surprised you guys had time to change for dinner.” Scott said.

“Well we figured with the full house it would just be easier to get ready at Jamie’s place.” Chris said.

“Good thing this one left an extra set of clothes there.” I said.

“Oh so you two are still together?” Drew said.

“Yeah we’re as tight as ever.” Chris said as we hugged just to drive the point home.

“Didn’t know you were seeing anyone Jamie.” Chuck said.

“Everyone who needed to know knew.” I said.

“Sure.” Chuck said giving me a look.

“Can someone give us a hand in here?” Carly called out.

“I’ll go.” I said jumping up.

“I’ll help too.” Chris said following me into the kitchen.

“Chris help me pull the turkey out of the oven.” Carly said.

“Can someone hand me the plates?” Lisa said.

“Got it.” I said taking the plates and for some reason they weighed ton. And my feet were heavy. I could barely lift them up.

“Jamie honey are you okay?” Lisa said from across the dining room.

“Yeah, it’s just these shoes. Lot more uncomfortable than I thought.” I said.

“Well you’re at home, why don’t you go change them, or just slip them off?” Lisa said.

“It’s not so bad.” I said. “Just need to break them in a bit more. I’ll go get the forks and knives.”

“Got them.” Chris said walking in slowly and gently putting them down on the table wobbling a bit. “We should probably start sitting down.”

“Why don’t you go call everyone?” Lisa asked.

“Sure ma.” Chris said before turning and yelling out. “Dinner’s ready! Come sit down!”

“I could have done that.” Lisa said.

“At least we know he has good lungs.” I said smiling.

“The best.” Chris said pulling out a chair for me. “After you milady.”

“Why thank you kind sir.” I said I said sitting down while Chris took the seat next to me. Lisa gave us a weird look before slipping out.

“Dude we’re doing so good.” Chris said.

“I know. And they don’t even suspect a thing.” I said.

“I don’t know what Shawn was talking about this second wave is not that bad.” Chris said.

“As long as we don’t have to walk around and stay in one place you can barely feel anything.” I said.

“Now we just have to make it through dinner.” He said.

“We just smile and nod. If we keep our faces stuffed no one’s going to expect us to talk.” I said.

“And we get pie.” Chris said. “I don’t know if I told you but I really want pie.”

“Pie sounds really good right now.” I said as everyone started coming in.

“You know maybe after dinner we can go for a walk and talk for a bit.” Chuck said.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I said.

“Hey Jamie since I’m going to be in town through the weekend maybe you can show me your new place?” Drew said wiggling his eyebrows.

“We have plans.” Chris said putting an arm around me.

“Yup. Big plans.” I said hugging Chris and leaning against him.

“Okay what’s up with you two. You two are more touchy than normal.” Shanna said.

“We hug all the time.” Chris said.

“You know your brother’s really cuddly.” I said.

“Well you two make a really cute couple.” Aunty B said. “Even if you have put on a few pounds Jamie.”

“I happen to think she looks great. Better than ever actually.” Carly said.

“And you are glowing sis.” I said smiling.

“I think that’s everything.” Lisa said. “Alright everyone dig in.”

And we did. Man I was hungry. I really piled it onto my plate.

“Those potatoes are really good huh Jamie?” Shanna said.

“How about that turkey leg Chris?” Scott said.

“Jamie ou go to try …is.” Chris said in between bites.

“I … mrow…” I said.

Everyone just stared at us. I don’t know if it was a soulmate thing, a friend thing or the fact that we were both really stoned but we weren’t even talking in complete sentences and I completely understood what he was saying and he understood me too.

When everyone was done eating. Well everyone except me and Chris we started going around and started sharing what we were thankful for.

It was all the usual stuff. Family. Work. Love… Second chances…

Then it came down to me and Chris while we were both going at that pie. We really should have gotten an extra one.

“Amie go fir…” Chris said.

“Mhmm.” I wiped my mouth. “So this year I’m thankful for turkey… and pie. I really really love pie. I mean it’s just so good.”

“I told you.” Chris said.

“Do you really need more pie?” Aunty B said.

“Hey.” Lisa said sternly shutting her up.

“You know I’ve always heard that eating is one of life’s greatest pleasures and after this year I have a completely new appreciation for it.” I said. “I mean if someone told me I have to choose between food and sex….”

“Oh shit…” Scott said.

“I’ll never have sex again. Food is all I need.” I said. “There’s no drama with food.”

“Yes!” Chris said clapping eagerly. “You go Jamie.”

“O…kay.” Lisa said looking at me weird. “Chris do you want to pass or…”

“No. I am so so thankful that this one came back after she disappeared. Like Jamie… You’re the Gronk to my Brady man…” Chris said.

“Tom Brady’s hot…” I said thinking out loud.

“He is.” Shanna said nodding in agreement.

“The things I would do to that man…” Carly said.

“Point is you’re family. And I love you guys. I would not be able to do what I do without you guys.” Chris said. “Happy thanksgiving and you want to split that last piece?”

“Oh yeah.” I said serving it on a plate and placing in between us.

“How about we clean up?” Lisa said.

“I’ll help.” Aunty B said. “Drew grab the rest of the turkey.”

“Sure.” Drew said.

“I’ll help.” Carly said.

“Oh no. I got that honey.” Brian said taking the plate.

“Jamie look at me.” Chuck said.

“Mhmm wait a sec.” I said.

“Jamie. James… Becker!” Chuck said sternly.

“What?!” I said a bit annoyed. Chuck looked right at me then at Chris.

“They’re stoned.” Chuck said.

“Seriously?” Scott said. “And you guys didn’t share?”

“Weed did that?” Shanna said.

“What else did you take?” Chuck said.

“Just weed.” Chris said. “It’s the second wave.”

“You smoked Shawn’s weed.” Chuck said. “They’re going to be like this for a while. At least the rest of the day.”

“Man this pie is so good. It’s the best pie I’ve ever had.” I said.

“We need more pie.” Chris said.

“Shit mom’s coming.” Scott said and Chuck got up.

“Mrs. Evans thank you so much for everything but I really should get going.” Chuck said.

“Are you sure? It’s still early.” Lisa said.

“Yes but I do have to be in New York tomorrow for work.” Chuck said taking the coffee Lisa had given him and putting it in front of me giving me a look that said drink! “We can talk when I get back.”

“Say hi to Blair for me.” I said waving him off as he left.

“Hey guys why don’t we go bed? It’s getting late?” Scott suggested.

“The sun’s up so I’m up.” I said.

“Me too. But then the moons up and we can’t let him get lonely.” Chris said.

“I don’t think the moon cares.” Shanna said. “How about some board games?”

“Is there going to be pie?” Chris said.

“Sure.” Scott said.

“Oh pie!” I said taking Chris’ hand and following him out.

I don’t know what happened but the rest of the night was a blur. I remember scrabble. Like really fun scrabble. Then we saw a movie and I remember sitting on the couch next to Chris and then it was morning. I was holding onto Chris for dear life and somehow we were both laying down on the couch and we fit.

“Mhmmm” I groaned feeling my grumble and feeling way too full.

“No…” Chris said. “My tummy. Too much pie.”

“Too much everything.” I said falling back on him.

“Ah…” He cried out.

“Sorry. Sorry.” I said.

“It’s okay.” He said. “What happened?”

“Thanksgiving.” I said. “I think.”

“I remember getting here… and then everything gets fuzzy.” Chris said.

“I remember a limo. Were we in a limo?” I said.

“I don’t think so.” He said as Scott came down the stairs. “Scott what the hell happened last night?”

“You don’t remember?” Scott said.

“It’s kind of fuzzy.” I said.

“Oh… well…” he started.


End file.
